Seny's Emotional Journal

Seny1

Seny1

New member
(this post is negative and reflects how i feel right now)

Honestly??

I want to have bulimia. I honestly do. right now i feel there is no hope for me. i am 400-450 pounds 6 foot 8 and my chest hurts a lot. i don't have a lot of choices. I cant choose some diet that takes years to lose 50 pounds i need something now that i can say in 1 year i will have lost 250-300 pounds. I have literally no support. I am a messy pig i don't care about my life or surroundings. my room is disgusting i am just super lazy. My father died 4 years ago and honestly since i moved out of my home i feel my mom could care less if i died. and i am too fat for any girl in this day and age to even glance at me. I have no support. i cry at night thinking of how much i just want to start being Anorexic or Bulimic. i don't care anymore, what do i have to lose? I make minimum wage, if i had like 1000$ spare cash right now the first thing i would do is Get a gym membership. clean up my life and get some Shrink sessions to deal with the loss of my father at such a young age. My mother's friend fears that's why im so lazy and messy is because that's how im dealing with my dad dieing.. All i need in my life right now is support.. help through this time... I SERIOUSLY DRINK LIKE 10 CANS OF COKE A DAY.. Deadly Dangerous!!! today i had like 4 cinnamon buns 2 plates of spaghetti 10 chicken strips 2 hot dogs Beans 10 cans of coke and a bag of popcorn and i was NEVER hungry to start.. i eat because im depressed and Upset and i just want some help but i have nobody to turn to and no money. i have no friends, so i never go out i just lay in bed all day thinking about what a horrible life i have.. im ready for a change now. i want to look good and be able to BUY new cloths that don't cost 200$ a pair. i feel that my weight is holding me back from some of the jobs i want because no mater how damn sexy i dress i still look like a fat slob.


Help me
 
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Andy,

You have hit the worst, but you are going to be OK, just be strong.

If you switch to Anorexia or bulimia you will open yourself to heart attacks, diabetes, and many other bad things.

Slow sounds bad, but its really not... as you lose the weight slowly your health will IMPROVE, you will be a healthy 350, a healthy 300, ect. Lets work on this.

2lbs a week is what you want to lose.

If you are in pain, you really should see a doctor, there are prescription meds that will help with chest pains.

The hardest part of weight loss is where you are now, where you want an easy out, there just isnt one. It took you 21 years to get where you are, there is not a healthy way to lose 300lbs in one year, but in 2 years you will be in a much happier place! All good things, come with time.

We will work on your diet, but for right now lets just cut back a little bit.

Im here for ya buddy.
 
you've got to start somewhere and you have... the first step is the hardest and the second will be easier...

i would strongly suggest calling a doctor and making an appointment with a list of your issues in hand.... nothing you are describing isn't fixable.. as long as you want to...

youdidn't get to where you are over night,, t's not going to be fixed overnight...

you've stumbled into a group of pretty damned supportive people and we'll help you out along the way - we'll listen... we'll cheer.. .we'll applaud those successes...

there are some small changes that willmake a huge difference...

substitute those 10 cans of coke for water... you'll have a huge calorie savings there...

you can do this...
 
Again thanks for all your help. all i need is support. im calling my doctor today and im gonna make an apointment with my friends Weight doctor he measures Bodyfat and Water and stuff like that. im gonna not drink 10 cans of coke a day but instead drink 5 cans of Coke Zero to start. and then cut it down from there. this action plan will start this friday with my next grocery Shop. right now its all junk chips pop EASY foods you know? chicken strips tv dinners cans of stuff.. i dont have alot of money so thats all i can afford.

Edit: Ive just made my first doctors apointment in over 7 years thanks to your support.
 
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A scary day....

Today was great, i got a NEW security job with the arena here and yes. i got to stand on stage yes ON STAGE 10 feet from the Barenaked Ladies. Thats the one thing i love about my size. it gets me places in security..

On a bad and more scary note that has caused me to be tramatised and almost wet myself...

Today when i got to work about 1 hour into my shift i decided to do a patroll. now my city is fairly peacefull its been considered the 3rd most beautiful island in the world and one of the warmest (YES IN CANADA) so i stepped outside and oh my what do you know! i have 15 assult rifles pointed at my head with little lazers and 2 search dogs... FREEZE is all i hear before i fall to the ground hoping not to be shot??? "Sorry" the head officer says, we are looking for a Black male Apros 5"8 with a Shotgun who was running around here. (Cshhhhh on the officeres radio) "we have located the black male he is in the Robin hood hotel baricaded inside with hostages and His shotgun. The police sugest i should go home.. well i found that a Swell idea seing how i almost wet myself.. So i called my mobile to pick me up "Oh well theres baricades all up and down this street.." Officer says: you will have to walk down gorge road. Oh! i say, that sounds fun seeing as how theres sharpshooters and SWAT all over the roofs.. =\

I just got home and i am in tears after what hapened ive never been so scared in my *#(*% life..


On a good note. i only had about 1400 calories today and im STARVING right now but im calming that with water.
 
Seny,

We are all here for you. You know where you are and where you want to be. I understand where you are coming from. I as so addicted to soda that I would go without food just as long as I had the soda. By cutting back you have made a very big step to improve your health and to reach your goal.
Congrats on the doc appointment too. Maybe the weight doc could recommend a nutritionist or dietician.
Looking forward to your next entry. Keep your chin up, stay positive and keep smilin.
You will get there. We all will.

Until next time.... ;)
 
how scary :( glad you got home safely...

but how cool standing on stage - any groupies around to flirt with? :D

1400 calories sounds really really low - you really don't want to starve yourself... that only hurts you in the long run...

hope today goes better :D and in the immortal words of Miss jelly Belly - don't forget to drink your water :D
 
wow, sounds like you had more excitement in one day than I've had in the last 6 months combined!...maybe ever since I've never had an assault rifle pointed in my direction.

I read your first post yesterday and didn't respond because I couldn't think of anything helpful or cheery to say...then I read your new post this am and am so glad for you about the security job and your improved outlook. Plus I thought of something somewhat helpful to say

I know when I am feeling down emotionally the first thing that tends to slide downhill is housework: then I look around and get even more depressed because I suddenly have a pile of dirty laundry, a sink full of dirty dishes and a floor in need of serious vacuuming...it's like I've created my outside environment to reflect how my inner black mood...which then gets reinforced by the mess around me. Make sense?

So one of the things that helps is to do the opposite: feeling down? pick up a broom, put on some music and go into a cleaning/decorating frenzy. Burns calories, distracts you from the problems at hand (which can't be solved in the next hour anyway), gives you a sense of having accomplished something, and when you finally sit down in your shiny tidy digs you'll feel 1000% better about yourself. That's my 2 cents.
 
Hey Seny, I've been where you are now, at only 6' tall. I topped out at 420 or so pounds, and have been extremely sedentary throughout a lot of my life, unless I was working my butt off in a factory.
Just deciding to make the change, and cutting out some of the crappeh foods we eat and drink, will make a huge difference for you. Whatever else you do or don't do, just try to cut down on the pure junk food, and the soda. At first, you might crave soda madly; and you are better off easing into beating that addiction than to just cut it off right away. If you find yourself going nuts to have a soda... have a Coke zero. Even if you drink ten, it won't be every day, and it will help ease you back from a lot of the wihdrawals.

If you decide to go on a full bore, newer, healthier, brighter, shinier food plan, make sure it is something you can maintain for awhile. I've been trying to eat right for a couple of months now, and it is tough, and it can stay tough sometimes, but it isn't going to be big changes and differences you'll see, it'll be small ones that other folks will notice when you run into them after a month or three.
If you're going to let off your depression and angst and frustration, feel free to do it here, or drop by my thread sometime if you want to get a look at some high quality whining and add a bit of your own.

Just don't quit, it took a long time to gain this much weight, it'll take some time to lose it, too. I hope it helps, amigo.
 
Hey Seny
That sounded HORRIFYING!

I don't know if I could have handled that - and hey - I thought they didn't have guns in Canada ;)

Seriously, ver scary, and very cool you're on stage with barenekkid girls :D

Now - let's talk about 1400 calories.
I know it's been mentioned already.
But you CAN'T do that and expect to loose weight for long.

You need to set realisting plans that you can live with that is not going to screw up your metabolism in the process nor should it leave you starving at the end of the day.

Have you looked at what your caloric needs are just to maintain your weight? Then from there reduce in small increments?

It's all about small steps along the way - too many, too soon, too harsh, and you and your body could revolt ;)
 
Hey Andy...congrats on the new gig...that'd be pretty cool to be on stage close to those guys...

I've never had a gun pointed at me...but I'd imagine I'd be pretty freaked out to have 15 rifles pointed at me too...

A food question - do you like fruits and vegetables? You should definately try to eat lots of those.

Have a good day.
 
Thanks for all of your kind replys :) it made my morning. Yes i like fruits and Vegi's Certian ones. I ate brocolli like candy when i was a kid thats why im as tall as i am. i also like carrots but thats about it. My problom is Im dedicated and all to losing weight but like yesterday i couldnt help myself.. I passed a mcdonalds and said... Hey im hungry... and mcdonalds is cheap.. so i had to order somthing.. My main problom is Time and convinience. I am the kind of guy that is always on the rush, fast fast fast, processed foods no time for other stuff no time to cook. Are beans ok? like brown beans in tomatoe sauce??? and i know KraftDinner has no nutrisional value but is it ok?

Sorry bout the spelling mistakes im horible :p
 
Beans are a pretty decent choice. They have lots of fibre, low in fat and some protein - and they're cheap. I eat lots of beans. The baked beans will have some sugars added to the tomato sauce I would think, but I'd think it's much better choice than fast food.

Do you like other beans? You can get dried beans dirt cheap and cook them up yourself...of course it takes a little time, but it's nutritious and cheap.

If you can take some time and think about what you are going to eat for the day and plan it out...you can do it cheaper and much more nutriously than fast food. Something to think about...
 
Hey Andy, sounds like you had a day!!!

I have a love/hate relationship with cooking... on one hand culinary arts is a family tradition, on the other hand... well culinary arts is a family tradition :p . The biggest thing I have done is I went through all my old recipes and I rewrote them to make them MUCH healthier. I will be posting alot of the recipes here on this site, and I encourage you to take the time to prepare a few. Cooking is a true passion for me, and now that im doing it in a healthy way I REALLY love cooking. Cooking has a really bad rep of taking a long time, and I have no clue why. This evening I had Zatarans Dirty Rice with Shrimp. Total cost was 3 bucks and there is left overs for two more meals. The whole meal took less then 20 mins to cook, and I did it all while on the phone. Okay... so thats not really cooking a meal for oneself, but its healthy, fast, cheap, and its a warm meal not in a bun.

Anywho... check out the recipes from time to time, but believe me cooking for yourself is so much better then the McD's drive through... I mean that in more then just healthy ways too... you will love having a meal from your own pan!

As far as dishes... I think thats what people hate the most about cooking... I used two dishes tonight, My Wok (I use that baby for everything) and my plate. My plate goes in a sink of water and after I put the leftovers away, I kick on the stove and and heat up the wok, when its hot i throw in some salt and rub out the grime with a paper towel and dump it all in the trash. The Wok doesnt need to be scrubbed ever.
 
andy/seny

Hello from Qualicum Beach. I'm sorry for the losses you have suffered. Slow is good. Your good choices will make you feel better and your accomplishments will mount.
 
Ive decided im gonna take it really slow. im not ready for a huge commitment just yet.. i tried but i cant stop eating.. I eat large portions. So ive decided my first step in my long journey is that im going to start drinking coke Zero and then eventualy no coke at all. that should help Immencely to start. i cant WAIT for you to post your recipies lolli! :)
 
Hi there,
Wow, what a few days you have had. Sounds scary and exciting all in one.
Good job on how you are doing so far. Great job on turning to the water when you were stressed.
I am not one for cooking either and my schedule causes me to be on the go alot too. I have turned to my crockpot for some meals. I have had good luck with that. I have a cookbook specifically for crockpots called "Fix-It and Forget-it Lightly". It does not have pics of the food but have some wonderful recipes.
Keep up the great work.
:D
 
ooo i love coke zero! gets me through lots of social sticky bits!

People just assumed if you're drinking coke like substance it must have rum or something in it - its a good hoax :D
 
Hi, Andy!
You said, you like carrots.. Well, I did some research for you:
In 100 grams of carrots you have 28 calories.
In 100 grams of McDonalds French Fries you have 333 calories. One portion of Medium fries is 114 grams, that's 380 calories!!!!
1000 grams of carrots makes only 280 calories... That's a lot of crunching and chewing.. And at least where I come from carrots are cheap to by.
SO, substituting the fries with carrots, you get to eat as much carrots as you want and still save a lot of calories. Plus, you get a lot of healthy nutrients and fibre which keeps your body going like a well-oiled machine.
I like carrots myself, and I keep them always in the fridge, because they are a really good snack, and you can actually eat them anytime with good conscience.
Remember, you never have to go hungry if you want to loose weight, you simply have to eat things that are good for you and break some old habits!
I'm sure you can do it, and I'll keep on watchin' you ;)
Juliette

PS. About the dishes: just decide that you're gonna wash two plates and one glass today, maybe more tomorrow. It's so much easier to get yourself going when you know it's doable.
How many of us really want to start projects like "tidying and vacuuming my whole apartment, washing all the dishes and ironing all my clothes". I prefer the "putting this tiny corner in order today" -approach.
 
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