"That which does not kill us makes us stronger" - Elle's diary

ellebelle1

ellebelle1

New member
My name’s Darrelle. I live in upstate NY and I’m supa chunky.

I’m twenty years old.
I’m a female.
I’m five foot five.
I weigh in at 206lbs.

All through childhood I struggled with my weight and was constantly picked on for being the chubby kid in class. When I reached the age of thirteen I guess I grew into my skin and found myself at about 130lbs. I continued to weigh 130lbs. up until I was about sixteen. When I turned 16 that’s when I started gained. The next four years were a constant struggle. Here’s the short version of it all…

Started @ 130lbs.
-Asshole boyfriend tells me I’m fat constantly while I’m 130 and continues to do so when I gain.
-I start gaining weight. Some from medications. Some from simply eating too much. (And some because I just wanted a double quarter pounder with cheese. Lol)
-I break up with asshole boyfriend.
-I started “living my life” again. (Included lots of beer and garbage plates)
-Met a great new guy in October. We both stop partying.
-New great boyfriend and I eat lots of bad food. None of which affects his because of his awesome metabolism and super active job.
End @ 212.5lbs.

I can’t even begin to explain how I felt seeing “212.5” staring back at me from the screen of my scale…

I felt ashamed.

I was no longer in the 100’s. I was now 200+. I already had severe anxiety and bipolar disorder and finding out that I now weighed over 200lbs sent me into a breakdown. For nearly a week I stayed inside and thought everything over.
I came to the conclusion that I could either:
-Sit and beat myself up for letting myself become so unhealthy and unattractive.
OR
-I could commit to making a change in my lifestyle in order to become healthy and sexy again!

Seeing as how I’m here, you might have gathered that I chose the latter.

I started dieting about a week ago and have lost 6.5lbs so far.

I think this forum is an amazing thing and I can’t wait to talk with a bunch of you about our experiences.
I know it’s hard now but we CAN and WILL achieve our goals… I know it!!!

Before I leave, I’ll leave you with a quote by Nietzsche which is also the title of my diary…
“That which does not kill us makes us stronger”



Keep up the great work everyone!
Much love
xoxo
 
Good on you, girl....

Hi there Darrelle,

first off congrats to you for taking control of the situation. :) Personally speaking, the Weight Loss Forum has become a tremendous motivation tool. I have been blessed to "meet" THE most supportive people ever. (Thanks to everyone talking me into opening a journal here.) If you have questions, then ask people.. don't be afraid. We're all here for the same reason. :D Wishing you all the best, girl... Oh and another thing, congrats with the weight loss so far.

-Sheryl
 
Hi Darrelle,

Welcome to WLF. This place is sooo amazing! I wouldn't have gotten as far as I have if I never found it. Its great that you chose to take control of your situation rather than to let the situation control you:)

Congrats on your weight loss so far and good luck on your journey.

~Jenna
 
Thanks so much for the warm welcome & wishes on success mal!
The same goes for you as well. From the looks of your sig. it looks like you've done amazingly so far! Keep it up!! :]
 
Sheryl-
Thank you SO much for the welcome! I am so proud of myself as well everyone here that decided to change our lives for the best. :]

I simply cannot wait to talk to others here. You all are so amazingly positive, and that's what we all need right now I think... positive people surrounding us that are going through similar things who are more than willing to help!

I think you are the one who deserves congratulating! Look at your ticker, that's so amazing!! You're almost there, keep up the amazing work!
 
Hi Jenna!
Thanks bunches! :] I'm so glad to hear that the forum is working for people, it gives me hope that if I'm struggling I'll be able to reach out and get the support that I need. And also if others are struggling that I'll be able to help them as well!

Congratulations on your loss! I can't wait until I hit that point. :] It must feel so amazing!!
 
Awesome day! (for the most part)

I couldn't sleep last night (I'm an insomniac) so I ended up staying awake until about 2.30pm (horrible, I know). I crashed for a few hours and woke up at like 6.30pm. :|

Woke up, took my dog out so she could do the business. While I was outside I discovered that squirrels around here are VERY ballsy. There was 2 of them out by a tree in my backyard and neither of them seemed to care that there was a dog about 5 feet away.

Came back inside and went to the bathroom for my morning routine. Went pee and then stepped on the scale. I'm always a bit anxious about getting on the scale in the morning. Waiting to see how much I've lost or gained since the previous day is a scary thing. Today I stepped on and only expected to have lost maybe a half of a pound but to my surprise I lost 2 pounds!! I was shocked at first so naturally I stepped off and reset the scale then hopped on again. It said the same thing... I now weighed 204lbs with a loss of 2lbs since the previous day!

The icky part of my day was tonight when I was making myself a sandwich for dinner. I put everything on my bread and then grabbed for my ham and realized that it had gone bad. It was slimy and smelled prettttttty bad. I guess for the past few days I forgot I had it sitting in the fridge. whoopsie! I ended up having to trash the bread because I had no other lunch meat. I ended up eating a yogurt and a kashi bar instead.

I didn't eat too much today cause of the whole messed up sleeping schedule thing. :/ I'm pretty tired though so I think I'm gonna get some water and pass out for the night.

Keep up the great work everyone!!
Much love
xoxo
 
WTG on your two pounds down:) It feels so great when the scale goes down.

I hope you get better sleep tonight:hug2:
 
Hi there! Welcome. You are going to have so much fun with us. I laugh myself silly whenever I'm on here.

First of all--congrats on the weight loss. It feels good doesn't it? i'm a daily weigher inner myself, so I totally know the feeling.

Kudos to you for dumping the asshole boyfriend. Lots of women have a hard time doing it--even me..lol And I'm really happy that you've found a great guy.

I felt similarly to you about weighing myself one day and about dying at the number staring back at me. I just decided that enough was enough. I have dieted constantly over the years--always failing b/c I cheated and couldn't get motivated to exercise enough. Now, I am laser focused. I am surprised at my determination. But I realized that if I don't do this now--I'll regret it the rest of my life. Just keep your focus--and don't let anything derail you from your goal.

--Kimberly
 
Boam46 said:
It feels so great when the scale goes down.
Click to expand...

It sure does! It's that awesome feeling of accomplishment. :beating:

I felt amazing today when my mom came home from work. I was in the laundry room putting some clothes in and she randomly asked me if I was sucking in my tummy. I said no & asked why. She smiled and said 'oh wow, I can tell that you've lost some weight then'. I felt fantastic knowing that my hard work is paying off and starting to show. Granted it's only eight and a half pounds but it's a start!

As you can see I'm not asleep yet, lol. So much for getting to bed early tonight!

much love
xoxo

PeaEss: your cat is adorableeeeee!!
 
Thanks so much for visiting me!

I wish I could go a week without weighing myself. But I'm one of those "has to check the scale every time she goes into the bathroom" kinda girls. lol.

Assholes are always the hardest to leave it seems, but we can so easily leave the genuinely nice ones when we find one. I checked out your diary and it sounds like you're heading in the right direction though! Good luck with all of that my dear! :hug2:

I'm so happy that you decided to take charge over those numbers that stare at us and control our lives. It looks like you're doing stellar with your weight loss!! Keep it up doll, I'm rooting for ya!

we can do it!!!

xoxo

oooh!! Just so I don't offend, do you go by kim? kimberly? bb?

PeaEss: yes!!! I! like! exclamation! points! :rotflmao:
 
Okay... so I didn't sleep.

Tried to lay down after I wrote in here at like 12. I was laying down watching tv and then it hit me that I was hungry. I hadn't eaten very much at all during the day so I figured I'd go find something to eat. Went to the kitchen and kinda realized that I need to go shopping ASAP. There's almost nothing healthy left in the fridge or cupboards. :/

I ended up putting a white hot on the foreman grill despite how badly I wanted some of the edy's double fudge brownie ice cream that was in the freezer. I know that the white hot isn't much better than the ice cream but if I ate the ice cream I wouldn't get the suggested serving size, I'd grab a big ole' soup bowl and pile the ice cream in. So I got my white hot all cooked and decided to kinda eat it like a sandwich. Sliced down the middle, in between 2 pieces of whole wheat bread with mustard.

Now if you knew me, I'm a total ketchup addict. Have been since I was a kid. Ketchup goes on everything in my mind, and a lot will go on whatever it may be. But while I'm dieting I figured I could deal without the extra calories that comes with ketchup. Next thing to cut out: mayonnaise. :[ I don't slob the mayo on by any means, just enough to fill in the teeny holes in the bread. I guess it won't be that hard now that I think about how little I really do use.

After I ate my white hot I felt really guilty even though I shouldn't have, I hadn't even been close to my calorie limit for the day. So I let it sit for a bit in my tummy and then decided to do some light exercise to fight off the guilt. I did 50 push-ups (girly style), 50 crunches and 40 leg lifts. I felt a lot better after that. :]

Sat in bed and definitely wasn't tired so what else did I do... came on here of course. lol. I read a few diaries and such. Put up my avatar -typical fat girl pic. just face with the camera at a funky angle. Man... I can't wait to take a normal picture again.

Anyway, I definitely gotta get going. My laptop just flipped out and I'm lucky that firefox saved it everything I had typed. I don't want to risk losing it again so I'm off!

keep on losing, you silly losers, you!
much love
xoxo
 
HAHA:rotflmao: I love your sense of humor!

Great job avoiding that ice cream... it sounds sooo yummy!

I am a total ketchup addict too... although, I have started using much smaller quantities... the food under it really tastes good :rolleyes:

Don't feel guilty... Keep up you're great work.. your mom is already noticing changes:hug2:
 
Hey hey Elle,

girl, you soooo need to get some sleep. Studies find that those who do not get at least 8 hours of sleep have a tendency to be overweight. (Which is funny, because back when I'd sleep for 10 hrs and my ass was 225 lbs. LOL) Point being made: try getting more sleep. Also, exercise helps you to sleep better so you may want to look into setting up a cardio/ weight training workout.

Oh as as for ketchup and mayo, you can still have them.. just pay mind to serving sizes. (tbs, tsps) They mayo you may want to switch to a reduced fat version. How many calories are you allotted in a day anyways? Just curious....

Well bah.. anyways, congrats with the recent loss! :D It's awesome hearing compliments (what you mum said) isn't it? Keep it up, hun.


-Sheryl
 
ellebelle said:
I checked out your diary and it sounds like you're heading in the right direction though! Good luck with all of that my dear! :hug2: I don't know about that. The last two days I feel like I'm heading straight to helll!! lmbo (the B is for belly since I'm not bootylicious like Sheryl)

I'm so happy that you decided to take charge over those numbers that stare at us and control our lives. It looks like you're doing stellar with your weight loss!! Keep it up doll, I'm rooting for ya!

we can do it!!! Thanks for the encouragement! God knows I need it..lol

xoxo

oooh!! Just so I don't offend, do you go by kim? kimberly? bb? Kimberly, please--and thanks for asking!:)

PeaEss: yes!!! I! like! exclamation! points! :rotflmao:
Click to expand...

Good job with the ice cream It's all about moderation. I've got a pint of Ben & Jerry's that been in the freezer for almost 2 months (and amazingly doesn't have freezer burn). I just eat a spoonful or two a couple of times a week. Cures my ice cream craving without adding very many calories at all.
 
Hello ellebelle!!

Icecream is evil!! It calls to me from my recliner at night. Icecream and I have a love hate relationship. I love it but I hate what it does to me.

Good job resisting it and keep up the good work!!!!

I too have a facination with !!!!!!!!!!!!!!'s lol!!
 
9.5 down, 78 to go!

Thanks Jenna! Glad to know there’s another KLA (ketchup lovers anonymous) member here. Well I guess that it’s not so anonymous really… meh!

Sheryl-
I never knew that about the sleep thing! I usually get about 7-8 hours in but it’s just not at the normal times that regular people sleep. Lol. I took your suggestion and today while I was at the store I picked up some light mayo. It has 50 calories per tablespoon versus the 90 calories that regular does. Thanks for that tip! I try and keep my calories around 1500 everyday (that’s why my doctor told me would be a good amount) but lately it’s been down to about 1100. Not sure if that’s too good or not but I find that the more weight I lose, the less hungry I am. Any input on the calorie thing is totally appreciated!! I have to tell you that I LOVE your new picture, you’re soooo beautiful!!!

Kimberly-
Why do you feel like you’re heading to hell? lol. The lmbo thing is so funny. I hadn’t thought of the spoonful thing, it’s a daaamn good idea. I just don’t trust myself quite yet. Knowing me I’d go for one spoonful but it’d be the serving spoon. Lol, not a good idea for me. :p

Hey Dennis! Thanks for stopping by! I was reading your diary the other day(I think it was your diary, it’s in the newbie section) and didn’t get a chance to leave you a comment. :] Now you come here and comment me, I guess ya read my mind. :p You sound like you’re doing great and sticking to your plan amazingly. You’ll be ready for Disney in no time! Ice cream is the devil but exclamation points are godly! :]



So I definitely haven’t been on here as much as I would have hoped to be. See, my laptop kiiiiinda broke, that’s why. The video chip is all messed up so I can only be on it for about 20 minutes before it craps out and goes dead. But today I busted it open and made a quick fix. It’s working fine now but I’m not sure how long the fix will last, as it’s just temporary until I can get the part to fully fix it. The part runs about $200, so I’m holding off until the laptop doesn’t work at all before I drop that cash on it.

I lost another pound today! 9.5lbs down, 78lbs. to go! (er, yesterday. Saturday. But I haven’t slept yet so it’s still Saturday to me) I’m so excited and proud of myself that I’ve almost lost 10lbs. so far. I can’t wait til all of this globby fat is gone!!!

Anyway, I went to the store today and picked up some food seeing as how my fridge was looking pretty bare. I got a huge container of organic spring mix salad for like six bucks! That was my great buy of the day. Other than that I got some fruits & veggies, fresh chicken breast, forty spices hummus (YUM!), wheat mini pitas, wheat bread, some low fat/low cal dressing and a bunch of other yummy stuff that I can’t remember and if I could I really don’t feel like typing it all out. But I assure you that it’s all healthy!

Got home and grabbed a few pitas with some hummus on them and called that dinner. Exercised a bit, talked to the boyfriend on the phone, did some stuff around the house and now here I sit. My calories today were around 1100. That’s what they’ve been at lately, +/- a few hundred. I’m finding that I can’t eat more than that cause I’m not too terribly hungry anymore. I know I could eat less than that but I don’t want to drop my calories any lower cause I’m not sure if that’d be bad or what.

So I have something to admit… I’m an energy drink addict! I love them and it’s horrible. I haven’t had one in over 2 weeks, so tonight while I was at the store I treated myself to one. It was a rockstar juiced, so it wasn’t as bad as a regular one. I know I shouldn’t have had one but I was jonesin’ for some legal crack. Lol.

I’m gonna aim to be asleep by 2.30am so I better stop writing this. Also, I’ve noticed that I write a freakin novella every time I’m on here. Just tell me to shut up. :]


Keep it up everyone!
Much love
xoxo
 
Hi darelle, Congrats on losing 6.5 lbs in that first week of starting out. hope you continue to post in your diary and keep up the good work.
 
ellebelle said:
I try and keep my calories around 1500 everyday (that’s why my doctor told me would be a good amount) but lately it’s been down to about 1100. Not sure if that’s too good or not but I find that the more weight I lose, the less hungry I am. Any input on the calorie thing is totally appreciated!! I have to tell you that I LOVE your new picture, you’re soooo beautiful!!!

I lost another pound today! 9.5lbs down, 78lbs. to go! (er, yesterday. Saturday. But I haven’t slept yet so it’s still Saturday to me) I’m so excited and proud of myself that I’ve almost lost 10lbs. so far. I can’t wait til all of this globby fat is gone!!!

Anyway, I went to the store today and picked up some food seeing as how my fridge was looking pretty bare. I got a huge container of organic spring mix salad for like six bucks! That was my great buy of the day. Other than that I got some fruits & veggies, fresh chicken breast, forty spices hummus (YUM!), wheat mini pitas, wheat bread, some low fat/low cal dressing and a bunch of other yummy stuff that I can’t remember and if I could I really don’t feel like typing it all out. But I assure you that it’s all healthy!

Got home and grabbed a few pitas with some hummus on them and called that dinner. Exercised a bit, talked to the boyfriend on the phone, did some stuff around the house and now here I sit. My calories today were around 1100. That’s what they’ve been at lately, +/- a few hundred. I’m finding that I can’t eat more than that cause I’m not too terribly hungry anymore. I know I could eat less than that but I don’t want to drop my calories any lower cause I’m not sure if that’d be bad or what.

So I have something to admit… I’m an energy drink addict! I love them and it’s horrible. I haven’t had one in over 2 weeks, so tonight while I was at the store I treated myself to one. It was a rockstar juiced, so it wasn’t as bad as a regular one. I know I shouldn’t have had one but I was jonesin’ for some legal crack. Lol.
Click to expand...

Hey elle doll,
I'm glad the mayo tip worked for you. I'm a calorie counting/ measuring spoon/ cup carrying nazi and have noticed that it's helped me to really stay on track. Some people count and well others don't, because they're awesome like that. (ie: Amber and Jenna) I have a tendency to think a serving of something is really twice the size of what it should be. hahaa

Your grocery list completely rocks! Everything on there will definitely help you to clear your system of crap. :) Oh don't forget oatmeal for breakfast. Since it's full of fiber, you'll feel fuller/ satisfied for longer. Fiber is your friend. It pretty much expands in your tummy for longer periods of time, also it helps you to... well, you know. hahaa! Also, don't forget to drink at least 8 cups of water also.

Okay... now as for your calories, no matter what... you never want to dip below 1,200 calories. Reason being: In order to get your metabolism at its potential peak, you need to "feed it." When calories fall too low for your body, your metabolism begins to slow down.. hence, being even MORE difficult to lose weight. Your body goes into a horrible Starvation Mode and THAT, my dear, freaking sucks. Weight loss can come to a complete halt for days... weeks... months.. unfortunate for some a year. Plateaus. Ick. Learn to despise that word. Have you used the calculators on the site to figure out what your daily caloric range is? If not, go ahead and do so, because you honestly don't want to fark up your metabolism whatsoever. If you find it difficult to reach the amount of calories, look to foods that are higher calories wise, but also healthy. (ie: peanut butter (good ol' fashion peanut butter, none of that less fat stuff... ), nuts, flaxseed, dairy (ie: I drink 1% milk to fill in the gaps), etc.)

Egads... I'm so glad that I never hopped on that energy drink wagon. You already know they're not all too good for you, so I won't even go into that. However, look at it this way.... those Rockstar Juiced drinks are 16oz, right? On the label is says calories: 105 and sugar: 25.0g, right? Guess what..... that's for only half of the can. The whole thing is actually 205 calories with 50g of sugar!! :eek2: 50g of sugar is 12.5 teaspoons full of sugar. That's way too much sugar. Water is the best... but just becareful.

Okay I think I bored you enough, girly. haha Oh before I do split, fantastic job with your loss again! WOOT almost 10 lbs gone!

-Sheryl
 
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