Twice the Woman I Want to Be

[Horripilated]

Not really sure why anybody would want to read my ramblings, this is more for my benefit that anything else really. But if somebody can read this and get an ounce of motivation or info from it then that can only be a good thing. As a warning, I can be a bit foul-mouthed at times, I'll asterisk it out but if it bothers you I wouldn't advise reading. Also, as a bit of a disclaimer, all the stuff I put in here is my personal opinion and isn't intended to be advice as some of it is probably downright stupid and even I shouldn't be doing it.

Since this is more of an intro than an entry I shall start a nice, clean post for my next bit. Maybe see you there.

 

[ali2]

I wondered the same thing when I started my diary - the important thing is that you get something out of it

Congrats on taking that first step.

Can't wait to read it!

 

[Horripilated]

22nd March 2008

After being stuck at the same weight for the last few days I was feeling really down about this whole new lifestyle I'd adopted. I kept trying to tell myself that staying the same weight was better than gaining but it still felt like a failure. I'm usually quite good at losing if I stick to my calorie intake (touch wood) and had been a pound or two lighter every time I'd looked at the scales and so this was a blow.

Yesterday I weighed 13`10, down 2 pounds from the last time. I was chuffed but didn't want to celebrate just yet in case it was another case of the scales wobbling to and fro. So when I weighed myself again this morning and found that I was still 13`10 I was decidedly happy. Until I started eating that is...

Bowl of cereal, a yohurt and a banana later and I was down 800 calories with only an hour into the day (when in doubt I like to over-estimate, just in case). I then made the mistake later of letting myself get ravenous and wolfed down the little chocolate bunny I had been saving as a treat for Easter Sunday. Rounded off the day with a low calorie chow mein and that's me done for the day :[ and it's not even 9pm yet. Oh well, early night for me then...

 

[Horripilated]

Not quite falling off the wagon...

April 1st 2008,

Not been having a good few days really, particularly the last two. I didn't get up until about 7pm due to my messed up sleeping patterns and so I was having trouble working out when my calorie intake should start and stop. Then I couldn't sleep so ended up staying awake for something ridiculous like 40 hours and by that time I was physically drained and my will power took a severe beating after a rather emotional conversation with a friend. Basically I'm trying to make excuses as to why I went into the kitchen and began to stuff my face. It was the same old impulse, it didn't matter that I didn't particularly like what I was eating, or that my jaw grew tired of the repetitive chewing. All that mattered was that I could find something to hand that I could just unwrap and put in my mouth.

Afterwards I sat in my living room feeling sorry for myself, crying and debating whether to go and make myself sick to purge myself of the junk I'd just thrust down my gullet. I finally got some sleep and when I woke up I stepped onto the scales and expected the worst. Fortunately I hadn't gained any weight, I'd stayed the same, though I will have to be extra strict over the next few days as it may take a few days for the effects to fully manifest. Fingers crossed that the damage is minimal.