The deliriously deflating Ruthie: I'm blinkin' shrinking!

overtherainbow

overtherainbow

New member
This is my first post in a longlong time. Not just a little bit of a long time, a really really really long time. And the word delirious which is contained in my thread title is actually correct at the moment of typing. But hopefully it won't be for too much longer. I feel like by even thinking about getting motivated to lose weight there is something seriously wrong in my head. Maybe I am wearing somebody elses head today, like that wicked head changing witch in the wizard of Oz. That would probably be quite fitting seeing as my username comes from the most well known song in that very film. Yus, I clearly am wearing a new head today, and I’m almost scared to look in the mirror.

You see, this morning, I woke up all blubbery and had McDonalds for breakfast. This evening I read a post which inspired me to revisit weightlossfitness, which I have lovingly nicknamed 'Fat Forum', and now I find myself inspired, eager, and ready to lose weight. How can that be when I have just eaten lots of chocolate?

I shall not bore you with the details of my losses and regains, but the fact of the matter is that I now weigh 14 stone 12, which is 208 pounds, or 94.3 kilos. Ignore the ticker. That is from past times, but it is more or less accurate at the moment. I just need to lose 4 pounds to be the weight it is displaying. I have forgotten the password/email address for it though.

I'm going on holiday in two weeks, which I suppose is contributing to my sudden weight loss panic, although I don’t know why, as it’s far too late to get slim for that now. I fear I will be filled with jealousy and rage at all the skinny bodies on display in the 40 degree heat. I have resigned myself to strutting about confidently in my one piece, like I don’t give a damn about my cellulite. Maybe if I act confident, I will feel more confident. That's what I am trying to convince myself anyway. Hmmmm.

I will be 30 in May. I don’t know what it is about turning thirty that makes me want to have everything perfect, but I really do. I want to be slim. I want to have a proper-grown up job. I want an amazing finally-completed house. I want to have given up smoking. I want to no longer consider shopping in Primark as any sort of option. I just want things to be sorted by then. But for things to be sorted, I realise I need to conquer them head on. I need to relish the challenge, push myself and step outside of my comfort zone. My comfort food zone as well.

So, today, I am thinking about getting fit and healthy. Tomorrow I will do it. Really really do it. I hope to god this isn't another failed attempt like so many other times. I could almost cry thinking I will fail again. But my body belongs to me and me only. I am the only one who controls what I eat. I need to start taking control, and stop blaming external influences for making me eat/drink too much. Plenty of people manage to have a lot of stress and remain skinny, I cannot use stress as an excuse to binge.

I hope to find other people who are starting out, as well as old faces from when I was a regular on here before. I have lost a lot of weight twice now. Both times were the only times I kept a regular food diary, the first was in a notebook, the second was on here. I have a 100% success rate of keeping on track when I have done a food diary for more than two weeks. That is a pretty impressive statistic really isn't it... If I come on here daily for just 14 days, I will do it. I know I will, you lot are all amazing, we are all in it together.

LET'S DO IT, BABIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
The day didnt really go very well at all. I totally forgot I was supposed to be on a diet and accidentally ate a cream cake for breakfast. Then I had a ham roll for lunch. Then I had two ham rolls for dinner. I have been out all day so grabbed something quickly before I went, and then gorged on the same thing when I got back.

Hmmmm.... This is going to definitely be a food diary, hopefully it will turn into a diet diary at some point. It is on my to-do list to write what I eat for 100 days to make myself more accountable.
 
Welcome back Ruthie. There's a fair number of us still around.

Good luck and keep working at it. I failed to lose weight for roughly 12 years, and then suddenly I was able to do it. Hopefully it won't take you nearly that long.
 
:hurray: Hello Lovely Lady! Makes me smile to see you back!

I am in a similar boat as it comes to this diary....But I am not trying to beat myself up this time about not getting on here on a regular basis. Just show up when you can and know the support is here when you need it!
 
Hi Ruth, there's plenty of us still about! Kate is lurking somewhere too & Jess is back, but has had computer problems. You almost always make me laugh too. How on earth could you eat a cream cake for breakfast? A_CREAMCAKE_ FOR_ BREAKFAST??!!!! :eek:
 
MrVee OH MY GOD, IS THAT YOU??????? FRICKIN (more polite american version of the word) HELL, YOU LOOK AWESOME!!!!!!! I mean, really really awesome, well done!!!! I have a dentists appoinment in an hour but when I get back I will be catching up with your diary :) Will also be repping you up into the heavens!

Tete Im glad to see your here as well, that sounds quite awful doesnt it... Being a regular on here can be very time consuming so I do understand that you want to drop in and out. Personally I think I need to be all-consumed with weight loss lust for just a little while. I so need to get back in the mode. I have been very half-hearted about my diet attempts recently. I have lost 16 pounds or so altogether, but my food 'tude hasn't changed. And it has to if I am going to be a member of the Skinny Club for the rest of my years.

Cate Gooood :) I shall go and check up on Kate :D

Hahahaha Cream Cake Explanation: My bfs Mum came over for her birthday. I got the date of it wrong, so had to rush out first thing in the morning to buy her gifts. I had been planning on cooking her a nice lunch, but I had double booked the day and had to go on a 5 hour round trip to the nearest pasport office that had an available appointment, so instead of making her a cake I got a selection of 6 cakes from the bakery plus an easy lunch for her even though I wouldnt be there. I had the cream cakes in my bag, and I was sitting outside a cafe with a cappucino while wrapping up her gifts, and I just ate one eeeek. So that is how accidental cream cake for breakfast is possible :)

So, it is the morning. And I have not forgotten that I am supposed to be on a diet today, so it is a better start than yesterday.
 
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Neither yesterday or today were good, but better than usual, and hey, at least I am writing my food down and forcing myself to be more aware of what I am eating. It's great coming on here on the good days, but the most important days are the bad days. Bad days are when you need extra motivation, and a reason to remind yourself of why you are doing this.

I am in serious dire financial straits atm, and I am not going to be able to just eat what I fancy without worrying about the cost :(

Yesterday... Quarter pounder and chips from McDonnald, breaded chicken breast with two cheese stuffed portabello mushrooms. Lots of tea and coffees with sugar.

Today... Shreddies with whole milk and sweetener, 2 apples, 5 buttered new potatoes, a small salad with creamy dressing, 6 squares of milk chocolate. Lots of sugary tea.
 
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Hello Ginger :waving: thanks for the welcome :) I just looked to see if you have a diet diary, and you haven't, you should start one.

You are indeed right, I have a sugar demon inside of me that needs to be vanquished. I have always struggled with getting rid of him for good, but when I eat no sugar I have no cravings (eventually). I have tried to cut it out many times before, but it seems that I enjoy punishing mysef... I get through a week or so with none, going through the hardest part of the withdrawals, and then, I go and ruin it all by bingeing. Blah.

I used to use the word 'Sugar Monster', but for me that conjures an image of the sugar puff monster, sweet, friendly, slightly fluffy and yellow...

View attachment 22166

But this is the demon I'm dealing with, he might be pretending to be friendly, but unzip the mask from him and he is an ugly evil looking mofo :)

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Food Yesterday 2 slices of toast, 4 chocolate digestive biscuits, a ham sandwhich with mayo, two large spoonfuls of egg mayonaise, 2 small oven baked battered cods with mushy peas (no chips). Lots of tea. Three vodka and lemonades.

Food Today Porridge with Jam for breakfast. My lovely friends are treating me to the cinema (to see the second inbetweeners movie) and a meal tonight :) :) :) As they know I have no cash at all. We are going to pizza Express and will be having a two course meal from the set menu, I will get a healthy main, but I am afraid I will splurge on dessert.

I get a little bit of money on Tuesday, it's only 35 pounds, but I will spend it all on healthy food which will hopefully last! Otherwise I will need to actually really go to the food bank. I am living of my fridge/feezer supplies atm.
 
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Yesterday I had a healthy salad for dinner and then went and ruined it all with a share sized bag of mint chocolate matchsticks while I was watching a film. I didnt even enjoy them, they were actually disgusting past the first half handful. But I mindlessly shoved them all in my gob anyway. I also had sweetener in my tea all day (yuck), and was hugely sugar deprived by the time I got to the restaurant, so I got a coke, and I also had another sugary coke later on. The sugar coursed through my veins like a drug, and made me feel alive again :) And I know that shouldn't be a smiley face lol.

I walked about 7 miles yesterday and a mile and a half today, so that's a fair bit of walking.

I bought some new bathroom scales 2 and a half weeks ago, they were weighing me between 15 stone and 15 stone 3, now they're weighing me between 14 stone 8 and 14 stone 11. So that's about 6 pounds lost in 18 days, which isnt bad. Especially when I am not even particularly trying. But I have got holidayholidayholiday buzzing in the back of my head and willing me to make better choices.

As per the holiday, I have two words, and they are 'All Inclusive'. I hear you murmer 'OT-OLLL', and I am saying it in unison with you. My friend Charlotte sees holidays as a reason to be healthier, maybe a reduced appetite because of the heat, all the extra exercise from swimming lengths up and down the pool, and I am going to try and take a leaf from her book. I have never been all inclusive before, so I dont know how I will react to all the free food. I am fairly sensible at all you can eat buffets (except once when I could barely move for fullness and felt so sick- I went and weighed myself after and that in itsself promped a new succesfulish diet), so hopefully that means I will be okay with all the food while I'm away. But it isn't the food I am worried about as such, it is the alcohol and ice cream.

Usually when I go away I will have a drink every night. But I am rather worried I will get a bit carried away with all the liquid calories while I'm over there. I plan to make at least half my nights alcohol free. I would love to come back from my three weeks away having lost 8 pounds. It would be fabulous to be in the 13's again, and even more fabulous to fit into size 16 clothes, it has been sososo long that I have been a size 18 now. Those three inches lost will make a huge difference to the way that I feel.

Food Today A Boots meal deal of a BLT sandwich, innocent pomegranet smoothie and an eat natural yoghurt covered bar. Then for dinner a chicken pie with buttered new potatoes and lots of veg. I have been back on the sugary teas today, will probably total about 7 cups.

Edit--------------
I forgot to write down a couple of bits that I have eaten, I have had some protein shakes and also a jam sandwich.
 
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This made me giggle (shamlessly pinches from the tinternet) :)

View attachment 22179

Health Warning! Do NOT shampoo in the shower

DO NOT wash your hair in the shower!!

It’s so good to finally get a health warning that is useful!!!

IT INVOLVES THE SHAMPOO WHEN IT RUNS DOWN YOUR BODY WHEN YOU SHOWER WITH IT. WARNING TO US ALL!!! Shampoo Warning!

I don’t know WHY I didn’t figure this out sooner! I use shampoo in the shower! When I wash my hair, the shampoo runs down my whole body, and printed very clearly on the shampoo label this warning; “FOR EXTRA BODY AND VOLUME.”

No wonder I have gained my weight back!

Well! I got rid of that shampoo and I am going to start showering with Dawn Dishwashing Soap. It’s label reads, “DISSOLVES FAT THAT IS OTHERWISE DIFFICULT TO REMOVE.”

Problem solved! If I don’t answer the phone, I’ll be in the shower!

*******************************************

YAWWWWWN oh god I am so knackered today, I just want to bury my head into a pillow and sleep forever right now. However I promised myself I would make a good start on getting this bloody tip of a house sorted in readiness for going away, or rather, getting back. I cannot come back from a lovely uncluttered hotel to absolute squalor. I just cant. So, today will be a day of cleaning. Even spending half an hour per room is going to take hours and hours. I cannot leave the house as I'm waiting for a delivery. Going to blast some tunes and try and enjoy it. Try being the word.

It has struck me that I actually want to eat really healthily now, which is something I haven't really been doing that well. Sure, I have lost a bit of weight, but that is more down to just eating like a normal person who is a normal weight would, rather than doing anything particularly healthy. I could have lost weight at double the rate if I had been doing it properly. I dont want to get too caught up in the whole speedy weight loss thing, but at the same time I want results!

My tummy no longer pokes out fuirther than my boobs, but the annoying thing is, that after I reach 13.5 stone (187 pounds) the weight all goes on my belly. Which means that I wont start losing weight off anywhere else till I get to that weight. As my jeans sit underneath the collosal mass that is my tum, and my tops are all quite loose as to disguise the problem, I haven't actually seen much difference in the fit of my clothes even though I am 20 pounds down to what I was in may. My waist is two inches smaller, I just wish I had measured the fattest part of my belly rather than just my waist and hips.

I am going to do a little bit of food shopping today. Most importantly I will buy lots of pepsi max (sugar free) and diet lemonade. If I am goint eat clean with no effort, I need to extiguish the sugar demon. So, with no more ado, and no more talking about it, thats what I am going to do! And I'm not going to worry about calories or anything else, as long as my food is low gi. Sugar is the hard part. Cutting down on the quantity of food I eat will be easy after that.
 
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Tuesday Evening weigh in: 14 stone 10... 206 pounds.... 93.5 Kilos.

Food yesterday Not a good day, in the end, at all. Two slices of toast for breakfast (I keep on eating toast and I actually hate it). A massive bag of ready salted walkers and some Rolos for Lunch. A peri-peri chicken leg with a small portion of rice and a full corn on the cob. A strawberry milkshake. Lots and lots of sugary tea, and two smirmoff ices.

Arrgghh god, today I feel awful again. I slept a long time, but I have that old-ingrained weary sleepless feeling inside my head and my bones. Why didn't I wake up refreshed? Maybe Im coming down with something.

I have decided to make more of an effort with the healthy eating. Maybe a bit of competitiveness is rearing its ugly head, but I am dieting with a friend and she has lost a stone in 3 weeks, and we weigh the same. We always talk about diets and have gone on many over the years, but tbh neither of us have lasted for very long. We are so excited about going shopping for slinky little skinny clothes together, and I really think that we are both going to do it this time! I want us to be jouneying down through the scale readings together.

Food today 2 morning cups of tea. This shall be my only sugar today :) 2 scrambled eggs on two multigrain toast. Shop bought sushi with home made large japanese salad. 2 pears, 3 satsumas. Lots and lots of diet lemonade with ice, a slice, and a straw, in a nice zebra print hi-ball glass ;).

Heres a photo of my weight gain. The first was taken almost three years ago, and the second a last year when I weighed just above 16 stone. This is what 4 stone of fat looks like!

View attachment 22184
 
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I was just about to post on the Flab to Fab tellng you off!I didnt even realize you had ALREADY started a new diary so many daysago////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////NOW GET IT TOGETHER>you are going to get to a healthyweight and no excuses.yOu are gorgeous anyway, slim or heavier.You got a lovely face,i think you 're probably also a very lively person,maybe also a bit crazy in a good , fun way ,so no matter what you are gorgeous.but thing is besides looks ,clothes,sexy body ect is HEALTH.and thats also in need of caring.
How is your sugar "addiction"?what are you eating normaly in a day?make realistic goalsand stick to them.Dont go Crazy on making difficult to keep promises and then give up.
AND DONT GO ON EATING JUNK.................................ENOUGH:rant:
 
:iagree: with everything Jess said! :D I have trouble telling anyone off though :blush5: Stop eating junk Ruth & look after your health. You can do it! xo Cate
 
Yeah the junk food is no good, but it's also good to understand that you really can do well in a bit of a middle ground between eating candy and chips and eating wheat germ and grass. A lot of stuff we were once told was "bad" for us, really isn't, particularly when weight loss is the immediate goal. Like bacon and eggs. But then I also had pasta (supposedly the evilest of evil "carbs") for dinner last night and woke up today with the lowest weight reading in a month.

That stuff, one commonly maligned in the past and the other commonly maligned in the present, is still actual food. Each are nutrient rich and help deliver energy and essential vitamins to your system. That kind of stuff ain't junk food as long as you mind your portions and mix it up with other things. Pleasure eating will be with you for the rest of your life and you should feel pity, not envy, for people who don't get pleasure out of tasty food. You just need to find your way to balance that with the need to pursue the other pleasures that eating too much will get in the way of: e.g. "shopping for slinky little skinny clothes."
 
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