Why??

Scorpiogal

Scorpiogal

New member
I know this question has been asked before, but why do the peope who supposedly love you the most feel like it's okay to make negative/ critical comments about your weight loss??

My mother has been the WORST offender...she goes on and on about how "gaunt" my face looks, and how awful it would be if I continued to lose weight. When I started my journey she said "you've never dieted in your life. There's no way you'll be able to stick to anything." Then as the weight continued to come off it changed to "I hope you're not planning to lose any more weight. You already look too thin." And then the worst of all...we were shopping together, I happened to mention offhand that I had tried on a size 6 dress that fit me nicely (I'm currently more like a size 8/10). She says VERY loudly in front of all the salespeople "Who are you trying to kid? You're no size 6 and you never will be!" I can only assume she was trying to be witty, and not hurtful.

Anyway, I know I'm not alone with this sort of experience, but I still don't get it. Is it jealousy? Fear of change? What?
 
Not to be offensive, just curious, but is your mother overweight? Most of my friends and family are supportive of my efforts, but some aren't. And what I've noticed is that the biggest(har har) detractors are other fat people who need to lose weight too. Maybe they are just bitter they haven't lost a bunch of weight like I have, and don't like the knowledge that they could do it too if they were motivated.
 
LOL- you called that one! She IS overweight, but she has always been so supportive of me my whole life, complimenting me, etc, that her behavior now comes as a shock. Maybe it's because now that I'm an adult she compares herself to me more...
 
I have seen quite a few people on this forum say something similar.

It hasn't happened to me and I hope it never does. Everyone in my life, including some folks who are also quite overweight, has been nothing but supportive of my efforts and pleased with my results to date.

Even my mother, who is a master of the backhanded compliment. :)

But it is true, there are people who will be jealous of your success. There will be people who are threatened that you are breaking out of the pigeonhole that they have placed you in. There will be still others who are just plain uncomfortable with the changes in your life.
Sad, but true.

Just remember, you aren't doing it for them, you're doing it for yourself, so who cares what other peole think?
 
Yeah I think your mom is jealous and your weightloss makes her feel like a failure because she herself can't or won't lose weight. She feels defensive like your weightloss somehow refelects on her and her own weight problem. Just ignore her comments and keep on going with your diet.
 
Thanks for your input everyone...I guess I already knew the ugly truth (that it's jealousy/ envy.) I just didn't quite want to believe it! But no worries- it hasn't had any kind of de-motivating effect on me. Quite the opposite in fact. And when she's ready to follow my example, I will give her a helping hand.
 
Try not to let it get you down. Obviously your mother cares about you. I don't think it's as much jealously or envy as the fact that you are stirring up some uncomfortable feelings in her. Now you are leaving her "group" and becoming one of them. Eventually your efforts may give her the courage to follow.
 
One thing I found to be true in my journey is that overweight people, even really nice ones, will subconsciously sabotage you because a lot of them are secretly a little jealous when you start to lose weight. They'll tell you you aren't "capable" of being a size 6 or that "you'd look just horrible at a size 6!" or 'oh you look too thin already!" when you're already a solid 15lbs over healthy BMI. They don't do it on purpose.

It's hard, especially on a person who is close to you, for them to be big and you to go from being big to being small. It's because when we're big, we are big supporters of "the fat people club!" You know what I mean...you and your equally overweight buddies sitting around and talking about how thin people suck and you're tired of being treated like you're unattractive. Well when you BECOME the thin person, it's almost as though you've gone over to the enemy.

I can tell you from my experiences that a lot of heavy people have HEAVY resentment towards thin ones....but if they can tell themselves that person has always been thin, or that person has different genetics or that person is just lucky or whatever, they feel better. When a FRIEND goes from big to thin, they are faced with the fact that weight loss is real and achievable. They they have to mentally recognize the fact that THEY could be skinny if they tried harder, and they have to face up to the excuses they've been making. All that is very stressful, and results in the behavior you're noticing.

I on the other hand have the opposite problem with my mother...the biggest she's ever been was 112 lbs, and she was 9 and a half months preggo with me at the time. She constantly nagged me about my weight when I got big, constantly telling me how much prettier I'd be if I loss weight, etc. Now I'm a size 8, and fairly "average" in size by most people's opinons and she STILL nags me about why I'm not a size 4.
 
CFGeekyGirl said:
One thing I found to be true in my journey is that overweight people, even really nice ones, will subconsciously sabotage you because a lot of them are secretly a little jealous when you start to lose weight. They'll tell you you aren't "capable" of being a size 6 or that "you'd look just horrible at a size 6!" or 'oh you look too thin already!" when you're already a solid 15lbs over healthy BMI. They don't do it on purpose.

It's hard, especially on a person who is close to you, for them to be big and you to go from being big to being small. It's because when we're big, we are big supporters of "the fat people club!" You know what I mean...you and your equally overweight buddies sitting around and talking about how thin people suck and you're tired of being treated like you're unattractive. Well when you BECOME the thin person, it's almost as though you've gone over to the enemy.

I can tell you from my experiences that a lot of heavy people have HEAVY resentment towards thin ones....but if they can tell themselves that person has always been thin, or that person has different genetics or that person is just lucky or whatever, they feel better. When a FRIEND goes from big to thin, they are faced with the fact that weight loss is real and achievable. They they have to mentally recognize the fact that THEY could be skinny if they tried harder, and they have to face up to the excuses they've been making. All that is very stressful, and results in the behavior you're noticing.

I on the other hand have the opposite problem with my mother...the biggest she's ever been was 112 lbs, and she was 9 and a half months preggo with me at the time. She constantly nagged me about my weight when I got big, constantly telling me how much prettier I'd be if I loss weight, etc. Now I'm a size 8, and fairly "average" in size by most people's opinons and she STILL nags me about why I'm not a size 4.
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That's a good point I think you summed it up good! That's a good way to put it. And oh boy I know it must be hard to be big and have a thin mother yikes!
 
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