Four years ago I got really sick (swine flu and then lung infections) and basically could not get out of bed for months then could only walk down the street slower than someone in their 90's for about a year (and I was in my 20's then) and slowly from taking Chinese medicine my strength has been returning and this year I finally feel close to normal. This said I also developed an eating disorder when I got sick because just before I had lost weight and gotten into shape and I was scared that being bedsick would make me gain all the weight back so I barely ate. I am sure this slowed down my recovery. I went down to 105 pounds and I am 5'6.5 so that was bad. Then I got up to 140 (where I am now) about two years ago but was still very weak then I stared to feel better last summer and lost ten pounds but then found myself tired and weak again and gained it back. Also I was being suddenly and intensely physically active when I had been practically sedentary until then so maybe it was too much change all at once. What I am wondering is if being 130 is too low for me. It's not fair cause that is still a very healthy bmi and I feel very unattractive and depressed at 140. I wonder if I was tired last summer because of my general health and not my ten pound weight loss because in the two years I was 140 I was totally exhausted as well and I think my health is better now so I am wondering if it is safe to lose ten or fifteen pounds now. I am so scared to so I keep sabatoging my diet. I am a singer and my voice has finally gotten strong again which I need to further my career...so basically I am wondering if anyone has had a similar experience with health and weight loss. I think that 130 is not too low and I really want to look sharp for my career but not at the cost of loosing my voice. I wonder if I am just living in fear of the past and wonder if it is ever going to be possible/healthy realistic for me to weight 130.