I know exactly what I'm talking about because I do it regularly and I have watched the results weekly, over a period of more than a year.
Ah, bro-science at it's finest. It works because I say it works. Nevermind the reams of scientific information that contradict your "experience".
Let me break it down for your simple, patronizing little mind.
Slinging insults is a violation of the rules. Do it again and you'll be banned.
But I don't go crazy with the water the day after having alcohol; in fact, I have very little.
Which means exactly nothing, in terms of explaining why your body holds on to water to combat alcohol dehydration.
The rest of your post is really just bro-science babble and not worth my time to respond to.
Here's an article I wrote for another forum, inspired by this exact thread:
-----
A lot of people are confused on how alcohol can affect weight loss. Hopefully this will provide some answers.
Calories
The first and most obvious thing is that alcohol has calories with no nutritional value - what we call "empty calories". There are general guidelines you can use when estimating calories in alcohol:
Hard liquor = 100 cals per 1.5 ounce (a standard shot)
Beer = 150 cals per 12 oz (1 can)
Wine = 150 cals per 6 oz (standard glass)
Beer calories can vary from a low of 55 for calorie reduced "lite" beers, to upwards of 200 for microbrew or custom brew dark beers. But 150 cals is a good average to keep in mind.
Also keep in mind that if you drink mixed drinks, you have to account not only for the liquor in the drink (often more than 1 shot) but you have to account for the other ingredients. A margarita, for example, can have up to 400 calories, depending on the amount of juice vs. sugar syrup or mix used. A pina colada can have over 600 calories - more than a Big Mac from McDonalds.
Munchies
The next thing to keep in mind is that alcohol stimulates appetite, which means when you drink, you often eat. And if you're out with friends, at a bar or a club, at a tailgate party, at a cookout, or any other social event, the food that's available is often not diet-friendly or healthy. Alcohol also lowers inhibitions, which can lead you to throw caution to the wind when eating and make unhealthy choices that you wouldn't necessarily make if you're sober.
Water Retention
Alcohol causes you to retain water, which can look like weight gain after weekend or night of even moderate drinking. How does that work, you ask? Well, you need to understand how alcohol is processed in your body.
When you drink alcohol, about 20% of it is immediately absorbed into your bloodstream through your stomach. The remaining 80% continues to your intestines where it is then absorbed into the blood. Your liver can process about 1 drink's worth of alcohol per hour - so if you drink more than that, the excess alcohol stays in your bloodstream and body tissues. That alcohol replaces the water that normally is in your blood and tissues. This causes dehydration and an imbalance of electrolytes. When your electrolyte balance is off-kilter and you are dehydrated, your body responds by retaining water to try to restore the proper balance of electrolytes.
(This dehydration and electrolyte imbalance, btw, is also why you feel hungover when you drink too much. Blood becomes thicker and the walls of your blood vessels constrict when you're dehydrated. This raises your blood pressure and reduces the flow of blood to the brain and other extremities. So you have headaches, body aches, dry mouth, and a general sense of not feeling well.)
The best way to make sure that water retention is kept to a minimum is to drink water - to keep your body hydrated to counteract the effects of the alcohol. One recommendation is to alternate drinking a glass of water for every alcoholic drink. Another is to make sure you drink a glass of water before you go to bed and another when you first get up in the morning - to help restore the fluids to your body and to help flush out the remaining alcohol.
Lack of Sleep
This is sort of an incidental side effect of alcohol that can affect weight loss. For many people, drinking involves going out or going to a social event, which coincides with staying up later than normal. Also having alcohol in your bloodstream can lead to a restless or disrupted sleep. Studies have shown that alcohol disrupts late stage REM sleep, as well as causing an increase in sleep apnea.
Lack of sleep can also lead to water retention as many of us who have been dieting for a while know. Lack of sleep is a stress on the body, and when the body is stressed, it produces more cortisol. Cortisol causes the body to retain fluid as part of the physiological process of dealing with stress. It also causes a hunger response and can lead to you eating more.
---
That's pretty much the scoop on alcohol and weight loss. I would never tell someone they can't have alcohol while losing weight (I myself drink wine and have the occasional martini or vodka cocktail), but if you're aware of how alcohol affects your body and can influence your diet, you can be prepared and not let drinking sabotage your progress.
---
Sources (these are two of the more readable sources I used for those who want to pursue their own research on the topic):
