SoSel is back and Oh-Nine is Mine! :D

SoSel

SoSel

New member
I've been on and off of this site for as long as I can remember. I kept taking time off to fix myself. I'm all fixed up and ready to fight this battle!

I weighed in last Monday at 200.8 lbs. I weigh in on Mondays now, so I'll update my progress tomorrow. Hopefully I'll be in Onederland!

My current diet plan is the diabetic diet, since I was diagnosed with pre-diabetes last July. As a slacker, I didn't take it seriously until February of this year. It's not hard to do and I can stay within a good cal range.

My current work out schedule is:
Mon- weight train lower body with cardio
Tues-weight train upper body with cardio
Wed- cardio, alternating intensity
Thurs-weight train lower body with cardio
Fri- weight train upper body with cardio
Sat & Sun- whatever I can!

I've already lost 11 inches total since Jan. 12, 2009. I'm more motivated than I have ever been in my life! I've learned that I have to diet and exercise at the SAME time. I've learned that sometimes it will hurt and I have to stretch and keep going. The most important thing that I have learned is to do this because I want to live.

My goal is the same as always. To lose 60.8 lbs down to 140. I was there once and I'd like to be there again.
 
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I weighed in this morning at 197.3. I lost 3.5 lbs from last Monday! Last week I also lost 3.5 inches. Crazy cool. :D

I went to the gym and did my lower body weight training. I ran out of time to do cardio, so I'm going to jump on the Wii Fit later and take care of that. I did stretch. I usually forget, so I'm glad I did that!

Things are going o.k. I'm just missing the hubby and trying to run everything on my own. It's so not easy! My son is a pain in the butt and my daughter doesn't spend much time on Planet Earth. How different can they be!?!

I just take it one day at the time. I have a plan and I'm working on sticking to it. It works!
 
Fell down the rabbit hole.... There was a mad tea party with electric lemonade...

I have no idea what my frame of mind is right now. I drank a bit last night [[finally!]], have a tummy ache [[son has it too, must be a bug]], and barely slept last night. I was hot, then cold, then unbearably thirsty... It was weird.

So there's this new family that moved in down the road. We met at the bus stop where we pick up the kids after school. Their kids are 3, almost 7, and 8. Mine are 5 and almost 8. Blending the 5 of them has been fairly easy, believe it or not. So we decided to cook out last night.

Since I can walk to their house, I decided to let myself chill and drink. I keep hearing that it slows down your metabolism the next day. Guess I'm not screwed in that dept. b/c I have some sort of virus and it's going to be hard to work out or eat anyway. I had 2 beers and 3 electric lemonades, and laughed and joked and opened up. That's a huge thing for me because I barely let people get to know me.

Losing weight has helped me in that area. I have to drop the shame and fear and shyness to go to the gym and lift the weight. I went to do triceps press yesterday and the person before me left the weight at 190. I put it on 60 and did my reps. And left it. And then some burly guy went to use it and I didn't think about it. I have nothing to be ashamed of because I'm actually doing it. I should be ashamed if I kept walking by the machines and not using them.

Working out yesterday was super hard for some reason. I just didn't have the energy. I felt weak. I did all that I could with good form, then dropped it. I may have been getting sick even yesterday.

If I had a job, I'd call in a sick day.
A. Because I am sick.
B. Because my son is home sick. He threw up.
So I'm calling in a sick day at the gym. Sometimes you have to.
 
half asleep and trying to re-focus

For the past 2 days, I've been down with some sort of bug. Wed. I ate all the really bad, embarrassing comfort foods that got me here in the first place. Thursday I ate a good breakfast and lunch, splurged on afternoon snacks, and had no dinner. I didn't exercise, but I am finally catching up on housework. [[Yes!! Ha ha!]]

My goal today, specifically for today, is to just eat right. I'll probably do a Pilates dvd later. Hopefully tomorrow I can get into the gym for some cardio.

After two days out of the game, I just had to weigh myself. I had to know. I weighed 198 even this morning. Just up a few ounces. I'm fairly confident I can lose them by Monday. I just don't want to gain any more!

I have this weird thing about 200 lbs. There's this thing in my head that has been focused on getting under it for so long, I used to get complacent if I did. I would fall back into my old habits. I've been sick, so I won't say that I quit again. And I don't want to! I'm mentally on guard to make sure I don't stop fighting.

My kids are out of school today. It's raining. I need some groceries for healthy meals. Looks like I'll be scrapping things together today! Make the rain stop!
 
venom

I have had some serious anger issues this weekend. It's a long story. The bulk of it is that I had the weekend to myself and I spent it alone b/c my friends bailed on me... again. I am so sick of being alone that I'm taking it more personally than I should. Way more personal.

I've been shaking with rage. Then yesterday, I went shopping and blew tons of money. I got all kinds of nice things for myself. A new Polo jacket, Bath and Body works stuff, a $20 bath pillow, new p.j.s, more clothes, a book, expensive shampoo, conditioner and mousse and whatever else struck my fancy. I even bought that Coach purse I wanted! I felt guilty. Then I told my hubby I went out and blew money. I cried. And he told me it was o.k. If he had gotten mad at me, I could have vowed to behave. As is stands, he lets me do what I want so I just feel bad inside. And it's coming out.

I didn't exercise since last Tuesday b/c of that bug. And today I could NOT get in the gym. I walked for 15 minutes, just praying to God to help me deal with my problems. Then I came home and had some fun doing aerobics on the Wii. My hubby called, we talked, and I had to shower and get my son. Next was groceries. Then I had lunch out because I could barely eat breakfast and I was starving! I learned that I don't eat as much as I used to [[yes!!!]], so I didn't feel too bad.

I weighed in yesterday morning at 197 something. This morning I was at 200 even with another upset stomach. Seriously. Something is wrong with me.

I know that part of my problem is mental. I'm upset. And I think it's because I'm depressed. I don't sit around sad. I tend to get angry and lash out. So if you pray, please pray for me, your friend Selena, because I am losing my grip. I don't like the way I'm acting. I know it's wrong. If I do something [[like buying that Coach purse]] and feel rebellious, it gives me a momentary "high." Then I crash on reality and end up hating myself.

This isn't all about weight loss, but it does tie into the struggle. I need to get my butt back in the gym and work out my frustrations. And, you never know, I might need to get on an anti-depressant again. I usually do when my hubby is gone. I miss him so much!

So I'm going to try this week. Really try. I want better things for myself: mentally, physically, and spiritually. I want it for me and my family.
 
Best of luck with your goals!

I have just one piece of advice for you. Looking at your planned training schedule, it is too vigorous. At your weight, sticking strictly to cardio might be the best option. Whereas the weight training should come in later (at around 170lbs). Here's the reason why:

I went to the gym and did my lower body weight training. I ran out of time to do cardio, so I'm going to jump on the Wii Fit later and take care of that. I did stretch. I usually forget, so I'm glad I did that!
Click to expand...

If you had started off with cardio and run out of time to do your weight training, you would be much better off. When crammed for time, stick to doing cardio. If you've got well over an hour to spend in the gym, I suggest "wrapping" your weight training in cardio. Actually, this advice came from a former PT of mine, but I'll take credit for it as being my own. ;) Essentially, it means starting with, say, a 20 minute light cardio session. Then gradually begin your weights. Once you are doing your most intense weight lifting, then switch back to a relatively intense 10-15 minute cardio session to increase fat burn. This can be down right exhausting, but the results are terrific!

Best of luck to you!
 
scattered to the winds

I am seriously confused right now. Yesterday, I was angry until about 5 or 6. Then I magically mellowed and the world was a safer place. This morning I'm tired. My mind won't focus. I feel like I could sleep another day or so. My weight is up and I feel a sinus infection coming on again. And yet I know I'm going to the gym in 30 minutes to get my butt kicked by a trainer. I'm cool with that. I'm actually accepting of that. No pity party for me today.

I hate that my weight went up, but it's not dictating how I'm responding to the world today. That is amazing.

I also tried something new today. Eating breakfast before taking my kids to school. I usually end up eating a small meal if I don't b/c I get full on coffee. I want to see how this experiment works. I'm not eating much at all these days. Might be just the time to try that Special K diet. Some days I'm hungry, some days I'm not. There's not much I can do about that.

I'm not pumped up about the gym today. I honestly feel defeated. I wonder what abuse I'm going to go through today? Upper body, I know that much. *sighs*

I need endorphins.... or a hug.
 
in love with food and these legs I admire...

I did make it to the gym to train. I warmed up for 7 minutes on the skier, weight trained for a little over 30 minutes [[upper body]], then did 17 minutes on the skier. I did leave feeling A LOT better. It broke the mood bubble that's been floating over me.

As I was warming up, I watched my trainer work with another client. She was on the bench, legs stretched in front of her, doing this pull-back something-or-another that works your back and arms. Then I noticed, God help me, this woman's quads are amazing! I'd hazard to guess that she's a runner. She wasn't big or little, but very muscular. I am in awe of this woman. Especially after she stood up and I saw for myself that she's in her late 40's, early 50's. Yes, I noticed the grey hair, but with those legs.... wow! I have something new to aspire to. I want to work hard and be like that one day. :)

I came home and practically starved until lunch. I tried to stick to my plan. I might have had an extra serving of protein and I forgot my fruit. Opps! I have NO idea what to make for dinner. I'm currently munching on a mini bag of kettle corn.

I feel like my life is dictated by food. I love to eat! I LOVE it! Does that change? Do you get over it? I could eat all day, get up, and do it again. I think I'm hungry all the time. Food is always in the back of my mind unless it's in the front. I wonder if I'm really hungry. I try the tricks. Sugar-free gum, distraction, motivation, psyching myself out, etc.

Food, food, food. And not really the healthy stuff. But I'm doing great with avoiding fast food, even on the nights I have bad headaches. I'm not buying all those boxed meals either. I break down about once a week and get a sub and/or breakfast out. I do have an issue with liking fresh fruits and veggies. The issue? I just don't. Most greens gag me. I don't find fruit very sweet. I crave sugar and carbs. I've never once woken up and thought, "Spinach would hit the spot." I like spinach on pizza. End.of.story.

I do find it annoying that I'm not magically dropping 20 lbs by changing my eating habits. No, that would be easy. There is no easy. There's always room for improvement.

I don't know what lies down the road for me. It's impossible to remember my skinny days, since I never had any. I just know that I ate right and dropped from a 14 to a 10 in about two months when I was 16. 2 months! And how long have I been at this now? In the end, it doesn't matter. I am who I am now and I have to change what I need to change now.

And at least I don't feel like a b**** anymore. Yeah! :D
 
new plan



I’m battling depression. I don’t know why I’m so blue and b*tchy. Seriously. I need to take some time to look into myself. But I’m not leaving the site or even losing sight of my goals. No, I WILL NOT QUIT! I’m just going to mellow some.

My current issues to contend with:
1. Being tired and sleepy all the time.
2. Over-eating and obsessing over food.
3. Wondering why I don’t get that post work-out buzz.
4. Depression: the cause, learning to love me
5. My anger that flares up for no reason.
6. Stop smoking… again.

My plan of action:
1. Exercise in some way every day, but not necessarily getting my butt kicked in the gym. Try to get back to having some fun with it. Wii Fit, Pilates, walking, etc. Going to the gym and hitting the weights when I really want to.
2. Learn how to cook some healthier yummy meals.
3. Understand portion control. I do great until dinner, actually.
4. Making a list of things I love, that move me, and matter.
5. Setting priorities.
6. Staying active. Spending more time each day on my feet.

When I look back, I see that from the middle of Feb until the end of March, I lost 12 lbs. From Jan to March, I lost 12 1/2 inches. But in all that weight and inches, I lost myself. I can’t seem to feel happy.

I’m one of the minorities that’s not worried about losing work, or insurance, or quality of life. My hubby is fighting for your freedom in Iraq. We may never be wealthy, but we have steady pay. I literally cry for all my friends in despair and fear right now. I don’t make enough to help. I’m no celebrity.

Maybe I’m just susceptible to the general mood. I pray about it all the time. Help me, help them. God, please help.

I weighed 198.6 this morning. My biceps are still in “flex mode” but not as sore. I think I’ll do aerobics on the Wii and some Pilates today. I’m also in another pair of my smaller 16’s. It’s amazing! The weight is up, my body is smaller… See why we can’t judge by numbers?
 
as usual, I have no idea

I made it through the day yesterday somehow. I'm still battling this feeling of exhaustion. I just want to sleep the day away. I did not exercise, thinking that would help. No. I'm just tired and drained all the time. Um, yeah, that would be depression. So I want to go on a brisk walk today. All those hours in the gym and I'm just sore. But walking is supposed to crank up endorphins. I hope so. I don't know what else to do.

My eating plan was right on yesterday. I thought I'd try to cut carbs at dinner time. A lot of conflicting research on that. I got up this morning, threw on some jeans that used to be too tight, and now feel perfect. Changes changes changes! I'm interested to see how taping goes Saturday.

For myself, I'm reading a book by a Christian military wife written to help ease the pain of deployments. I'm 2 chapters in and enjoying it. I keep forgetting that I could network with other military wives. And after seeing what I did on post during my hubby's last deployment, well.... You'd know why. But some people are bad, some people are good, and some people sit on the fence until you get them drunk. Sometimes I think we don't really know ourselves until we're challenged. [[and alcohol can certainly challenge us]]

I'm off to a brand new day of doing what I do, whatever that is.
 
argh [[like a pirate]]

So, I sabotaged myself a bit today. I didn't exactly eat right all day and tomorrow is weigh-in! On the other hand, when I look at how I was eating before compared to how I am eating now, the difference is mind-blowing! Um, why didn't someone explain the whole control thing? Plus, I played out a bit on my mom's Bowflex [[love it!]]. I will probably try to get one at our next duty station. I don't exactly love going to the gym, but I LOVE the results of weight training. Maybe I'll log in some cardio time on the Wii tonight. It's fun and it gets me moving. :)

My hubby called today and broke the news. He's been scheduled to return back stateside next year. We were hoping it would be next January, when his tour was over in Germany. Nope, the Army has it's own game plan and is extending his stay until March. It's like a kick in the stomach that takes the wind out of you. I planned to stay in the states and finish school while he was gone. I didn't. I feel like a failure. On the other hand, our marriage was on the rocks at the time and now our marriage is the rock. If we both hadn't turned to God, I'd be in Germany filing divorce papers! The end result is better by far. The fact that my heart is breaking without him instead of sighing in relief at the extra months of freedom is a testament to my devotion. I can take a certain kind of pride in that. Not pride, but there's no better word that I can think of.

Whatever tomorrow brings, it brings. Whatever I have to do, I'll do. I'm on more than a weight loss journey.
 
weigh-in Monday

I can not believe it!!!

I weighed in this morning at 195.8. I did that! I did that with no weight loss pills, no powders, no magic berries- nothing! I go to the gym for weight training and cardio. I go on fast-paced walks. I do cardio on the Wii and Pilates. I do whatever it takes and it's working! I also follow the diabetic diet. I do my best not to cheat. I am so freakin' proud of myself.

I have 55.8 lbs to go to goal. I want to weight 140, which is on the high side for a 5'4 woman. But I don't care! With all these new muscles and a medium-sized bone structure, that's perfect for me as far as I can tell right now.

I read a lot of other people's success stories. I love reading how people dropped 80 lbs in a year, or how it took them 2 years to do it. It doesn't matter to me how long it takes. Sure, fast results are fun, but the fact that I can follow them into a healthy lifestyle is the coolest of all. One day, all my blogs will be compiled into a success story. I WILL DO THIS TOO!!!
 
Right on!! How exciting! I see we have about the same goals.. I also broke thru this weekend and hit 188!! another 40 or so to go!! Amazing on your inches lost. That is fabulous! Keep it up, Ill be following you and encourging you along the way!
 
***A VERY special prayer request. My niece was transfered from a local hospital to a children's hospital yesterday. She had a high fever and was vomiting. It took about 24 hours to diagnose her with pnuemonia! She's in ICU at a wonderful hospital that I stand by. At the same time, I put my faith in God, not man. Please remember her when you pray tonight.***

So yesterday I was on the phone. My back itched and I reached my arm back to scratch it. I heard this loud pop and shrugged it off. About an hour later- pain! It hurt SO bad! So guess who hasn't made it to the gym? Yeah, me!

I always manage to hurt myself in the strangest ways.

I decided to take some time off. I know a lot of people will say, keep on. So I didn't post until today b/c tomorrow I plan to use the elliptical bike. I already took 2 days off. I will keep on! But there is no way I can weight train. I shudder thinking of that pop. Oh man... ugh...

Anyway, today I got to go visit the new fort the hubby will be stationed at. And got my shop on. :D I like this one. It's laid out pretty straight-forward. A rarity for an Army base. My exercise today- walking! LOL! Carrying heavy bags of groceries, setting up a patio set, and laundry. I can count that, right? Yesterday was laundry, a short walk with the kids, and housework. Yeah. My eating was o.k. yesterday, but not so good today. I have to step this up! I can't hit a low weight and loose it!

 
you done the right thing, don't workout when your in pain, you will only do yourself more injury.
 
enjoying the day

It's about 64 degrees, windy, and the sun isn't shining too brightly here in my part of SC. I have one kid playing at the neighbor's and another making beaded jewelry. I'm knocking out laundry 2 days behind schedule. My shoulder is almost healed. My niece is on the mend. I finally bought my son a dress shirt for Easter. And I just feel a touch from God lifting me up.

All day long, my mind was bent of pessimism. I had a lot of mental struggles. The first thing I did this morning was weigh myself to fuss at myself and force myself back on track. So, what do you know? I weighed in 1/2 lb less than Monday. I took the kids out and they behaved far better than usual. I didn't find Easter shoes, but I scored a Nautica polo for my son for 10 bucks. We had a good lunch. But I still couldn't find it in me to be happy.

I was folding sheets when it hit me. I feel into this rhythm of strech, fold, stretch, fold, and it became methodical. I let my mind concentrate on precision. [[Weird, I know. But ocd is like that sometimes.]] Next thing I know, 4 sets of sheets are folded neatly, arranged in the linen closet, and I'm smiling a bit to myself. Ah, I love results! I love seeing the end of hard work! I love neat piles, clean dishes, sparkling counter tops, clean children, neatly combed hair- you name it! I get grumpy and angry at slobbishness, esp. in myself.

I went to the storage shed to poke around. I found old pics of me after I had my kids. I looked so much happier and prettier! 5 years 5 months ago I popped out my little boy "Bubba" weighing in at 215 lbs. Between his birth weight of 10 1/2 lbs and all associated birthing junk, I dropped 20 by the time I left the hospital. Gaining 35 lbs during pregnancy puts me at a starting weight of 180.

Losing the "baby weight" has always meant a lot to me. I just wish I had that new mommy glow back!
 
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moving on...

A calendar weeks starts on Sunday. Sunday I worked out a bit on the Bowflex and did some cardio. Mon and Tues I was a babying an injury. Wed I just got lazy. So last night I put in a 50 min fat burn Pilates dvd. And today I got to the gym for 1 hr 20 minutes to weight train and cardio. If I work out tomorrow, I will feel as though I salvaged the week.

My eating sucked this week! Being home all day long, being out of routine with the kids here, and not exercising led me to eat badly. I just didn't feel in the loop. I'm mad at myself. I told myself to use Spring Break as practice for summer. I blew it. Sorta...

I've said it before and I'll say it again, my mistakes now are nothing like they used to be. There are Cheetos and cookies in my house that I haven't touched. A bad eating day would be a binge. These days it's skipping veggies at dinner. And the ultimate sin in my book- too many carbs.

As I sit here, covered in sweat, and making sure I get enough water in me to make up for I sweated out, I feel good. [[I sweat really heavy and I've been told to drink before I shower and cool off to make up for what I lost.]] I need to work out! It takes the yucky feeling out of my day. I hate eating and not working out. Oh wow, I said it. Ha ha! Who am I!?!

Oh, and an update, my niece is out of the hospital! Thanks for the prayers! :)
 
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