Veronica's Diary

V

VeronicaPaige

New member
Hey guys! Okay, a little bit about me. I'm 27 years old, I'm a college sophomore, and I just recently made the decision to stop living the way that I have been for the past 2 years. I've always had a very thin build... not unhealthy or anything... but over the last couple of years, I've put on about 40 lbs. :(

My self-esteem has gone down the toilet. I used to feel very comfortable with my body, but definitely not anymore. My husband is thin and, compared to him, I feel like a cow. It's putting a strain on our relationship because I'm not comfortable being intimate. Also, doing things like swimming (or basically anything that requires me to wear a bathing suit or shorts) puts me on the verge of a panic attack! I know I should be so self-conscious and hard on myself, but I hate that I've let my weight become an issue.

As of today, I'm at 160 lbs, but I would like to get down to 125 lbs. I'm 5'6" so that would be a pretty average weight for me.

Tomorrow, I'm getting back in the gym for the first time in several month. Fingers crossed that I can get in a routine that works for me and stick with it!!!
 
Hi, Veronica & welcome to the forum. You have found a safe place where you can share how you feel & get positive & unconditional support. You absolutely must work at building your self-esteem. It is much harder to get to where you want to be unless you become kind to yourself. I can't begin to tell you just how important that is. You must stop being so hard on yourself & work at learning to love yourself. That may be hard right now, but you must try. Be kind. Treat yourself how you would treat others. Don't say to yourself words you would not use towards others.
At one stage (9 years ago) I weighed over 30kg more than I do now. I was not comfortable being intimate with my husband either. He has loved me through thick & thin for way more than your lifetime. You are special honey. Very special. Don't call yourself a cow. You are as deserving as anyone else to be happy & comfortable in your own skin. Now is the time to start working at that. I won't wish you luck on getting into a routine at the gym. You can do it. I'm sure you can. Welcome to our WLF world xo Cate
 
Thank you, Cate! That was very sweet of you :)

I have struggled with depression and anxiety for a long time and I think that's a lot of the reason why my weight has become an issue. I've always heard that the outside is a reflection of what's on the inside and I definitely feel that's true, at least in my case. I do have a habit of negative self-talk and that is something that needs to change. I'm hoping that by working on getting myself healthy again, that will also improve my self-esteem - and vice versa :) In the meantime, I'm also going to make an effort to stop talking bad about myself :)
 
Hello Veronica and another welcome to the forum! I´m no neurologist but doing kind things for yourself (like thinking nice things about yourself, eating healthy food, working out AND sometimes doing unhealthy things just because you enjoy them and you deserve to do things just because you enjoy them) might just help a little with your depression and anxiety. Best of luck on your journey; I´ll be reading along here.
 
Thanks, you guys! :)

I've decided that Monday's are going to be my check-in days. I weighed myself this morning and I'm at 159.6, so it's slightly lower than it has been. Today was my first day back at the gym. I walked for an hour on the treadmill, which equaled out to about 3 miles and 300 calories. I don't want to over-complicate things right now.. I think that's partially why I haven't stuck with a workout routine in the past, because I try to do too much too soon.

The tricky part for me is getting my eating habits under control and not eat out of boredom or eat the wrong things.

My goals for this week are:
  • Get down to 158 lbs.
  • Drink 64 oz. of water a day
  • Portion control
 
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