Recovered Anorexic

[mommyto2ZZs]

I actually cut and pasted the following out of my original thread "Can't lose weight while breastfeeding?" I thought the topic was worthy of a new thread after I had already posted it. Also, I'm looking for a few more responses. I'm feeling pretty lonely!:

Just want to mention also that I'm a recovered anorexic (healthy now for 12 years). I am 34 years old now. Anway, having been stuck in the anorexic games of losing weight in the past, certain things are things that I don't like to mess with because they bring back such trauma. These things include meticulous calorie counting and recording (which I have resorted to recently as I am getting desperate) and excessive exercise. I never could make myself barf, so I was a compusive exerciser.

Anyway, as I gained weight following the anorexia, I still felt great at 135 pounds. (I'm 5' 9"). It creeped up to 147 by the time I got married at 25. Then it creeped up to 160 by the time I got pregnant with my first child at age 31. Also between 147 lbs and 160 pounds hubby and I moved crossed country from Oregon to Missouri. We were VERY active outdoors people in Oregon...bike riding, hiking, camping, etc. It was very easy to do those activities in the beauty of the northwest and before we had kiddos.

I described my more current weight stats in my previous post.

The thing is, I am really not a proponent of dieting, so to speak. Especially ever since that anorexia thing and the emotional trauma I still sometimes struggle with. So dieting is a very hard and rather taboo area for me. I really try instead to just focus on eating healthy and being reasonably active, because it feels good and is simply good for me. So now that I'm post baby (times 2) AND halfway through my 30's with the supposed slower metabolism and all, this is very difficult. I'm doing what I've always done to stay healthy and not obsess about my weight. It eventually worked following my last pregnancy...though it took waiting until I was done nursing.

I think I'm terrified that it won't work this time. After all, I'm doing the same stuff I've always done, and my weight it stuck at an unacceptable place now. I can't fit into any of my clothes, and I really am too fat at 183 pounds and with the waggles in my belly and thighs, and I realized today (gasp) even my upper arms. This is not a body I am used to having.

Guess I just want to connect with with other women who may share some of my views and struggles on this journey.

Thanks!
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[esmy27]

Hi Mommy2twozzs,

I completely feel you and know where you are coming from! I too am in my thirties (almost 32) have had 2 kids, my baby is now 1 1/2 and I am a recovered anorexic/bulimic. I went thru my traumatic anorexic episode when I was 20-21. So it has been about 11 years since then. I recovered with the love and support of my family and my then boyfriend/now husband.

Before I had my second child, I could easily exercise and just watch what I ate and lose weight. Now, that I am 30 and have 2 kids, it seems harder for me to lose weight. I get dissappointed because I will really try and exercise (which is difficult with my son) and diet and will not see much results. I also, cannot do the calorie counting. That is how I started becoming anorexic. I was so meticulous about the calories I was taking in - I became obsessive. So to me counting calories is somewhat off limit. I rather eat healthy and not count calories, because when I have tried it now as a mom, I find myself constantly thinking about calories, calories, calories!

My problem is snacking and eating leftovers off of my kids plates. I have considered even looking for a mild appetite suppresent just for a couple weeks to tame my appetite. But then again, I'm not sure of that either. I would have to just try it and see if I feel okay with it or not.

Perhaps with this group we can motivate ourselves to lose weight in a healthy manner. Reminding ourselves not to obsess. This losing weight for someone like you and me can be a little scary, but if we do it healthy and with support, I think we can do it. Even if it is done very slowly.

If you need support, I'd be happy to help.

Esmy

 

[mommyto2ZZs]

esmy27,

Thanks for your post. I haven't visited the site in awhile. Went out of town for a few days and have been busy my kids and catching up on stuff after being gone. It was great to hear from someone with a similar background to my own, and I appreciated your reply!

I have still only lost 4 pounds in the past 4-5 weeks. I try not to get discouraged. I really do quite well with my eating habits. I'm totally off sugar and white flours and nearly ALL processed foods and have now added the step of eating better foods for my metabolism type, which includes a lot less carbs, and the carbs I do eat are lower glycemic carbs. However, I seem to be having a stubborn slow thyroid that my practitioner is trying to help me fix with natural thyroid. The dosage has to be upped slowly due the half life accumulation. I'm hoping my body will respond to the natural thyroid eventually. I'm suspecting the pregnancy and hormonal shifts triggered the problem and am hoping I'll be one of those that it eventually self-corrects for. Meanwhile, I just keep plugging away and try not to get discouraged, which is hard. I still have about 15 pounds to lose.

How much are you trying to lose?