So, my two goals - as the title describes.
1. Gain control back over my eating - which has been ruled by my emotions for the past 5 years (with increasing intensity)
2. To lose the 60+ pounds gained, while my emotional/binge eating has ruled my life
A little back story - which I find is always helpful to understand how I got to where I am today.
5 years ago - I was married and pregnant with my first son. We owned a house and a dog. We had been married in 2005, dating since 2002. We both worked full-time and he was finishing up school for a 2-year degree in the medical field. Life was pretty good. (Started pregnancy around 165 lbs)
July 2007 - 1st son born - quit my job to stay home full time (a dream come true!) Husband graduated from school and started working full-time nights.
November 2007 - All hell breaks loose - I discover my husband had been unfaithful during my pregnancy - while he was at work. A HUGE shock. Temporarily move back to my parents house, with my son. This is where I start eating emotionally with a vengence (have always had some tendencies to binge eat/emotional eat, since childhood - but very infrequently until this point)
January 2008 - Husband undergoing therapy - I move back home. Things stabalize, but still difficult. I manage to lose the rest of the baby weight over the next few months.
February 2009 - 2nd son born - Issues with husband continued, after uncovering more lies from the course of our relationship. (started pregnancy around 165 lbs and heaviest pregnant weight of 199 (exactly the same as first pregnancy))
Summer 2009 - Decided to divorce - after realizing trust was irreparably broken and that he had no real desire to fix it. Moved (with my 2 sons) into my parents house. Sold house and re-homed our dog. Found a seasonal part-time job, decided to add on to my bachelors degree with a more specialized degree in graphic design (started online schooling), primary caretaker for a newborn and 2 year old. Emotional eating resumed - lowest weight (post pregnancy) of 173 lb. - occurred over this summer.
June 2010 - Moved into my own apartment - started a small business online for graphic design - full time mommy - Traded stress from marriage for stress from working constantly. On my own again - binge eating became worse than ever. 180 lbs.
November 2010 - After self-diagnosing myself - sleep study finally diagnosed me with Narcolepsy. Explaining my severe exhaustion (on top of being a stay at home mom, while working full time in my small business)
January 2011 - Divorce finalized - which helped with stress around not receiving child support for 6 months +. Anger, sadness, disappointment, stress, exhaustion fueled eating - weight climbs to 190 lbs.
November 2011 - Weight reaches all time high - 205 lbs. after emotional/binge eating is out of control - almost every night, until I'm sick to my stomach. Feel out of control. Sick. Tired. Disgusting.
January 2012 - Ready to get my life back in control. I know why I'm eating - to comfort myself, to hide from life. I refuse to keep gaining weight. I know how I got here, but I am sick of feeling like a victim. I'm doing this to myself. I can't blame anyone else.
I've been 'trying' and failing to stick to any sort of exercise and diet routine over the past 2 years - so I'm hesitant to lay out any specifics. I just know that I 'feel' like I'm ready to take care of me for a change. I started juicing last week - which immediately gave me energy and (much to my amazement) knocked out alot of my urges to overeat in the evening. So, I believe this will be a large part of the start of my plan. I want to start exercising (and even purchased a membership at a gym I used to go to), but I don't want to push myself in too many directions and start slow in the beginning. I mainly NEED to reprogram my eating habits, first and foremost. I don't have a ton of free time - what with a 4 year old, a 2 year old and a home business which ALWAYS has me busier than I'd like.
I'm hoping that I can take charge of the next 5 years of my life - where life has handed me struggles, I have done my best to do what's right for me and my boys....but I need to stop beating myself up for things I can't change. I need to stop trying to use food to make myself feel better, because it always ends up making me feel worse.
Starting stats:
Age - 31
Height - 5'5"
Weight - 201
Goal Weight - 140 (haven't seen this since 2002, but this is a healthy weight for my height and a happy weight for me, personally)
1. Gain control back over my eating - which has been ruled by my emotions for the past 5 years (with increasing intensity)
2. To lose the 60+ pounds gained, while my emotional/binge eating has ruled my life
A little back story - which I find is always helpful to understand how I got to where I am today.
5 years ago - I was married and pregnant with my first son. We owned a house and a dog. We had been married in 2005, dating since 2002. We both worked full-time and he was finishing up school for a 2-year degree in the medical field. Life was pretty good. (Started pregnancy around 165 lbs)
July 2007 - 1st son born - quit my job to stay home full time (a dream come true!) Husband graduated from school and started working full-time nights.
November 2007 - All hell breaks loose - I discover my husband had been unfaithful during my pregnancy - while he was at work. A HUGE shock. Temporarily move back to my parents house, with my son. This is where I start eating emotionally with a vengence (have always had some tendencies to binge eat/emotional eat, since childhood - but very infrequently until this point)
January 2008 - Husband undergoing therapy - I move back home. Things stabalize, but still difficult. I manage to lose the rest of the baby weight over the next few months.
February 2009 - 2nd son born - Issues with husband continued, after uncovering more lies from the course of our relationship. (started pregnancy around 165 lbs and heaviest pregnant weight of 199 (exactly the same as first pregnancy))
Summer 2009 - Decided to divorce - after realizing trust was irreparably broken and that he had no real desire to fix it. Moved (with my 2 sons) into my parents house. Sold house and re-homed our dog. Found a seasonal part-time job, decided to add on to my bachelors degree with a more specialized degree in graphic design (started online schooling), primary caretaker for a newborn and 2 year old. Emotional eating resumed - lowest weight (post pregnancy) of 173 lb. - occurred over this summer.
June 2010 - Moved into my own apartment - started a small business online for graphic design - full time mommy - Traded stress from marriage for stress from working constantly. On my own again - binge eating became worse than ever. 180 lbs.
November 2010 - After self-diagnosing myself - sleep study finally diagnosed me with Narcolepsy. Explaining my severe exhaustion (on top of being a stay at home mom, while working full time in my small business)
January 2011 - Divorce finalized - which helped with stress around not receiving child support for 6 months +. Anger, sadness, disappointment, stress, exhaustion fueled eating - weight climbs to 190 lbs.
November 2011 - Weight reaches all time high - 205 lbs. after emotional/binge eating is out of control - almost every night, until I'm sick to my stomach. Feel out of control. Sick. Tired. Disgusting.
January 2012 - Ready to get my life back in control. I know why I'm eating - to comfort myself, to hide from life. I refuse to keep gaining weight. I know how I got here, but I am sick of feeling like a victim. I'm doing this to myself. I can't blame anyone else.
I've been 'trying' and failing to stick to any sort of exercise and diet routine over the past 2 years - so I'm hesitant to lay out any specifics. I just know that I 'feel' like I'm ready to take care of me for a change. I started juicing last week - which immediately gave me energy and (much to my amazement) knocked out alot of my urges to overeat in the evening. So, I believe this will be a large part of the start of my plan. I want to start exercising (and even purchased a membership at a gym I used to go to), but I don't want to push myself in too many directions and start slow in the beginning. I mainly NEED to reprogram my eating habits, first and foremost. I don't have a ton of free time - what with a 4 year old, a 2 year old and a home business which ALWAYS has me busier than I'd like.
I'm hoping that I can take charge of the next 5 years of my life - where life has handed me struggles, I have done my best to do what's right for me and my boys....but I need to stop beating myself up for things I can't change. I need to stop trying to use food to make myself feel better, because it always ends up making me feel worse.
Starting stats:
Age - 31
Height - 5'5"
Weight - 201
Goal Weight - 140 (haven't seen this since 2002, but this is a healthy weight for my height and a happy weight for me, personally)