What the h3ll is wrong with me?

[JavaJ]

Let me start from the top. First, I am a recovering addict. I have been sober for over 21 years. Second, I was a smoker for 25 years, but have been smoke-free since June 10, 2004. Third, I am a cancer survivor (malignant pancreatic cancer) for two years. As a consequence, I have had my metabolism screwed up from here to BFE and am now working doubletime to get my weight down to where I was five years ago.

My problem? It's not dieting. Being diabetic (after losing most of my pancreas to cancer) has assured that I must eat right...or else. And my problem is not exercising. I do two cardiovascular workouts every a day; morning and evening. And I lift weights every Monday, Wednesay and Friday, come hell or high water.

My problem is that ever since I began this program of exercise and weight loss, I have been in a constant see-saw between depression and hatred. And I am not talking about simple discouragement and disgust; I mean a burning anger that has reached a sustained peak since late August.

In short, I am like a raw wound...just waiting to be aggravated.

I would have figured that all this exercise would be an antidote to such feelings; generating endorphins to alleviate depression, and blowing off enough steam to not have any residual angst. But every day I feel just that much darker and that much more searing.

Someone please tell me I'm not the only one going through this. I already feel alienated enough with all the horse[manure] of being ostracized for being as obese as I am.

.jj

 

[maleficent]

what what a story you've got til now... congrats on all your major achievements, one of them would be a lot for a person ot deal with, and you've gone thru a bunch...

I've read stuff how a deprivation of certain elements in a diet can cause emotional turmoil... Have you had adiscussion iwth your doctor on a good weight loss program and how you're currently feeling?

It's a sucky way to feel and no one should have to feel like that...

welcome...

 

[pequin]

Wow, congrats on overcoming so much! I have to agree with maleficent, you should talk to your doctor about this. (I know you MUST be so sick of the the little men in the white coats) It could be an imbalance in your system, possibly an easy fix.

Shouldn't have to suffer like that. It's terrible way to feel, mad all the time. And trust me, you're not alone. When I work out for a couple weeks and then stop for whatever reason, I go through a terrible depression while my hormones level out again.

Good Luck!

 

[corey.the.star]

I agree with the other two posters - see a doctor. Check your thyroid. Check your seratonin, dopamine, etc. Your body should be producing endorphins that should be making you feel great after each workout.

There are lots of herbal remedies - as long as you trust in them - for mood disorders. My favorite is St John's Wort. But it sounds like something serious is going on.

Good luck, and keep us posted!

 

[amomono]

hey there javaj... i guess i just am repeating everyone else's advice. But I know from experience that sometimes putting the wrong thing in your body (or not getting enough of something) can have drastic effects on your system. My roommate was depressed and at times suicidal in college, and it took three months for her to go to the doctor - where they realized she wasn't getting enough iron/protein in her diet and it was interacting with a medication she was on... She started eating more red meat, and voila - she was better...

Sometimes though, having been through all of that horrendous stuff in our lives, we haven't given ourselves the time to really process and deal with what has happened to us. It might also be that you just need some time and space to let all of that out and to find someone to talk with. I have been dealing with some depression recently because of deaths in my family I haven't had time to grieve and process and it is all just boiling under the surface and I hadn't been giving myself time to really and truly let it out.