Rho's Diary

RhoRho

RhoRho

New member
So today is D-day minus one. I begin my exercise regime tomorrow at the lovely Virgin Active gym half an hour away (walking) from my home.
I know I need to lose between 65 and 83 pounds. I'm leaving it as a range as I don't know what I'll look like when I lose that much weight. All the literature I've read or stumbled upon say a loss of 1-2lbs a week is normal. Well, I'm aiming for 2lbs a week, which means 8 to 10 months. I'll be doing this mainly through exercise, as I dearly want to develop muscle as well. My skin is quite firm, but I don't know whether it's muscle underneath the fat, or it's fat which has become hardened with time.

Well, I have a personal training session at the gym tomorrow, so I guess I'll be properly weighed and everything. I'll also discuss with her exercise options and whether my target is reasonable and all, including setbacks (which I'm praying not to have).

I guess this is something I'll be doing by myself. For some weird reason, my friends seem to like me the way I am, but I think that's stupid because they've always known me to be like this. I think that my friends who are female would not like me to be slimmer than they are because of attention issues (I can't help the feeling that smaller girls like a bigger girl like me to go out with to make themselves look smaller/sexier). My friends who are male say that they like me as I am (as long as I'm healthy) and all guys like a bit of meat on girls, but I think this is crap because they all have small, slim girlfriends while I, and all my 'meat' remain single. I don't know - I guess I have confidence issues. But everyone else in my family / circle of friends is slim so I've always stuck out like a sore thumb and I hate that. :mad:

I've spent the last few years finding myself as a person, and getting over issues from my childhood/past with horrible female friends. I think I'm more stable in my head, and this is the final hurdle. This diary is going to be hard because I know I have to record both my progress and my failure, and the thought of failure makes me want to weep. I'm eating the last of my junk food (organic butter biscuits) because I know that as from tomorrow, I'll only be able to have one a day as a mini treat. My plan is to go to the gym in the mornings before work, but that means I might have to exercise on am empty stomach, and I don't know how effective that will be. But I'll discuss all this with the personal trainer tomorrow, I guess. Day zero.
 
Hey, I decided to answer you question to me in your diary instead of the other thread, seeing as this is the one that'll be mainly used.

For my weight loss, it took me a while because I didn't start exercising with diet change. I changed how I ate and that was almost a year ago. Changing my eating took me a good ways, but I got stuck at 175 for a long time. Which depressed me, and I knew I had to exercise to continue the weight loss, but I was so depressed about not losing anymore that I didn't feel like going out to exercise. One day I finally snapped out of it and realized what I had to do. So I started going to the gym. I knew I needed support and that's how I found this site. Now, I do wish I would have started to exercise WAY sooner, I'd be really close to my goal, if not at it by now if I had, but the important thing is that I'm doing it now. So if you monitor your calories, eat healthy foods, proper portions, healthy snacks, and do you exercises you'll do just awesome!

About your friends... of course they like you the way you are, it's they way they've always known you. Just watch out for people trying to sabotage you, for example, offering you bad foods (cake, chocolate anything like that). Just make sure you politely turn them down. It's happened to me and it's happened to a lot of people. If you stick to your guns (so to speak) they'll eventually understand you're not going to give up and they'll come around. And if they don't, then that's not the kind of people you would want to be around anyways. But I'm sure things will be fine, it is your change you're making for yourself, but it's also a change for them and like any change it takes some time to get used to!

Diaries can be hard when admitting to setbacks, but it's so helpful to be honest with yourself. Not only that but the support you get from others during those times of weakness just helps out so much to get you back on track and keep you on track!

Good luck with your personal training session, let me know how it went!
 
Hey Risty,

I just got back from the session, which was great! A few body parts feel numb, but I guess the pain'll come tomorrow, and I can't wait.

To be honest my eating tends to be quite ok and balanced - my problem comes from firstly not having breakfast and then splurging on biscuits and tea mid-morning. I also feel the need to have something sweet at night (just before going to bed), which is terrible. So as long as I get my timings right (eat the right foods at the right times) and exercise right, I should achieve my goal. I'm also here for the motivation aspect. The thing we (and I suspect, others) have in common is the feeling of taking life by the horns and steering it in the direction we want it to go in. I appreciate your comments about my friends - I think they will understand with time. They'll have to, because I have no wish to be thought of as 'the big one in the group' or some such description anymore :)

My first session went great. I was assigned a personal trainer, who'll monitor my progress every 3 weeks, as well as provide a training plan every month, which I think is a brilliant idea. I explained my goals at length, she measured my blood pressure (120/80) - she said that was near perfect, and I said 'If it is, then surely my size should follow', and she smiled. Mine is a combination of weight training and cardiovascular training - the next 4 weeks are apparently for body conditioning, so I can push myself to the next level without wanting to give up immediately. I got a chart listing all the exercises in the plan (including warm-up). The weight training part (all 3x12 sets) includes the leg press, the lats, the bench press, the shoulder press, and 2 other exercises for the front and back of the arms (I forget what they're called but they're in the chart). I get to rest for 30 secs between sets to maximise calorie burning. For the cardio-training, I get to do 45 mins on the cross trainer, cycle, or rower (or on all 3). I alternate both types of training to give my body the chance to rest between days.

I'm also thinking of doing one or two classes a week: the first is called Body Combat, which is apparently punching and kicking the air which apparently burns a lot of calories. For the second, it's a toss-up between Urban Rebound, which is an aerobics class done with the use of trampolines, and Body Pump, which is simply a spinning class. They've got so many classes that look interesting but I don't want to go overboard so I don't burn out within the first couple of weeks. I really want this to work so the more I can assimilate the training into my life, the better the results, I think. The one thing I appreciate was the fact that the trainer said not to drastically alter my eating habits, as I would be demotivated before long if I did.

My weight was measured at 215.5lbs, which was 1lb lower than my scales at home. I don't know whether I lost 1lb in a day or whether I didn't read the scales correctly. Either way, I need to lose a hell of a lot more. I just had dinner of barbecue chicken and a salad, and I've got tomorrow's breakfast ready (skimmed milk with natural yoghurt, wheat bran and mixed nuts). Fruits and nuts will be my snacks henceforth, so I guess I have to stock up. Thankfully there's street fruit vendors that sell fruit really cheaply near my workplace, so I shouldn't bankrupt myself in trying to eat healthily. Being healthy in London is so expensive!

Ok, so that was my first day. In all, I had 3 slices of wholewheat bread (toasted with butter), a cup of tea, roast chicken, salad, an apple, 3 butter biscuits and a square of dark (bitter) chocolate to eat today. I hope I do better tomorrow (no biscuits this time). It'll be a busy day at work tomorrow anyway, so I should be able to manage. I'll keep you posted. Goodnight:)
 
Welcome! All that stuff with the personal trainer sounds great! You're off to a wonderful start! Keep it up!
 
I'm glad the training session went well! It's awesome that every month you get a new plan. That's the way it should be, wish I had something like that. I could get a personal trainer myself, however I think I want to spend the money on cardio kickboxing. Those classes that you have available also sound really good! I don't know what I would pick if I were you, spinning... trampolining.... both sound scary! But I think maybe spinning would burn more cals? That's what I would guess anyhow.

Anyways, I need to go post in mine own diary! Good luck with your workouts! You'll do awesome if you stick to it, and eat healthy!
 
Ok, so this is Day 2. So far, it's not been too bad. I woke up feeling really excited about my new eating habits and exercise, and even ended up getting to work late because I was determined to have some breakfast. I had some skimmed milk (with a little natural yoghurt mixed in as I hate the taste of dairy products) with wheat bran and dried fruits/nuts. It tasted wonderful! Hopefully it'll continue to taste wonderful this time next week..

I was a little nervous at work, because there's currently trays of biscuits EVERYWHERE and it's just so easy to get food (even for free). But I made sure I drank loads of water, and when I got a little peckish I had an apple, and then more water.

I've had lunch, which was a wholewheat bun with 3 ham slices, loads of salad leaves, some low fat cream cheese, and a tomato. I still felt hungry afterwards so I had a plain bagel with some butter. I feel quite bad about the bagel, but I think this is a good lesson for me as I think I need to have something more substantial, like a potato, so I don't still feel hungry. I've had a handful of cashew nuts as well, but I don't feel bad about that at all :)

I intend working out at the gym tonight, so my plan is to have some fruit salad with natural yoghurt a couple of hours before I'm due to work out, and if I'm hungry afterwards, I'll have either some fruit (I got 5 Granny Smith apples and a fat bunch of grapes all for £2 from the really nice street vendor), or some stir fried chicken I've had in the fridge.

I've also been reading diaries of others in this forum, but I feel hardly qualified to give any sort of advice - I'm only just starting off myself! I know the first 3 weeks will be the hardest, which is why I'm recording everything so I don't cheat. It's nice just learning though; in time I'll become an expert at all things weight loss..

Thanks to everyone who's been so lovely - I hope you all achieve your dreams too!
 
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Hey :D

It's awesome when you wake up feeling that way! Good job on eating breakfast and loving the taste! WOO!

I can COMPLETELY understand the work thing. At my work they give each office an allowance of sorts for snacks. So every months someone goes shopping with that money and buys snacks. Of course those snacks are tons of diff types of cookies and crackers, sometimes even crispers (damn do those crispers taste good!) At first I was able to avoid those cupboards but then one day I kinda gave in and for a while I was eating something out of there every day! However, since I've become re-determined to lose weight, I haven't touched that cupboard for the past 3 weeks and continuing not to touch it! It is very hard because I love crackers (especially the cheese nips and the sour cream and onion flavored ones) but, my life and my health is way more important than food and I've let food be #1 in my life for way too long. It's time for me to be #1 in my own life, and I intend to keep it that way!

In saying that, I wish you luck on avoiding your own work temptations, you can do it!!!!!
 
Yay, today's another day. A weird day, in fact, but at least I'm not worried about food. I'll be working out tonight (all cardio) and I'm looking forward to it, well, to the rush of satisfaction I'll feel when I'm done.
Yesterday wasn't bad at all. It's pretty much like today, food-wise. I got a fruit and nut mix from Sainsburys to have with my wheat bran and milk/yoghurt mixture. So far, it's worked well, but I'm starting to realise I might get very bored of eating the same thing. There's nothing worse than boredom, because chances are I'll start skipping breakfast, and you know what that does to your diet!

So I went online to look for good breakfast recipes. I remembered seeing a Jamie Oliver recipe on TV a while ago (nothing I love better than lying in bed on a Saturday morning watching UKTV Food!) - the recipe was called Pukolla. Of course it looks a million times divine than it sounds (it actually sounds like something you'd take to rehydrate your body after a typical English night out drinking and puking your guts out), and people say it tastes wonderful. While looking for the recipe online, though, I stumbled upon quite a few other recipes, mainly incorporating oatmeal/bran (fibre!). I've also decided I'll be making up my own fruit/nut mixtures, as well as my own muesli from now on. It'll be cheaper than buying the pre-packaged in the supermarket, and I'll be able to include things I love, and take out raisins, which are yuck!

I'm not sure whether to calorie count or not - I'm sort of using my common sense to determine whether I'm going overboard, but seeing other people's sparse diets is scaring me a little. For the past couple of days (today inclusive), my typical daily intake has been:

- 1 bowl milk/natural yoghurt, with mixed fruits, nuts, and non-processed wheat bran.

- A handful of cashew nuts (salted!), some fruit (an apple or some grapes)

- A roll or bagel with 2 to 3 ham slices with loads of salad leaves and 1 or 2 tomatoes.

- More fruit (maybe with natural yoghurt)

- Either more fruit, or chickpeas or couscous with stir-fried chicken (leftover from a week ago but now sadly gone - it was so nice)

- 2 plain biscuits (this was just last night though)
I drink loads of water during the day.

I wonder if I'm eating too much. But any less and I'll die! And all the calorie counter thingies online are just weird. They seem geared towards American foods/brands, and it's sort of discouraging (e.g. FitDay couldn't recognise the concept of a handful of nuts, telling me I'd ingested 700 calories, which I knew to be nonsense). But I reckon at least for the first month I shouldn't go overboard on the healthy eating as I'll give up more quickly. So I'm looking for healthy recipes (a whole bunch as this is a lifestyle change, and not just for the duration of my weight loss). I've spent loads of time (at work hehe) looking up recipes and I've found quite a few. I can't wait to try them out, especially during the Easter weekend when I'm going to be sorely tempted by all the damn chocolate lying around the place.
I can't wait for tonight's workout - I need to pound out some frustrations.:mad:
 
5th April - 10.30am

I'm sitting at work sipping some disgusting Raspberry fruit tea which apparently contains gikgo biloba and ginseng (which I need to promote brain activity seeing as I've got an examination coming up) and I'm pondering over how I'll up my motivation levels over the next 9 months. Yesterday was the first time I felt like crying during a workout - I didn't realise how unfit I'd become.

In the height of my former gym going days, I used to regularly attack the cross trainer on level 7 for 45 straight minutes - I could barely do 20 minutes on level 4 yesterday.

I knew I had to do a 55 minute workout in total (5 min warmup, 45 min workout, 5 min cooldown). I didn't want to get bored so I split the 45 min stretch into 5 mins on the rower, 15 mins on the cycle, and 25 mins on the cross trainer. The rower's the most difficult for me, so I decided to do it first. I managed to force myself to do 10 mins at level 5, after which I hopped on the cycle and did 20 mins at level 4. Straight after, and sweating like the proverbial xmas goat, I hobbled on to the cross trainer and began at level 4. A couple of minutes into the workout, I realised I was exhausted. My body was stiff (probably from the weight training session a couple of days ago) and it felt like I was swimming through treacle - I nearly broke down in tears. But then I placed my hands on the heart monitor things, and they said my heart rate was 168! (the personal trainer said to aim for a HR between 160 and 170 so I figured I wasn't doing that bad a job. I pressed on painfully, and it was only the TVs and the horrible music emanating from them that kept me going. Even the sweat towel got on my damn nerves.

By the end of the workout, though, I'd burned nearly 500 calories in all, and my shirt was soaked through. But I couldn't help but feel disappointed in myself. Maybe I thought I'd do better, or burn close to 1000 calories a session like I used to previously. All I know is I felt like crap even though a part of my brain kept saying 'But you didn't do so bad - you still achieved what you went in there for!'. Then I went home and had some tuna with couscous, eating at the kitchen counter while my flatmate regaled me with tales of her day, which made me feel slightly better.

Maybe I'm being unduly harsh on myself, but I just want to get to stage where exercise is fun. I know it's hard work, and therefore, technically, not fun, but I do remember ages ago feeling a certain sense of calm in the middle of my workouts - I used to feel like I could carry on forever. I didn't feel like that yesterday, and that makes me sad. Still, it's early days. I look forward to my next session - it's weight training..
 
Awww, don't let it get you down! I know it's hard and I've been in the same position. Although, I've never been in shape, I was never this out of shape ya know? Don't think about what you used to be able to do, think about what you can do to get yourself back up there! Don't let what your capable of now stop you or discourage you from you exercises because continuing on with it is the only way you'll get back up there. So continue with your workouts and slow increase it until you reach you goals of fitness (ex: what you used to be able to do).

About calorie counting, I know it can be a bit hard, but I usually find there's always a way to figure out the portions. Like say you had a handful of nuts, put them in a measuring up first and see how much it is. It maybe only be a quarter of a cup, so then for the measurements you would put 0.25 cups. I found that I've really improved on my fractions and decimals with that site, lol.
 
Thank you so much for your kind words - I really needed to hear that. I didn't want to seem self-pitying or anything, but it really got me down. I'm looking forward to my next workout where I hope to be able to push myself a little. Thinking about it, it's ridiculous I should become disillusioned as this is still my first week! It's taking all my willpower not to jump onto the scales to see how much I've lost (that doesn't come till Sunday). Well, I've got to plan my food for this Easter weekend, as well as for next week, so I'm not unprepared at any time. It's amazing how much effort you have to put into your food. But I think this is good because what goes into your body determines what your body does (or how your body looks). Plus it's nice to feel like I'm pampering myself, which I realise I haven't done in a while.

Thanks again Risty - this really is a journey.
 
Hi RhoRho

First of all, you're brave for heading to a gym and getting a personal trainer. I can't help but feel intimidated when I'm at the gym, I feel like everyone is looking at how slow I'm going, how long I'm going, what I look like, or just competing with me. Now I know that in reality probably no one spares me a second look, but I'm paranoid. Although you and Risty both seem to be doing really fantastic at your gyms. You're doing so well! You are doing a wonderful job with your diet, exercise, and restraint in general. Burning 500 calories in one session is GREAT, don't tell yourself otherwise, I wish I was burning that many calories in one session. I hope you have taken before and after pictures because seeing your own progress is really motivating. In the three years I've been overweight, I've allowed very few pictures of myself to be taken so I made sure to have the beginning of my journey properly documented.

I just wanted to comment on the post you made about your friends liking you the way you are and such. Here's my issue with that statement. It doesn't matter if they like you the way you are. If they care about you then they should care about your goals and your self-image. It certainly isn't my idea of a good time to run around holding purses for my friends at parties, clubs, bars, or wherever. I had a really particularly horrible evening out one night when I was dancing next to a good (thin and beautiful) friend of mine. A guy actually said to me "you'll never look like that, how does it feel dancing next to her?" I was so shocked! SO I realized that I really am not doing this for guys, attention, anyone else, I'm doing it for myself. I'm so happy you're on your way, and I know you will succeed girl! No longer will we be the fat friend. People are going to have to find some other way to feel better about themselves.
 
Hey Lukewarm, your comment resonated so strongly with me. It's like you totally understood what I was trying to say. I am so determined to no longer be the fat friend. As I said I feel like this is the final part to my becoming a whole new person. I've spent the last few years weeding out horrible female friends who made themselves feel better the more miserable I felt (especially at parties like you described - some would even advise me to wear the most unflattering outfits, just so they could look better next to me). I've got past most, if not all, of that hurt, and I realise that there are people out there who accept you for who you are, regardless of your size, whether they are friends or prospective partners. But this is something I now need to do for myself, and I'm determined to succeed, even though I don't know what the end result will be. If anything it'll prove that I can do whatever I put my mind to, which is really important to me. I've not yet taken pictures as I hate the way I look in them, but I'll try to do so over the next week so I can keep track. Thanks for your kind comments - I can be really hard on myself at times, but I guess that is my punishment for letting myself go. I'm really grateful for all the encouragement I'm receiving. I'm glad you're well on your way too (8lbs is no mean feat!), so hopefully we can all encourage one another.
 
past midnight (saturday of the easter weekend)

I can't sleep so I thought I might as well write. I didn't gym today, because I'm got my timings mixed up. Today is a public holiday so I didn't go to work, but somehow I assumed the gym would stay open till 10 (as it usually does) - silly me eh. Of course, by the time I got there, it was closed, and I had all this energy to use. The cinema's really close by, so I went in and saw 300, which was good. I decided to walk back home, and even ran some of the way, which was really invigorating - maybe some of the testosterone in the movie got to me. So I'll go to the gym nice and early tomorrow...depending on when I go to sleep...my weight training and maybe half an hour of cardio - I'm so keen to burn all these stupid calories making me 'of generous proportions'.

Can't believe I didn't even think of having a Haagen Dazs mini ice cream tub in pralines and cream...yum
 
Hey, congrats on doing something even though your plans didn't go as... well.. planned! Running part of the way that's just awesome!

You know, being at this point of my weight loss I wish I would have taken before pics before I started. No matter how bad I looked I should have done it. I mean I have pictures for sure, but most of them I'm wearing my hoody (to hide) and it's hard to find a picture of what my body actually looks like so I can compare it properly. So I'm in the process of trying to find a good picture, maybe from christmas 2005 to show how I actually looked up top.

I would really suggest, no matter how you hate how you look, to take some proper before pics with clothing that you can see your body because once you lose a good amount of weight and you compare those old pics to your new self, it's absolutely amazing. It also helps you realize how far you've come. I mean, I didn't even realize how far I came until I saw some old pictures, it really was shocking! That's why I'm gonna keep documenting my progress with pictures. I have pics from last March, from this October, from today (April) and then I'll take new ones at the end of my 10 week program (in June). I know that will help me fully see how far I've come because looking at myself after losing almost 50 pounds, I still see a fat person (because I am still overweight) and it's hard to see the good still. But the pictures really proved to me how for I actually did come, and I didn't realize how big I actually was until seeing them now.

Anyways, that was long! I wish you the best of luck in continuing your exercising and eating.

Oh and Lukewarm, that's so horrible about what that one guy said. I can totally understand what that's like, people can be so rude. And even though I want to lose weight for me, I still want to show those people... HA! Look at me now b#&$%! :p
 
Hey, just wanted to let ya know that my before and now pics are posted on my diary, please come check it out :D Can ya tell I'm excited??
 
4.16pm Saturday afternoon

I wasn't going to post for a few days but I just had to record what a fantastic session I had today. It was weight training, and I guess I still had all that energy from yesterday, cos I was raring to go once I got in that gym! I found that my tolerance level has increased on a whole range of stuff (now that's what I'm talking about) so I've documented it:

Leg Press (60kg) - usually 3sets of 12 reps (today 3 sets of 15 reps)
Lat Pulldown (20kg) - usually 3 sets of 12 reps (today 3 sets of 15 reps)
Chest Press (4kg) - usually 3 sets of 12 reps (today 3 sets of 15 reps)
Shoulder Press (2kg) - this one hurts! - usually 3 sets of 12 reps (today 3 sets of 15 reps)
Tricep Pushdown - usually 3 sets of 12 reps at 35 lbs, today 3 sets of 15 reps at 40lbs!
Bicep Curl (30lbs) - stayed at my usual 3 sets of 12 reps

As I still had 10 minutes to go before the hour was up (I aim for an hour's workout so I don't get bored), I hopped onto the cross trainer and burned 100 calories. More importantly, my heart rate averaged 168 throughout. I didn't forget to stretch this time, so although my limbs feel somewhat heavy I'm not in pain. I feel great! I'm taking an urban rebound class tomorrow (cardio stuff on trampolines - wonder how that'll turn out!) and tomorrow's my weight measuring day, so I get to see if I've lost my target 2lbs. I think I have. I hope I have. I can't wait to go bowling tonight with my friends. Maybe they'll even see a difference!
 
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Congratulations on your gym session! It's always really nice to read when people are genuinely enthusiastic about what they are doing. :)
Keep up the good work and have a great night out with your friends!
Juliette
 
I must agree, very awesome! Congrats on your workout! It's so nice to know that you've improved and can do more! Keep up the good work!
 
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