I'm in a vicious circle that has controlled my life for years.
Many people are motivated to stay in shape in part because of their sexuality--they are around people of the opposite gender and they want to be accepted and appreciated. Generally, we human beings are rude toward those who are not in shape, and no one wants to be treated rudely. Of course there are other reasons--to be healthy is to feel great and to have strength. Psychological boosts are also found by getting in shape. Self-esteem, for instance, and optimism toward life.
I, however, have found little motivation to get off my butt and get in shape except beautiful females.
I know these things because I've been in good shape before. Three times. Once when I was a kid, once when I was a senior in high school, and once at the age of about twenty-six, when I got a crush on a girl who hated me. The first two instances had nothing to do with choice--I was in P.E. The rest of my life, I have suffered the opposite extremes: low self-esteem, zero energy, zero sex drive.
Fact is, I'm in a vicious circle. My problem is more social than much else. I have a hobby and a career (both) that revolve around computer software--developing software, using software, reading about how to be a better programmer, etc. The software company I work for has hundreds of employees but hardly any attractive females, so it's not like I can go home and fantasize. I absolutely despise going to bars to socialize to meet women--I hate cigarrette smoke, I hate beer, I only enter public cafes to eat food, which has more to do with the fact that it gives me something to focus on.
In fact, dating women is just not an option for me if I tried. I live in Scottsdale, Arizona, home of the rich and the beautiful retirees and their beautiful and rich "children" (my age, young adults). Everyone here is fit. I am a walking balloon to most people around here. So I'm unmotivated to even bother to try to date, and for that reason I have nothing to inspire me to bother to get in shape.
When I do try to go to a gym, I get so intimidated by the athletes sprinting thirty miles on the treadmill, or the tree trunk biceped men lifting weights, and I often also find it difficult to keep my eyes to myself (how can you do that when all there is to look at is other people who are exercising?), and I get so nauseated so quickly from just a few minutes of walking and jogging, and I see and feel eyes peering at me from all over, in wonder at the sight of the fat loser that I am, that I just walk out, feeling embarrassed to be me.
The men I meet who are enthusiastic about going to the gym and staying healthy--including online, such as on web sites like this--are so intimidating that I feel like I cannot even talk to them. I have a roommate who goes to the gym twice a day and used to be a wrestler in college. Being around him does not motivate me at all. He doesn't encourage me to exercise, all he does is say "I'm going to the gym," "I'm going to eat healthy," etc., like that's what HE does, not something I would do. And with that, he becomes right.
In fact, before he became my roommate, I used to work out in my apartment, with dumbbells and an ab roller and jumping jacks, etc. Now I'm scared to touch the equipment in fear that my roommate will enter the apartment and see the grotesque fat figure dripping sweat all over the floor. The living room is the only room in the apartment that has enough floor space to do any of that.
I signed up recently at the YMCA inspired somewhat by the FitStart program--a twelve-week program for people who have little fitness experience and who need guidance on getting started. I went twice (two weeks) and the guy "training" me told me he was quitting (to be hired elsewhere) and told me to schedule with someone else. I asked him to arrange it for me, but he told me to call it in myself in another day or two.
For some reason, I never made the call. Perhaps I felt like having a single go-to person who knows me and my progress was important enough that I didn't want to start over again. I haven't gone since, and that was like three weeks ago.
I really think I need to hire a professional trainer and force myself to get in shape. I'm saving up my money to do hire one. I want someone who will keep me accountable, without ever bailing out on me like the FitStart guy did.
But I really don't like the fact that most "trainers" simply point me in a general direction, charge me a huge fee, and then leave everything up to me.
What ever happened by growing up that I never see P.E. coaches with a whistle and a stopwatch screaming into my ear and telling me to push myself and staying with me until the end of the session, but never expecting me to do more than I can do, if painfully? Do I need to go to a community college to get that again? What the heck, man! I'm convinced and worried that trainers at gyms just stand around and give suggestions and then leave me alone to attend to the next paying trainee.
I need an answer. I wish I was in high school again, so that I could just take P.E. and have the curriculum cut out for me. I hate choices; I just want to be told what to do, and get exercised doing it. And if I must figure things out on my own, I need motivation to push past these brick walls. What could possibly motivate me at this point?
Many people are motivated to stay in shape in part because of their sexuality--they are around people of the opposite gender and they want to be accepted and appreciated. Generally, we human beings are rude toward those who are not in shape, and no one wants to be treated rudely. Of course there are other reasons--to be healthy is to feel great and to have strength. Psychological boosts are also found by getting in shape. Self-esteem, for instance, and optimism toward life.
I, however, have found little motivation to get off my butt and get in shape except beautiful females.
I know these things because I've been in good shape before. Three times. Once when I was a kid, once when I was a senior in high school, and once at the age of about twenty-six, when I got a crush on a girl who hated me. The first two instances had nothing to do with choice--I was in P.E. The rest of my life, I have suffered the opposite extremes: low self-esteem, zero energy, zero sex drive.
Fact is, I'm in a vicious circle. My problem is more social than much else. I have a hobby and a career (both) that revolve around computer software--developing software, using software, reading about how to be a better programmer, etc. The software company I work for has hundreds of employees but hardly any attractive females, so it's not like I can go home and fantasize. I absolutely despise going to bars to socialize to meet women--I hate cigarrette smoke, I hate beer, I only enter public cafes to eat food, which has more to do with the fact that it gives me something to focus on.
In fact, dating women is just not an option for me if I tried. I live in Scottsdale, Arizona, home of the rich and the beautiful retirees and their beautiful and rich "children" (my age, young adults). Everyone here is fit. I am a walking balloon to most people around here. So I'm unmotivated to even bother to try to date, and for that reason I have nothing to inspire me to bother to get in shape.
When I do try to go to a gym, I get so intimidated by the athletes sprinting thirty miles on the treadmill, or the tree trunk biceped men lifting weights, and I often also find it difficult to keep my eyes to myself (how can you do that when all there is to look at is other people who are exercising?), and I get so nauseated so quickly from just a few minutes of walking and jogging, and I see and feel eyes peering at me from all over, in wonder at the sight of the fat loser that I am, that I just walk out, feeling embarrassed to be me.
The men I meet who are enthusiastic about going to the gym and staying healthy--including online, such as on web sites like this--are so intimidating that I feel like I cannot even talk to them. I have a roommate who goes to the gym twice a day and used to be a wrestler in college. Being around him does not motivate me at all. He doesn't encourage me to exercise, all he does is say "I'm going to the gym," "I'm going to eat healthy," etc., like that's what HE does, not something I would do. And with that, he becomes right.
In fact, before he became my roommate, I used to work out in my apartment, with dumbbells and an ab roller and jumping jacks, etc. Now I'm scared to touch the equipment in fear that my roommate will enter the apartment and see the grotesque fat figure dripping sweat all over the floor. The living room is the only room in the apartment that has enough floor space to do any of that.
I signed up recently at the YMCA inspired somewhat by the FitStart program--a twelve-week program for people who have little fitness experience and who need guidance on getting started. I went twice (two weeks) and the guy "training" me told me he was quitting (to be hired elsewhere) and told me to schedule with someone else. I asked him to arrange it for me, but he told me to call it in myself in another day or two.
For some reason, I never made the call. Perhaps I felt like having a single go-to person who knows me and my progress was important enough that I didn't want to start over again. I haven't gone since, and that was like three weeks ago.
I really think I need to hire a professional trainer and force myself to get in shape. I'm saving up my money to do hire one. I want someone who will keep me accountable, without ever bailing out on me like the FitStart guy did.
But I really don't like the fact that most "trainers" simply point me in a general direction, charge me a huge fee, and then leave everything up to me.
What ever happened by growing up that I never see P.E. coaches with a whistle and a stopwatch screaming into my ear and telling me to push myself and staying with me until the end of the session, but never expecting me to do more than I can do, if painfully? Do I need to go to a community college to get that again? What the heck, man! I'm convinced and worried that trainers at gyms just stand around and give suggestions and then leave me alone to attend to the next paying trainee.
I need an answer. I wish I was in high school again, so that I could just take P.E. and have the curriculum cut out for me. I hate choices; I just want to be told what to do, and get exercised doing it. And if I must figure things out on my own, I need motivation to push past these brick walls. What could possibly motivate me at this point?