Rachel's Journal

rachel07

rachel07

New member
Hey, this is my very first journal post. I started on my diet (lifestyle change, whatever) about one month ago. May 19th, 2010. I was at the heaviest I'd ever been. I'm 21-years-old, 5'5", and I weighed 186 pounds.
Since then, I've been counting calories like a fiend. I calculated my BMR/AMR based on the formulas in a weight-loss book I picked up, and I've been adhering to that. I cut off about 500 calories per day from my AMR, so I should be losing about one pound per week. I usually work out about 5 times a week, and I vary it between cardio and weight training. I take this into consideration when figuring out what I'm going to be able to eat for they day, and I make sure to log down what I'm eating, how much I'm eating, and how much exercise I'm getting. I make sure I'm getting the right amount of carbs, protein, and fat for my activity level.
I guess, I just feel like I'm doing everything the right way. And for the first four weeks, the weight just melted off. I lost ten pounds almost right away, though I know that's just water weight or whatever it's called. Now I've hit that slump where I'm only going to be losing one actual pound a week, and I have to work for that. Now, almost five weeks after I started, I've lost 12 pounds, bringing my current weight to 174.
And I gotta say, I'm frustrated. I'm frustrated with myself, my family, my scale, my boyfriend, my gym. Everything. I feel like no matter what I eat, it's too much or it's the wrong thing. I don't cheat, I play by the rules. I feel like that means I should feel great. But instead of being proud of what I've accomplished and how well I'm doing, I beat myself up this morning because I didn't lose another pound in the last 7 days. I was 174.2. Not 173. That "point two" just completely killed me.
I can honestly say I that I'm now down to what I weighed my senior year of high school. I've never been thin. I just want so desperately to be average.
I realize I'm just being impatient, but I'm sure there are people here that know this frustration. Hell, I bet everybody. And that's what it is. It's doing the work without seeing the results. I know this takes time. It might take a year or two. I just need to see that number go down.
 
Hi, 12 pounds in 5 weeks is great. It isn't a race and by losing it like this you are far more likely to keep it off. Try and see it as a permanant lifestyle change that will gradually get you fitter and slimmer. After half heartedly dieting for about a year I started weight watchers 5 months ago and since then have lost about a pound a week on average. The time soon goes and now I am only about 10lb away from the normal weight range. Believe me it is worth the effort and you won't believe how quickly you start to feel better about yourself. I found the first month or two the hardest as you want quick results but after a couple of months you will start to see that it is actually making a difference and that will encourage you to carry on.
 
Thank you. Hearing things like that make me feel so much better. I mean, I know in the back of my mind that this takes time. I keep telling myself to be patient and just keep pushing. But I'm excited for this slump to break.
On a positive note, I can actually flex my triceps for the first time in my life! I wasn't sure I even had muscle there. I really love weight training.
Congratulations on being so near to your goal!
 
I'd sort of forgotten how frustratingly slow it all seems at the beginning but your post brought it all back. Honestly if you keep at it , it won't take long before you see a real difference :)
rachel07 said:
Thank you. Hearing things like that make me feel so much better. I mean, I know in the back of my mind that this takes time. I keep telling myself to be patient and just keep pushing. But I'm excited for this slump to break.
On a positive note, I can actually flex my triceps for the first time in my life! I wasn't sure I even had muscle there. I really love weight training.
Congratulations on being so near to your goal!
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Hi Rach!

12 lbs in 5 weeks is great! Especially if you are weight training.

You're losing fat and gaining muscle! Well done!
Keep up the great work.
 
Thou shalt not panic

Woke up this morning, lost that pound :) Now down to 173. Mini goals are the way to go. Yesterday I limited my calories so I didn't have to work out, as it'd been about 3 days in a row that I'd been working out hard and my body needed a break. Today, back to the gym for abs and cardio.
I'll be cooking for one tonight as my boyfriend is off playing in a rugby tournament all weekend.
I haven't talked about my boyfriend yet. He's two years older than me, 23, and he has a very stable, well-paying desk job. He's been playing rugby for a while now. I'm jealous of his athletic skill, and the fact that he can lose weight without even trying. He's lost seven pounds since I started on this health kick, and he's not even trying. He just eats what I eat. Add to that the fact that his thigh muscles are bigger than my head (from rugby) and you get why I'm a little embittered. But he's so, so supportive of everything I'm doing to get healthy. He helps me cook, he'll go for a run with me even when he's tired after practice, he helps me drag my butt outta bed in the morning to get to the gym before work. He knows exactly what my goals are and he's doing his best to help me get there, all the while letting me know that he wants me no matter what size I am.
So, based on that, I know that I'm doing this for myself. I'm just so glad to have him with me.

6/25

Breakfast:
Leftover veggie pizza

Lunch:
Orange
1/2 can water-packed tuna w/ mustard
Banana
1 tbsp organic peanut butter on whole wheat bread

Dinner:
1/3 cup quinoa
4 oz. skinless chicken breast, baked
1 cup Stir fry veggies

Snack:
Cereal + skim milk
 
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I read a post on here yesterday, talking about weight coming off in large chunks, followed by nothing for weeks, and then another burst.
Anyway, I'm down to 172 today. That's another pound a day after I hit 173. Maybe it's part of that phenomenon. Whatever it is, I'm just fine with it. Only a few more to go and I wil have broken through the 170's for the first time in a very long time.
Happy kid :)

3/26

B:
Leftover veggie pizza

L:
1/3 cup quinoa
1 cup stir fry veggies
Light yogurt
1 cup skim milk

D:
Turkey breast, cheese, tomato, mustard, lettuce on whole wheat bread
Strawberries
Pickle

S:
Small vanilla cone
10 corn tortilla chips
2 tbsp salsa
Peach

Cardio:
Treadmill

Strength:
Outer thigh, inner thigh, leg press, calf raise, leg curls, leg extensions, abs
 
I ate like crap yesterday. I mean, I stayed within my calorie limits, but it was bad nutrition. I feel very guilty for that.

B:
Honey bunches of oats w/ peaches
1/2 cup skim milk

L:
Jimmy John's Turkey Tom (with mayo, gah)

D:
Caesar salad (Lettuce, 1/4 cup parmesan cheese, 2tbsp croutons, 1tbsp vinaigrette dressing)
Spaghett (1/2 "Natural" prego, 2 oz Smart taste spaghetti)

S:
Taco Bell pinto cheese & beans & Mexican rice (I know, I should be beat for that)
Triscuit Rosemary & Olive oil crackers
Hummus

Cardio:
Soccer with my boyfriend

And a whole ton of water
 
I woke yesterday morning knowing I was gonna be stressed as hell. I had a meeting at 10:30 with my advisor, at which I was to present to her an essay which I had not yet written. It was to renew my research grant for the next year. I ended up getting it done about an hour before the meeting, only to go to the meeting and have her tell me that it wasn't actually due until Thursday. After that, I had work for seven hours. Then, I was supposed to have a guitar lesson, and after that, I was going to study for the GRE with another Psych friend.
Guitar teacher calls and tells me he's too sick to have a lesson, and my friend cancels the study session because she had a bad day too. In summation, everything worked out in my favor and I got to play soccer with my boyfriend. On the downside, I didn't actually do anything at the gym. But he pushes me harder than a treadmill does and my arms still needed time to heal before I put them through more lifting. Tonight, while he's at rugby practice, I'm going to the gym to work on legs and abs. I probably won't do a lot of cardio because I actually ate really clean today.
This morning I had another meeting with my advisor, and had an interview with the newspaper for my research, which is mostly over police interrogation. We're presenting in San Diego in August, and in the spring I'm presenting in Miami. This past year, we presented in Denver and Vancouver.
What I'm trying to say is, the fact that I can do all this academic shit during the summer (and I'm not even taking summer classes), while working full time, while obsessively counting calories and going to the gym six times a week, boggles my tiny little mind. I am proud of myself, even if I'm only losing one pound per week.

I need a nap.
 
Well done and you have every right to be proud :) With that sort of hectic life style it's amazing that you have the time to get your eating and exercise right. :)
 
I just discovered your diary, didn't know you had one till now! But after reading Im amazed at all you get done in a day, you definitely lead a busy life & should be proud! Also, I know how it is to sometimes give in to fast food, its just that, quick, convenient, and craveable! However after talking to you last night you are right back on track :) Way to go!

Oh & you are very lucky to have such a supportive boyfriend! Definitely something to be thankful for, he sounds like a sweetheart :)
 
Eating Time?

I've read so many studies in the last three years that insist that it doesn't matter when you eat. The old myth "if you eat late you gain weight" is now being discredidted. Quantity and quality of the food you're eating matter way more than when you eat.

I want to trust the studies, I really do, but if that's true then I must have a weird ass metabolism. I tested it for two weeks, varying the times that I eat, and anytime I eat after 9pm, no matter what it is, it sticks with me until morning, like it's just rotting there. I full like if I let myself go to bed full, I'll pay for it when I jump on the scale at 7am.

So, I self-assuredly let my boyfriend know last night that I will no longer eat after 9pm, even if he doesn't get done with practice until 10. To give the studies more credit, it could also be because the later I wait to eat, the more calories I "save" for that big late night meal. Even though I'm eating the appropriate amount of calories (according to my constant, anal-retentive calculations) eating too many at the same time turns me into Bloaty McGrumpypants. So, I have to continue to adhere to my six or seven mini-meals, which is why what I'm doing is working.

Why is this a problem? I love big meals. Even if I'm eating healthy. I want my chicken breast while I'm eating my steamed veggies with my salad and my yogurt. I am from the United States. I am not a fan of delayed gratification. This has always been my problem when it comes to eating. It's not adhering to a caloric limit that I find so difficult, it's spacing out those calories. It's okay if I can only have 1260 calories a day, if I can have them in big chunks. It's dumb, I know, and I'm doing well powering through it. Eating small meals keeps hunger pangs away. It's when I cheat and eat too many at once that I feel hungry later.

And a new strange phenomenon: I'm starting to associate feeling hungry with feeling guilty. I associate feeling over-fed with feeling guilty, too. Anything other than neutrality coming from my stomach now seems to promote an emotional response, and I'm actually getting upset with myself for not keeping a balance within my body.

Why am I writing this right now? To convince myself to eat part of my dinner now and part of it when Ethan gets done lifting weights. It's sad that I need this much convincing.

Side note: I don't know what I'd do without my food scale.
 
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How does your boyfriend support you during meals? My girlfriend asked me to help her eat healthier (she's Italian and practically lives off pasta), but she won't eat any veggies when I cook them for her.

Tips?
 
Oh, he's a god send. I come from a fast-food friendly family, so he quite literally taught me how to cook. He shops with me and helps me check nutrition labels. We both spend time reading up on the differences between white and whole wheat and all that. If I want to make something unhealthy, he'll look up healthier versions of the recipe for me. He suggested I buy a food scale (which I now swear by). He just really dedicated himself to helping me, because it benefits us both.

If she likes pasta so much (and I do too) maybe get her to try the whole wheat kind? Or the enriched kind? It usually costs .50 more, but it's worth it. Less calories and more protein. They also make versions of sauce with lower sodium. And marinara is always healthier than creamy-style sauces.
How are you cooking the veggies? Maybe she's rather have them grilled than baked, or vice versa? Personally, I steam most everything, or cook it in a little olive oil. Better than frying it anyway.
 
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Hmmm...that's a good point about the veggies. I always steam them with butter.

I'll try grilling them next time.
Thanx!
 
rachel07 said:
If she likes pasta so much (and I do too) maybe get her to try the whole wheat kind? Or the enriched kind? It usually costs .50 more, but it's worth it. Less calories and more protein.
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hi :)

just wanted to point out that whole wheat pasta actually tends to have more calories, but it is MUCH better for you than white, enriched pasta. Definitely buy the whole wheat....it also tastes better i think!
 
keep it up!

Just read your diary. You are doing a great job, and I like the fact that we have a lot in common. It's nice to have a very supportive boyfriend, but I know how it feels to be a bit bitter about them not having to worry about weight. My boyfriend isn't super active, but his metabalism acts like he is! He can eat whatever he wants and not gain weight, while I look at his food and feel like I'm gaining the weight he's not.


It's nice that yours is so supportive. It's hard to be bitter when they help you isn't it? I couldn't do this without his help I know that!


Keep it up, you are doing a great job. Just take it nice and slow; being so busy you'll find time will go by fast and the pounds will slowly but surely come off.

:)

-Muddy
 
Shygemini - of course it has more calories. I don't know how I typed that. It took me forever to get used to whole wheat vs. white on anything, but now I can't go back. I love it! So much more flavor. That's one thing I noticed about my new eating habits. I had no idea how flavorless my old, normal diet was.

Muddy - I honestly think it would be impossible to do this without our boyfriend's effot. Do you live with yours? I do. It really helps that the other person in the house is in full sync with my dietary whims. How long have you been together?
 
rachel07 said:
Shygemini - of course it has more calories. I don't know how I typed that. It took me forever to get used to whole wheat vs. white on anything, but now I can't go back. I love it! So much more flavor. That's one thing I noticed about my new eating habits. I had no idea how flavorless my old, normal diet was.

Muddy - I honestly think it would be impossible to do this without our boyfriend's effot. Do you live with yours? I do. It really helps that the other person in the house is in full sync with my dietary whims. How long have you been together?
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Yep we moved in together about five months ago. He used to live in Philly, and has now come joined me in Alabama. It's absolutely wonderful in a lot of ways and difficult in other. But I was really worried once I wanted to start losing weight how it would work. Thankfully he's the one in the supermarket saying "no!" to all those delicious foods I want to buy hahaha :)
 
Fifteen! Finally!

I did it :) I hit the fifteen-pound mark! I usually give up or get distracted before now! This is the first time I've ever lost this much weight without drugs or crash dieting. I did a happy dance after I got off the scale this morning. A NAKED happy dance! We'll see how long this lasts though...my father's side of the family is having their big 4th o' July weekend get-together tonight. And there will be food. Get this: I'm making my awesomely awesome tropical Better-Than-Sex cake...and I can't eat it :( It's like 400 calories a piece. Totally not worth it. And the main food? It's a friggin loaded potato bar.

Willpower is not dead. Willpower willpower willpower.

Oh, and my gym is closed this entire weekend due to the holidays.

You know what the most awkward thing right now is, though? It's the comments your relatives make.
"Oh, you're looking so thin!"
"Your face looks smaller!"
"Your waist is so tiny!"

Why do I hate these? Because if you notice I'm getting thinner, it means you noticed when I was fat. You noticed a lot. You just didn't say anything then because THAT would have been inappropriate. I don't need compliments. I don't like them. My ego is 100% self-sufficient.
I hate attention for anything other than academic success. These people care that I lost 5 or 10 or 15 pounds, but when my research paper gets accepted at APA (one of the biggest conferences in the U.S.), they just smile and nod and wonder why the hell a pretty girl would want to waste her time in school. I'm the first in my extended family to go to college. I should be having babies, all that. Maybe the reason I hate their comments is because I know they're all thinking
"Well, since she's smaller, now she'll be able to settle down with a nice man and have great-granbabies."

Nothing against babies, but I have more to offer the world than babies.
Oh, and I'm also the only grandchild on that side of the family (except for my brother) who is not obese. Really, really, mashed-potatoes-and-meatloaf obese.
I guess I just feel like fat, uneducated rednecks have no right to have an opinion on my life, even if we have the same basic genes.

And then every time I'm with my mother, and we run into someone we know, or someone she knows, she'll say,
"Isn't my daughter looking thin! Soon she'll just disappear!"
I'm NOT looking thin! I'm still 171 pounds! That is no where near thin! And it just forces them to look me up and down, nod, and smile awkwardly. I'm not disillusioned enough to think they're happy for me. They're thinking
"She's still got a long way to go to thin."

And they're right. But family is different. So I can either not go, or spend the whole time walking around the reunion with a tight-lipped smile, reveling in the fact that I am thinner, and more importantly, more educated than all of them.

Is anybody else here, particularly people who are still on the way to their goal, really uncomfortable with compliments?
 
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