Riot!

[Riotgrrl]

Jeez I am trying like the dickens to get myself back on track. I've been working out more frequently, but still not regularly. I realized that I no longer have a PLAN. And I'm not making time for it--if I have an evening free I might exercise, but we all know that doesn't work. So I put together a spreadsheet to track my progress. It kind of in a calendar format with three targets I try to hit: cardio, upper body, and core. I haven't yet figured out how to include my goals so I can plan my activities, but at least I have something to track with.

On another note, there has been so much junk food at work this week that I just feel sick with remorse over eating it. Soda, brownies, chips, crackers, pie. Christ. Office buildings are just seething with obesity and latent sickness from just sitting, riding elevators, dessert potlucks, an abundance if convenience foods on site, and STRESS! I sometimes feel like I have everything in the world working against me!

 

[Riotgrrl]

I made myself a calendar thing and I've done some type of exercise almost every day for two weeks now. Not bad if I do say so myself. I'm doing a LOT of walking. I'm craving super high value foods, so I'm taking that as a good sign since the scale has only moved in the UP direction. I swear to god I bulk up so fast. My whole family are built like Sherman tanks. I'm am going to be the heaviest thin person on earth. Except for maybe those Cirque Du Soleil chicas--they are buffer than hell. But man, you should see my calves: at the start of this program they were 20" around at the widest part and flabby. Now they're 19", defined and hard as rocks. I'm telling you I'm going to be huge. Svelte is not in my genes. I've come to terms with that.

 

[Riotgrrl]

Still At It

My life went completely haywire as life has the tendency to do, so I haven't posted. But I AM still fighting the fight. I've had another couple of lazy episodes but I haven't dropped out entirely. I learned a lot about myself over the last ten moths, mainly that I've got what it takes when I'm focussed.

A couple months ago I quit taking my birth control pill to see how my body would react or if my hormones would kick in and regulate themselves. I immediately plopped on seven pounds, but then realized this was mostly water. For two months I've fluctuated up and down through the month from between 218 and 222.5. My lowest weight I reached last March was 215, so not too bad considering I'm not restricting calories and I don't exercise as frequently as is recommended.

What is most exciting to me is that my menorrhagia has not come back! And I am not psycho and irrational at PMS time. Before when I was 220ish my periods were way off but at that time I was on my way UP the scale, I was sluggish, depressed, and inactive. I attribute my current mellow state to the fact that I am more active.

It's time for me to set a new goal since I am feeling lackluster about trying to lose 60 pounds by my birthday; I've never been good at staying focussed on the big number or for long stretches of time. All my life I have maxed out at three months. I can work hard and stay on track, but after 12 weeks the honeymoon is over and then I need to ease off. And I typically do better in the cooler months so I'm gearing up again now.

My new goal is to work off another 2 pounds per week from now until Thanksgiving, hopefully for a total of 20 pounds. Man... twenty pounds is HARD to lose!

What makes it easier is that I gave up on my one year/100# goal. Making any permanent change is going to take much more time, and I've come to the realization that this is going to be a lifelong issue. Kind of like Oprah except I don't yo-yo up and down like that. I know I'll never be spectacularly thin, I would just like to be able to jog five miles and shop in the regular sized clothing stores--even if I'm still in their largest size!

I'm lucky that I'm in pretty good health and decent shape for my weight. Last year I was gung-ho for the gastric band but then I finally had to come to the realization that my body would do the same thing whether I was banded or not: if I just ate 2-4 ounces of food at a time and ate only 1000 calories a day it would go into starvation mode, store fat and burn muscle. It's what my body does--I'm very efficient!!

Here's to efficiency and short-lived spurts of ambition!!