The price of discipline is always less than the pain of regret!

[Wynter]

Hello!

At 23 years old I am a 5'6, 13 stone woman who has realized that something funny is going on. My addiction to food is that - an addiction. An unhealthy one. It's less about the food and more about control, or the lack of, in this case. My whole life has been one big tornado. My family are messy, the house isn't decorated and cluttered, my skinny nan feeds us to death, literally, and there isn't a healthy veg in sight. In fact, it's taken me ten years to be able to eat a baked bean or even a slice of cucumber. I'm working on the carrot front. Being a fussy eater and ragged from work, my only comfort in gaming has led to this - ME. Now I know some will say "gamers are all fat and nerdy" - well I am. My life fell apart when I was sexually assaulted in my late teens and I don't have one person I can call a friend. People online are there to help you progress and kill pixels without the gossip or the backstabbing selfish bullshit that I've experienced from so called "real life friends". My best friend is also my boyfriend but it's not his job to counsel me. At the end of the day it is I who has to make the change. I want to have friends, but I don't feel good or that I can trust anyone. I feel out of control and it's crushing me by the minute. I feel so alone in this life challenge and it feels like my family, while I live with them, is my greatest adversary.

The thought of failing in this, as bad as I want to be in control, is making me shake as I type this and I can't stop crying. I've been to the gym, I have a treadmill and I have a job so I can pay for my own food but at the end of the day I have NO control over myself and am swayed by the smallest temptation, one of a million, thrown in my face each day. I binge so bad that I've recently started trying to make myself vomit it up. But I don't want to go down that road.

All the stories on here are inspirational and if there is one thing I am determined to do it is come on here and be truthful to myself and the world about how I have felt in that day and how I have managed my eating and exercising habits. Each minute is a challenge, never mind each day.

If there was one present I could give myself it would be to be fit and healthy - and therefore able to wear whatever the hell I want and to not worry about how I look in the bedroom for my loving boyfriend among all the other troubles I have. I shut my eyes and it seems too good to be true to ever happen.

Thank you, for inspiring me and for unknowingly being a kind listener, or reader. In a way I feel by typing this I'm actually writing it to the "inner me" the one that is hurt, the one that needs to be taken care of.

 

[blues]

It sounds like you've had a pretty troubled time but know this - with the right choices, consistency and the drive to really make a difference you can make things enormously different for yourself. It's almost entirely psychological, and doesn't have anything to do with never eating 'bad' foods again. With the right approach, this time next year you could be exactly what you want. The year is going to pass anyway - there's no reason not to make it count.

Without turning this around to be about me, and just using this as an example, I started my weight loss programme on April 2nd (25 days ago). Since then I have lost 1 stone 1lb - just through changing my eating habits. Everyone loses at different rates but it just proves that the entire approach is almost pure biology. It is perfectly within your power to look any way you want and there are a good group of people here who are inspiring and supporting each other every day. Creating new habits is hard - but with managed loss and educating yourself about healthy, filling food, it's a change you can maintain. I've still got a long way to go but it's all about the mindset and I've never felt more positive about getting to where I want to be.

Welcome to the club!

 

[Fox1]

That's really rough Wynter, I never went through anything like that, but my house I lived in with my family was a mess all the time. Living with three men and no women around except me drove me insane at times! My dad also cooked, he cooked home-made food but not too many veggies. I feel for you. ;(

It's really tough getting past the binging. It took me two years to get over it and to be really eating healthy. Now, I don't even think about food but the key to not binge eating is to keep your stress down. I used to get stressed about everything, but now I'm so in-tuned to losing weight, dieting, exercising, future surfing, whatever else stress doesn't touch me. If my mother-in-law is yelling in the other room I might cringe a little bit, but I don't get all upset like I used to.

The key to eating right, and "dieting," is to be in the mindset of taking it by day-by-day (or minute, lol) and pure determination. It's best to also take dieting slow, start out replacing one meal a week with something healthy, make sure to drink lots of water, ect, ect...

I'm a gamer too and so is my fi so, naturally I played too many games and ate too much food. I used to play a TON of WOW and during those times I really hated myself. I hated how I looked, how I felt, it just wasn't fun. So I sympathize with you there. And I hate the stereotypical "gamers are nerds and all of them are fat," I know plenty of gamers who are pretty skinny.

Good luck! And I enjoyed reading your first blog entree!