Remoulding the Shell - Shelly79's journey

Shelly79

Shelly79

New member
First thing first:

Current
Weight: 120kg
BMI: 46.80
BMR: 1,968.10
Dress size: 26

Goals
Weight: 60kg
BMI: 23.40
BMR: 1,392.10
Dress size: 14

Well today is the day, the first day to the begining of my new life. I've given myself a year to lose this weight, a year to finally become the person I want to be. I want to be able to look in the mirror without the over taking urge to throw up, I am so utterly repulsed by what I see, I want to be proud of myself.

I know I can get there, I know I do this... I have to do this!

I'm using a diary as well in the hopes that it will make me accountable for my actions.

Here is to a new day, a new year, a new me.
 
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Hi Shelly! Welcome to the forum! This is a great place to find friends and support.
You can start being proud of yourself right now, you came here and you take charge of your life! You'll understand soon that you're doing it not only to look good but to be healthier and to change your life for the better.
Good luck!
 
End thoughts.

It’s strange, everything on my mental list of excuses for not losing weight have been ticked off and have become null. I also find it strange to find that old cliché saying is so correct. You know the one, “everything happens at the right time”.

The goal for this week is to buy a current book for calorie counting, and I also want to find some more motivation pieces, I have the perfect dress, I guess for now that is good.

I’m finding it so hard to reach my calorie intake, though I have about 15 years worth of f*** ups to correct. Tomorrow is another day.

Total calories intake: 751 calories
Total Fat: 25g
Total calories burnt: 94 calories
Total calories: 657 calories
 
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Hello shelly and welcome. first of all i want to congratulate you for making a decision to lose weight but also to change your life, because that will happen. this place is so helpful and people here are very supportive. i never had so many people understand what i'm truly going through and i'm not talking just about food...but also the emotional baggage.
good luck and feel free to ask for support and help anytime :) Lena
 
Motivation pieces are great - my personal tip for buying them - don't buy a size too far from where you are - buy a size you can realistically get into in 2 months - then get a replacement motivation piece... and take pictures of yourself withhow it fits now - and again how it fits when it really does fit.. :D

Oh and happy wednesday -- or thursday if that's what day it is by you (I will never understand time zones - as many as i've been in- i just don't get the international date line :D
 
hehe mal i remember how they taught me in school...never understtod it really, and then my dad explained it the best. when you have a map of the world and all those vertical stripes lol (meridians)...just go from 0 (which is London) each stripe is one hour + to east and each stripe to west is - 1 hour.
 
quick and nice before uni

One cig and one coffee and I want more sleep and to be over this flu. Uni starts at 9 and I still have to get ready and sigh. Okay just think of the black dress and up I get.

(Thanks to all who read, and for understanding, I find you guys give me that extra push. :) )
 
I'm lost.

I spoke to my best today to see what he thought, he thought i should try adding meat/animal products, which i have been already. Grant you not much, all you'd have to do to see that is to look at not enough to see that apart from vegs that have hardly any cals, i'm high in carbs and coffee just to get that calorie mark, only problem now is that my tummy feels like i've eaten so much i could become sick.

i hate that feeling of being so full that i cant move and yet to look at what ive eaten is nothing at all. Im at my wits end of what to do.
 
(this is in not enough calories but It would be good in my journal)

I was kinda hoping it wouldnt come to this, but then I think if i can help you to understand maybe telling someone and puting it down will help me.

When I had a full family (mother, father and brother) there were 6 small meals per day, fruit, vegs, you name it we had it. Dad left and mother went to her normal eating habbits. One meal per day, which was usually a big dinner. But she always made sure that my brother and I had 3 meals per day.

When I was nine dad told me I had a new baby sister and that when I start to put the weight on. As time went on dad would tell me how disapointed he was in me and how I should try and only eat once a week, so I did.

(There is a lot more information that I'm leaving out of here, about my relationship with dad, and things have been sorted with him, I dont play the victim)

As we grew up (there is a two year difference between my brother and I), the meals went from 3 times a day to once a day, My brother is tall and slim, my mother short and big.

With dad always telling me how embarrassed he was to have me as a daughter and how by me being fat he didnt want to know me, my meals were little and few.

When I was old enough and finished grade 10 I went to work and starting to buy my food, started to eat 3 meals again and I was fixing the damage I had done.

With a mother who would eat everything under the sun and a brother who would get high and join her, my food lasted 3 days, So I stoped buying food.

To this day mother buys food for her and my brother and they eat. The only time I ever managed to eat properly was when I moved out, which is happening next year.

And know you know some of my history, and how I got my body to live on small amounts. I dont cry and I refuse to play the "Poor me" card. I am a strong girl and I take control and I am accountable for me and me only.
 
A new day

Okay it's a new day and a new mind set. Firstly let me thank those of you who read "not enough calories" and for the advice and the mind push you gave.

After walking for an hour and thinking about everything that has happened, I knew that there was something wrong with my mind set. I went shopping. Probably not a good idea on my school budget, but it was something that needed to be done. I bought a lot of fruit, vegs, beans, the usual. I even got my rum and raisin dark chocolate.

For the first time in 18 years I had breakfast, for the first time in about 3 weeks I had lunch and I'm looking forward to dinner.

I know I can do this, and for once Im sticking to what I say, sticking to my words and proving to myself with actions.

I'm going to be okay.
 
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