Starting over (and over and over)

brazenlysasse

brazenlysasse

New member
Hi, my name is Michelle and I am back again. Each time I embrace my journey towards self love, health and prolonged happiness *theory being, if I live longer, I'll be healthy enough to enjoy it* I stop. Stop the healthy eating habits I've started, the ambition I've found and the energy to get my butt in gear. WHY do I keep doing this to myself???? I think the little light in the end of my tunnel is that I also keep restarting over and I never entirely give up. A big part of my fear is that I don't know what thin is. There are no pictures to reflect upon of being thin, because I have been big since 2 years of age. Each time I see results, I (like many others) self sabotage and I believe my excuses for not exercising or eating poorly.
Well, I am back on WLF because I don't want to lie to myself anymore. I have made some healthy changes in my life, such as I am far more active. I am a member of weight watchers, which was working great, but I stopped going for a little bit and then was scared go back (rolling my eyes at myself) I am going to the meeting on Friday, no matter what the numbers say. I am making some good progress but I feel that being here with like minded people may just give me the extra support I need.
 
This passed Sunday I did my first ever Sun Run *10km* with my boyfriend and some friends. We went together but everyone had there own pace. Most of them are runners and I walked it. I managed to do it in 2hrs 8 seconds, which for me was a huge success. *I am not the fastest but was determined* lol. I had started doing bootcamp and was feeling really good about it, but have some leg issues so I need to lose about 50lbs with a non impact form of exercise before i can continue with it. (as per directives of my doctor) So, starting this week, I will be doing aqua fit and water power. 4 - 5 days per week and will be writing down EVERYTHING i eat. Hopefully it will go smoothly. My other goal was to get more sleep, but as it is almost 2:30am, I will have start that goal tomorrow. :)
 
Hello Brazenlysasse ( Great name btw)

I think most ppl relapse when trying to get out of something that is an on-going continuation for them. I am glad you're not beating yourself up too badly for it...cuz than I wouldn't get to write you ;)

Bootcamp, WoW Way to go!! That's some tough sluggin.. ;)
Congrats on the 10km Run/Walk!!! WOO WOO WOO!!! Awesome and in 2 hours and 8 seconds, Holy Smoking Cows!!! Next time it'll be a freakin breeze!

I'll be cheerin for ya!! :seeya:
 
Hello there!

Yep, isn't it strange the way we self-sabotage (just when we start succeeding, in my experience)

I'm still trying to figure out my exact reasons for the sabotaging, and mostly I've come up with:

- I have never been slender, what makes me think I can really do it?

- I have failed so many times, it's just a matter of time before I give up again anyway.

- I don't like the creepy stares I get and sometimes feel unsafe when I'm at a more "attractive" weight.

- Things are going really well, I'm finding it easier to live healthily and follow my goals... something MUST GO WRONG... aaaah, can't handle the suspense, I'll just stuff it up myself!

So I figure that as long as you keep coming back with renewed vengeance, the battle will eventually be won!

Welcome back to the forum!
 
Hi RunningGirl (glad you like my name, I hope to BE a running girl someday..lol.) You are an awesome cheering section and Im so happy you did decide to write to me.
 
Hi There Ankebuzz, I related to every single one of your points, as long as I keep coming back and don't give up, I WILL win this battle. I keep telling myself that, even when I do self sabotage. I am feeling much more determined because more than being thin, I crave being healthy.
Thanks so much for your support and understanding.
Michelle :)
 
Good luck and congrats on getting going again. I have found this sight very helpful and full of nice folks.
I need to lose about 50lbs with a non impact form of exercise before i can continue with it.
Click to expand...

I ride my recumbant exercise bike. I put on my ipod and pedal like crazy...its worked well for me. I am almost ready to try running again.
 
welcome back :)

congrats on the 10km run/walk! i agree w/ running girl in that the next time you do one of those it'll be a lot easier. getting started is always the hardest and it looks like you're well on your way. i think the whole boot camp thing sounds cool...we don't have that around here, that i've seen at least, but i think it'd kick my ass! i'd like to try that though if i can find it. it's good that you found something like that that you like and that is working...more motivation to lose those 50 lbs and get back at it!

congrats so far and good luck on the rest of your weight loss journey!
 
brawny77 said:
Good luck and congrats on getting going again. I have found this sight very helpful and full of nice folks.


I ride my recumbant exercise bike. I put on my ipod and pedal like crazy...its worked well for me. I am almost ready to try running again.
Click to expand...

Hi Brawny, thanks, im glad that i am on my way again. I totally agree that this site is full of great people. Michelle
 
Hi Shep, thanks for your support. I am sooooo looking forward to losing that weight and getting back into the boot camp. It does kick your ass, but I feel so great as my body gets stronger. It really is worth trying if it comes to your area. :) Michelle
 
Hey, congrats on doing the Sun Run! That's a great time for walking! You kept up a good steady pace!

Langley, eh? I grew up in PoCo.

Glad to see you here, and I wish you determination and success!

Always here to lend support if needed or wanted.
 
Hi Cord, thanks for stopping in and giving your encouragement. Its very much appreciated. yes I am a Langley girl, moved around a bit, but now back here to stay, for a while at least...lol
 
Today was an ok day for eating
Breakfast - banana 1/2, 3 egg white omelet with 1/2 oz light aged cheddar, Salad

Lunch: *Olive Garden* chicken gnocchi soup, salad and 3 (oops) breadsticks

Out to a movie : kids pack of a small diet coke and popcorn

Dinner: basa(white fish) sauted with lemon, small amount of olive oil, garlic, and Marsala, mixed veggies

Lots of water toay
 
Feeling a bit out of control today, (OK a lot out of control) I felt frustrated with myself and really disappointed that I couldn't focus on proper choices. I told myself its one day, get over it, and get back on track.
 
Hey you

:hug2::hug2::hug2:Brawny77 is a friend of mine:D!!!

Well I am glad you are back and you have many things to be proud of lifestyle wise besides the sun run! You have been the most focused this time around than I have ever seen in all the years of our friendship!

I was very sad that due to my stupid issues I couldnt be with your guys in the sun run. Life goes on ya know , I will next year for sure and I will prob join Steph in some of her craziness:)

Ya never filled me in on what and when for water areobics , IF I could figure somethigns out on my end Imight be interested in joining you sometime. The sucky thing is my life just seems to get busier and more complicated, HA!

:DWelcome back:D
 
Hey beautiful lady, It's really nice to be back, and it is too bad that you were not well enough to do the sun run, but...its been going on for 25year, don't think its going to end anytime soon. Maybe we can do it together next year ;). Today was not a focused day, but I am totally determined to get healthy. Its great being able to share these little mile stones with you.
 
brazenlysasse said:
Hey beautiful lady, It's really nice to be back, and it is too bad that you were not well enough to do the sun run, but...its been going on for 25year, don't think its going to end anytime soon. Maybe we can do it together next year ;). Today was not a focused day, but I am totally determined to get healthy. Its great being able to share these little mile stones with you.
Click to expand...

:svengo:Ya mean the SUn Run didnt stop cuz I couldnt attend:svengo:LOL!!!BASTARDS!!!

Yes I feel the same way with you. Im gonna get thinner damn or die trying but at this rate I think Im gonna die trying:banghead:

Ive been off too if that helps any lol. For me it is opposite, Im hardly eating and it is getting to the point where Im wondering if I should be concerned abt the horrible relationship that i have developed with food. I just never really feel like eating...and everyday im starting to eat less adn especially with how hard Ive been working lately...Im gonna crash and burn. Ive decided to start drinking my slim fast agian, Im getting desperate and my body if breaking down...

 
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