Blah
So I feel gross today. It's one of those day's ya' know? I made chicken parmesan last night. It was delicious, but by no means good for me. I ate a lot and the friends I had over made chocolate lava cakes for desert. Ouch. Then to top it all off, we went out. I'm not saying I shouldn't have gone out, but sex on the beach was the special and I had too. I danced for like two hours straight, but it wasn't enough to make up for my super high caloric day. So I feel fat and gross and here I am whining about it.
I'm disappointed in myself. I put all of what I ate yesterday into the daily plate (the whole from scratch chicken parm recipe included) and it estimates that even with the dancing (and some other minor on my feet work yesterday) I'm still like 600-1000 calories over. So today I'm going to gym. I'm afraid that while this whole diet thing is good for me, the way I feel right now is not. I'm not supposed to feel guilty for having fun and going out with my friends (which I rarely ever do due to school). I'm worried that if I have more days like this, and if I go home for winter break (three weeks long) and totally slack off...I'm going to develop some serious issues. From what I understand, if I freak out and feel guilty and fat (on a day like today) often enough, I'll develop some sort of eating disorder...which scares the crap out of me.
I'm not giving up on my diet, I just wish I had more control over it...but if I go over board, I'll end up with an eating disorder...this whole thing just makes me want to cry.


Maybe going to the gym will relieve some of that and make me feel better. I haven't been all semester. I've been doing some sit ups and ball work at home in the mornings - just a few minutes when I get up early enough - but haven't been to the gym. Hopefully my knees won't kill me. Then again I danced a lot last night and they were fine.
The semester is winding down too. Two more weeks and I'll go home. Good and bad things. I'm all stressed and unmotivated. I'm so done with this semester. Hopefully I'll get motivated real quick and study a lot this week so I can kick ass on my finals. Wish me luck.