Paroxysm1
New member
I can't believe I'm back at my highest weight. A couple of years ago, freshman year, I was around 245 lbs. I had gotten down to 198 lbs by my junior year. I am now a senior, and I'm back up to 246, according to the scale last Saturday.
I was the happiest I had ever been after losing the weight. I'm not even entirely sure how I lost it. I was going through period of time of making myself throw up, exercising like a maniac for a week and then giving up for a couple of weeks, and I barely ate anything at all for one summer because I was out and about every single day with no money and I would mooch off of my friends a little, so it's not like I have any guidelines to even go by to get back to where I was.
Right now, I'm not entirely miserable, but my self esteem is getting so low. Today, someone looked at picture of me and said, "You're rather large. Did you know that?" Comments like that make me want to disappear.
My girlfriend told me last night that this is the only shot at life that we have, so we ought to make the best of it. She doesn't mind my weight. She tells me constantly that I'm beautiful, sexy, gorgeous, etc. -- but she realizes that I'm unhappy, so she's encouraging me to make a change. For a couple of weeks before we started going out, I had turned to bulimia, but that stopped a couple of days before we began talking again. (We knew one another two years ago but had lsot touch.) I don't want to go back to binging and purging. It's awful and strenuous.
Today I ate like a pig, but I've just lifted my 5 lb weights:
Forward - 15 reps x3
Out - 15 reps x3
Up - 15 reps x3
Curl - 15 reps per arm x3
Then I walked / jogged in intervals of 5 laps around my downstairs (100 laps is about a mile), for 50 laps, beginning with jogging; this means I jogged 25 laps and walked 25 laps overall.
I am unable to locate my DDR disc for my PS2 presently, otherwise I would have done that.
Instead, I went downstairs and upstairs again, 5 times, took a water break, and went downstairs and upstairs again, 5 more times.
I could really use some encouragement. Prom is on May 2nd, two months and two days away, and I don't think that I can lose a significant amount of weight before then, but I'd like to feel a little bit better about myself at least.
I was the happiest I had ever been after losing the weight. I'm not even entirely sure how I lost it. I was going through period of time of making myself throw up, exercising like a maniac for a week and then giving up for a couple of weeks, and I barely ate anything at all for one summer because I was out and about every single day with no money and I would mooch off of my friends a little, so it's not like I have any guidelines to even go by to get back to where I was.
Right now, I'm not entirely miserable, but my self esteem is getting so low. Today, someone looked at picture of me and said, "You're rather large. Did you know that?" Comments like that make me want to disappear.
My girlfriend told me last night that this is the only shot at life that we have, so we ought to make the best of it. She doesn't mind my weight. She tells me constantly that I'm beautiful, sexy, gorgeous, etc. -- but she realizes that I'm unhappy, so she's encouraging me to make a change. For a couple of weeks before we started going out, I had turned to bulimia, but that stopped a couple of days before we began talking again. (We knew one another two years ago but had lsot touch.) I don't want to go back to binging and purging. It's awful and strenuous.
Today I ate like a pig, but I've just lifted my 5 lb weights:
Forward - 15 reps x3
Out - 15 reps x3
Up - 15 reps x3
Curl - 15 reps per arm x3
Then I walked / jogged in intervals of 5 laps around my downstairs (100 laps is about a mile), for 50 laps, beginning with jogging; this means I jogged 25 laps and walked 25 laps overall.
I am unable to locate my DDR disc for my PS2 presently, otherwise I would have done that.
Instead, I went downstairs and upstairs again, 5 times, took a water break, and went downstairs and upstairs again, 5 more times.
I could really use some encouragement. Prom is on May 2nd, two months and two days away, and I don't think that I can lose a significant amount of weight before then, but I'd like to feel a little bit better about myself at least.
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