Trying Something New for a Change

[DancingDiva]

Rather than go on into my adult years and accept the fact that I'm doomed to be overweight the rest of my life, I'm going to do something about it.

I have spent 23 years (actually a little less since I don't remember being a toddler) knowing that I am overweight and unlike 'everyone else' in terms of size. I have lived in denial about how big I really am, and keep pushing away many of the reasons and solutions to my problems. I know I have problems, and I am not afraid to admit them. I overeat. I'm not motivated. I lack energy. I don't exercise. I have bad habbits, oh yes, and I overeat.

I've masked my insecurities, my stress, my problems in life with food. I shove it in, regardless if it's creme brule or a piece of cardboard; if it's there, I eat it. I have no will power, and am sick at how much I can put away at a meal.

For the first time I am finally opening my eyes to all this, looking around me and thinking that perhaps I am not happy because of all this. I eat because I'm unhappy/bored/insecure, and I'm unhappy/insecure because I eat. Like 'Fat Bast***' said, "It's a vicious cylcle." He was right.

There are so many things I want for my life that I know right now I can't have and truly don't deserve. I want to be that athletic, toned dancer with her own successful studio, traveling the world with her choreography. I'd love to be that jazz singer on stage in front of thousands. I'd like to have a successful relationship with someone I was attracted to both emotionally AND physically, that I didn't push away because I didn't feel worthy.

I know I have a lot of issues to work out and a bit task ahead of me. There's no better time to start, and you have to start somewhere, so why not here, and why not now? This is a lifestyle change, not only for my pants-size, but for my heart, mind and soul. I plan on starting counseling here soon as soon as I can find a good doctor my insurance approves. I have a doctor's appointment right after Thanksgiving so I think that will be a good opportunity to talk to a professional. I need this forum, not just for the support that others going through the same issues as I am can give, but for my own outlet that my family and friends really don't get. This is more than just a 'diet' or 'losing a few pounds.' I have to change my LIFE here. It's not going to be easy, and I'm going to hit a few bumps, hills and mountains along the way, but if I can be sitting here, typing this with all that I HAVE accomplished in life and all the people who DO support me, there's no reason I can't do this too.

Now off to bed, with NO midnight snack this time!

 

[Tomble]

Good for you! Making that realisation is pretty tough, but you seem to have taken the bull by the horns and really worked out how you're going to tackle this. I'm pretty new here but there's a lot of advice and support to be found in the forums.

I'd wish you luck, but I don't think it's going to be a factor. From what you've posted you're taking a realistic approach at solving a problem, and I believe you're going to do well.

It may not always be easy, but what worth having is?

Thanks for the open and honest introduction, I look forward to reading more from you!

 

[ToothlessFerret]

Thats a great intro DD, and a good start! Welcome to your new life. It can be hard at first, but the rewards are worthwhile, and you can find good support on this board. I'm a post-weightloser, but my new lifestyle goes on, and I cant tell you how great I feel about being able to run with my dog, go swimming, partying, racing against my daughter, and running the treadmill in the gym. These are all sorts of things that the old fat bast* couldn't do!

Its all about forcing new habits of eating, drinking, and living. I say force, because you are going to have to take control of your desires, and force them into new directions. It gets easier after time, because they will become habit, and you will develop new tastes for healthier foods.

Don't starve yourself, but start eating wisely - good wholesome healthy food, and reduce the calories. Eat small meals, but eat often, starting with a breakfast. Feeling cravings is understandable, but feeling hunger pangs is no good. Drink plenty of plain water - increased fibre will also help stifle hunger. Aim to lose no more than two pounds per week.

Just one issue that I picked up in your introduction:

There are so many things I want for my life that I know right now I can't have and truly don't deserve

I'm sure that you can see it for yourself - check out that self-esteem issue, its time that you started realising that you DO deserve it! Good luck, and hope to be reading your online diary soon - tracking your progress in a diary is a great method of support - I did it.