Vinnie.Pro
New member
In 2013, when I was diagnosed with breast cancer, I weighed 218. I was not exercising. I was not eating right. I didn't drink water. I didn't take vitamins. I had let myself go. The diagnosis sent me into a downward spiral, the only benefit of which was that I had no appetite. I started losing weight. Then I got mad that I had cancer for the second time - the first being thyroid cancer some years before, at which time I packed on the weight when they removed my thyroid. I decided I didn't want to make a home for cancer with unhealthy habits anymore. I started walking every day. I started eating right. It took about a year and a half, but I got down to a healthy weight of 131. I am 5'4", I'm never going to be 115lbs again, so I should have been happy with 131 and stayed there. But no. I wanted to get down to 120. My new husband knew I wanted to get down to 120, so he kept encouraging me. Then, what started as encouragement turned into what felt like constant pressure - asking me what I had eaten every time he talked to me. Instead of staying in control of my own weight management, I started using the pressure as an excuse to rebel. I slowly started gaining the weight back. Now, I am at 179. I am COMPLETELY annoyed with myself for not keeping the weight off. I am an emotional eater. Another casualty of my second bout with cancer was my first marriage of 32 years. There was no support from my first husband during my treatment. Long story short, he and I divorced. I met my second husband, who himself was battling stage 3 (now stage 4) kidney cancer. We married a year later, and will be married 3 years this fall.
After/during the time I had lost the weight the first time, I was doing 5K runs, exercising every day, hiking on the weekends, and loving my new healthy lifestyle. But when things got tough in the marriage, I again resorted to emotional eating. This morning at work, I was walking down the hall and realized how absolutely crummy I feel again, now. I am tired all the time. I have no energy, no motivation. I am not stupid. I know exercise will help me feel better during the day and sleep better at night. I know drinking water (instead of Diet Mountain Dew) all day will make me feel better. I know eating fruits and vegetables will also make me feel better. I keep waiting for something to snap inside to make me get back on track. No snapping so far.
Of course, I cannot express my entire 56-year life in two short paragraphs. Suffice it to say that I WANT to lose the weight again. I WANT to start logging all of my caloric intake again, and drinking water. Why isn't that enough to motivate me and why don't I realize that I am cheating no one but myself when I stop at Wawa and grab a soda and a couple 400+ calorie snacks? Ugh.
So, I thought I would come out here and start logging my own experience, and read what others are going through, in the hope that it would finally be the kick in the a@$@ I need to get started!!!
Have a great day!
Vinnie
After/during the time I had lost the weight the first time, I was doing 5K runs, exercising every day, hiking on the weekends, and loving my new healthy lifestyle. But when things got tough in the marriage, I again resorted to emotional eating. This morning at work, I was walking down the hall and realized how absolutely crummy I feel again, now. I am tired all the time. I have no energy, no motivation. I am not stupid. I know exercise will help me feel better during the day and sleep better at night. I know drinking water (instead of Diet Mountain Dew) all day will make me feel better. I know eating fruits and vegetables will also make me feel better. I keep waiting for something to snap inside to make me get back on track. No snapping so far.
Of course, I cannot express my entire 56-year life in two short paragraphs. Suffice it to say that I WANT to lose the weight again. I WANT to start logging all of my caloric intake again, and drinking water. Why isn't that enough to motivate me and why don't I realize that I am cheating no one but myself when I stop at Wawa and grab a soda and a couple 400+ calorie snacks? Ugh.
So, I thought I would come out here and start logging my own experience, and read what others are going through, in the hope that it would finally be the kick in the a@$@ I need to get started!!!
Have a great day!
Vinnie
