Why Is It Hard To Take Advice From People That Are In Shape?

patrickkallie

patrickkallie

New member
Please tell me if I am crazy or not. Why is it that some people would rather take advice from someone that is not in shape then to get it from someone that's in great shape?

This is something that has really puzzled me and I just can't seem to put my finger on it. Some of my friends and even family members will say that they need to talk to someone about losing weight?

What's wrong with talking to me? I keep myself in great shape and have been for years now. Is it that they are just embarrassed or what?

What's your take on something like this?
 
I think about this in two separate ways. On this forum, when someone comes on and makes clear from the start that they're not trying to lose weight, but rather are trying to "help" or something like that, I start to wonder what they're trying to sell and when they're going to come out and spam all over the place. (Can't speak for anyone else, but that's how I feel about it- and it's nothing personal, it's just that I have different measures for judging how to trust people on the internet)

In real life, I know at least some people feel (I err that way myself) that people who are thin/ fit/ healthy have no experience of having weight problems (because they're lucky bastards with good metabolisms, or something), and therefore will have poor advice and/ or will judge you for being overweight. (I've had skinny people, who as far as I know have never been overweight- and who, all available evidence suggests, eat in a way that would send me into morbid obesity so fast your head would spin- to get off the couch and stop scoffing chips and chocolate. They don't believe that I could possibly be eating healthy, let alone significantly healthier and less than them) Someone who's overweight, losing weight, or you know has lost weight (or you've seen them lose weight) isn't going to tell you you're a fat greedy pig and that's the cause of all your problems, and is more likely to know a thing or two about how this is done (than someone who, as far as you know, hasn't had problems with weight).

Just my two cents.
 
I think you are perfectly normal for thinking that way. Some other analogous situations I can think of: drug addicts want to talk with other drug addicts, that can empathize... People want to hear success stories about someone that went from rags to riches, rather than a man that opened his billion dollar trust-fund @ 25 years old. It's just human nature to want to relate to one-another, and talking to someone that's in shape does allow us to relate to their current condition, ESPECIALLY if that person you are talking about has always been in shape, and like Amy said, doesn't know what it feels or felt like to be in our shoes.
 
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I would prefer to get advice from men who were in the shape I am now and are currently in the condition I want to be. That's why i'm here.

But as far as someone who is already in shape, and has never been fat, i'm not all that interested in listening to them. There are exceptions, but the average Joe will draw from his own experience. His experience was never similar to mine, he doesn't understand how it feels to not be able to jog, or the mental blocks of what is necessary to get in shape. When I get in shape and want to maintain it i will seek his advice.
 
I think when people don't take advice from you its just because they are not ready to take any advice. If they wanted advice, saying they need to talk to someone, but still haven't made the trip to "that" person yet, it says to me that they are still warming up to the idea of losing weight and they aren't quite ready yet to take action.

Also there's the way the advice is given. Maybe your friends and family don't feel motivated by you in the same way they think they would by talking to a detached professional.

Don't take it personally. It's their problem. Leave it with them.

It takes a while for people to get in a receptive state. You can't force it on them.
 
Ahh, I re-read a little closer :p... I understand the question now haha.

So, with family, I think it's a little touchy. I would rather talk to a complete stranger about things, or my wife...but everyone in my family besides that, I really don't confide in. I LOVE my family to death, and we are are very close.. but some things are just personal, and some family members don't want to have other family judging them... losing weight is tough, and if your family "fails" or doesn't exibit strong discipline and "let you down" in their eyes, they may feel worse then if they let down a stranger, because they love/ care for you. At least that is how I would feel :p
 
I wouldn't want to talk to somebody who's 'in great shape' and has never been overweight either. It has nothing to do with not being ready to talk, but it has something to do with the fact that somebody who has never been in the same position simply won't have anything to say that I am interested in.

I hate people who have never been overweight and have never struggled to lose weight, and who sit there and try to give overweight people advice on how to lose weight.

Two words....f*ck off! I don't ask a person without a driving licence to teach me how to drive either, do I?

These people might know everything *in theory*, but would you allow somebody to do surgery on you who knows how to do it *in theory*, but has never actually done it before? I know I wouldn't!

It's the same with weight loss, at least for me. If you haven't been there, you can't relate. If you can't relate, you can't help me. Thanks for trying though.
 
I don't trust skinny people (they look like this underneath.....). Trust your instincts! and trust NO ONE!
It's the only possible explanation. Their advise is an attempt to brain wash you.
Wear a tinfoil hat to protect yourself.
(and it must be true because even cats are smart enough to wear tinfoil)
xfilesalien.jpg
tin_foil_hats_for_alien_protection.jpg
 
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It seems that most people responding to this thread are not reading the question properly. They think you've never been overweight.

Second, San i didn't say anything about not being ready to talk. I meant being read to lose weight. They are not yet ready to take action. That's why they haven't even gone so far as to talk to anyone including the person they want to talk to.

It has nothing to do with not being ready to talk,
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fortyfour said:
It seems that most people responding to this thread are not reading the question properly. They think you've never been overweight.

Second, San i didn't say anything about not being ready to talk. I meant being read to lose weight. They are not yet ready to take action. That's why they haven't even gone so far as to talk to anyone including the person they want to talk to.
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That's just as wrong though. Just because a person doesn't want to talk to somebody who has never been in the same situation, it doesn't mean they are not ready to lose weight. It means, see my post above, that they want to talk to somebody who can relate rather than somebody who has no idea where they are coming from.
 
Well not in my case. I've noticed that in my life, when i am ready for help, i go get it. If i want help but i don't want to talk to the person in front of me, i don't but when i'm ready i will find someone to talk to. If someone is saying they want help but they are jsut sitting around twiddling their thumbs and complaining, or not even complaining, just "saying", then they are still in warm up phase; they are still not quite ready. When you are ready for help, you act.
 
fortyfour said:
It seems that most people responding to this thread are not reading the question properly. They think you've never been overweight
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Do you know that he has been overweight? Your making assumptions as well. I think it's best to wait to get some more information.

That being said, I 150% agree with San :p (based on my assumption)
 
Monster you are a crazy guy! lol

I was over weight...sitting at 280 pounds at my highest! You think that people would want to learn from someone that was in the same boat as them? I went through it all. Wanting to give up and just say forget it.

So I'm not one of these guys that has been skinny all of their lives. I've been in those shoes before and I don't like the way they fit!
 
If that's the case, and your family is going to other people for advice then it's probably the expert from afar syndrome.

It happens, and it probably just has to do with how human nature works, and people wanting to get the advice from someone who's more outside things - and possibly who won't be there to chide them when they backslide and decide to go against their suggestions.

So it's not really about taking the advice from someone who's not fit over someone who is (for example, I really don't give two figs for how Madonna is staying slim & trim) as much as it is how you're viewed.

Either that or there's something about your approach they find offputting, but it's very possible that you're just too close to them for them to really listen.
 
I subscribe to the opinion that a lot of them know what they are doing, but few have walked the road of having been bigger and having to loose weight.
This is not necessarily a bad thing because they can show you how others do things, but sometimes it takes that person whos been there and understands where you're coming from to help with your fears and motivation etc.
I'm currently training to be a personal trainer (almost finished!), and one of the key things they teach and enforce here is that you let the client lead, find out their biggest pitfall and work around it any way you can. For a lot of clients that pitfall is just going to the gym every week regularly, so exercise itself isnt the main thing we work on, but motivating the client to be there, and asking them how we can help them be there regularly.
Some PTs txt, some call, some email , whatever works for that client (and should be discussed at your screening).
 
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