Hello everyone. I want to make an honest attempt at a diary to document my journey to discover the woman I want to be that lives somewhere in this body I so strongly dislike.
Sex: Female
Age: 23
Height: 5'3
Weight: 125 - 130 lbs. I fluctuate in this range.
Ultimate Goal: 110 - 125 lbs. I could really care less about the number itself, I just want to be toned and athletic like I used to be.
I was 100lbs this time last year, but only through very dangerous anorexic habits and excessive exercise. I then met a wonderful man who helped me get on track with a healthier lifestyle. We were in excellent shape last year, very toned and highly active - weekly 6 hour long kayak trips, 20 mile bike rides, running, and an hour or more in the gym everyday. At that time I had a job that gave me few hours so I had plenty of time to be active and truly relished it.
Now I have an extremely hectic schedule that reduces my ability to find ample time to work out. I work 40 hours a week and drive 10 hours a week (work is an hour's drive, one way) and I have to leave to go to work 2 hours early just to avoid traffic. I am gone from 6:30AM - 6PM five days a week. The traffic is highly stressful and leaves me exhausted (combined with the 12 hour day) so my usual routine is terrible... I come home, have a shot of vodka, shower, another shot, cook a healthy dinner, and usually have two more shots while cooking. We eat dinner late (because of my work schedule, this will unfortunately never change), around 8pm and if I have had too much vodka, I usually pass out on the couch.
How grossly apparent is it that I am depressed and have a drinking problem? < sarcasm
I have been wanting to stop drinking so heavily but have found this to be a horrible challenge. Tomorrow will be my first day without vodka. I know my drinking has been destroying my hopes for weight loss and yet I drink because I hate my body and feel better with a buzz or being drunk.
Tomorrow will be a clean day. It's hard but I must.
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I have recently discovered the joys of tennis. It is an invigorating sport that I have fallen madly in love with. My first attempt left me in tears at the sheer failure I was met with due to having never played a contact sport before that day. 1 hour's worth of shameful shots with my racket and a very sweaty boyfriend (he chased a number of my balls..)
It was a week before I was able to give tennis another shot (a pun, hilarious). I was significantly better somehow and hit 80% of the balls though only 40% of those found their way to the proper squares (the silly rules of tennis...). We both worked up a good sweat and played for 1 hour & 30 minutes. My body was sore for at least 2 days afterward, a feeling I've missed.
Yesterday we played for a solid 2 hours, a sense of urgency flooded me as I wanted to play for as long and hard as possible. We were drenched in sweat and the quality of my shots had increased yet again. I hit 95% of the balls and 50% of them landed in the appropriate squares. I will say that what I love about our games is that the general rule is; If the ball makes it over the net try your best to hit it - no matter what. This makes for a very interesting game.
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On work days, my goal is to bike for a few miles or use the elliptical I have for an hour in the morning, 5am. Clean up and head to work, 6:30am. After work, play tennis for as long as we can, at least one hour or to go to the gym for at least one hour. Come home, cook/eat dinner. This will probably be between 8-9pm. I know it's terrible to eat so late but I don't have any choice.
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Ours is a difficult road. I admire everyone here who is traveling it.
Sex: Female
Age: 23
Height: 5'3
Weight: 125 - 130 lbs. I fluctuate in this range.
Ultimate Goal: 110 - 125 lbs. I could really care less about the number itself, I just want to be toned and athletic like I used to be.
I was 100lbs this time last year, but only through very dangerous anorexic habits and excessive exercise. I then met a wonderful man who helped me get on track with a healthier lifestyle. We were in excellent shape last year, very toned and highly active - weekly 6 hour long kayak trips, 20 mile bike rides, running, and an hour or more in the gym everyday. At that time I had a job that gave me few hours so I had plenty of time to be active and truly relished it.
Now I have an extremely hectic schedule that reduces my ability to find ample time to work out. I work 40 hours a week and drive 10 hours a week (work is an hour's drive, one way) and I have to leave to go to work 2 hours early just to avoid traffic. I am gone from 6:30AM - 6PM five days a week. The traffic is highly stressful and leaves me exhausted (combined with the 12 hour day) so my usual routine is terrible... I come home, have a shot of vodka, shower, another shot, cook a healthy dinner, and usually have two more shots while cooking. We eat dinner late (because of my work schedule, this will unfortunately never change), around 8pm and if I have had too much vodka, I usually pass out on the couch.
How grossly apparent is it that I am depressed and have a drinking problem? < sarcasm
I have been wanting to stop drinking so heavily but have found this to be a horrible challenge. Tomorrow will be my first day without vodka. I know my drinking has been destroying my hopes for weight loss and yet I drink because I hate my body and feel better with a buzz or being drunk.
Tomorrow will be a clean day. It's hard but I must.
--------------
I have recently discovered the joys of tennis. It is an invigorating sport that I have fallen madly in love with. My first attempt left me in tears at the sheer failure I was met with due to having never played a contact sport before that day. 1 hour's worth of shameful shots with my racket and a very sweaty boyfriend (he chased a number of my balls..)
It was a week before I was able to give tennis another shot (a pun, hilarious). I was significantly better somehow and hit 80% of the balls though only 40% of those found their way to the proper squares (the silly rules of tennis...). We both worked up a good sweat and played for 1 hour & 30 minutes. My body was sore for at least 2 days afterward, a feeling I've missed.
Yesterday we played for a solid 2 hours, a sense of urgency flooded me as I wanted to play for as long and hard as possible. We were drenched in sweat and the quality of my shots had increased yet again. I hit 95% of the balls and 50% of them landed in the appropriate squares. I will say that what I love about our games is that the general rule is; If the ball makes it over the net try your best to hit it - no matter what. This makes for a very interesting game.
-----------------------------------
On work days, my goal is to bike for a few miles or use the elliptical I have for an hour in the morning, 5am. Clean up and head to work, 6:30am. After work, play tennis for as long as we can, at least one hour or to go to the gym for at least one hour. Come home, cook/eat dinner. This will probably be between 8-9pm. I know it's terrible to eat so late but I don't have any choice.
---------------------------------
Ours is a difficult road. I admire everyone here who is traveling it.
