Poor Body Image, Even After 100 Pounds

S

slvrcharmbrclet

New member
I'm only 18 years old, but in the past three years, I've overcome an amazing feat: losing 100 pounds. I topped the scale at 230-235 pounds when I was merely 15, and now, at 5 feet, 7 1/2 inches, stand at just under 140 pounds. I maybe have five pounds to lose, and it's all in my stomach. I have a heavier upper body with skinny legs, and it bothers me. A lot. I've been so distressed with bad body image and low self-esteem, having been obese since young childhood, that it hinders everyday life. I still have fire in me; I still want to get rid of my stomach. I know it is feasible, but I'm afraid if I continue the way I have, with this horrible mentality of obsession with food, numbers, exercise, body image, etc., I will live my life unsatisfied and insecure.

I love the way I eat (super healthy, yummy food) and I love exercise and how it makes me feel accomplished and strong. But just because I'm losing weight doesn't mean I have to dwell on it throughout the day. I want to simultaneously be happy with who I am and fulfilled in life, despite whether I'm unhappy with my body. The latter shouldn't outweigh other components of life. I know all this, and I'm trying to put it in practice, but I'm finding it extremely difficult. I worry about whether losing the last of my weight will solve my problem. Will I really be happy? So, will all this stress and hard work prove useless? I can't stop thinking and worrying!

Any words of encouragement or advice?
 
Losing the weight won't change your life or your perception of yourself.. it just makes you thinnner...

Happiness comes from within yourself - as trite as that sounds - it doesn't come from a number on the s cale or the size in the back of your jeans.

Why would you think all your hard work would be useless? Do you like what you're seeing right now? Do you feel a sense of accomplishment?

At what point do you see yourself moving from weight loss mode to maintenace mode and what's your plan for that? What would your goals be for after that?
 
Well, I've already been in maintenance mode before, and I have no problem. I don't diet or exercise. I believe in fitness and nutrition. The "hard work" I'm referring to is putting this much mental distress into something like losing weight, thinking I'll finally like how I look, when I'm afraid in the end, I won't look much different than I do now. I have a horrible body image, and I know people don't see what I do, but I've had a very hard time accepting my body type. I'm fuller than I'd like to be, and I am in no way striving to fit in a size 2. I simply want my best body, and right now there's two to three pounds of excess fat that jiggles around on my stomach. I'm very uncomfortable with it, and despite how strong and healthy I feel, it holds me back. I fear intimacy in the future and not being able to ever be confident in a bikini. I don't want to have to worry about those things. It's not the excess fat that's my problem, it's trying to find a way to accept my body and its structure, meanwhile doing what I can to lose my last remaining poundage. I find it almost impossible right now because I tend to either try to accept my body and not lose weight, or hate my body and try to lose weight. Can't there be a way to love my body and try to lose weight at the same time? Are those two ideas too conflicting? I'm so confused.
 
it's possible to love where you are... but continually strive to be improved...

for a lot of people there is no stopping point... it's really redefining goals.. you've lost 100lbs and that's impressive.. your fitness level has also improved... Where do you want to go next?

Satisfaction doesnt have to be stopping... Accepting yourself doesn't have to mean not working to improve yourself... and bettering yourself...
 
Good words :)
I don't know. I know all these things, it's just so hard to actually do. and it's hard for me to realize how great what I've achieved is... because I don't feel like that person anymore, and because it happened in such a time of transition (mid-teen years), I really don't remember life before weight loss. it's what I've been doing for three years.
 
So what would make you happy?

A flat stomach?

I don't think that would be enough, personally. Sure, you really want it. And you'll get it if you stay committed to that goal. But happiness is about deeper things. I've achieved some pretty big physique goals I've set for myself over the years and though they were acutely pleasing... bigger things have led to my chronic happiness.

A large part of it is managing your focus.

By saying things like, "Will I be happy when I obtain my flat stomach," you're telling yourself that your happiness is dependent on the reflection in the mirror. That can be a skinny line to walk without a net considering the fact that our looks our predominantly genetically controlled and even if you do obtain that flat stomach, it may not be enough.

Again, managing your focus and expectations are critical.
 
hmm... well I've also considered the fact, and more recently have decided on, that I'm pretty sure I have loose skin from having lost my first 40 pounds in three months, way too quickly. again, I don't want a certain size, weight number, and I don't want a perfect body. it's this possible excess skin or fat that bothers me. my stomach is slightly flat already, it just jiggles a lot. and yes, I honestly believe, as a young girl, that not having a stomach that looks like cottage cheese would make me extremely happy.
 
so even though you're young, because of the extreme weight loss you have loose flabby skin?

my initial question was do you have loose flabby skin?

but i guess from the post above, you already answered that. how bad is it?

i have about 50 lbs to lose, and am scared about flabby skin. i'm 19 y/o.
 
a quote came up in my quote database that seemed appropriate for you

"The foolish man seeks happiness in the distance, the wise grows it under his feet."

- James Oppenheim, short-story writer, novelist, poet

In otherwords - find happiness where you are right now - don't expect it at some point down the road
 
laureelee,
well, I'm unsure about loose skin. some think it's real, some don't. I think I've done some reading, and I think there's probably just fat underneath that isn't supported by muscle because of fast weight loss. I've decided to try to focus more on building muscle, as before I thought I didn't need to, thinking I already have enough, but I seem to always forget about building muscle, even though I know it's probably the most important factor in weight loss.

maleficent,
I appreciate that. :)
but I've been in an up and down emotional state for the past three years, depending on how I feel about my body. growing up obese is a hard experience, and I know that how I see things is often directed by what I know from my past. I guess I was just looking for advice on how to not obsess over weight loss and how to accept one's body type while still improving on one's body weight.
 
Hey I just wanted to congratulate you on losing all that weight and getting healthy. It's not any easy feat to accomplish, especially someone as young as you are ;)

I agree with Steve and Mal in saying that happiness comes from within rather than the external. Loose skin is just sometimes part of weight loss and we just have to accept that. I think the fact that you are still very young and exercise regularly (and are wanting to strengthen your core) are highly in your favor, so just give it some time.

-Sam
 
Thank you :)
yeah, I've also read a lot about skin tightening up over time, especially more so if you're younger, and even though I lost my first forty pounds in only three months, the rest of the weight came off very slowly. I eat healthy and like to work out at least forty or so minutes per day, usually cardio and strength training, so I'm sure it won't be hard for my body to respond accordingly.
 
One thing I learned to late in life was that I should have accepted who I was as a teenager. I thought I was a fat cow. Now I actually am, and have to lose over 170 lbs. I am pregnant with my second baby, and would give anything to be 200 lb again. I used to think my belly was so gross. Now I wish I had the body I did when I was younger. Really it is not as bad as you are making it out to be. Please accept yourself for who you are period. There is someone made for you, who will cherish you even if you never get rid of those 3 lbs.
 
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