Ms. Gordon
New member
Today, I am starting my life all over again. I decided that enough is enough and to do something about the extra weight I have gained since I made the biggest mistake in my life in 2003 by getting married. I am now separated and I have no intentions of going back to that lifestyle again.
When I first moved to this hell-hole of a town 7 years ago, I had just lost weight and my body was in my opinion the best it had ever looked. I was happy, I had plenty of energy, I was being asked out on dates all the time, it was easy to get hired. My life was happy. I looked forward to each and everyday even when I went to work. I was 100% happy with my life.
Then, I got married. I hated married life and I hated my husband and of course I hated myself for being in such a crappy "institution". I saw no reason to care for myself and put back on all my weight.
So, here I am separated from my husband living alone. That is good but, I still feel burned out. I know that I never want to get married again, but I do want to date, but even that doesn't seem to motivate me enough. There is a part of me that is losing interest in life in general. Sad to say, but it is 100% true. I am trying to change that.
I have decided to move back to my home town that I grew up in. There is nothing to stay for where I am. The stress of wondering if and when I will ever get the hell out of Bakersfield is killing me and it is causing me great anxiety and depression.
About two weeks ago, I realized that I lost some weight without really trying. You know how that happens; your busy running arrands or whatever and suddenly you realize that you dropped a few pounds. I was really happy about my weight loss, and I made attempts to lose more deliberately.
It seems that everytime I go on a job interview, the waiting, the not hearing from the prospective employer, etc makes me so depressed that all I want to do is go to sleep even though it is only 5:30pm at night. I take the phone off the hook and do not want to talk to anyone. I am starting to avoid people at work because I am just pissed off that my life is so worthless at this very moment. This of course makes me eat more candy bars at work. I really hate the fact that they are there. I never bring that stuff in my house. But I work at a job 8 hours and for that time, I am feeding my face on them. It is crazy.
I am wondering if I will ever be happy again.
I want my old life back. The one I had when I was a good size. I worked so hard. I was comfortable with what I was eating. I ate really healthy and I did it all on my own. I worked out three times a week and walked the other four. When I did lose weight, I remember dealing with a lot of jealous people. It is funny how people react when they see that you have accomplished a goal that they have not. What they do not understand is, is that I am not losing weight to make them feel bad, it is a personal thing for my own self improvement. But, some people get so jealous they feel like they have to belittle your way of doing things just because it is not something they would choose to do themselves. I can't stand those sort of people. I remember this one girl who at the time was following the Atkins plan and kept telling me I was addicted to carbs because I ate cereal and pasta during my weight loss. She was relentless in constantly nit-picking everything she knew I ate so she could tell me what was in it. Never mind the fact that she was overweight by more than 100lbs. I think when people do that, they are trying to convince themselves that they are in control. Of what, I do not know. The last time I saw her, we had lunch together and I had some olives on my salad and she just had to comment on how much fat olives had in them.
It is my resolution to avoid people like that and people who do not follow a healthy lifestyle. Just like an alcoholic who is trying to clean up their life; they wouldn't hang around their old bar buddies, it doesn't make sense to hang around people who do not support my way of living. I am not asking to be criticized or the target of jealousy or have someone constantly offering me food that they know I don't need to be eating. I want to hang out with people who only encourage a healthy lifestyle and more importantly live one themselves.
If they choose to follow Atkins, Southbeach or whatever, that is fine. Whatever path you choose is great as long as you stick with it, and it is not hazardous to your health, do it, but don't act like you have all the weight loss answers because from what I have seen, many doctors are divided about what is the best meal plan etc. So if they can't figure it out, I don't think anyone else can. Nit picking about "what I eat" is a waste of time. The problem is, is how much I eat. I eat more than I should of things that are obviously bad. Such as Chocolate bars, Starbucks, Cheesecake, Chocolate Cake with white icing, black forest cake etc.
I guess I am ranting about some of the negative people in my life. I guess I am just letting off steam. It is a real annoying thing dealing with people who act like they know it all when by looking at them, it is obvious that they are certainly not following any of their own beliefs. Just like Religion, politics, or race, dieting has also become a my way or the highway type BS.
I obviously have some issues with the past, so I need to focus on what is ahead of me instead. My goals are to:
#1 lose about 20-25 lbs
#2 Find another job that pays more and is located back home
#3 Get my divorce finalized and get on with my life.
#4 Meet new and exciting people who are artistic, brilliant and make me laugh and vice versa.
#5 Most important be happy again.
I wish everyone happiness whatever diet, lifestyle that you choose and I hope you enjoyed or at least are able to relate to my ranting. I will be writing more of my thoughts as they come.
Take care all!
Ms. Gordon
When I first moved to this hell-hole of a town 7 years ago, I had just lost weight and my body was in my opinion the best it had ever looked. I was happy, I had plenty of energy, I was being asked out on dates all the time, it was easy to get hired. My life was happy. I looked forward to each and everyday even when I went to work. I was 100% happy with my life.
Then, I got married. I hated married life and I hated my husband and of course I hated myself for being in such a crappy "institution". I saw no reason to care for myself and put back on all my weight.
So, here I am separated from my husband living alone. That is good but, I still feel burned out. I know that I never want to get married again, but I do want to date, but even that doesn't seem to motivate me enough. There is a part of me that is losing interest in life in general. Sad to say, but it is 100% true. I am trying to change that.
I have decided to move back to my home town that I grew up in. There is nothing to stay for where I am. The stress of wondering if and when I will ever get the hell out of Bakersfield is killing me and it is causing me great anxiety and depression.
About two weeks ago, I realized that I lost some weight without really trying. You know how that happens; your busy running arrands or whatever and suddenly you realize that you dropped a few pounds. I was really happy about my weight loss, and I made attempts to lose more deliberately.
It seems that everytime I go on a job interview, the waiting, the not hearing from the prospective employer, etc makes me so depressed that all I want to do is go to sleep even though it is only 5:30pm at night. I take the phone off the hook and do not want to talk to anyone. I am starting to avoid people at work because I am just pissed off that my life is so worthless at this very moment. This of course makes me eat more candy bars at work. I really hate the fact that they are there. I never bring that stuff in my house. But I work at a job 8 hours and for that time, I am feeding my face on them. It is crazy.
I am wondering if I will ever be happy again.
I want my old life back. The one I had when I was a good size. I worked so hard. I was comfortable with what I was eating. I ate really healthy and I did it all on my own. I worked out three times a week and walked the other four. When I did lose weight, I remember dealing with a lot of jealous people. It is funny how people react when they see that you have accomplished a goal that they have not. What they do not understand is, is that I am not losing weight to make them feel bad, it is a personal thing for my own self improvement. But, some people get so jealous they feel like they have to belittle your way of doing things just because it is not something they would choose to do themselves. I can't stand those sort of people. I remember this one girl who at the time was following the Atkins plan and kept telling me I was addicted to carbs because I ate cereal and pasta during my weight loss. She was relentless in constantly nit-picking everything she knew I ate so she could tell me what was in it. Never mind the fact that she was overweight by more than 100lbs. I think when people do that, they are trying to convince themselves that they are in control. Of what, I do not know. The last time I saw her, we had lunch together and I had some olives on my salad and she just had to comment on how much fat olives had in them.
It is my resolution to avoid people like that and people who do not follow a healthy lifestyle. Just like an alcoholic who is trying to clean up their life; they wouldn't hang around their old bar buddies, it doesn't make sense to hang around people who do not support my way of living. I am not asking to be criticized or the target of jealousy or have someone constantly offering me food that they know I don't need to be eating. I want to hang out with people who only encourage a healthy lifestyle and more importantly live one themselves.
If they choose to follow Atkins, Southbeach or whatever, that is fine. Whatever path you choose is great as long as you stick with it, and it is not hazardous to your health, do it, but don't act like you have all the weight loss answers because from what I have seen, many doctors are divided about what is the best meal plan etc. So if they can't figure it out, I don't think anyone else can. Nit picking about "what I eat" is a waste of time. The problem is, is how much I eat. I eat more than I should of things that are obviously bad. Such as Chocolate bars, Starbucks, Cheesecake, Chocolate Cake with white icing, black forest cake etc.
I guess I am ranting about some of the negative people in my life. I guess I am just letting off steam. It is a real annoying thing dealing with people who act like they know it all when by looking at them, it is obvious that they are certainly not following any of their own beliefs. Just like Religion, politics, or race, dieting has also become a my way or the highway type BS.
I obviously have some issues with the past, so I need to focus on what is ahead of me instead. My goals are to:
#1 lose about 20-25 lbs
#2 Find another job that pays more and is located back home
#3 Get my divorce finalized and get on with my life.
#4 Meet new and exciting people who are artistic, brilliant and make me laugh and vice versa.
#5 Most important be happy again.
I wish everyone happiness whatever diet, lifestyle that you choose and I hope you enjoyed or at least are able to relate to my ranting. I will be writing more of my thoughts as they come.
Take care all!
Ms. Gordon
