Self-Control? Where is it?!!

S

SarahBla

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Hi guys I am new to the forum :) I am a 22 year old female. So I will make this as short as possible. I used to work in an equestrian centre. I was there 2 years. While there I stayed a steady 9st or 126 pounds. I am 5'3 in height. Even though I ate a lot of rubbish I stayed the same weight. I never had proper dinners, Got lunch or breadrolls for lunch everyday. I rarely ate breakfast and worked at least 10 hours a day only have lunch. Some how I managed it because it was a tough job! Anyways I left there February 2012 and joined a gym because I knew I would put weight on. And I did!! And very quickly. I went up to 10st/140lbs in about 3 months. I went to the gym maybe twice..But I worked out for 40 minutes a day and walked a lot!! So maybe part of that was muscle. I then moved and stopped working out etc. I put on another 14 pounds. So in a year I put on 28 pounds. And my weight has been up and down since. I go down to 140lbs then back up to 154lbs so quickly! My thighs are covered in stretch marks. I have some on my hips aswell and some on one of my arms. I have been on and off working out for the last 10 months. And trying to eat healthy. I started running a few months ago but stopped that. And so I have not done any exercise in about 3 months. I am currently at 147lbs. My eating has gone downhill too. I basically eat chocolate and breadrolls. I am trying to eat good. I have only bought healthy food but I do not have the self-control to not to go the shop and buy rubbish!! I actually crave it so bad and I know it is because I keep eating it. How can I stop?!! And how can I get the willpower to get back into working out and running? Most of the weight went to my belly. A lot showed on my face too and my legs have suffered! I hate it. I feel disgusting. All I want to do really is get rid of the belly and some of my thighs and then tone everything! Please please give me some tips on how to control what I eat. Please. I have ordered runner and weights. I really am into the weight training. I just need to start again. I know I can do it because I did eat right and workout for a while. PLease help me. :)

Is it ok if I post some pictures so ye can see?
 
Hi Sarah.

My first advice to you is simple at first, but perhaps not so simple in practice, and it is to find genuinely healthy foods that you enjoy eating. Have you ever heard the mum-saying: "fruit is nature's candy"? Well, it's entirely lame and true. Earlier this year I made a solid plan to increase my vegetable consumption. It didn't pan out so effectively because, while I like the vegetables that I do eat, it turns out that a higher dose of them gets tedious. So instead I started eating more fruit, and have had no trouble with it (so long as there's fruit in the house). It tastes good, is generally low in calories (even though it does have a high amount of sugar in it by non-processed food standards, and is full of vitamins, minerals and fibre. I've been having a good time with my fruit. Fruit is also very simple -- vegetables I feel I need to prepare in some way; most fruit I can just grab and either bite straight into or at most chop/peel it -- so it's easy for me to adhere to regardless of how lazy I am.

Now, I'm not saying fruit is the answer for you, I'm just using that as a personal example. The point is to find as much enjoyable healthy food to eat as you can find, probably pick the foods from that range that are highly filling for the amount of energy they provide (this is actually where fruit fails, honestly -- I find it very unfilling, so I need something like milk with it to get my fill), and make them something you eat a lot of. You can still eat some chocolate in moderation, provided 1 bite doesn't automatically become a binge (even then, you may be able to fit chocolate effectively into your diet if you reduce the frequency -- if you're going to have copious amounts of it anyway, you'd be better off doing that once a week or once a fortnight than 5 times a week).

The other thing I'd suggest is to set aside a little bit of extra time in the morning (or the night before) to prepare some meals for the day. This doesn't need to be for the purpose of preventing yourself from "go[ing] to the shop and buy[ing] rubbish," per se. That would be a serious advantage, but I think it's reasonable to say that you're going to buy food out either way. However, if you pack good, nutritious food that you like eating, then you get to work your way through that before you go spending money on food while out. This doesn't mean you never eat out, but it may reduce the frequency of buying food while out, and it may reduce the amount of stuff you buy while out. Potential risks to this strategy include your wallet gaining weight from all the money you don't spend on Mars bars, and your stretch marks being taken off stretch.

You'll notice that the strategies I'm offering here aren't strategies that demand constant high levels of self-control and will-power. Your current behaviour is to eat what you want to eat -- I'm suggesting that you broaden your horizons on what you want to eat rather than abstain from enjoying your food. Your current behaviour is to buy food while out, and it tends not to be the best food choices -- I'm suggesting that you bring healthy food choices that you like to eat, eat that, and if you're still hungry or have cravings for something afterwards, then you can go ahead and buy something.

RE Pictures: You're allowed to post pictures, and they do tend to make it easier to give specific advice. Just be sensible with what you upload -- there aren't any age-restrictions on this website, so while it may be appropriate to show a lot of skin so that we can see what's going on, keep it tame.
 
Controlling myself around chocolate and carbs has always been hard because they are so good! I like to keep fruit on hand for everyday sweet cravings and I also keep greek yogurt that I'll freeze sometimes because then it is like ice cream, but still healthy and full of protein, which will keep you full longer, hopefully meaning you'll be less tempted to eat something. Humans are not perfect however, so I know it's hard to stick with a healthy diet completely. I like to give myself one cheat day a week where I don't go overboard, but I'll allow myself a piece or two of chocolate or extra bread that might not be multi-grain. Self-control when it comes to eating is definitely hard, but the difference a healthy diet makes is huge! As the saying goes, abs are made in the kitchen. Good luck, and I hope my ideas help a little!
 
If you really want to achieve something, self control comes from within. If you have a strong thought about something in mind, your mind gives you the power of implementing it. I have also lost some weight, I din't have to put a lot of effort in order to loose weight, my desire was strong enough.
 
Thank you all for your great advice! I really appreciate it! I had to make a new account because I couldn't sign into the other. Well here is a bit more info and some pictures..I measured my waist etc and here is the results.
Waist - 30 inches
Belly - 37 inches
Hips - 38 and a half inches
Thighs both -24 inches

My weights and runners have arrived so I will start jogging again tomorrow.

Some recent pictures..I want to handle this situation before it gets worse.





I actually hate my thighs so much :/



I hope the pictures are ok..Basically I wanna sort out my thighs and belly and tone up.
 
This could work, or totally backfire, but worth a shot.

A guy I knew years ago was heavily into body-building and being a natural trainer this involved eating a lot and accepting gain of more excess than he liked too. What he noticed after a while was the need for calories had driven him to eating a large amount of junk including his main weakness was ice cream. His solution was unusual but worked incredibly well.
The system was to buy expensive high quality ice cream that he wouldn't want to shovel down by the litre but savour for taste. The gap left in his diet when he did this was filled with more nutritious food while he kept this for a stunning treat for desert.

I have advised many to follow this system to help them avoid consuming masses of chocolate etc. For some it has worked beautifully, they moved from a bar at a time to a chunk of the good stuff savoured over half an hour or so. For others it meant they consumed the same amount but paid more for the junk food, so consider if you are likely to be one of these before trying it.

Preparation is often key, as goldfish said, and a small reward program can work well with it. Have a tub full of good food and a nice square of grade A chocolate that is only to be eaten after everything else. In very little time your appettites will start changing and masses of chocolate will make you feel sickly instead of sated.

Thing to remember when starting weight training, you may easily gain weight even if losing fat. This is not to be scared of as lean mass gain will aid fat loss.
Hope you enjoy your new kit. That is beyond doubt the most important part of any workout.
 
The chocolate I buy is pretty expensive as is. But it is a good idea. I need to keep myself feeling full or satisfied as well. Right now I am hungry but all I want is chocolate. It is so complicated with work! I got up at 6am this morning went for a walk/jog. Mostly walking. I need to build my fitness up again. Was back around 7:30. Had breakfast at 8. I start work at 12 so I try to eat as close to leaving as possible. I have to leave at 11. And I cannot bring food with me because I don't get a break. So by the time I am home which is around 5 I am starving and the first thing I go for is chocolate and bread!! Is wholegrain bread better to eat or should I just stay away from all bread? It is one thing I so badly crave!
 
Bread is fine as long as you have no gluten allergies, if you had this I would expect you to have noticed. Despite the bad press complex carb food is what the human body is designed to be fuelled on.

The detail you have given here has told me where the problem resides and it is in the insulin curve. I will detail this and it will explain why you are failing to stay feeling full or satisfied, I will then of course give a basic suggestion and others will likely improve on it.

Bear with this it gets weird.
All carbs in the body are broken down to glucose for absorbtion and transportation, high school stuff.
If there is too much glucose in the blood the body releases insulin to convert this to glycogen for storage or the body will convert it to fat if the amout is far too high and glycogen storage will not cover it.
When most of the intake is complex carbs and lifestyle is active, the slight imbalances of blood glucose and insulin present no issues and you continue safely. This is because complex carbs break down to glucose slowly so the body can deal with it sensibly.
If there is a lot of glucose dumped into the body in one go, from simple sugars (in your case chocolate), the body releases a rush of insulin. When the influx stops the body has to react and stop the release. Because this is a slightly delayed process the additional insulin will remove more glucose from the blood leaving a lower level compared to insulin than it had before. The term low blood sugar is often used to describe this but is not strictly accurate as there will still be plenty in the blood but the body calculates available on glucose that isn't being dealt with by insulin. Told you it gets weird. A way to consider it is food on the worktop or in your hands, the food on the worktop could be someone elses so you leave it alone, even though there is food you only count what is in your hands even though there is more available.
The body will see this low available blood glucose as a sign you need food and predominatly sweet food to restore the balance quickly. You answer this call and it will be no surprise that the process starts over again.
One very serious warning about living this way. At 22 you are well and truly in the safe zone to sort this out and the body will be fine for the rest of your life. If you don't you are on target to become one of the largest growing health concerns today, type 2 diabetic. If this looks scary and you think there is reassurance, this is only true if you take it seriously now. The health effects of diabetes are very damaging, covering everything from blood pressure issues to loss of sight. I know the biggest increasing trend in sight loss is diabetes so it's intense stuff. Sorry if this isn't nice but as I say sorting it now will mean you are doing so within the safe zone.

Fixing the issue. First and foremost do not make the common mistake of assuming all carbs are bad. Low carb diets are stupid at best and in the case of extremes like Aitkens literally deadly at worst, unfortunately genuine.
There is no fix that will not leave you feeling unsatisfied in the short term. Your body is used to a sugar fuelled life and it will take a bit of time to adjust. Anyone telling you this will be easy and craving free is lying at best. I rarely disagree with Goldfish and in fairness based on what you first said I would have suggested fruit too, but with what we are covering here fructose rich food will not be much help either. Fructose is one of the simplest sugars, identical to glucose in all but name.
What you need to do is get your body used to a diet where the carb intake is from complex sources, aka starch. These are pasta, rice, potato, bread etc. The fact your body is craving one of these means you are not in any grave danger from your diet which is good news, those in the worst situations only crave sweet. Wholegrain pasta, bread etc. is healthier for a number of reasons than more processed white alternatives, Sure can tell you more about this she is well read on the delightful things our food industry like doing to us.
The trick when eating these as your staple when you have been used to accompanying it with something sweet is to ensure you don't inadvertantly do the same again. Obvious would be a jam sandwich, less obvious is a pasta with sauce or similar. You like bread and we likely need to get your vegetable intake up so having some sandwiches made with thick sliced bread, salad and a thin slice of meat will be ideal. If buying mixed salad be careful it is not a dressed version, if you have time and are a bit of a tight wad like me, buy the ingredients and a grater.
The next issue will be that your body is used to a constant supply of glucose rich food. This will not be fully covered here but what I suggest should be something your body gets used to easily. Have the sandwiches cut in quarters, triangles or squares are your choice, my brother and son love triangles and none of us understand the difference in taste. The idea will be to have these one at a time over a duration to keep the body satisfied or as close to as realistic, not so much increasing the number of meals as abandoning most meals in favour of browsing, something I have done for decades. I don't know what you do work wise now but if it is a desk job you can take this a step further like me and have a mouthful at a time spreading the intake over an even longer time.
This system will never leave you feeling full but will generally stop you feeling hungry because the intake is constant and your body doesn't need more, leaving you satisfied.
This type of eating for weight loss takes more time to get used to than if doing it for gain, because as well as changing your style of eating you will be wanting to reduce overall calorie consumption, but it does work and I haven't known anyone sticking to it who didn't adapt within a couple of weeks.

Some of this post is weird and could potentially be confusing. Asking for clarification isn't stupid, failing to do so if it wasn't clear would be. If you got it all and can work with it great if I have been unclear let me know where and what you don't understand.
 
Thank you so much for that!! I totally understand that because I eat so much chocolate I crave it more. I get this idea into my head that fruit or vegetables will not satisfy my hunger and so I go for the bread and sweet stuff. I have been trying to make smoothies in advance so they are there but sometimes I still go for the bad stuff. And the smoothies are full of only good food. I posted in the nutrition section about them. I really want to try stop this habit! I know I can..It is just when the cravings come I cannot control my thinking! And even when I do eat good food I always need to eat something sweet after. Like if I have a salad I need chocolate! I don't know If I have said but I tried to replace milk chocolate with dark. It works for a while but is not as satisfying. Especially around certain times of the month..Now don't freak out..But I actually know what day I am going to get my period because of my cravings. They are unbelievably bad 2 days before. You should actually see me trying everything I can find in the house that is sweet. It is worse when I have no money to buy something :p I have also tried replacing chocolate with hot chocolate. I don't really know if that is any better..

I work in childcare so sort of hard to be eating while working. But I can buy or make a fruit salad to bring and eat throughout the day. I unfortunately gave in today and after work I got a roll with coleslaw, ham and cheese. And chocolate of course. But it wasn't no small bar. It was 200grams of chocolate and jellies :/ I don't even know how I can eat the whole thing..People think I am crazy!! And well for breakfast I have chocolate :/ I feel so fat!! I need to get out of this.
 
Menstual appetitie changes aren't unusual, and stange as this may seem coming from a male I have some understanding of why it hapens from reading about nutrition etc.
Smoothies etc. will be mostly liquid and fruit so contain things that are in and out of your stomach fast. They aren't bad food, just not ideal for what you need to achieve. It is easy to see a healthy option and assume it will help if your diet isn't healthy.
What you have is a mixture of sugar dependancy and psychological desire to feel full and satisfied. Not unusual, if it was diabetes wouldn't be on the increase, in fact the thing unusual about you is a desire to fix it before it becomes a big problem, that is why you are worth helping.
Fruit is nature's candy and also contains chemicals that make your stomach empty. Remember plants don't produce this out of kindness but to make animals transport seeds, therefore the chemical is to ensure the stomach is emptied before the body digests the seeds. So while it isn't unhealthy and would seem the smart alterantive to chocolate in many cases it won't help yours.
You need to replace simple carbohydrates (sugars) found in chocolate, fruit, sauces etc. with the complex alternative (starch) found in staple foods (potatos, bread etc.) and starchy vegetables like carrots, cauliflour etc. This will take time to get used to and there is no easy route that will make this feel instantly natural but it needs to happen.
Most of the time I tell people not to cut out foods or make drastic dietary changes unless very extreme. This is because I know the body doesn't take these changes well so gentle adjustments are generally far better and safer than quick fixes or detox style treatment. The examples I give as exceptions are usually a ton of sugar or lard, and your diet falls into the first of these, hence I am breaking with tradition and advising something dramatic that your body will hate for up to a few weeks.
 
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