Wordslinger: Shit or Get Off the Pot

Thanks for trying to set me straight, Anke. It's just that time of the month and my body is quite rebellious: lethargic, moody, and craving-wracked. And I was doing three runs a week, four at most, in twenty minute increments. I attribute my knee pains to the fact that I am running on the road in my housing plan, over hills and such. Cement isn't the most forgiving substance in the world. But I cannot afford to drive to a track with gas prices. I'm just a poor college student.

The past week and a half has been an arduous time for me. I wasn’t enthused with my exercise. I was in an emotional slump, and under a lot of stress from work. To make a long story short, I had to report something that was a violation of company policy and integrity, and it was also an ethical issue on my part because of the individuals involved. I am on vacation, and I am hoping it is dealt with this week entirely and that it blows over. I do expect to be ostracized upon my return. But I did the right thing. The company pays me to do my job, and reporting that specific violation was a component of my job. The company trusts me as young as I am to work in the Accounting Office and uphold policy, to oversee more money than I will ever make in my life, along with having access confidential information. I can get fired for not following policy or upholding my personal integrity. This whole situation just makes me sick and I am glad for the distance I am now putting between it and my self. Integrity isn’t important in today’s society, anymore. No one can take that away but your own self.

I went insane binging this past week. I woke up this morning though and it was like a light turned on in my head. It’s time to get back on track. I had a wonderful work out yesterday and today. I also went for a twenty minute jog. My third month with Power 90 ends on the 26th of this month, and I am really hoping to see some results; perhaps in the weight department.

My friend is having her birthday today, and as part of that, she wants to invite her friends with her to her dance lesson. She’s in uber-advanced competitive ballroom dancing. She has been a dancer all of her life and is the kind of girl that makes you absolutely sick to look at. She’s gorgeous, disgustingly skinny, and she can eat like a cow and not gain an ounce, all breasts but no butt.

Needless to say, having her as a best friend really wreaked havoc on my self esteem during adolescence. But that is all in the past. We sort of balance each other out physically. I’m all hips and thighs and butt and no breasts. I’m on the short, petite side, so now I can’t even wear her clothes. Even though we probably wear some of the same sizes, her thighs are stick thin, so pants are out of the question. Her shirts are too, because I’m ridiculously fragile-looking up top. She also has breasts, which requires larger shirts on her behalf. She is probably a medium while I sometimes swim in smalls. I generally have to stick with small and extra-small, often venturing into the girls’ and boys’ section. I was shopping this weekend and I held up small shirts from the rack and blurted out loud to my mother: “Is this seriously a small?!” Some of the shirts would have been shapeless sacks on me.

I’m not too keen on the dance class idea. I’m not interested in ballroom dancing; belly dancing is more congruent with my abilities. I’ve got the hips, thighs, and butt. From all the abdominal work I do as well my muscles are capable of handling the control needed for the undulations and popping. And besides, it makes me feel sexy and perhaps somewhat graceful. And I have felt like a worthless klutz my entire life. One day I will take belly dancing lessons as a treat.

I will give the ballroom dancing a try though, because I do not want to ruin it for my friend. Besides… it’s exercise. I’ve got to work off her birthday cake somehow.
 
Last edited:
I experienced quite the non-scale victory today: I was able to do 9 push ups... man push ups!

I'm also feeling incredibly amazed at my progress on this entire endeavor of weight loss. I updated my picture thread and am rather in awe of myself. I've never really taken the time to reflect on my total progress because I am always mentally chiding myself on what has yet to be fixed.

I deserve to treat myself to a new pair of earrings or skein of yarn for all the hard work I have done, damn.

Better yet, to celebrate my amazing progress, I’m going to knit myself a garment.

It may make me the biggest dork on the planet, but I am enamored with knitting and crocheting. I’ve made many whimsical things from amigurumi animals to the standard and trite hats and scarves. But it’s time for a challenge… it’s time to leap into garment territory. I haven’t ventured fully into it just yet. I made an attempt once… and it was the biggest mistake and waste of beautiful yarn. Two years ago, I thought it would be a great idea to knit myself a shrug. So I started… and lost twenty pounds in the process. Not once did I wear that item; it is banished to the darkest depths of my closet, dejectedly imprisoned on a hanger. My measurements can’t change too much anymore, so I will knit a shrug, this time of victory. And looking at my current wardrobe, if it is done just right, it will be the best fitting thing I own.

I purged my closet today. I went through and removed clothing that will no longer fit and separated it into three piles: one for donation; the second for future alteration, quite an ambitious and hopeful endeavor; and the third, clothing that may benefit my one friend from work. She is the size I used to be during my freshman year of college. I still have some of my fat pants from the days I crammed into 18s. I’m saving a few for completely self-indulgent reasons—I plan on camwhoring when I am at my dream body, and a few of the shots will be stepping into those jeans, maybe one leg of them. But I did part with a pair of size 12 petite jeans and size 11 jean capris. I am hoping she can put them to good use. There are also a few shirts she may even like. What she does not want will go ultimately to donation.
 
Oooo, looking for more of a pushup challenge??

Go here.... one hundred push ups

And then come join us in the thread about it here... http://weight-loss.fitness.com/topic/24253-hundred-pushups.html

OH MY GOD!!!! Just had a look at your updated pics, and whoa, you are SERIOUSLY hot now, you need not be pedantic about it any longer!!! I can seriously see the difference in those last 3... subtle, but making ALL the difference!

Thanks for your support in my journal... I've still got a lot more growing up to do, glad I have a few slightly more experienced women's experiences to draw from :)

Later!
 
Back
Top