Starting My Second Phase

Darith

Darith

New member
So... when I started trying to lose weight originally, at the end of 2008... I was tired of being big. I've been big for as long as I can remember, and I've let it effect my life in very drastic and dramatic ways. I usually avoid social situations and hate going out with people, I turned myself into a big video gaming nerd that lets me sit around all the time, thus sort of starting its own cycle of me not going to be more active because of low self esteem, but having low self esteem because I'm not active.

I did meet someone while playing these video games online that I owe a lot too, as she has motivated me to start eating properly and getting in shape. She lived in another country, and ran marathons, and I instantly idolized her, and from meeting her I learned how very simple it was to lose weight just by eating healthier and getting some excersize. When I first met her online I weighed 317lb, I was huge and hated myself and the way I looked. When I met her in person, I managed to get myself down to 290... and from hanging out with her for two weeks, I got down to 275 without even realizing it. From that, I finally thought to myself 'Wow, ok, if its that easy, enough is enough, I'm tired of being fat, I'm going to see my abs someday, and thats that.'

I'm from a big family, so everyone in my household is overweight and eats poorly, so one of my goals is to show my family how easy it can be to get healthy and fit, and get that confidence to enjoy life more. It's already working, both of my sisters and mom have lost close to 10-20lb since I've started, and they've stopped eating unhealthily and more like I've started eating, and its a great feeling to know that my good choices are spreading onto those around me.

I have a post in the before and after forums that show what I've been doing to an extent since February, but I decided it'd be a good time to jot it all down. When I got back from meeting this girl that inspired me, I made plans to see her again three months later, and I wanted to get myself in shape this time so that I'd have more confidence and feel more comfortable, and so my original goal was to go from 275 to anything below 250 before I met her again. I managed to get down to 234lb just by eating better, going for walks everyday and (slackingly) working out every once and awhile.

So why am I writing this journal? Well, its obvious I'm not at my goals yet. My confidence is still low, and I still don't like the way I look, I wouldn't dare take my shirt of to anyone that wasn't blind. Right now, I am now at 224lb, but my goal weight is 180lb. Starting this Monday (June 15th, 2009) I've decided to start the P90X Program in hopes that after losing all the weight I have so far on my own, the P90X Program will put the rest of the icing on the cake and leave me at my goal. Basically planning to lose about 40lb in 90 days while gaining muscle mass. I'm aware that muscle weighs more than fat, so if I stay above 180 that's ok, I'm just hoping to get rid of all my jiggly parts and be able to start seeing muscle.

I've never once in my life known what it feels like to have a six pack and arm muscles that I can actually see, and my determination is stronger than its ever been to sort of beat this 'overweight thing', so with all the tools laid out in front of me, the only thing left to do, is do it. Eat right and follow this program, and with any luck, by September 14th, 2009, I will be at my goal weight with my goal body shape. Just 2 days before the girl that inspired me's birthday, and I'm hoping to be able to show her just how much my body has changed in 9 months thanks to her... and if my abs are really nice, maybe put on a fireman hat and play chip'n'dale stripper at her party as a gift ;D .. jk, mostly.

So here we go,

Pre-Week 1
Starting weight: 224lb
Current Weight: 224lb
Goal Weight: 180lb

Assuming I don't let myself down, lets hope p90x does the trick and not let me down either. :)
 
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Hi Darith!

Congrats on your achievement so far! You seem to have a firm grip on what your doing, good luck! Look forward to following your journal! Keep us posted!
 
Still pre-progress, I've officially decided to start the P90X program this monday, June 29th 2009. It got put off a bit because of real life stuff... but, My weight is still at 224, my eating habbits have been a bit up and down lately, but I went and got these before pictures taken and lord knows they'll be the motivation for me to build muscle and lose the weight. My (finally) first good weight display pictures of what I currently look like:



Hopefully by the end of this program I'll look way different. The program works in 4 week intervals, so I'll post new pictures on Sunday, July 26th. (exactly one week before I turn 21! so hopefully there are some results. C'mon willpower, don't let me down!
 
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Hey! Congrats on the weight you've already lost! I've always thought about doing the P90X myself...but I've always been intimidated by it! Haha. Props to you for actually planning to do it! :) I know you'll get results!
 
So.. done P90X for 2 weeks now... I haven't completed it perfectly yet, but my muscles have been sore every day after every workout, it's very intense.

I have only been drinking water for the most part... but I make a slip up here and there, went to a party on the weekend and had a few beers, or eating a handful of unhealthy things over the course of the week... but for the most part I am eating healthy...

So why is my weight not moving anymore? It's getting frustrating... I soared down from 317 to about 230... then wobbled down to 224... and now I can't get my weight to budge. You can see by my photos I still have a TON of weight to lose, and I am not slacking on the excersize part and watching my eating very carefully. I'm 40lb away from my goal, and I'm not going down, and not for lack of effort... I really want to get in shape but, I've stopped progressing at all towards my goal and its been getting me very down lately.

Is this normal? Does it just get insanely hard to lose weight as I get closer to my goal? Is it simply that I have to work out like a mad man everyday and make absolutely no mistakes on my eating to lose this last weight? It seems like it isn't forgiving at all, and I need to have 0 slip ups if I want to get any lower. Every week that goes by that I don't lose any weight makes me feel like I just completely wasted a week of my life, :\

I've considered that possibly why my weight won't move down is because I'm building a lot of muscle using P90X... but even if that's the case, its not really possible for my muscle to grow at the rate I'm losing weight at is it? Unless I'm losing weight at a very very slow rate on account of bad eating...

Part of me wants to not workout at all this week and just go for walks, and focus 100% on healthy eating, and see if I can't get myself down a pound or two like that... but another part of me wants to be P90X ripped and don't want to halt on building the muscle, and so I'm torn and can't figure out WTF is going on with my body.. :\
 
This week is going a ton better... my weight has been fluctuating as I check it, but instead of going between 224 to 226 back to 224... I had my self down to 219 after my workout on Thursday... I'm only going to actually record my weight as weight lost on Monday morning, once per week, given how much it fluctuates, but it looks like I'm sitting around 220-221, which means I finally lost 3lb in a week. This is a huge relief to me, as its been about a month now since I've lost anything. I feel calm, like I'm back on track...

I increased the amount of food I was eating a bit, and focused all week on only eating healthy foods, and picked up walking more in addition to my P90X workouts, and all of that together seems like what made the difference. I've finally figured out a way to get over this wall, so out of fear of changing and not going down anymore, I'm going to continue to eat and exercise like I did this week until I hit another wall... maybe stepping up and increasing the intensity of my workouts as I progress.
 
Now that I've stopped being stupid with my eating and being a bit more active, the weight has finally been consistently falling off. Though not as fast as before, I'm sure its only going to get harder as I get closer to my goal...

The main purpose of this post is that I have now passed the 100lb weight loss mark! September 2008 is when I weighed myself in at 317, according to Wii Fit... though I only got serious about losing weight around new years... the fact remains that I was at 317 originally, at my highest, and I'm happy to have a 100lb distance between it and my current weight now. Every pound I lose I say to myself that I'm never going to let myself gain back.

Another big thing is that my friend who encouraged me to get serious about my weightloss and got me to eat healthy, has also purchased p90x. And so, after slacking on and off with it, struggling with the work outs and mastering the moves for a few weeks. I've officially started the program again this week, this time with her doing it as well as motivation, sort of like a workout buddy, as she also wants to lose a bit of weight. Looking forward to seeing the results her and I get, and sharing them with you guys! 37lb to go! :D
 
Calorie counting wars... oh man. I didn't really think I'd become the type of person who'd count the calories they intake in a day, it seems like I'd be taking life too seriously if I did that, but alas, if I want to get serious about this weightloss it is a habit I've learned that I will have to pick up, at least for the time being.

Knowing how much I've eaten makes it much easier to know how much I should and can eat in a day.

After counting a few days, I realized I was only in-taking 1000-1200 calories, and this was accounting for my slow weight loss problems. I ate more for a few days (1500-1800 range) and my weight loss increased big time! I know tons of weight loss advice already say to eat more, but I had been losing weight up to this point eating the 1000-1200 calories a day and not thinking about it... I guess I've sort of become scared to eat too much and eat foods that aren't completely healthy on a count of I want to lose weight and don't want to gain it back... but knowing now that I have to eat more and that there is a safe range to stay in to make sure I don't overeat, I've caved into the calorie counting idea.

This aside, even with my workout buddy, I 'lazed' out of p90x, the head and humidity are killing me, and I think the level of the workouts that video has are beyond my level, I get too frustrated trying to do pullups and stuff. Something tells me I should be at my goal weight already before trying P90X, to build and sculpt. I'm going to change my workout program to the biggest loser stuff and Slim in 6 and focus on getting pounds off for now and not as much on muscle building... I know I shouldn't use being overweight and having certain exersizes being too tiring as an excuse to stop doing the program, but I feel too uncomfortable with it and I'm not enjoying it at the moment, and feel it would be better to do after I've lost the weight rather while I'm still losing it.

So Calorie counting and cardio workouts in, undereating and p90x out, for now.

215!
 
I had a falling out with my friend... and from that, I don't know what happened but my motivation to workout poofed. I have been being extremely lazy the past few weeks, I have stopped working out, and my eating habbits have deteriorated. I havn't exactly lost sight of my goal, I keep weighing myself after I have a particularly bad day, and my weight has luckily not moved at all, I've been steadily staying between 215-217 depending on the time of day I weigh myself.

Today however has been a particularly bad day, over ate big time, and though I know late at night is a bad time to weigh in, I just weighed myself in at 223lb. Thats a good 6lb gain, so I'm freaking out on myself.

Is it really that easy for me to fall apart? Was that friend the only thing keeping me motivated to seriously lose weight? I have reasons, so many, for wanting to get in shape. I really hate the way I look to the point where I can't handle myself in social situations, I hate being around other people because of my weight... and now that shes out of the picture its like I've suddenly become okay with just hiding inside all the time again. Needless to say I am falling into a depression, one I've fallen into so many times in the past, and I'm freaking out on myself as it feels like I'm once again just back where I started, after losing 100lb. Am I really just going to fall apart again and let myself gain all that weight back? I really don't want to, I hate it, but that is what its feeling like is going to happen tonight. I so badly want to talk to my friend again but that isn't really an option anymore. I -have- to get back on this train of losing weight, I need to be able to maintain the motivation and drive without other people. If I don't lose this weight my life is not going to change, my self-esteem is always going to be crap and I'm going to be unhappy. I'm so close now, closer than I've ever been, and I'm watching myself fall apart like I used to always do in the past.

I don't know how to fight this, the environment and temptations that made me overweight in the first place are engulfing me, and the only thing that was pulling me out, my friend, is gone from the picture, and my willpower doesn't seem to be worth shit.

I'm going to weigh myself in the morning and pray to god the number that pops up is back in the 210's, that much should calm me down, but I really desperately badly need to get back to working out tomorrow, starting next week wont be an option.

I have to pray to myself to not let myself down, because I know how much I hate being pudgy and lazy, I'm really obliterating myself and self sabatoging myself to no end and it makes no sense.

I'm sooooo fucking close, 35lb away... (43 now, according to tonight). It's not EXTREMELY close, but so much closer than I've ever been. Working backwards is just too much of a blow for me after having to work so hard to get this low in the first place, but I'm so afraid I'm going to let myself fall backwards. I still have p90x, treadmill, weights, slim in 6, biggest loser workouts. I have the knowledge on how to cook and eat healthy and properly... I have to use these tools, I have to USE my time productively to workout.

As soon as I saw my weight at 223 I went and ran 5k... can't even count how many muscles I pulled or are sore on account of not stretching, because of how frustrated I was with myself, the second I got outside I just bursted into running.

I just weighed myself again and dropped down 1lb. I'm going to weigh myself tomorrow first thing and post it here, hoping to god its below 220, but even if it isn't, the messing around is stopping RIGHT here, and RIGHT now. I'm done making excuses and letting myself destroy myself. I know who I want to be and what I need to be that person. I'm no longer accepting any excuses for not eating properly or working out regularly, not until I'm way back on track at least.
 
Hey, that's too bad about the weight gain. But if you gained 6 pounds in a very short while, a lot of it may be water retention. Were you eating a lot of salty foods? I've heard that if you drink a lot of water you can flush out your system.

Sorry to hear about your friend. I suffer from depression too, but one thing I've noticed is it gets 10x worse when I'm not out and exercising every day. Don't let yourself get pulled into its black hole!
 
Sort of had a wake up call into realizing that I have to find my proper motivation and realize that I -am- doing it for myself, and screwing it up is only hurting me...

Working out definitely helps with depression :p I murdered myself today and you are right! I'm feeling a lot better.. sitting at 219, but no matter how I think about it, 6 lb is kind of a bit much of a gain for 2 days.. its looking like 3lb, which is like a weeks set back which isn't too bad, I'm trying to take it as a lesson to not slack off again. Still hoping part of it is just water retention and it'll go away... >.> working backwards sucks majorly.

I'm going to try and get into the habit of updating this journal more so I can get a bit more stabilization and control to my weight loss, in a sense show myself I'm taking it more seriously... so more frequent updates huraay.
 
It must've been water weight... I got back down to 215 very easily, but it all served as a very nice wake up call. I've gotten back into eating properly, and working out daily! I'll update with any new progress next week :)
 
hey man, don't give up! i started at 330 and i am t 241 with a goal of 200. doing ti for yourslef is the best thing to do man. i have tons of motivators in my life, but i am most doing it for myself. you are doing good man. keep it up. i wanted to ask, are you lifting weights? if you can't do pull-ups yet, you need to hit it hard my friend. i got my first one at 280 and i'm up to at least 10 per set now. p90x should be completely obtainable for you. hit it up. i will reall be following your diary now, since we have such similar goals.
 
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