Wiresandwood's Weight Loss Extravaganza!

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wiresandwood

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Wiresandwood's Weight Loss Extravaganza

Hi everyone!

I thought I should start a diary to keep track of my weight loss journey and any struggles that go along with it. I think this will help keep me accountable! :) I am excited for my journey.

Unfortunately, I have several factors that have affected my weight loss in the past, and probably will continue to. Sometimes I feel like I have too many things working against me and I get discouraged and give up, but I know I have to soldier on!

I have PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome) and therefore an insulin resistance - basically, if I eat simple carbs, it is almost immediately stored as fat in my body. I also have Borderline Personality Disorder which affects my thinking a lot - I tend to see everything in black or white terms which is NOT a good thing when trying to lose weight. I also have severe clinical depression, which lead to a binge eating disorder that I am having trouble overcoming. So as you can see, there is a lot wrong with me (I feel like a freak, LOL! :blush5:).

I joined here in '09 hoping to change my lifestyle, but I was thinking about weight loss in such a black and white way that there was no way I could keep it up. For two years I would switch between eating massive quantities of complete junk and not exercising at all, to eating way too few calories and exercising constantly. It was not a healthy lifestyle at all.

I have been yo-yoing for several years, and I always seem to give up and fall back into my regular habits, but this time I am doing it the healthy way instead of the "quick" way. I really want a lifestyle change that is sustainable. I haven't felt truly ready to tackle this monster until lately, as I have been prescribed a new medication that has really helped me feel more focused and logical.

A few months ago I reached my highest weight ever at 330 pounds. I feel sluggish, constantly tired and simply ashamed of myself. I keep wondering how I let my true self disappear like this.

Right now I am at 318, and my biggest goal at the moment is to get below the 300 mark. I can't wait for the moment I see 299 on the scale! :D

For those who want to know more of my story and see some pictures, please see my post in the Before & After thread - here is the link:

http://weight-loss.fitness.com/before-after-between/43875-begininning.html

Can't wait to hear from people! :hurray:
 
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So I worked out last night. My goal is to exercise every other day, because I don't want to start to hate it and feel discouraged.

I can't wait until working out is easier for me. Right now even speed walking is somewhat difficult, and while I can run for a few sporadic minutes within that time, I find it quite draining. My face turns into a tomato within minutes of starting to work out! :D

My eating has been going really well. I definitely need to incorporate more vegetables in my diet, but I was a lifelong vegetable hater so it's going to take some time to learn to love them. Right now all I can really stand is baby carrots, lettuce, tomato (if chopped up), and onions or mushrooms (if they are cooked). Lol, can you tell I'm a picky eater?

The only questionable thing in my diet is I am eating a fibre granola bar each day. I know they can have a lot of sugar, but I am trying to be realistic about what I eat. If this is actually a lifestyle change, OF COURSE I'm going to be eating granola bars. I don't want to cut out foods completely. This is really a lesson in moderation for me.

I haven't been counting calories (eek!) and am just going by what feels right and trying to have a good balance of the food groups. I really should start counting calories though, because I am worried I am eating too little for my weight. Though I feel satiated throughout the day with what I'm eating now, I think to lose weight I'm supposed to be eating something like 2500 calories, and I don't think what I've been having equals that. I don't want my body to go into "starvation mode".

It's crazy that after a week or so of eating healthy foods, you stop getting the cravings for junk like you used to! I saw an ad for Subway today and I almost felt sick looking at it (I used to get a sub for lunch nearly every day!). Such a great feeling.

Weight today is still 318, same as yesterday. Realistically, I'm only hoping for 2 lbs of weight loss a week. If it's more, fantastic! If it's less, that's okay too. As long as I'm going down, I'm happy! :)
 
heya, I clicked on your profile because I have seen you commenting on others posts...and you seemed very sweet to me, and also pretty - i thought, what could she be doing on a weight loss website!

but I read your diary and I find we have much in common...I also have PCOS and clinical depression and I understand how hard it can be to lose weight, when even small things like getting up in the morning seem impossible.

I guess I just wanted to write and say don't give up, you can do this! I know you are doing great so far, and the exercising will start to become your happy pill (that's what I call it)...it has helped me out a lot with my depression, the gym has actually become one of my fav places to go because i KNOW i'm helping myself!

I would suggest eating a lil less calories, maybe 1700. I know for me to lose weight I have to eat 1400-1500. It's probably different for us both because, of course, we are different people! but I bet if you just cut down about 500 cals or so, along with the exercising, that weight would drop.

Anyways, I can't wait to see some progress pics. You look like a beautiful girl and I know you will just get even more gorgeous as the time goes on...it seems that when us girls are happier, we not only feel it, but start to look it too :)

Good luck!!!
 
katers said:
heya, I clicked on your profile because I have seen you commenting on others posts...and you seemed very sweet to me, and also pretty - i thought, what could she be doing on a weight loss website!

but I read your diary and I find we have much in common...I also have PCOS and clinical depression and I understand how hard it can be to lose weight, when even small things like getting up in the morning seem impossible.

I guess I just wanted to write and say don't give up, you can do this! I know you are doing great so far, and the exercising will start to become your happy pill (that's what I call it)...it has helped me out a lot with my depression, the gym has actually become one of my fav places to go because i KNOW i'm helping myself!

I would suggest eating a lil less calories, maybe 1700. I know for me to lose weight I have to eat 1400-1500. It's probably different for us both because, of course, we are different people! but I bet if you just cut down about 500 cals or so, along with the exercising, that weight would drop.

Anyways, I can't wait to see some progress pics. You look like a beautiful girl and I know you will just get even more gorgeous as the time goes on...it seems that when us girls are happier, we not only feel it, but start to look it too :)

Good luck!!!
Click to expand...

Thanks so much for the kind words, katers! It's helps to know there are others going through similar things in life while trying to lose weight. If you can make it past the same hurdles, then I know it is possible!

Thanks for the advice about the calories. I haven't started counting yet, but I know I should start. Right now I'm kind of just trying to eat healthier. If it doesn't result in any substantial weight loss over the next few weeks, I will start calorie counting. It just seems like such a chore to me! :p

P.S. I was going to say the same thing about you ("What's she doing on a weight loss site?") LOL. You are beautiful!
 
So last night I went shopping with some friends. I hate eating anything I didn't make myself when I'm trying to lose weight, but sometimes it has to be done. I had a piece of vegetable quiche with a garden salad, so I think I did pretty well considering I was at the mall.

I bought awesome new Nike runners last night that are really lightweight and flexible (I've been using my runners that I've had since grade 8 to work out and I am 22 now, LOL!). It was nice to splurge on something that's going to help me get healthier.

I tried on a few shirts at a plus size store, but even those didn't look nice on me. They made my stomach look huge and I felt pretty down after that. I know logically there are going to be certain cuts that aren't flattering for everyone, but just looking at myself in the mirror with the fluorescent lights on me, I felt truly disgusting and ugly! I can't wait to feel like I'm not trapped in my own skin.
 
This was kind of a bad day diet-wise. I feel like I ate way too many carbs today. We're out of vegetables, so I'll have to go shopping to remedy the situation.

What I ate today:

Breakfast - whole grain bagel with egg and mozzarella cheese
Snack - weight watchers cookie, fibre granola bar
Lunch - whole grain pasta with scallops and rose sauce, no sugar added chocolate pudding
Snack - fat free yogurt
Dinner - whole grain english muffin with tuna and light mayo
 
Honestly I think you ate alright today. Don't be too hard on yourself :) you could have done well with a few more fruit and veg but it doesn't look like you snacked on anything too unhealthy. Apples, raw broccoli (or cauliflower), carrots, celery, raw spinach and baby tomatos make great snacks if you're looking to get away from grains.
 
Thanks SaladMuncher! I guess it wasn't too bad. I just felt a bit unbalanced from all the carbs. I went out an bought some veggies last night so it should go better today.


So yesterday I worked out. My condo has a gym so it's pretty convenient. It's only been a week and a half or so but it's crazy how I can already feel myself getting stronger. On the treadmill I ran for two minutes straight at 4.4mph. That is a huge accomplishment for me, because usually I only run at 4.0 max in 1 minute intervals. I pushed myself a little farther than I thought I could go and it felt great! My calves were cramping up a bit (guess I didn't stretch well enough), so I only did about 10 minutes on the treadmill, then about 20 on the stationary bike. I really like the bike because I feel like I could go on forever.

On Saturday I think I'm going to mix up my workout a little bit. Maybe not rely on the machines so much and do some pilates-type floor workouts on the mats. :)
 
That's so awesome you were able to run for longer! Running is a pain in the ass, isn't it? But you always feel better once it's over. That's definitely an accomplishment that you should be proud of!

I know then when I'm running I want to DIE but it is so worth it, so keep it up girl!

It's good that you're switching it up. It's good not only for your body but also so you don't get bored working out...I think I need to do what you're doing :)

How is your eating going? I hope you let us know when you've lost weight, I can't wait to see your progress!

In the mean time, i'll be here running my butt off (hopefully literally haha!) and motivating you if ya need it :D You seem to be doing great though so keep it up :)
 
Well, yesterday I lost a pound, but today the scale says I gained two! I really think I should stop weighing myself every day because it can be frustrating to see your weight fluctuate like that, even though I know logically it's most likely just water retention.

My diet has been mostly on track - I did have a small amount of salami yesterday and a little piece of brie cheese, but I am not going to be punishing myself for small things like that. I really want to train myself to enjoy the foods I love, but eat them in moderation and not go overboard and binge on anything. It is hard to do, but I think over time it will get much easier.

My June goal is to lose 10 pounds - hope I can do it!

I'm kind of excited to work out tonight. Maybe I'm catching the exercise bug? :D
 
After a long, tiring day at work, I went out to Earl's restaurant with my mom and aunt. I asked my sister who works there what the healthiest food option would be and she told me their chicken tacos were quite low-cal, so I ordered that. I also splurged a little and got a side caesar salad.

Okay, I'm going to try and figure out my calories for the day. I want to see if I'm within an appropriate range.

Breakfast:
Thin bagel - 100 cals
Slice of light havarti cheese - 90 cals
1 egg - 70 cals
1/2 tbsp light mayo - 35 cals
Simply orange juice with calcium - 120

Snack:
No sugar added chocolate pudding -60 cals

Lunch:
Weight watchers whole grain wrap - 100 cals
Scheiders fat free chicken - 60 cals
Slice of light havarti cheese - 90 cals
1 tbsp light mayo - 35 cals
Unsweetened apple sauce cup - 50 cals

Snack:
0% yogurt - 40 cals

Dinner:
Earl's Los Cabos checken tacos -322 cals
Earl's side Caesar salad - 222 cals

Grand total: 1394 cals

Wow, that's waaay less than I thought! I am worried this might be far too low for me at 317 pounds...what do you guys think? Will my body go into the ever-dreaded "starvation mode"? The weird thing is I feel full all day when I eat like this.

Anyway, I'm off to work out. :)
 
You're doing so well - I have no doubt that you're going to lose weight this week. It's all about making the right choices and you did just that :hurray:

About the calorie count, I'm also trying to figure out how many calories I should be eating a day for my height and weight.

I just asked one of my friends on here about it but after doing a google search I found this:



Place your numbers in there and calculate! It should tell you what the right amount is for you and for what you want to achieve.

I hope this helps! :D
 
Wow, it is so great to read your story! You seem like you are really motivated this time. I also can't believe you both have PCOS. I was looking up reasons for skipping periods and realized I have about 80% of the symptoms (this was about a year ago) and I haven't been to the doctor about it yet so I really don't know if I actually have it. I know it is very common though and it's no surprise a few people on here would have it since one of the symptoms is weight gain. I can't relate to the depression but I have a few close friends that do and I think it is INCREDIBLE what you have done so far and how you are looking at the situation. Is there such a think as a clinically depressed optimist? Because I think you might be that =) Keep up the good work! I can completely relate to the workout experiences you have been having, but it only gets easier - you just have to push yourself! Thanks for being such an inspiration!
 
katers said:
You're doing so well - I have no doubt that you're going to lose weight this week. It's all about making the right choices and you did just that :hurray:

About the calorie count, I'm also trying to figure out how many calories I should be eating a day for my height and weight.

I just asked one of my friends on here about it but after doing a google search I found this:



Place your numbers in there and calculate! It should tell you what the right amount is for you and for what you want to achieve.

I hope this helps! :D
Click to expand...


Okay, if I did this correctly, I should be eating 2600 calories to lose weight if I am lightly active, which I would say I am at this point. That seems like a CRAZY amount! When I'm eating healthy, I find it really hard to eat that much. If I'm eating chips or fast food, of course it's easy to rack up the calories, but I find myself full all the time the way I'm currently eating. Sigh, my body must be in starvation mode. I will have to eat more today.

Thanks for the link, now I have something to go by. :)
 
cookiedough said:
Wow, it is so great to read your story! You seem like you are really motivated this time. I also can't believe you both have PCOS. I was looking up reasons for skipping periods and realized I have about 80% of the symptoms (this was about a year ago) and I haven't been to the doctor about it yet so I really don't know if I actually have it. I know it is very common though and it's no surprise a few people on here would have it since one of the symptoms is weight gain. I can't relate to the depression but I have a few close friends that do and I think it is INCREDIBLE what you have done so far and how you are looking at the situation. Is there such a think as a clinically depressed optimist? Because I think you might be that =) Keep up the good work! I can completely relate to the workout experiences you have been having, but it only gets easier - you just have to push yourself! Thanks for being such an inspiration!
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Thanks so much for all the kind words! It means so much to me to hear that I can inspire people even a little bit - a few weeks ago I was feeling like a complete failure and a waste of space, but now that I am actively doing something to better myself I am feeling so much more optimistic. We CAN do this!

I hope you don't have PCOS for your sake, but if you do, know that you have support here! :grouphug:

Thanks again! :D
 
wiresandwood said:
Okay, if I did this correctly, I should be eating 2600 calories to lose weight if I am lightly active, which I would say I am at this point. That seems like a CRAZY amount! When I'm eating healthy, I find it really hard to eat that much. If I'm eating chips or fast food, of course it's easy to rack up the calories, but I find myself full all the time the way I'm currently eating. Sigh, my body must be in starvation mode. I will have to eat more today.

Thanks for the link, now I have something to go by. :)
Click to expand...

Eek I don't know if 2600cal is right, it DOES sound like a lot! But this could also be because my entire life people have told me, men eat 2000, women eat 1500. It's kind of stuck in my brain.

Anyway, try and use a couple different websites just incase the one I gave you wasn't right - I don't wanna mess you up!!
 
katers said:
Eek I don't know if 2600cal is right, it DOES sound like a lot! But this could also be because my entire life people have told me, men eat 2000, women eat 1500. It's kind of stuck in my brain.

Anyway, try and use a couple different websites just incase the one I gave you wasn't right - I don't wanna mess you up!!
Click to expand...

I have used similar calculators before and I am pretty sure it is correct that for my height and weight (5'9" 317lbs) I should be eating somewhere in the vicinity of the mid 2000's calorie-wise. It's just SO HARD to eat that much when you are eating healthy foods that are mostly relatively low-cal.

Early this morning I had two packs of whole grain oatmeal, an unsweetened apple sauce cup, and a glass of orange juice and I felt really full - not the good kind of satiated fullness, but almost bloated. All I've had since then is a granola bar and it's 4:30 pm already. It's like I'm losing my appetite completely! How I went from bingeing on junk 24/7 to hardly having an appetite is beyond me, lol. Maybe my stomach is shrinking?

I started my journey a couple of weeks ago and I've only lost about 3-4 pounds or so. It is frustrating because at my weight I feel like I should be losing much quicker than that with diet and exercise. I am starting to really think I'm going to have to bulk up my calories to lose weight since my body must be in starvation mode. Sigh, I am not having a very optimistic day! :(
 
Aww don't worry! Just know that no matter what the scale says you are always making your body healthier by eating those foods. The weight will come off on its own. And I know exactly what you mean with the loss of an appetite. I sometimes find myself struggling to get in the minimum 1200 calories with healthy foods so I can't imagine trying to get 2,000! Just add a tbsp of olive oil to some of your vegetables or meats and that will give you a few hundred cals. There are a few creative ways to get around the amount without feeling full. Keep up the great work!
 
wiresandwood said:
I have used similar calculators before and I am pretty sure it is correct that for my height and weight (5'9" 317lbs) I should be eating somewhere in the vicinity of the mid 2000's calorie-wise. It's just SO HARD to eat that much when you are eating healthy foods that are mostly relatively low-cal.

Early this morning I had two packs of whole grain oatmeal, an unsweetened apple sauce cup, and a glass of orange juice and I felt really full - not the good kind of satiated fullness, but almost bloated. All I've had since then is a granola bar and it's 4:30 pm already. It's like I'm losing my appetite completely! How I went from bingeing on junk 24/7 to hardly having an appetite is beyond me, lol. Maybe my stomach is shrinking?

I started my journey a couple of weeks ago and I've only lost about 3-4 pounds or so. It is frustrating because at my weight I feel like I should be losing much quicker than that with diet and exercise. I am starting to really think I'm going to have to bulk up my calories to lose weight since my body must be in starvation mode. Sigh, I am not having a very optimistic day! :(
Click to expand...


Hey girl,

Don't get discouraged - think about it, you're doing way better, eating and living much healthier then you used to. That is a step in itself, I mean, when is the last time you can say you gladly exercised before this journey?

It's going to be tough to lose the weight sometimes, I just went through a 3 week plateau of nothingness - that's why I joined this forum, so I wouldn't completely give up!

Although this is true, it WILL come off and some weeks a LOT will come off and you won't expect it...just like a nice little surprise :D

So hang in there, you got this I promise you.
 
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