Ready to Recommit

[MandyH]

Hi guys, I'm back and looking to recommit once again. I'm starting a new diary for my new start and my intentions are to make this diary an honest one. I don't mean honest as in being truthful. I mean honest as is no more excuses. Living with my consequences. Learning to understand myself better. I need to be honest with myself in order for this to work.

My little hiatus has cost me big. I'm back in the 200s. This morning I weighed in at 209.4lb. Just a few months ago I had gotten down to 195lb and obviously I blew it. I can't say how many emotions I'm feeling about this. I feel frustrated because I let it get this far out of hand. I feel embarrassed and ashamed that I let it get this far out of hand. I also feel rather hopeless about it. I know I've been here before and it's not the end of the world, but knowing that I'm carrying 14lb+ of weight that I worked my butt off to lose at one point is unsettling. I'm angry at myself, but I'm hoping to use this anger to my advantage to get back on track. It's time.

In the past month I only exercised three times including last night. Each time I said to myself this is it. This is the start, tomorrow I'll do it again, but that tomorrow never came. I'm hoping that by rejoining here to give and get motivation and support will help me to get back on the right path. My immediate goals are to identify what I struggle with the most and work towards fixing those problems. Last night I realized that I have major portion control issues. I've always known that, but it really hit me last night. I need to get better with that.

So, my game plan is pretty much the same as it always has been. Eat well and exercise. My exercise will be the same as a mix of walking and Taebo (mostly Taebo). I know there are other programs out there, but I really love Taebo and it just fits my situation (being able to exercise at home in my room without all the extra equipment).

Yesterday was the start with a session of Taebo and overall good food intake.

5/21/14 FOOD INTAKE:
Fresh strawberries with fat free cool whip.
Raisin bran cereal
Garden salad
Lean cuisine pizza
Lasagna (admitting right now I ate too much of this - 2 slices when 1 would've been sufficient)
Water 2 liters

So with all of that said, I'm glad to be back. I hope this helps me because I desperately need help. I will check in with all of your diaries in the near future. I have a LOT of catching up to do!

 

[AthalaRanger]

Welcome back Mandy! It's good to have you back!

I find that each time I have taken a couple weeks of my diet (and gained some weight back it the process), whenever I come back to my diet I usually do so a lot more focused and motivated than before. Some of that weight is usually water as well so it's never as bad as it initially seems.

Good luck with the new plan! for portion control, I found that having a defined number of meals for the day or counting calories usually helps me.

Best wishes!

-Athala.

 

[MandyH]

Thanks Athala! I do feel my determination is creeping back up slowly which is a VERY good thing. I'm starting to feel excitement about getting back on track and losing weight. Another thing I hadn't thought of yesterday is that my TOM is approaching so it very well could be some water weight from that as well. I know I have definitely gained weight back, but it would be a very pleasant surprise if it's not as much as I originally though. Hopefully it'll come off quickly.

~~ Yesterday was ok. I didn't get my exercise in (aside from a 15 minute walk while on my break t work) because I had some house stuff to get to. My food intake wasn't as good as it could've been, but I'm not expecting an overnight change. Slow and steady is my goal.

5/21/14 FOOD INTAKE:
Strawberries & fat free cool whip
Non frosted strawberry poptart (ran out of cereal)
Garden salad
Salt & Vinegar Potato Chips (After having a good amount I threw the rest of the bag in the trash)
Lemon & garlic roasted red potatoes (thought I had chicken breasts to cook with it, but I didn't so I had just potatoes)
Coffee ice cream (trying to finish off what's in the house)
Water 2.5L

My constant issue through this entire journey was figuring out a good meal plan. I still need improvement on that and need to set aside the time to start researching it more seriously. Not only in terms of getting better, healthier food, but also cost effective food. To explain the junk food I had yesterday, the S&V chips are a big weakness for me. Last week I got two bags as they were on sale. I polished one bag off over the course of a couple of days. The other had barely been opened. I had some and tossed the rest in the trash to get them out of the house. The ice cream was purchased over the weekend as well so we could make banana splits with company. There was still about half of one tub of coffee left so I had a small bowl.

Today has been pretty good so far. I forgot to cut up my strawberries last night and didn't have time this morning so that might make my afternoon snack. My Taebo was done first thing in the morning and I just went on a 15 minute walk during my break at work. I wish I could go further, but 15 minutes is all we're allowed.

5/22 FOOD INTAKE (so far)
Non frosted strawberry poptart
Left over lemon garlic red potatoes
Water 1L

 

[MrVee]

Welcome back Wendy.

The studies I've seen suggest weight recently put back on is much easier to take back off than normal, so don't beat yourself up too badly. Try to balance being motivated with a generally positive mindset (IE that you're going do what it takes to drop the weight you want to lose). Easier said than done, but I do think it's helpful.

 

[Quercus]

I'm very happy to see you back!

Your post about honesty really resonated with me. I hope I don't hurt your feelings because what I am trying to do is promote your very healthy sentiment that you expressed.

Beating yourself up about poor choices or weigh gain is counter productive. However, making excuses to allow the behavior again isn't helping either. If anyone gained weight it's because they took in more calories than they burned. They ate too much and/or didn't exercise enough.

I haven't gone anywhere or stopped my efforts this year, but I was stalling on weightloss. I had to be honest in that if I don't at least estimate my calories then I overeat. 2 days this week I have gone over, but I know that and will have a lower loss for the week because of it. Even when I eat nothing but healthy food I will overeat if I don't track my calories. Every time that I said here or to myself that I was "doing everything right, but I'm just not losing weight" was a lie. A lie that only hurt me. So I am back to counting or at least closely estimating calories and I am back on the scale. I'm not dependent on the scale to motivate me, but if it doesn't go down in a week then I need to eat less or actually count calories more. The end goal aside from being healthy is to not need to estimate calories, but that isn't happening any time soon.

Record what you do good or bad and keep doing it. You can't see patterns if you don't record honestly to look back on. I feel confident that you will be back in onederland soon. You've come a long way and you are starting back to what has worked for you, but even better. Good things are afoot.