Tale of a chubby emotional binger

[Amiba]

yup, that's me.


every time I go on a diet and I am excited or something bad happens.. I binge. the awful thing is that I don't even notice when I am doing it, I sort of black out and the next thing I know I already ate a whole box of chocolates.
I dislike myself so much when I have an episode. I constantly remind myself that it is just food- I even avoid having junk food at home. but it could be anything.. once I ate a bag of sausages and urgh I had such a terrible stomachache afterward.
I know it all comes to my will to stop it.. but why is it so hard to? I even and this embarrasses me the most, threw up the food after. I don't have an eating disorder but I did do it on a couple of occasions and the feeling of letting myself down was bigger than the eating itself, I knew I was wrong but it is such an ugly vicious cycle.

I've tried a lot of things and I keep falling. for those of you who know the feeling, there's nothing worse than eating because you are upset and not because you are hungry or even have cravings.
I just stuck anything eatable in my mouth until it hurts..

what do you do when you feel the urge to binge?

 

[CountryGirl1]

Just letting you know that sounds like me!
I'm going though the same thing and trying hard not to do that!
When i go for the junk food, I stop myself and think about what else I could have thats not so sweet.

I think tomorrow i'm gonig to buy celery I LOVE IT so thats a good one.

 

[Amiba]

Just letting you know that sounds like me!
I'm going though the same thing and trying hard not to do that!
When i go for the junk food, I stop myself and think about what else I could have thats not so sweet.

I think tomorrow i'm gonig to buy celery I LOVE IT so thats a good one.

ohh it is horrible, I can stop myself but there's a brief moment especially around my girly days that I just can't seem to. :S
celery is good, I love broccoli, zucchini, they even sell dehydrated nopal as a snack! with chili powder, yum. yes we eat cactus but they are oh so delicious and nutritious. I think I am going to stock my house with all the things I love and know I can eat.

that or I'll handcuff myself to the table so I can't run and eat junk, lol

 

[Amiwry]

I try to use mouthwash and then have some tea. Of course, that only works when I catch myself being brainless and ready to eat. Sometimes it happens even when I'm not upset!

 

[sinui]

=X I feel like binging some times too...

Have you tried having healthy snacks at home? so that when you feel like binging, all you have available is celeriac? or keep food in freezer? I found that it works for me, cant binge on frozen cake!

 

[ChefChiTown]

once I hate a bag of sausages and urgh I had such a terrible stomachache afterward.

HAHAHAHAHA, I'm sorry, but that's fucking funny.

Anyway, I think a lot of us binge eat. Shit, I know I do. Personally, this is what happens to me when I start to try and get healthy...

I eat right and exercise, every day, for a good month or two. Things go really, really well and I'm happy with the results that I get. Then, for some reason, it's like I hit a brick wall. Only, the brick wall is made of deep fried cheesesticks and corndogs. Oh, and I eat it.

I don't know, I think that some of us just burn ourselves out when we try to get healhty and we just revert to over-eating when we get to that point, out of habit.

 

[Amiba]

I try to use mouthwash and then have some tea. Of course, that only works when I catch myself being brainless and ready to eat. Sometimes it happens even when I'm not upset!

I've tried mouthwash but I'd STILL eat. like, I don't mind how horrible it can taste. brainless is the word!.. let's call it zombie eating. like, not literally eating zombies but eating in zombie-mode on!

=X I feel like binging some times too...

Have you tried having healthy snacks at home? so that when you feel like binging, all you have available is celeriac? or keep food in freezer? I found that it works for me, cant binge on frozen cake!

yes! I actually don't have ''bad'' food at come. no junk food at all so all I've had left is fruits and veggies, the bad thing is I live across a friggin 7eleven.. and many times I just have to go. haha

 

[Amiba]

HAHAHAHAHA, I'm sorry, but that's fucking funny.

Anyway, I think a lot of us binge eat. Shit, I know I do. Personally, this is what happens to me when I start to try and get healthy...

I eat right and exercise, every day, for a good month or two. Things go really, really well and I'm happy with the results that I get. Then, for some reason, it's like I hit a brick wall. Only, the brick wall is made of deep fried cheesesticks and corndogs. Oh, and I eat it.

I don't know, I think that some of us just burn ourselves out when we try to get healhty and we just revert to over-eating when we get to that point, out of habit.

well.. it is funny, NOW. wasn't that funny being attached to the bathroom for a couple of hours
the good thing is I am still not in the mood for sausages. maybe I just have to eat everything I like until it makes me sick and.. wait, that doesn't work with alcohol why should it work with delicious ice cream?
didn't realize I typed hate instead of ate. same thing though. I HATE SAUSAGES. DESTROY THEM ALL
mmh.. a brick wall made of junk food. thanks god I am no Gretel and there's no candy house around because I'd EAT my way out. or eat the witch. tasty

 

[ChefChiTown]

well.. it is funny, NOW. wasn't that funny being attached to the bathroom for a couple of hours
the good thing is I am still not in the mood for sausages. maybe I just have to eat everything I like until it makes me sick and.. wait, that doesn't work with alcohol why should it work with delicious ice cream?
didn't realize I typed hate instead of ate. same thing though. I HATE SAUSAGES. DESTROY THEM ALL
mmh.. a brick wall made of junk food. thanks god I am no Gretel and there's no candy house around because I'd EAT my way out. or eat the witch. tasty

I like sausage. It tastes good and I'll eat anything if it tastes good. Hell, I'd eat dog shit if it tasted good. But, I probably wouldn't tell anyone about it.

 

[Amiba]

I like sausage. It tastes good and I'll eat anything if it tastes good. Hell, I'd eat dog shit if it tasted good. But, I probably wouldn't tell anyone about it.

you wouldn't tell anyone because it is plain weird or because it would be a revelation that it tastes good and you want to keep all the dog crap in the world to yourself?
so poetic

and no. no more sausage for me
I actually became vegetarian after that.

 

[ChefChiTown]

you wouldn't tell anyone because it is plain weird or because it would be a revelation that it tastes good and you want to keep all the dog crap in the world to yourself?
so poetic

and no. no more sausage for me
I actually became vegetarian after that.

Hmm, maybe a little of both? I mean, if it WAS good, why would I want to let out the big secret, you know? But, I also wouldn't want anybody to know that I was eating dog shit for my meals. My life sucks enough as it is.

 

[sinui]

ouch 7eleven XD .... make them bankrupt and close down!

 

[keepitsimple]

You sound a lot like I used to be. Try reading the book Fatitude by Craig Harper. Google him and you should find his website. It's kind of like tough love, which is what I needed. Yeah it sucks that you binge eat, but you aren't going to stop unless you realize that no one else is forcing you to eat. You are responsible for your own actions. It would be easy for me to blame my mom for my disordered eating because she would basically call me fat and make comments on whatever I ate, even long after I grew up and moved out. And then she could blame her mom for giving her diet pills when she was a teenager...but none of that is going to make you skinny. It might get you some sympathy for other people on this board who have similar experiences, but is that really what you want? Would you rather have some sympathy, or would you rather have a wake up call that might make you mad right now, but ultimately will make you realize the next time you are shoving chocolates down your throat that it's YOUR FAULT! And then you change. But you can't change until you take responsibility. You've taken the first step, you've admitted it.

Seriously though, google Craig Harper, and read the book. I wish you the best of luck, it's not an easy fight, but it can be won. I've been 2 years now without a binge. Being in control is a wonderful feeling.

 

[Amiba]

ouch 7eleven XD .... make them bankrupt and close down!

I know! they are SO mean with their chocolates just winking me every time I pass by. the good thing is I keep enough food at home so I won't feel like spending more money on food anymore, that usually works for me!

 

[Amiba]

You sound a lot like I used to be. Try reading the book Fatitude by Craig Harper. Google him and you should find his website. It's kind of like tough love, which is what I needed. Yeah it sucks that you binge eat, but you aren't going to stop unless you realize that no one else is forcing you to eat. You are responsible for your own actions. It would be easy for me to blame my mom for my disordered eating because she would basically call me fat and make comments on whatever I ate, even long after I grew up and moved out. And then she could blame her mom for giving her diet pills when she was a teenager...but none of that is going to make you skinny. It might get you some sympathy for other people on this board who have similar experiences, but is that really what you want? Would you rather have some sympathy, or would you rather have a wake up call that might make you mad right now, but ultimately will make you realize the next time you are shoving chocolates down your throat that it's YOUR FAULT! And then you change. But you can't change until you take responsibility. You've taken the first step, you've admitted it.

Seriously though, google Craig Harper, and read the book. I wish you the best of luck, it's not an easy fight, but it can be won. I've been 2 years now without a binge. Being in control is a wonderful feeling.

thanks for the support! I'll google him for sure.
it isn't as bad as it used to be, I am def. been improving by telling myself I don't need junk food. I've been working on portion control and love it because I serve small amounts of food in a divided plate and feel very satisfied at the end. adding more fruits and veggies is also helping keep me full more- I rather binge on broccoli nowdays! haha

 

[Guest]

It's called Dissociating.... when you feel if though you've blacked out/zoned out/zombied out....ect, and eaten a whole box of whatevers.

It's a way of feeling safe for whatever reason so that you don't have to deal with what is really going on in front of you, in our minds.

I have eaten a whole tub of kalamata olives and than thrown them all up, not cause I wanted to. I was never hungry. But because my stomach couldn't hack all of the salt. Just wanted comfort. I can sit and eat and not know how much I am eating.

I wanted to cut out cookies from my diet so last year I would put it on the top shelf (cookie container), and if I wanted cookies they weren't right in front of me, I would have to get up (oh but I was oh soo comfy), remember that they were on the top shelf, and I am tall btw (but still had to reach for them) so it got me thinking about what I was doing. Changing my actions, Oh I am going for another cookie again...Am I really hungry? No...Why do I want this cookie..? Blah Blah Blah

It doesn't really matter for me if I have healthy things around when I binge, it's just being aware of what emotion that I am in, and why I am feeling that way, and what can I do to work around it. Because like I said with the olives I can eat something healthy until I am sick too. Moderation is hard when I am feeling down, lonely, and bored. So I like to read in a hot bubble bath for hours on end until I turn into a raisin.

 

[Amiba]

It's called Dissociating.... when you feel if though you've blacked out/zoned out/zombied out....ect, and eaten a whole box of whatevers.

It's a way of feeling safe for whatever reason so that you don't have to deal with what is really going on in front of you, in our minds.

I have eaten a whole tub of kalamata olives and than thrown them all up, not cause I wanted to. I was never hungry. But because my stomach couldn't hack all of the salt. Just wanted comfort. I can sit and eat and not know how much I am eating.

I wanted to cut out cookies from my diet so last year I would put it on the top shelf (cookie container), and if I wanted cookies they weren't right in front of me, I would have to get up (oh but I was oh soo comfy), remember that they were on the top shelf, and I am tall btw (but still had to reach for them) so it got me thinking about what I was doing. Changing my actions, Oh I am going for another cookie again...Am I really hungry? No...Why do I want this cookie..? Blah Blah Blah

It doesn't really matter for me if I have healthy things around when I binge, it's just being aware of what emotion that I am in, and why I am feeling that way, and what can I do to work around it. Because like I said with the olives I can eat something healthy until I am sick too. Moderation is hard when I am feeling down, lonely, and bored. So I like to read in a hot bubble bath for hours on end until I turn into a raisin.

wow yes! that's totally it!
many times we tend to eat to comfort ourselves and avoid confrontation with what's going on. I had a rough couple of years so food was always a ''companion'' but it is awful eating when you are not hungry and until it makes you sick.. I can relate.

boredom and hard feelings have a lot to do with it. Control is a tough thing to achieve but I am slowly getting there- reminding myself of what I am doing and if I really need all that food works- also having to throw up because your stomach is so sore is absolutely awful, so I just have to remember what is like and I let go to that food.

I know we can binge on anything- even the healthy stuff. but it is way better to eat a whole bag of broccoli than a whole bag of chocolates !
the next step is not eating a whole bag of anything.

I wish I had a tub but I can play wii sports! that is fun and keeps my mind off of food.

thanks for sharing!