Up, Down, and All Around

C

CrystalSugar89

New member
Hey All!

This is my new lifestyle Diary! I have written here before under another name but decided to create a new one and actually build up my profile with pictures, continuous updates and weigh ins.

A little about myself...

I am a 21 year old college student that is looking to get back into shape, feel good about myself and keep it that way. I am tired of yo-yo dieting and using excuses as to why I am not where I feel I should be concerning my body image and weight.

I know all the ins and outs, facts and myths of "dieting", lifestyle changes, poor self image, procrastination, weight gain, weight loss, emotional eating, exercise and so on to write a book, but I can't manage to put this into motion for myself. With this diary, I will chronicle me putting all of what I know together to become a success.

So Where to start? I will just do a little time line

*I have always been very curvy since puberty, mostly because of poor eating habits and partly because of genetics.
* October 2007, went from about 175 to 160 (-15 lbs)
*January 2008-June 2008 Went from 160-138 (-(22lbs)
*June 2008-March 2009 Went from 138-155 (+17lbs)
*March 2009-July 2009 went from 155-138 (-17lbs)
*July 2009 to Present Went from 138-162.8 (+24lbs)

I have lost a total of 54lbs in the past two years and gained a total of 41 lbs in the past two years (whew! I thought it was alot more than that).

My Goals:

My goal has always been to be about 110-115 but I love food, sugar, and fat wayyyy to much to give it up (excuse #1). BUT I am done bullsh*tting myself. I have lost weight before mainly for aesthetic reasons but I am really starting to be aware and afraid of what I am putting into my body as I gain more weight and am less capable of performing certain tasks.

I really have no excuse not to eat healthy food, exercise on a daily basis, or to do both of those things consistently. I know if I make time for these things there will always be time.

The Plan

For now I will be eating around 1500 calories a day (Three 300 calorie meals and two 200 calorie meals). I am already very practiced with calorie counting in my head so I will not plan all of my meals out 100% (only if I am packing them for the next day). I will also just avoid fast food, extremely processed foods , and coffee overloaded with milk and sugar (my weakness).

I will exercise an hour a day ( 20 minutes of warm up and cool down stretching, 30 minutes of cardio/running, and 10 minutes of strength) Monday through Friday (with the exception of this week, I will be starting today).

For this week I will update my diary everyday to get into the habit. I will weight myself every Saturday for results and post it (can you tell I am a planner?)

My Focus for this week?

My Job

Eating Healthy while I am at work. I work in a mall and even though I am constantly moving, it is extremely tough to avoid the Starbucks outside of our door or the food court with Panda Express, Subway, and Cinnabon (especially when I am starving)

This week I will work on bringing my own food for work and avoiding all of the trouble spots in the mall.

Consistency

Usually by day three I am DYING for some processed sugar in my system. This week I will push past it and continue to eat healthy past day three.

If I am feeling like I need sugar I will do exercise instead..something to keep my mind busy until it passes.

Making food the center of my day

This is something that I will be working on for sure for a while. I would like to not wake up thinking about whats for breakfast, lunch and dinner. I would like to enjoy my meals when I have them but not make food the center/highlight of my day.

Instead I will focus on other positive things that make me feel happy. Eventually food will no longer be the focus of my day and my life will revolve around more important things(like the amazing people in my life).

All of this will take practice but I am READY!!!!! Welcome to the long journey of my lifestyle change, I hope you will enjoy the ride just as much as I will!

LETS GO!


Current Weight:162.8
Last Weeks Weight:x
Next Weeks Goal Weight:161.5
Starting Weight:162.8
Goal Weight:110/115
lbs lost:x
lbs left:52.8/47.8
 
Welcome to the forum! And yes, it's very obvious you are a planner, good for you :D

You have very defined goals, whichI think is good.
Good luck on your Journey :)
 
Welcome back! I have lost the same 20 pounds twice this past year and I'm going for round #3 - hopefully to be the last!! I like your plan and since I'm a daily poster I hope to read daily! Keep it up!!
~ Lisa
 
Welcome to the boards!
I commend you on recognizing both strengths and weaknesses within yourself, and refusing to accept 'excuses', which is undoubtedly one of the biggest reasons people slip off track when dieting.

You have the kind of attitude that allows you to reach your goals, but I wish you the best of luck, if you feel it helps any!
 
Day Three Downfall

Hello Everyone!!! Thanks for the support, I really appreciate it.

This week was tough! Lots of bad news and I caved in on day three. BUT you know what? I am not going to stop. I am going to keep trucking and keep trying because I refuse to give up. The beginning is always tough.

I also did not write in here every day (I started a couple of posts but never got around to posting them). But hey, I can't kill myself over everything.

But what I do want to ask is:

Does anyone ever feel as though their health should be put on the back burner?

Like your health comes second to those around you?

I continue to feel like this on a daily basis. I mean I don't have any children but I do have people in my life that I care about like my bf of 5 years and my little sister who will be heading off to college soon.

I feel like I need to be there for them constantly and put my self in the background to help them out. I constantly think that if I stop and do something to better myself it will take away from the "good" that I add to their life.

Also, does anyone around you ever make you feel guilty?

I know a couple of people who are masters at this!!! They constantly comment on how "skinny" you have become or how they "can't lose weight like you can" and the one that gets me is "Now that you are all small you can (insert activity)" (it is implied that they can not do the same activity that you can because they have not done what you have). Like now that I have lost weight I am a different person or something. I am realizing that some people fantasize weight loss and do not take the time or effort to realize how much work goes into it. Like I just rolled out of bed and bam! I was 20lbs lighter.

Now don't get me wrong, not everyone is like this but a lot of insecure and unhappy people always have the need to comment on the body of another person. I just so happen to live with a bunch of them.

This makes me feel guilty because I start to think "Is this something that I should not be doing?" "Am I not supposed to be striving to eat healthier?" "Should I not want to look better, feel better, and live longer?"

Oh, and then when I try to lose weight after regaining it, those around me can be so negative and have sabotaging attitudes (even if they don't mean it). Sometimes it even comes from the people you love(Moms, Sisters, and so on)! Whew!

I just had to rant a little and after going on my little rant I have come to the conclusion that I don't need to worry about what anyone else has to say about my body, my health, or what I am eating (unless it is my doctor, lol). Even if it is frustrating.

So here are my stats for the week. I did not lose weight last week but instead gained it. I've got it this week though.

I can do this!!!

Current Weight:163.5
Last Weeks Weight:162.8
Next Weeks Goal Weight:162.8
Starting Weight:162.8
Goal Weight:110/115
lbs lost: .7lbs(gained)
lbs left:53.5/48.5
 
Thought After Thought

So, right now, I am up, about to do a workout (at 12:26 am) and I had a list of things i wanted to discuss. So I am going to make a list so I don't forget:

Guilt
Not Looking at myself
Maintaining
What I have been up to lately

Guilt

The other night I was on the treadmill running running and running some more and I decided, I am NOT guilty and I have no reason to feel guilty. I should not be ashamed of trying to lose weight, I should not be ashamed that I take time from spending time with others or doing other things to workout, and I should not be ashamed that I eat differently.

There have been times during my weight loss journey where someone goes "why are you eating that" or "healthy!" or whatever comment they have to share and at that moment I feel ashamed. I feel weird for wanting to lose weight and all of that stuff. But I decided- and I am over it.

It's NOBODY'S BUSINESS if I want to lose 50lbs its NOBODY'S BUSINESS if I want to workout for two hours and NOBODY'S BUSINESS how much I lost, how much I want to weigh, what size I wear now, or how how I plan to lose weight.

I don't have to explain myself to people who want to prod for their entertainment, to talk about me later, to congratulate me, or to criticize me. I do not have to explain myself if I start to put weight back on, eat something that is not "diet food" or even if i refuse that second helping that someone's mom offered me.

I am DONE being overly nice to spare the feelings of others when they are not very considerate of how I feel about their questioning, stares, whispers, or their damn comments in general!!

Next is Not looking at myself

This past weekend, I realized I have not looked at myself in about 1.5 years. I look a mess! I mean yes, I am cute, I put on makeup, I do get dressed, I do my hair, I watch after myself but sheesh, nice makeup, clothes, and hair can't cover up what I am hiding.

I was looking in the mirror the other day and realized I had bags under my eyes! Legit bags. Now, keep in mind: I don't party, I barely drink (mostly wine), I don't smoke and I sleep like 9 hours a night on average and I have bags!! I also realized, I have premature bat wings (wtf?!?!). When I lift my arm and wave, the bottom part flaps. My skin also is suffering I have dark splotches that have been there for months from pimples past (only on one side of my face). I also realized that my love handles are out of control, my stomach looks lumpy (along with my thighs), and my hands and feet look shriveled....Really?!? Like really?!?! (lol) I am too young for this!!!! Both of my parents look very young although they are in their 50's...so this isn't very natural for me.

The results of overeating, munching on fast food, not drinking water, and drinking too much coffee is starting to show. I have to clean it up (well I already have but you will hear about that later).

I also did not realize how much weight I have gained. I feel as though I saw myself for the first time. I looked in the mirror and thought "Who is this woman staring back at me and why are her love handles flowing over her stretch pants?"

Now enough of the self criticism, I was just soooo shocked to see myself, which turned to shame, which I then converted to determination.

How am I going to maintain through life changes?

So I am on a "workout plan" and eating pretty well but I am wondering, how will I keep it up? Next week I start at a different University with a different schedule and a completely different setup (granted they have a state of the art fitness center, but still!!!). How will I work out my meals (with no refrigeration and so forth)?? How will I schedule my workouts? Should I create a schedule and stick to it? What is going to happen?!?!

Well, after writing the above blurb/paragraph I figured I will just write out a schedule and modify it as needed. It doesn't hurt to plan right??

What have I been up to lately?

Lately, I have been tracking my food and workouts using myfitnesspal.com.

I have started a food routine that really helps. Every morning I have 2 slices of turkey bacon, a scrambled egg, and a bowl of oats with milk and raw sugar. It never gets old and allows me to feel like I am eating pancakes with syrup, pork bacon, and scrambled eggs (one of my favorite breakfast types). After that I will have a snack which is granola, clementines and string cheese, or a protein bar. If I work, I will have a cup of coffee with half and half and 2-4 packets of raw sugar. That will hold me over until the evening where I eat brown rice(1 cup), veggies(2 cups), and chicken(4 ounces) It never gets old either, especially if I season it differently. Some nights it tastes like asian food, some nights mexican, some nights italian, it just depends on what spices I use. Then, I workout for an hour or so and I may have a light snack depending on how I feel.

But I have figured out a number of things through this routine, if I am starving, then I should eat!!! The day three hunger pangs and cravings that I feel are my body saying eat!! It goes through its own cycle of calories. For two days I can have a relatively large calorie deficit, and then on day three, I have to re-up and eat more than usual. Which I am guessing probably will work better in the long run.

I am not sure on how much I weigh and right now I do not care. I just don't want to step on that scale and be disappointed by the number I see. Instead I will use how I look and how my clothes feel to measure my success. I will eventually step on the scale,just not right now.

Alright, that is the end of my rant. See you all next year!

FIN

Current Weight:?
Last Weeks Weight:?
Next Weeks Goal Weight:?
Starting Weight:162.8
Goal Weight:110/115
lbs lost:?
lbs left:?/?
 
Confessions of a cheater

So I have a confession....

lately...

I have been...

cheating :(...

I mean, I think I have been doing a good job. I go to the gym at least three times a week. I plan my food...but I haven't been 100%. It all started on New Years with an "oooh, tonight shouldn't be bad"...I ate a little (or a lot) too much, didn't work out for about four days but I got back on track.

Next...was this week. It started with my bf's mom going "Hey I made banana bread, did you try it??" right then I went into a tail spin! I said no, but ended up getting a piece later. The next day, a piece turned into two pieces. And then two pieces turned into snacking, and snacking has led to over eating +wine.

I am actually pretty proud of myself for stopping the cycle. I mean Monday-Thursday is better than January to February or 2011-2012. But I feel guilty. I feel like its not right. I shouldn't be doing this, it just doesn't agree with me. And if it doesn't agree with me, then why am I doing it? Self-sabotage maybe? Stress? Excuses?

Honestly, I think it is a combo of all of them! For example, I have been doing great! I have been sticking to my cals, working out, and not making a huge deal out of it. It has become a routine. I am starting to lose pounds, I am starting to lose inches and I feel...good. But then the fear sets in! The what ifs, the self criticism, being self conscious.

Then there is the stress. My transfer to my new/old school has been tough. A major adjustment. There have been days where my workout is cut short and I am so upset! Or I can not stay within my calorie range because of a busy schedule. Sometime sit seems to be too much.

Lastly, there is excuses! I always say. Oh no, I will stop snacking tomorrow. Tomorrow I will stay within my calorie range, Tomorrow I will work out harder, tomorrow will be better. What I really should be saying is now I will stay within my calorie range, now I will work out hard, now I will be better. It can't wait!

I just have to remember, now is the time. One second, one minute, one hour, one day at a time. I will make it. If I want it, I will make this lifestyle happen, I will follow my lifestyle, and I will perform actions that coincide with my feelings.

I can't give up now just because of fear, or stress, or excuses, it simply is not acceptable. So now I will be better and now I will continue.

Loves.


Current Weight:157.0
Last Weeks Weight:159.0
Next Weeks Goal Weight:155
Starting Weight:162.8
Goal Weight:110/115
lbs lost: 5.8
lbs left:47/42
 
you need to let the stress go, having a shorter workout occasionally is not going to hurt you, stress can hurt your weight-loss effort, if you have been training/working out on a regular basis for a long period of time a week off can be beneficial.
 
I'm not some kind of expert, but I think it's critical to allow yourself to slip up every once in a while, even if that means you have an entire "bad" week, and have to watch that scale tip a little.

I sincerely, sincerely love food. I always have. I eat because eating makes me happy, and even having been on a diet for 6 months, there are both days and week when I overindulge. I understand what you mean when you suggest that it's really easy to feel disappointed or angry with yourself over that... I still suffer from that as well... but moving from an unhealthy life chock full of bad habits to a healthy life chock full of good ones is a difficult transition. It will, in everyone's case, suffer fallbacks, and it doesn't make you any kind of failure. It just makes you human.

That probably sounded incredibly cheesy, but I very, very strongly believe in that.

Best of luck to you!
 
OMG we are the SAMEE! haha. We're about the same weight with the same issues with food :( so funny that you mentioned banana bread because right around the beginning of the year my mom made some and I tried to resist, but...ooops! I can't help it banana bread is the besssst!<3 Good luck girl, we can both do this!
 
Hello, Hello.


It has been almost a year since I have posted and I have been through a great internship and I have continued to work through school. I have managed to stay a steady weight although it has been a little irritating. However, everything is going well. I have been watching my weight on and off for the past 10 months or so but nothing too crazy. I have actually developed weird reactions to processed foods that I eat. Things like mayonnaise, chocolate, and sugar trigger rashes on my face so I have been working to eliminate the things in my diet that trigger these rashes. I haven't gone to the doctor but when I did a week a so where I didn't eat or drink dairy, skipped 95% of processed foods, and ate mostly vegetables and fish my skin cleared up was glowing. Unfortunately I am a college student and it is tough to eat that way all the time but it was worth a shot.


Right now I am tussling with self acceptance. I really really really want to lose weight but I can't find a good reason to do it (does this make sense?). I feel like the only reason I want to lose weight is because I don't accept myself but I am not 100% sure. Despite all of the knowledge and resources I have I can not manage to dedicate myself to the weight loss thing. I don't even want to be thin! I just want to be athletic and healthy and it just seems like too much to ask for these days.


I think I am going to try to take on a more positive outlook on my body and my weight. I am not sure how I will do this, but for the remainder of the week, I pledge to be a little more understanding of myself, accepting of myself, and loving of my self. I will try to do this with baby steps. I have to remember baby steps.


Well that is all for my discombobulated rant. I think I am going to get some rest. Until next time, au revoir (I'm taking french, lol)


Current Weight:158
Last Weeks Weight:158
Next Weeks Goal Weight:156
Starting Weight:162.8
Goal Weight:115
lbs lost: 6.2
lbs left:43
 
Another Year another post! Jeez, that is a poor track record, posting on average two to three times a year....wow. But what really matters is that I am back(for now)!


Looking back at my posts, I have realized that I have really done a good job of striving towards the things I spoke about before and really taking the advice and encouragement of everyone over the years. Have I lost an enormous amount of weight? No. But, I feel better about myself, I have really started taking care of myself and doing activities that really add value to my journey. Drinking water and eating food are not the biggest part of my day (although I make sure to have an adequate amount of both), the physical things do not matter, if I need to sleep, I go to sleep, If my body hurts, I do an easy workout, I do not have some complicated workout/food plan, I just have three things I need to accomplish everyday, just three things, and it has helped a great deal.


A big part of this is that my fiance has been sick. It is incredibly difficult to watch someone so young be so sick and so miserable. We don't know what is wrong, but whatever it is has made this last year hell! But aside from that, there have been a list of other things that have really put my weight in perspective. I have realized that you literally only live this life once. ONCE! I mean when I am on my death bed I don't want to say "I spent my life worried about my weight and every morsel of food I put into my body". Like WTF?! What kind of life is that?


So when I see my love handles, I love them, the bags under my eyes, I love them, my shriveled hands and feet, I love them. BUT what I have learned is that if I love myself as a whole(and not in pieces), there is no need to love my love handles, or shriveled hands and feet, and all of that because I will do things that show that I really love myself. Like working out, drinking water, treating my skin rashes and so forth, that way I don't have love handles and all of that other crap (but if they are there, I can still show them love, lol). Make sense(probably not)?


Since we last spoke I have been up to life. You know, getting engaged, school, work, internships, career, and so forth. I suffered a minor knee injury about two months ago and I haven't let that derail me(yay!) and physical therapy actually helps add to my workout. This is also something I have noticed, no matter what weight I am at, life happens! So yeah, hopefully I can come back soon but I won't make any promises.


Just keep swimming everyone, just keep swimming.


Current Weight:No idea

Last Weeks Weight:no Idea
Next Weeks Goal Weight:none
Starting Weight:162.8
Goal Weight:Don't have one right now
lbs lost:?
lbs left:?
 
Hello All,


I am back (yay me!) and I have good news, I am losing weight! Yes, that is right, I am losing weight, lol. While this may not be surprise for some, this is a surprise to me, because I have tried so many things, being a gluten/soy/peanut free vegan, fasting, juicing, calorie tracking, cleansing, being a vegetarian, high protein diets, low protein diets, trying to cut out all of the good (and sometimes naughty) stuff, starving, excessive exercise, basically everything but gastric bypass (because I would feel silly even asking a medical professional to consider it for me). But for the past month or so, I have made sure to drink 8 glasses of water a day, eat 1500 calories of whatever I want, and work out for 60 minutes however I want and it has worked. I am not doing anything special in particular but it is nice not to have tons of restrictions. I feel like I could continue to do this for years(however,I am not sure if I will continue to track calories for more than 5 years). I also go based off of how I feel. If I don't feel like lifting weights, I take a walk, if I feel the need to lift, I will, if I want cake, I eat it, if I want ice cream, I eat it, if I want to dance, I'll dance, that's basically it.


I still LOVE LOVE LOOOOOOOVVVEE food, but I have found a new way to enjoy it. I have learned that cooking increases my appreciation for my food. I am actually grateful whenever I cook, it feels like such a treat to myself. I also love to cook for others. My partner is gluten free so I have learned how to have a gluten free field day! Gluten free biscuits, gluten free funnel cakes, cupcakes, pie crusts, croissants, you name it, and I am on it! I see food as a labor of love, not just from those who have worked to put food on our tables and in our stores, but from earth! The earth continues to give us food even though we use it and abuse it (how sad). Even the most fat laden, chemical ridden, calorie packed food had to come from somewhere!


Well that is all for now, I could go on and on but I would like to save some for later to make sure I make it back to the forums! I am wishing everyone well in their journey and I will ttyl!


Current Weight:154.8
 
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