DBotnB
New member
I'll have a tendency to rant a lot on here because it's really a wonderful outlet for me. Weightloss isn't simple for most people, but it's made particularly complicated when you are like me and already "over think" everything. It's just how I need to see the world. And so with something like weightloss, I'm going to analyze it to death. Ready? 
So I'm on Day 2 of my diet. I've done this before and had weighed 234 lbs at my heaviest. I'm a 5'9 woman, 30 years old ... so that was excessive weight of about 70-80 lbs. I went a program called LA Weightloss and lost all of the weight. Well.. most of it. I got down to 175 at one point and have stuck around that weight since then. That was 6 years ago. Now .... little by little I've gained a bit more weight and not lost it. I'm quite aware of how I became obese in the first place, so I had made a mental note that if I saw 190 again, that I would have to take action. So, 190 came.... and I started the diet and then my life went to shit. (Isn't that always how it happens!? People look back at those times and realize that it really was a perfect circumstance for them to gain a shit ton of weight, whether it's because of injury, a death in the or some other damned thing that makes us lose sight of what liberation is was to be in control of our bodies.)
So, 2 days ago I feebly started my diet after the shit storm of my life had somewhat subsided. Fortunately, while I fumbled through the morning of my diet, my friend Sandy called and said:
"I just got my test results back from my doctor. I need to lose weight! Can you help me." BAM! Motivation. So I'm getting her set up with the same program. I wanted to be a couple days in front of her anyway so that I could walk her through it by saying, "Oh yes, I just went through that a couple days ago". I'm very excited about this prospect. Mind you, I'm well aware of the bizarre psychological aspects of dieting and weightloss so I'll be mindful of sudden mood changes, motivation changes, etc. She's my friend and no matter what she does I'm her friend.
It's amazing, just while I'm on that topic, how interesting it is how many people are alomst afraid to be thin again. I've see that in a lot of people who have been abused as children, whether it was sexually, physically or mentally or even by mentally attacking themselves. The self-worth element of dieting seems to be the most difficult to contend with. Those of us who have been very overweight got that way because of a lack of awareness of what our bodies were doing and how they were feeling. We gravitated toward food because it always made us feel good. Even just thinking about greasy, salty, sweet food was enough to give us a bit of light in dark places. Ohh and the cycles that we get ourselves caught in.... As an example of what I mean, the days that you stop wearing clothes that fit you and hug your parts, is when a problem is starting. When suddenly loose sweat pants are what are worn most days, this is when it's time to jump in to action. But of course when you are already heavy, it gets harder and harder to admit it. You know it, but to take the step to get on the scale ... and then to do something about it? Christ, that's the worst part! If you did find the strength to step on a scale or to look at photos of yourself taken recently.... then what? Chances are if we got to the point where we were that out of control of our bodies, then we're not going to have had the knowledge to get ourselves back in shape. I've heard myself say, as well as my overweight friends, "Oh yeah,I know how to eat right." - That's the problem, losing weight is not necessarily about 'eating right', but it's a difficult sacrifice that is not pleasurable to go through.... It will hurt a little and if it doesn't, then you're probably not trying.
Don't you find though that when you are dieting and taking care of yourself, suddenly your attitude about food changes? Even just from these first 2 days of eating things I normally don't and having a whole ton of water, I feel wonderful. Because this first 2 days of this new way of eating is a cleanse (proteins, raw green vegetables, water), but the time you hit that 3rd day where the balanced diet begins, MAN OH MAN a piece of whole grained bread is f***ing heavenly. That's a difference in 2 days. It just makes you think of eating the minimum to fuel your body and giving it all the right nutrition, but only just enough to satiate your body's needs. I'm feeling liberated already! And that water-weight loss in the last 2 days is motivation as well. YAY!, I won't see 197,8 on the scale again.
Here are my stats:
SW: 197.8, CW: 195, GW: 165, Weight To Lose: 30, Weight Lost: 2.8 lbs
My friend Sandy's:
SW: 205, CW: 205, GW: 140, Weight To Lose: 65 lbs
I'm super motivated this time around. I'm sticking with this. Healthily I intend to lose 2 lbs per week, which means that by early may (unless I plateau) I will be at my goal weight. Wonderful to start the summer right.
I'll be incorporating exercise in here too, but I'm just trying to get the ball rolling with the eating right so that I no longer have to think about it as much as I am right now. Well, and it's bloody cold where I am so getting outside is not as easy as all that. ha!
~Thanks for reading.
D