Wow... So These Past 3 Days Have Been Hell!

Bdubedub

Bdubedub

New member
Why....Why.....Why!! I keep asking myself those questions! Why did I go back for 3 days and eat like total CRAP! Wow... I must have consumed a million calories and fat! I can't stand this anymore! Its so depressing.... only takes one meal to throw you off your whole game! I really don't want to be FAT anymore.... I really don't! Im scared to death of having a heart attack yet I still consume so much food! What gives? Seriousily! How sad that I can't control my eating habits/portions! I have a family and I feel like im so selfish! I want nothing more then to be down to 200lbs and I am so far away from that goal... I swear if I didnt have kids & a beautiful wife, I wouldn't be on this earth. I tried committing suicide just before I met my wife back in 2005 because of being overweight. Ive been teased since first grade & pointing fingers still happens & it hurts... Im a grown man & still get made fun of....you just get so tired of it! I want nothing more then to be healthy for my family & accepted by family & friends...!! I'm tired of being the fat one....I dont want my kids to be embarassed when they go to school becuase their dad is sooo big! I need this "lifestyle" change so bad... I do so good for a little while and then lapse right back into my old style... even when Im doing so well.... I must have gained like 10lbs this last week...wow! Sorry for carrying on... I'm so dissappointed in myself that I have yet "failed" again... not only for myself but for my family... how could I do this? Today's horrible & I feel like a major failure... thank you everyone for hearing me out. Any words of encouragement or advice are greatly appreciated. Thank you & god bless!! Please for those of you that are close to "caving" in on your lifestyle change let this be a story of inspiration & a wake up call that you do not want to be like this yourself... if I cant help myself right now...let me help you... thanks!
 
I've been in the circle of this for a month now. I am at a lesser stage of despair than you appear to be at right now. But I was right there when it first started happening.

Problem is it didn't stop, and I have poured back on 20 pounds. I don't have all the answers as I am still working on my own solution but I can tell you at least one thing for certain, and that is that the berating yourself and negativity will only take you further down the negative path. It has for me.

The rest unfortunately is going to be up to you to deal with, but if I can give at least one piece of advice it would be don't start hating yourself, it's a slippery slope that accelerates quickly and is very hard to climb back out of. It's fuel for the emotional eating.

You probably didn't gain 10 pounds in a week, when you binge the scale will jump insane levels overnight as you stuff yourself with food and retain fluids. It took me a month, month and a half of really ridiculous over eating to put back on 20 pounds (granted with alternating periods of starving myself as punishment.)

Anyway, you're not alone. I was the most unbelievably positive person in history when I was losing and still I was crushed by a relapse like this, so It definitely can be tough for even the seemingly most determined.
 
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You need to less your self not be guilty inside for this. Most of us have done this. My Labor day wasn't all salads and yogurt either. The key is look at what you did and next time, work on making better choices. This is a long journey. No one stop is going to stop us.


Welcome to day 1.
 
My best advice to you is to keep a journal, recording both your food and exercise in precise detail as well as your moods and feelings. This will give you insight into your habits and psyche, as well as act as an accountability system for yourself. Binge eating always has a trigger, either emotional or environmental. You need to find out what your triggers are so you can avoid them or modify your behavior to accomodate them.

It sounds like your weight problem is based on a psychological issue, which is typically the case for people who relapse into eating addiction over and over again. It's not about the food, it's about the inner turmoil that is subconsciously driving you to eat yourself to death. Is counselling an option for you? It might help you wrap your head around the big picture of your weight problem, so you can fix it more effectively and with less self-loathing.

Barring that, if you ever need someone to talk to, I'm always a PM away. :) Don't worry, you CAN do this.
 
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maverick said:
My best advice to you is to keep a journal, recording both your food and exercise in precise detail as well as your moods and feelings. This will give you insight into your habits and psyche, as well as act as an accountability system for yourself. Binge eating always has a trigger, either emotional or environmental. You need to find out what your triggers are so you can avoid them or modify your behavior to accomodate them.

It sounds like your weight problem is based on a psychological issue, which is typically the case for people who relapse into eating addiction over and over again. It's not about the food, it's about the inner turmoil that is subconsciously driving you to eat yourself to death. Is counselling an option for you? It might help you wrap your head around the big picture of your weight problem, so you can fix it more effectively and with less self-loathing.

Barring that, if you ever need someone to talk to, I'm always a PM away. :) Don't worry, you CAN do this.
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The problem I seem to run into is that even when I manage to identify the problems I seem to have hang ups on correcting them. I would wager I have the same eating addiction as the original poster.

In the last month I have identified many of the causes of emotional eating for myself, it's making myself stop even though I know what they are that is the hard part. Hardest still is that I buried all of them for an entire year and lost all of my goal weight only for them to come back bigger and badder than ever.

One of the hardest things for me is the realization that it doesn't seem to only be negativity that spurs this. A total washout episode can come now from my very highest point. Put simply I eat when I get confident and feeling good and it quickly snowballs into a spiral of one thing leading to another.

Is this familiar to anyone else? Where it starts out like it is your most positive day ever then you have some seemingly good piece of food after lunch like say an apple. And oh, that apple tasted good so you have another apple because it's just an apple right? Then it's oh, well I'll just have a quick sandwich then another. Then the mentality of failure starts to wash over you, as though damn, I went over my calories so what the hell, just one more. Then the next thing you know you are willing to throw it all away and eat 4000 calories because you feel like you already failed so you might as well just soothe yourself and stuff some food down to bury all your self doubt and self hate with it. One of the things I am struggling to do at this point is identify that moment of no return, where things start to snowball and learn to take control again.

It sounds so silly to maintain total discipline for over a year then be back to square one fighting to re capture what you already *thought* you had learned.
 
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The problem I seem to run into is that even when I manage to identify the problems I seem to have hang ups on correcting them. I would wager I have the same eating addiction as the original poster.
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I do too (not so much a food addiction as a compulsive eating disorder) so I completely understand where you're coming from.

In the last month I have identified many of the causes of emotional eating for myself, it's making myself stop even though I know what they are that is the hard part.
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One of the hardest things for me is the realization that it doesn't seem to only be negativity that spurs this. A total washout episode can come now from my very highest point. Put simply I eat when I get confident and feeling good and it quickly snowballs into a spiral of one thing leading to another.
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I think one of the most effective things to do in cases like this is to completely replace eating with something else as your stress relief. Even if you are at a high point, strong emotions are a source of stress, and compulsive stress eating can occur whether you're happy OR upset. People with compulsive tendencies have to recondition themselves to compulsively do something else whenever they hit a binging trigger.

My newest strategy is to make myself write a one page essay on what I'm going to eat and why when I feel a binge coming on. Usually by the time I'm done writing, I'm not prepared to go through with the binge. It also helps to go take a walk, drink a full glass of water, anything to switch your mental gears from the mindless, panicked inhalation of food.

It also helps to not keep very much food in your house if you can, or only keep healthy food around. It is harder to binge if you are not surrounded by temptation.

Hardest still is that I buried all of them for an entire year and lost all of my goal weight only for them to come back bigger and badder than ever.
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Same boat here. I lost down to 160, then ballooned back up to 215 (25 pounds higher than my previous high weight) within two years.

One of the things I am struggling to do at this point is identify that moment of no return, where things start to snowball and learn to take control again.
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Me too. If you saw the meals I take publically you would think I eat like a normal person and would be unable to understand my weight problem, but I've been secretly binge eating for over ten years.

There have been times when I would drive to Taco Bell, circle the parking lot without getting anything, leave, and find myself going to another fast food place only to do the same thing. The entire time I did it, I was completely disgusted with myself. I wasn’t ever really hungry, but it was a sick compulsion whenever I was in a state of emotional distress.
 
Man do I feel great! Worked out everyday last week! Did a 10 mile hike today... and clothes are getting smaller!!! YES!!!:hurray:
 
Ahh! That was lovely to hear you go from borderline suicidal to happy! I just want to hug you right now. Stay positive and motivated!

Everyone slips up. The key is to pick yourself up and move on, not beat yourself up about it. I went from 95lbs to 135lbs in a summer. I hated myself so much then. I'm definitely not letting that happen again!
 
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