Cate's Diary

Looking out for yourself and the people you care about is not "bothering" other folks. Sometimes stuff gets communicated incorrectly and it's ok to check.
 
Thanks Brawny & LaMa.
My day has gone fairly well really.
Went to the tip :( & it was a horrible experience. It has been taken over by a new waste management team who undercut our wonderful "Trash Transformers" who used to do a wonderful job. The tip never used to look like a tip. It was a marvellous recycling place, with an actual shop with all sorts of wonderful finds, it had garden materials etc for sale. It was so well sorted & was a real place of wonder for lots of people. It has really deteriorated in such a short time. It is now an ugly wasteland, with landfill all over the place. UGH.

I'm doing a FD today & G whipped me up a soup yesterday for me. I have had 2 bowls so far & 2 pickled mussels (he was having a yummy looking lunch of antipasto & I decided to have 2. 17 calories only. I also have 2 hard-boiled eggs I can have, plus another bowl of soup. The soup is only very low-cal veg & I add 1 packet of Konjac noodles, between the 3 bowls. It will still leave me with room for some yoghurt later on if I need it.

I left a message on the Oncologist's answering machine & probably won't hear back until Monday. I'll have another listen to that part of the audio tape I did & write down exactly what he said, but won't mention I taped him. I'm not sure what the laws are re my having done that.
She just rang. I don't think G will be having this op any time, really soon as the Onc. is on holidays for the whole of October & there's not much time left in September! She said there is no urgency for a radical prostatectomy. She also said "Tell G to do everything he needs to do before November, as he won't be doing much for a couple of months after that". I will try to stop worrying. If we can't go to Mum's wake, we can't go.
 
Maybe you could have your own private wake for her. Do something you and she enjoyed or something that reminds you of her or make some kind of donation to a cause she would have supported in her honor. I bet she would have liked that. You may not make it to the wake but you will still honor her memory. Just an idea. I hope normality returns to your life soon.
 
Thanks, LJ, LaMa & brawny.
I think the Oncologist was telling us what he thought we wanted to hear. I am someone who would rather know the facts.
We have to wait for the hospital to have a place available. On one hand maybe another Oncologist might be able to do it in October, while he is on holidays, but on the other hand, I think we would both feel more confident if he did it. Then there's the risk of the longer it takes to remove the cancer, the higher the risk of it spreading. *sigh* There is nothing I can do about it.
I am going to try really hard to relax today. G is playing golf & I have decided not to. I am going to wander around, go to the library & come home & read a book I think.
 
Hitting balls with metal sticks sounds like an awfully good idea to me but libraries are generally unbeatable...
 
I went out with G, but was not up to any company. I burst into tears 3 times(luckily after I left the golf club),still managed to do some shopping & then came home. I spent a peaceful afternoon reading the paper, drank a pot of tea & now feel quite chilled & ready to go out with G to his 8-ball Grand Final. I bought a 100g packet of salt & vinegar, gluten-free vege chips & that is what I ate for lunch. I know, I know, not good. I then had some fruit & 4 squares of dark chocolate. I haven't done anything like that for AGES. I'm over it now though.
It's almost time to go. I have had a mini healthy tea as I'm not faintly hungry. Tomorrow I am gardening!
 
Shit happens. Especially if you have to work hard to keep it together for a longer period of time. Glad you´re over the bad solution though.
 
Thanks, LaMa xo
We went out to the grand final last night & were picked up down on the highway on a mini bus. When we got there the other team had got there really early & taken all the prime positions near & around the 8-ball table & the only table spare was well back & you could not see the 8-ball table at all. I asked one of their women if they minded if I just moved one of their tall stools so that we could see & was told no. With help, & after asking the bar staff if it was OK we dragged a tall table out from a far corner & we set ourselves up with a clear view. We were very comfortable.
They had brought in 3 State players into their team, including our current state champion. 2 of their players who play every week didn't even get a game. Only 1 of their regulars did. We beat them 11/5.
I drank way too much bubbly & should have a hangover, but I haven't. I didn't eat well yesterday & then drank copious quantities of bubbly. I did have a really good night & today is another day.

I think I'm going to track my calories again in October. I just want to get back down to the 70's again. They are so elusive! I don't want to be skinny, but just 3-4 kilos will have me just about right. MFP does not like fast days. I'm not sure if I can keep doing them as I think they mess with your head a bit. They are difficult to do. I'll think about it between now & the end of the month.
I was going to have an outside day today, but it's bucketing down with rain. G was to go to a big golf comp, but it just got cancelled. He has a hangover too. A quiet day in front of the fire with a good book looks like the order of the day.
 
Hi Cate
Ive been catching up with your diary, dont think I could get through all 400 pages though!
It sounds like lifes really been giving you a tough time and I feel for you.
I have a family member who has a terminal illness and I find the thing I struggle the most with besides the obvious death thing is other family members or friends judging my reaction to the situation. I try and always take care of myself and do what feels right for me but its hard when theres pressure coming at you from all sides and I often feel crowded from visitors and phone calls being the introvert that I am.

Anyway all I mean by this is that I hope you take care of yourself through this and I will be thinking of you and hoping for the best.

Your property in Tassie sounds amazing, I'm in Melbourne and have been thinking of moving somewhere quieter but think tassie would be too cold for me.

Nothing better than a fire and a book, enjoy
 
Ooo, nothing beats winning AND having the moral high ground ;) Congratulations all around! No harm in celebrating with food and drink every once in a while. Now it´s back to the grind though; fast days or no, you want to give your body the healthy stuff again.
 
Hi Katy, & thank you. I have learned a lot from our recent experience. I need to protect myself better. Not telling anyone local would have been a better option. It's too late now. When something so important comes along you just don't want to talk about it with most people. It's way too personal. We have had to hear so much claptrap. I have felt like screaming, so many times lately.
Tassie is absolutely beautiful. We lived in Melbourne 15 years, before moving here & it did take me 2 years to get used to the cooler weather. It just doesn't get absolutely stinking hot here, which I like. We don't even need air-con. I wouldn't dream of living anywhere else. There are so many really pretty places in Victoria to live. Castlemaine springs to mind. I was born in a little town up on the Murray but have never wanted to go back there to live. Work is the big thing when you're young. Depending on what you do, it's usually the decider about where you live. Have you visited Tassie & if so where did you go?

Hi, LaMa. Thanks, hon. I was not looking after myself at all on Saturday. That can't continue. I had a really good day with G yesterday, ate very healthily, drank lots of herbal tea, got a good night's sleep & feel much better today. I was going to do a FD today, but woke up hungry. Instead of trying to push myself through that I decided not to & had a delicious healthy avocado/spinach etc toastie for my breakfast. Nurture, nurture, nurture might just be my mantra this week to get myself back on track emotionally.

I am SOOOO over Spam. :svengo: Poor mods. They do such a great job xoxo
 
Nurture, nurture, nurture sounds like a fine mantra. There´s a saying over here: Totgesagte leben länger. Which means people who have been pronounced dead before (usually by popular opinion) live longer. So don´t worry about the gossip too much; people who must repeat crap like that to make their lives more interesting are poor sausages.
 
Don't let the gossip bother you, it's just people killing time. You've learned a lesson in small towns, at least! Here's a good way to look at it: you and yours are pretty important for everyone to be chatting you up.
 
Thanks, LaMa, LJ & brawny. It was more the overwhelming advice, horror stories, platitudes etc & me feeling so emotionally fragile at the time. I'm fine now. I'm feeling much stronger.
I have a doctors appointment this morning & am not sure what part of the list I'll talk to her about. I don't want to end up in tears & I don't feel as bad as I did when I made the appointment. I think I will skirt around the emotions if possible & stick with the physical. For now.
I'll come back this afternoon.
xoxo
 
Thanks Brawny xo
cate said:
I think I will skirt around the emotions if possible & stick with the physical.
Click to expand...
Ha! :rolleyes: Sure!
I did have some tissues in my pocket, but used plenty of the doctor's!
I think I have shed tears about 6 times today :( Talk about exhausting!
I ended up covering most of my list. I got on really well with her & I think she "got me", which was good.
I have a UTI & have a prescription for antibiotics which I have started taking. I remember a friend, who works in aged care, saying that often when they think someone has depression, they test for UTI's. This doctor thought that may be a contributing factor.
She has only seen me once before & doesn't really know me, & she took the time to find out my feelings on medication etc. & to get to know me.
My arthritis is not rheumatoid arthritis, which I am very grateful for. I can't take anti-inflammatories at all, so she said the next step is codeine, which I said I wanted to avoid. She then said to take the maximum of my Panadol Osteo & see how that goes.
Anti-depressants do not agree with me. I have tried many & the side-effects are too great for me.
She suggested cognitive therapy & asked me if I have heard of mindfulness. That did make me smile. She was actually very sweet.
I ended up with a referral to a psychologist (5 free sessions) & I have an appointment in a couple of weeks.
I forgot to ask about the hayfever injection!

I came away feeling much better than when I went. Exhausted, but better.
I am going out to women's golf tomorrow, even if I wake up & I don't feel like it and/or it's raining. I can't avoid them forever. Our captain is back from a 3-month trip away & I like her. I also like to help her.
I tried fasting today but found it really difficult so just had some biscuits & cheese with G & will have a nice healthy dinner tonight. I think I have been pushing myself a bit too much. Time to be a little kinder to myself.
 
I'm glad you have a gp who is willing to listen and take her time to find out what might work for you specifically. I agree that crying's exhausting though!
 
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