Taking Back Control (A Diary)

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I'm back >.> was thinking of making a new journal but...decided not to.

I've gained more weight and I'm up to 229. I'm thinking some of that may be water weight, since I don't think I gained 5lb in a week. I'll periodically weigh myself over the next few days to find out.

I read my the old posts in my journal, trying to get back to my roots. How did I start? How did I get to 199? I got lost along the way. My boyfriend told me, last night, that it seems like I starve myself during the day and then binge in the evening. It's true. I'll sometimes eat so much my stomach hurts and I feel like crap.

My boyfriends brother got engaged, which is pretty exciting. If all goes well, the plan is to go to their wedding at the end of July, which is in San Fransisco. I want nothing more than to lose weight, and enjoy something of a vacation (since I live in Canada and that would be awesome), but I have to be realistic. I may not be at the perfect weight by then. I have to accept that and stop rushing. I think that's my problem.

I also have been looking into Primary Care Paramedic training, which would be a very active and physically demanding job. I think it would be a good career to pursue, at least, it's only $5k to get the schooling and I think I'd do well in it. I can always find something else if it doesn't work out, at least I'll have something under my belt.

In order to do that I need to get more fit, and work on this harder. I keep saying that...but that's all I can do, is keep saying that.

Food
Bowl of Corn Pops - 340
2x ham sticks - 90
Pretzel crisps - 110
Sugar Free Red Bull - 0
Ham and cheese sandwich on whole wheat - 250
2x fruit snacks - 160
10 almonds - 50
Supper - 500~
= 1500~

Exercise - Gym (treadmil) 120min + walk home 20min (should be about 800 calories)
 
It's hard for me to come back here, but, sometimes I miss it. I fell off the wagon, tried to get back on, fell off again. I've gained back more weight than I lost and I feel awful. I wanted to try and keep track again. I looked back to old posts I made here and thought that if I tried doing what I did before, maybe it'll stick again.

Going grocery shopping tomorrow :). I hope to see some familiar faces around here. Will make an official weigh in and entry tomorrow, my scale needs new batteries.
 
Welcome back!

Sorry to hear you have gained back what you lost, but you are motivated to lose it again and that is great! Hopefully this time you will stick with the changes once you lose the weight. I think the hardest parts of losing weight are starting the process and getting into a routine, and not going back to your old ways once you've lost the weight.

You can do it!!
 
Well glad to see you have been here in the last few months...thats more than I can say. So its a New Year...I hope you find your way back...because we have some weight to kick to the curb!! :)
 
I'm still here...and I've re-read my whole thread. I decided to leave the other two threads I made, and come back to this one. It's full of memories that make me feel proud, and yearn to become that person I once was.

Those who may still be here know I had a lot of ups and downs. I had a fiance, a couple flings, and now I'm a mom. I love my son to the moon and back, and every day I put junk into my body I think about what will happen to him. Will he end up like me?

I'm going to re-join Curves. I'm going to say enough is enough, and stop with the self-sabotage. I AM stronger than my addiction.

Why do I want to lose the weight? Because I deserve to be healthy, happy, and active. I know I have it in me, it just takes one step, and then another, until I walk my way back to my goal weight.

--

I went to school, and now work in a medical clinic as a Medical Office Assistant. I'm so happy that I finally moved on from retail, I was there 8 years, and was only making $11 an hour. Now I can pay my bills without feelings overwhelmed. My son is 2 now, and moving so much, I feel guilty for always being tired or unable to chase him down. My boyfriend and I haven't been in a great place, but this weight gain has been hard on me. I want to have another kid, but I refuse to do another pregnancy at my weight...so I need to get to 200lbs again before I even consider another baby. So my goal is 199 in one year.

Staring weight: 287
Goal weight: 199

Thanks to anyone who reads this. I just need a place to be accountable, and it worked once before...so I'm going to make myself post once a day, even if it's a bad day :)
 
Hi Loch and welcome back! Kudos gor putting in the work to make progress in your professional life even though you had a lot on your plate in private life. Good luck getting back to a place where you''re proud of yourself.
 
Hi, Loch & welcome back to the forum. Congrats on being a mum & also improving your professional life to a place where you don't have to struggle so much financially. Good for you deciding to get your health back on track. There's a great bunch of people about who will help support you along the way. Cheers, Cate.
 
Thanks so much, guys. It was nice to come back and see the place was still around and my thread was still here. This place was a great tool when I used it 4-5 years ago. I just have to remember to do the work.

I felt sick today. I've actually been having kind of a health scare. Mid-January I started feeling tingling in my right hand, and after a week it spread along the right half of my body. The doctor wasn't sure what it could be, but lucky me, because I work at the clinic she got me into the ER very quickly. What would have been a 7 hour wait was only 3 hours. I had my MRI yesterday, so I'll find out if everything is normal or not on March 2nd.

I wish this tingling would go away, I also find I'm dropping things a lot more, and there's a lot of other things going on. I just want answers. Until then, though, I've been trying to stay positive...but I also eat to make myself happy, or to distract myself.

I slept in, anyway, and I didn't make it to Curves to rejoin. I should have gone to bed earlier, but that's always been a problem for me. I have work tomorrow morning so I can swing by the club tomorrow after work and sign up then :).

Of course, now all I want to do is eat bad. My throat hurts as I'm getting another cold (downside to working in the medical field, I get sick like every month). I always say "I'll eat better tomorrow" and then I do the same thing the next day and the next.

I'll consider my options...if I can at least count my calories I'll consider it a win.
 
The health stuff sounds very unpleasant/scary, fingers crossed for the outcome of your diagnostics. The good thing about a longer wait: if it had been bad/urgent they would have scheduled an earlier appointment, wouldn´t they?
About getting sick all the time when working in the medical field: eating food with lots of micronutrients (ie fruit and veg) helps your body fight off the attacks more efficiently, so maybe that´s another piece of motivation for you?
 
So far today:
Apple - 50
Cheese string - 60
Cheese puffs - 50
Yogurt - 100
Sausage - 95
Lean cuisine- 280
Fruit snack - 70
 
LaMaria said:
About getting sick all the time when working in the medical field: eating food with lots of micronutrients (ie fruit and veg) helps your body fight off the attacks more efficiently, so maybe that´s another piece of motivation for you?
Click to expand...
:iagree: with LaMa Loch. Eating as healthily as you can & focussing on that will also help you feel better. Fingers & toes crossed for the tests hon xoxo
 
I don't know how to edit my posts...

Yes, I was thinking that same thing LaMa, I think I need to look into my vitamins and eating healthy whole foods. I'm also finding that I get bad acid reflux with certain foods, so I need to cut back on my breads. It's going to be a long process, but I'm glad to be back and putting myself on the wagon again.

RE: the MRI, my followup appointment was booked before I had my MRI. I have no idea if they will see anything or not, if they'll get me in early, or if the doctor has even seen it yet...I'm just keeping my mind busy.

Food:
Apple - 50
Cheese string - 60
Cheese puffs - 50
Yogurt - 100
Sausage - 95
Lean cuisine- 280
Fruit snack - 70
Chicken - 150
Tatters - 140
Veggies - 120
Booster Juice: 297
= 1412 so far
1600 max

My boyfriend wants to go to Burger King with the kids. I have to drive him now, his eyes have been getting bad, so he needs a couple injections to help with his sight. He should be able to drive again by April/May, but until then, whenever he wants to go out I have to take him. It sucks for me because these days I cave so easily. I buy him burgers on the way home, and end up getting food for myself. I get so mad, I want to eat those things...but then I hate myself for giving in. I'm going to take him and the kids, get myself a Booster Juice (297c) and hop on the treadmill tonight.

Curves is closed due to the weekend+holiday tomorrow, so I already talked with them about coming in Tuesday after work. I'm excited to give it another shot, what do I have to lose? The money is worth trying again.
 
Welcome back, editing of posts has been turned off by the owner to stop spammers making innocent posts then later going back to edit in there links.
 
That makes sense! Thanks!

I'm down a few lbs so far, losing that water weight. I have my exercise consult at Curves on Friday. Been so busy walking, but I'm having more good eating days than bad. My goal is to lose 5lbs by March 20th and commit to 3 days of exercise a week.
 
Weighed in today at 283. I had a date night the night before last, felt guilty, but my relationship needs some attention too. I'm glad that I'm working through my cravings and not turning one bad day of eating into several. As much as I wanted McDonalds on the way home from work yesterday, I came home and ate some food here.

Today I go to Curves, I'm nervous because I hate when attention is on me...but after the consult I'll be able to work out at my own pace and without someone watching me lol. I'm gonna shoot for going tomorrow as well.

One more week until I see the neurologist about my MRI. Part of me wants an answer so they don't think I'm crazy (he and two other doctors have no idea what is going on), but I'm hoping for good news all the same.

I'll post a list of foods separate at the end of the night since I can't edit anymore :(
 
Hi Loch. Good for you going to Curves. Once you get the initial visit over & done with it should be fun. I'm interested to hear how it goes.
I meant to ask earlier. What is wrong with your BF's sight?
 
Thanks, Cate!

I went again yesterday, they're closed today so I'm gonna kick my butt and go on the treadmill. My plan is to go to Curves monday-friday unless I'm working. I'm enjoying it so far, and it looks like I burn about 500 calories in 30min.

My boyfriend has Type II diabetes, but he left it untreated for a very long time. When I met him I pushed a lot for him to see a doctor and get help. He finally started to treat his diabetes, but he left it so long he now needed insulin (a normal person should have sugar level of around 6-7 after eating, his would get as high as 26).

So after being on insulin, it brought his levels down to around 10. He used to have 20/20 vision, but it has been getting worse, to the point that he couldn't read labels on food. So again, I pushed, and he saw his doctor. He was referred to an eye doctor who explained that the high sugar was kind of masking his symptoms. Now that his sugar is lower, there is pressure in his eyes and extra blood vessels were made to compensate. They have to inject a protein 3 times (once a month) to help with the pressure, and then use a laser procedure to zap the extra vessels (which are casing dark spots in his vision).

Diabetes can be very dangerous if not managed, usually the eyes or the limbs are the first to be affected. I'm glad he's getting treated, and he will be able to see again (not perfect, but enough to drive we hope) but I'm also frustrated because he still doesn't check his sugars enough or eat healthy. I'm worried he'll just end up with this issue again, or something worse.

Anyway, rant over lol. Food has been pretty on point thus far, trying very hard to ignore the urges to order a big ol' pizza and binge. I wanna get healthy so bad, I feel like everything in my life has been suffering since I gained all this weight. Looking forward to Curves tomorrow.
 
Another day down, so long as I keep my evening food in check. Got my workout done, grabbed my booster juice, and having a snack. I have lost 5lb so far (my weigh in is every Monday), so I'm happy about that! Aiming for 3lb a week, but 2 is fine too lol. I'm just taking it day to day.

Food for the day:
Apple - 50
Yogurt - 100
Cheese string - 60
Fruit snack - 70
Jello - 5
Turkey meat - 70
Smart Ones rigatoni w/ chicken - 280
Nectarine - 50 (didn't finish)
Tim Bit - 60
Booster Juice - 360
Dill puff chip things - 70
= 1175
1600 max

Leaves me with about 425 for supper, so I'll do my best to stick to my budget! I burned about 300 at Curves I think. I'm gonna incorporate some walking at home after I get into a routine, so I can really burn those calories. :) Today I felt happy...I remembered what it was like to feel sweaty, and I felt hopeful for the future.
 
I thought it may have been from Diabetes Loch. Hopefully you'll be able to inspire him to care for himself better & check his sugar more often.
Loch said:
Today I felt happy...I remembered what it was like to feel sweaty, and I felt hopeful for the future.
Click to expand...
I love this. Welcome back hon xo
 
Thanks <3

I got my MRI results today. My neurologist did the same basic tests and everything came out fine. He then told me that on my MRI there was a small spot on my cervical spine, which is causing my arm tingling/numbness. The sensation in my foot, leg and torso is gone so that's a good sign. He thinks it may be a one time occurrence, but I'll have another MRI in a year to check on the situation. Until then he told me to exercise, eat well, take Vitamin D, and let him know if it worsens.

My thyroid also has a nodule on it, which is common. I felt a lump in my neck since the summer but I never paid it much mind, assuming it was just my imagination. I saw the doctor at the clinic I work at and I'm getting an ultrasound for that as well as some blood work. Oh and the neurologist had me get blood work just in case I might have anything else going on.

So it was a busy day, and I did plan on exercising but I've been in kind of a fog. Not the best food choices, but I'm going to go through my cupboards today and start fresh. Still more good days than bad, so I'll let this day slide.
 
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