what's wrong with me

M

miriamm

New member
It's like one minute I'm unbelievably motivated and can conquer the world, and the next I can't fight the craving. I feel like I'm almost a joke to myself. My weight puts a damper on every happy moment. I wish I could just simply DO IT. I need to remind myself why I need to stick to a diet, and what my ultimate goals are...so here goes, again:

REASONS I MUST START TODAY:

- I am a pretty girl, even beautiful by many standards. My weight distracts from this. I am doing myself an injustice by being overweight. I truly believe that under this 'fat suit', I have a bangin' body.
- I have a style, but I don't wear it. I wear what hides my insecurities and makes me feel comfortable. This consists of many black shirts, jeans and flip flops. Shopping is not fun when you don't buy what you want, you buy what fits. I am a GIRL, so this is so shameful.
- Every girl wants to be slightly intimidating to her friends. I know my thinner, prettier friends do not think of me as a threat.
-I have not worn a bathing suit in 7 years. Not exaggerating. People say, "Wear a bathing suit your comfortable in." Ok. If I'm not comfortable in a tight shirt and short shorts, what kind of bathing suit would I be happy in? A scuba suit? Also, wearing a tank top and sofies to the pool (boyfriends 'helpful' idea) just makes me stand out as the insecure oompa loompa among my beach bunny co-eds. No thanks. I'll stay home.
-There are so many things I love or would love to do but choose not to for fear of looking foolish or fat while doing it: dancing, swimming, laying out by the pool/beach, skating, riding a bike, rock-climbing, being a confident temptress in the boudoire...
- I avoid pictures at all costs.
- I avoid mirrors.
- I kind of get a bad feeling inside when I do see a mirror.
-I don't do nice things for myself like getting my hair done, getting a makeover, teeth whitening...because none of those things seem to make a difference when your so down on your body.
- The boyfriend (David) would never say it outright, but he wants me to lose weight. My insecurities cause so many problems in our relationship.
- I want my future husband (hopefully David) to be proud of me. I don't want to be one of those wives/girlsfriends that have 'let themselves go'.
-This is really embaressing to say, but I let people walk all over me and avoid confrontation at all costs because I don't want people to retaliate with a comment about my weight. And I'm just a really nice person

More specifically:
- I have always wanted to get a breast reduction and have finally set up a consultation for one. However, they will obviously want me to lose a good amount of weight before the procedure, to figure out what size I want to go down to. Very excited and MUST lose weight.
- I am going to be in a wedding on Jan. 1, 2010. I want to look and feel beautiful. Plus, two of the bridesmaids are like, gorgeous, and I don't want to be the blah bridesmaid lol
- I am going to visit family up north in December, and want to look presentable.
- I am starting an internship with school in the fall. I will have more energy to put my all into it if I am thinner. I don't want to be one of those dowdy elementary school teachers...I want to be a 'hot for teacher' type of teacher


Everytime I have started or wanted to start a diet (every other day), I go on these types of websites and it is just so inspiring to see other people reach their goals. I want to be one of these people. Seeing other people do it make me want to have a success story. It is so much easier with other people's help and support. So please, if you have any words of advice, let me know. I'd love to hear from you and extend my friendship to you as well.
 
try cutting things down and just sticking with eating healthier. Join a team sport so that if you dont turn up you let down a team, its a great way to have fun and socialize and also sneak in some great exercise.
 
"" It's like one minute I'm unbelievably motivated and can conquer the world, and the next I can't fight the craving. I feel like I'm almost a joke to myself. My weight puts a damper on every happy moment. I wish I could just simply DO IT. ""

For many people food is a habit... It is what we turn to for comfort and what we turn to as a routine to deal with stress. Basically, eating is what we know to make us feel better, and it is soooooo easy to do. I have being trying to retrain how I think about food. I eat to live... and food can still be pleasurable for when I do need to give my body fuel. The first few weeks of eating healthy can be the hardest, but it does get easier. Seek support not only here but with freinds, family and local groups.

You are not a joke... Society is contradictive because it offers us extremely easy ways to eat fast food and fattening food, but then models skinny and hard body people as the norm. This persona creates low self-esteem in overweight people... FORGET THAT! If you want to have real success on your diet/life change you need to accept yourself first. If your diet is filled with negativity and guilt towards food you will eventually drive yourself crazy.

Every journey begins somewhere. If anything can ruin a diet I think it is expectations towards results, I am preaching to myself here to. For the first few weeks I would not even worry about a scale. Just focus on eating healthier and developing some exercise habits. The weight will come off. Keep a journal, write down what you eat, how you are feeling, day by day... Start slow! This will take time, but doing it right will be worth it..

Good Luck, Check in often :)

Bigguy
 
Hi Miriamm,

I feel your pain. I too am like that with myself. Some days I am so focused on dieting and losing weight and regaining my body i used to have, then other days I just jump off the wagon and pig out on rubbish. It leaves me feeling really low and upset with myself. My weight has been an issue with me over the past 3 years no matter how much I tried i never really lost any weight. Mainly because I never stuck to any sort of diet and or exercise program. Which is something I can honestly say I am changing now. I went from being goodlooking and getting alot of attention when I was out at clubs to being someone who is just there getting none. It feels like I am not living my life I am just existing. I believe I hit my lowest over the past couple of weeks. Getting so low has given me a new drive and determination to get back to the old me and really regain my social life and my confidence.
 
I know how you feel. Sometimes I too am super motivated and focused only to end up with my head in a tub of ice cream. Okay, maybe not that bad, but that's how it feels sometimes. I've been trying to think like this about food. If bodies were cars, I'd want to be a Porsche or a Lotus Elise. You wouldn't put mud or sludge in a fine car. You'd give it good fuel and lots of attention. That's howI am trying to treat my body. As for your dificulty with doing things for you and your betterment (read: hair, teeth, etc), you can still do these things. Taking care of yourself is important at any size.You are worth it. Or you could use these things as incentive. Like if you hit a mini goal, get some whitestrips or something like that. That way, you are killing two birds with one stone...so to speak. Good luck; you can do it!
 
You know ... here's how I look at it, and it's a bit of a different take from most people who encourage you to stay positive and think about the good things and all that jazz.

Here's the thing: Some mornings when you get up, you feel great and you're excited to go to work or get on with your daily routine and you're energized and motivated, right?

And some mornings you get up and you didn't sleep well and you feel bad or you're upset about something or you've got cramps and feel bloated ... and you really just want to go back to bed and hide under the covers. But .. you don't. And it has nothing to do with being excited or motivated or energized. You get up and go to work or care for the kids or go to school or whatever because that's what we do. That's what a responsible, mature adult does.

And that's how I look at the whole process of eating well, losing weight, and exercising. Some days I feel really good about it. Some days I have great ideas for what to fix for dinner and I enjoy the challenge and the gym is fun and .. it all is just GREAT. And some days I look at the yogurt in my bowl in the morning and think "Bleah." Some days I get in my car after work and think "I could just go home" before I drive to the gym and do my workout.

It's not always fun. It's not always what you WANT to do. But if you are honest with yourself and if you are responsible and sensible ... you do it. Just like everything in life.

So don't feel like you're a failure if you don't enjoy it all the time. Just keep going. :)
 
Hi Miriam,

You have to understand we all have moments when we disappoint ourselves and end up regreting. Having your goals and motivations written down and shared helps you stay focused and on track.

Now, i think you can do better if you have goals that are more positive than the ones i just read. If you are like me, those points you wrote add to your frustration and desperation.

Losing weight, from experience, does not just happen in a flash. It's simple but not easy. You have to put in lots of effort, energy, and most importantly focus and determination.

A good place to start would be re-writing your motivations. What i mean is instead of avoiding mirrors, stand in front of one, look at yorself and tell yourself that you can make it happen.

Take a picture of yourself now so that you can evaluate yourself later and see how far you have come. It can be quite rewarding when you see results.

Stop putting yourself down. Be more positive. All the diets in the world won't work on negative motivations.

Remember, the journey of a thousand miles begins with a step. Of course you know you have to excercise regularly and eat right.

All the best
 
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