The reluctant loser

L

laumau

New member
I don't know if I want to do this or not.

I haven't stepped on the scale in a long time but I know I've gained at least 10-15 lbs in the past couple of years. The thing is, I like my life the way it is right now. I have husband who loves me and is attracted to me just the way I am. He's overweight too, btw. I have 4 gorgeous children who keep me busy almost 24/7. I enjoy food but don't obsess over it. I really hate obsessing over food and excercise! I've been down that road before and it sucks. And it doesn't work long-term. I don't like exercising but I do like physical activity- as long as it's recreational or productive, not just for the sake of itself. I've been toying with the idea of trying to lose weight for a while now, but then decide not to. Today is my youngest child's 3rd birthday. We are done having children. Ironically, pregnancy is not a time of huge weight gain for me. I gain what I'm supposed to and no more. It fulfills me emotionally (at least once the first trimester is over) and I don't feel the need to overeat. I know, without knowing the exact number, that I weigh more now than I ever have when not pregnant. Today I tried on some clothes and viewed myself a dressing room mirror. There are rolls where previously there were none. Ick. And I carry my weight in my face and around my waist. Double ick. I hate the way I look in pictures although I think I look ok in the mirror- when viewed face-on and fully dressed anyways.

I don't like being this fat. I really don't.
 
Ok, I just stepped on the scale! :eek2:

This is weird but it wasn't as bad as I feared. I thought I'd be seeing 170 for sure, even 175 or 180. I actually weigh (if the scale is correct) 165 lbs. I'm 5'8", so that's not too terrible. It is the most I've ever weighed not pregnant, but it's not the first time I've weighed that much. I got up to 165 the summer after my freshman year in college. I lost most of it in the years following though. The strange thing is, that after having my fourth child things seem to be rearranged a bit. So maybe pregnancy and age (I'm almost 42) just make things seem worse- my abdomen seems so much more distended since the last baby. Anyways, I would really like to weigh anything under 150. That would be ideal, maintain-able and realistic for me. I'll never wear a bikini, but then again, I don't really want to!

Ok, I need to think about this some more....
 
OK, I think I'm in. Baby steps.

Tonight we're going out for dinner to celebrate M's b-day. Tex-mex. I'll just try to take it easy on the chips. No need to over-do it.

Testing sig.
 
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This weekend was interesting. B's grandma died, aged 95, and so we had a semi-surprise trip to Beaumont. I tried to be good within the context of eating out all weekend. Drank water or milk, some soda, some alchohol. Tried to stay away from french fries as much as possible- my weakness bar none. I think I did ok in that I didn't deprive myself but just tried to make healthier choices overall.

Now I need to think about what I need to do from here on out.
 
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