Support please

[Writer2014]

One week ago I was sexually molested and to make a long story short, going on a diet is the only way I feel like I have some control. A guy that I like who is a friend ignored my calls when the guy was at my house and has been ignoring me since then. I tried but failed (took too many pills, but I woke up..) to face the reality, which makes me feel unsafe when I think that I had to face it alone. For now it helps me to trick myself into believing that Kazik does care, can't really do that easily since I don't talk to him so by creating the premise that he is waiting for me to lose weight before we talk, I can believe it more easily.

Yes, I am getting the help I need - counseling, but for now in the short term I need to have a diet because it makes me feel that I have control. Just now, I broke the diet and I feel so terrible, all the feelings from the aftermath of the weekend have completely flooded in again, I can't even describe it. To be fair, I was probably hungrier because I took too many pills the other day and I didn't really eat afterwards...people, please support me and tell me "you can do it"....thank you so much.........I can't do this alone...I tried to post my story on another forum but it was deleted, I guess you're not supposed to talk about negative issues? IDK, hope it's okay that I posted this here

 

[Omega]

If anyone is sexually molested they should go to the police. Report the culprit before they do it again to someone else.

Seeking appropriate medical treatment and counselling is vital too.

In my opinion - it is natural to feel emotionally fragile at such a time - and your pill-taking, feelings of a lack of safety and questioning your relationship with your friend are all aspects of this.

I can understand your desire to control some aspect of your life - and our food and drink is an aspect that we can work to control. Instead of working to simply "lose weight" it may be better to work on "eating and drinking healthily at an appropriate calorie level". We are all different sizes - and while some of us would benefit from losing a reasonable amount of weight - others run the danger of becoming too thin. If we are attempting to lose weight for emotional reasons - there is a danger of going too far and having difficulty stopping. Eating and drinking healthily at an appropriate calorie level is something that can be done at any size.

As far as you beating yourself up for breaking your own diet rules go - we have all been there and done that... We tend to just re-assess the rules to check that they are still right for us - and if they are - get back on track... No harm ever comes to the overall weight loss from a momentary lapse.

Please ensure that you discuss all your feelings with your counsellor. Their help is vital to you.

 

[Writer2014]

Thank u for your supportive words and for encouraging me to seek treatment, I am doing that. I cannot report it because I was afraid to resist him so I did not say the words no.

Thank u for understanding....sigh today I blew it again and today was the first day...earlier today I was really hungry like my stomach actually hurt bc I was hungry so I ate my lunch early and instead of the vegetables I put in 2 eggs :'( And then after dinner I was starving so I just ate more, and the portions were really tiny anyways compared to what a normal person eats...I wonder if exercise is okay because I can't stop myself from eating when I'm really hungry :'(

I just don't know what I can do to make Kazik like me, I can't buy more expensive clothes because I already wear designer clothing, I guess I just have an ugly face and he is disgusted by me, that's why he ignores my calls...it's weird though because once he told me we would be a couple if I were in England and I actually asked him if he wanted me to go there but he ignored me. I just hate myself, I cannot lose weight, obviously that's why Kazik is ignoring me, I have to deal with this alone, maybe I should just accept the fact that I am a shitty person and I deserve what happened, the sooner I accept that, grow some balls so to speak and just GET OVER MYSELF, the better I will feel!

 

[Loch]

I think you should start by letting us know your basic information, located here: http://weight-loss.fitness.com/threads/16575-Welcome-to-the-Journals-Diaries-at-WLF so that we can help you better.

You have to stop being negative on yourself. Men come and go, and this person you're infatuated with is obviously doing more harm than good. You're not ugly, and no man should ever make you feel that way. A man who deserves you will make you feel beautiful, inside and out, even when they aren't talking to you.

I've been in your shoes countless times, and I've felt that miserable darkness too, but you can get out of it. The repeated self bashing will not help you stay in control. There is only so much we, as strangers, can do, and we're certainly not doctors or therapists.

I hope you can get over your self loathing, and I hope your therapist gives you the help you need. Let us know how the "lifestyle change" goes and remember that this isn't a race. One day at a time.

 

[Writer2014]

Thank u Loch, u look lovely in ur post, and I'm really really sorry that u have gone through dark times urself. Well here is me answering the ?s of the link u showed me

My current height is 5'3'' and my weight is shy of 130 pounds. 4 months from now I would like to be at a weight that my boyfriend Kazik won't be embarrassed to be seen with me. I am personally fine with my weight though. I am not able to diet because I get hungry. I think I have a weight problem because Kazik won't talk to me until I lose weight. I am going to exercise more, I already go to the gym but I am going to exercise at home and take intensive cycling classes at the gym, in fact I will stay in the gym all day if I have to. I am not going to write down what I consume because I can't go on a diet but I don't eat any more than the average person. I cook vegetarian food like curry and pasta, I cook for my dog too, my dog likes eating eggs. I usually just eat at home, my fav foods, tofu, fried rice, pasta. I like a vegetarian restaurant named 16 Kitchen, another vegetarian place, and I really don't go out to eat often enough to have more haha. I don't know what I can do differently about food, I tried a diet meal plan but failed because it was like "have 1 cup of potato and that's your meal." What would be different is that Kazik would stop hating and being disgusted by my body. I try to eat even when I'm not hungry otherwise it's not healthy. I don't binge eat and hide my food. I don't particularly eat outside of the normal meal times and I don't bother to eat snacks but I drink tea sometimes. I go to the gym and exercise at home with a video and go to a treadmill often. I like swimming, kayaking, and ice skating. My motivation is that Kazik thinks I'm fat and is ignoring me until I lose weight. I guess the reward will be that he will stop hating me if I ever manage to lose weight.