ok let me spill my guts on here because i don't want to discuss this with anyone i know personally.
I'm a 36 year old male that has two girls. 13 and 15. i have them both since the divorce about 12 years ago. while raising my girls i hardly ever dated. maybe 3 people and didn't last a week each. i ended them all because the women just wasn't right for me at the time. well time goes on and i slowly gain weight. i was always big but carried it very well since i'm about 6'4" and naturally big. but the weight came on me so easy since i didn't do much to stop it and my self esteem dropped to nothing. I figure maybe being fat i wouldn't have to face women and relationships.
time went on and i longed for someone to share my life with. i met one woman online and we called each other for months. she lived too far away and had cancer. i really loved this woman but she lost the fight with cancer and i'm so glad we never got to meet or it would have been so much worse.
well now the pounds came on even easier. i hated myself and the way i look. i topped out at 390 and still thought i looked ok as long as i don't have to take my shirt off. Oh people who are reading this. i'm a mess. i'm missing out on so much of life because i'm a coward and wont control my weight.
perfect example: about oh 3 weeks ago i talk to this girl on facebook. she was a friend on there but i just now got around to say something to her. she use to live kinda by me during school so i knew her since 3rd grade even tho we never talked much. she was the popular one and i was the average one i guess. anyways she was so happy to here from me. shes divorced and lives the next state over but family still lives around here. we get to talking and i'm as high as a bird in the sky. This beautiful woman wants me!! shes really into me and she seen pics of me so my weight didn't seem to be a problem. ok me with low self esteem just falls for this woman head over heals. i would do anything for her and she is just the sweetest thing ever. its totaly on!!!
Now im scaired. Shes sexy, bikini sexy. and im in love. we are going to have to meet and who knows what. i cant believe this woman not only likes me but is having feeling towards me that ive longed for so damn long to have someone like this feel towards me. POW!!! ex boyfriend comes back. one minute she says she would share her bed with me and telling me how wonderfull these past weeks have been and she so lucky i came into her life to im such a great friend. to hardly talk to me.. this isnt her fault and its not the ex either i believe. he came back around at the wrong time and brought back bad memories so shes now not into dating (me or him) or long distance crap now. I understand and dont hate on her one bit but i am totally devastated. i finally give my heart out and its crushed. i feel so fucking empty. its not all because of her. she just topped it off. its because of me. if i was thinner i may have gotten her or already had someone. i blame me for sucking at women and this last week has just been so horrible. i talk to her here and there and she is so God darn kind to me and shes on her way to my state now for family and im just so crushed that i wont be able to kiss her. i really hit the bottom this time and i dont know if i will ever recover.
please people if anyone decides to read this wall of crap and has a similar story that some how turns out good please i beg you to post back. please tell me theres a light at the end of the tunnel because all i see is grey. please tell me i will find love one day that is so great i will forget all the bad that has happened because right now i just dont want to feel anything
side note. i did lose 20 pounds in two weeks because i didnt want to be fat for me or her no matter how much she said it didnt bother her. i will lose more even if i have to cut it out of myself. i will work out every day and walk till i pass out
I'm a 36 year old male that has two girls. 13 and 15. i have them both since the divorce about 12 years ago. while raising my girls i hardly ever dated. maybe 3 people and didn't last a week each. i ended them all because the women just wasn't right for me at the time. well time goes on and i slowly gain weight. i was always big but carried it very well since i'm about 6'4" and naturally big. but the weight came on me so easy since i didn't do much to stop it and my self esteem dropped to nothing. I figure maybe being fat i wouldn't have to face women and relationships.
time went on and i longed for someone to share my life with. i met one woman online and we called each other for months. she lived too far away and had cancer. i really loved this woman but she lost the fight with cancer and i'm so glad we never got to meet or it would have been so much worse.
well now the pounds came on even easier. i hated myself and the way i look. i topped out at 390 and still thought i looked ok as long as i don't have to take my shirt off. Oh people who are reading this. i'm a mess. i'm missing out on so much of life because i'm a coward and wont control my weight.
perfect example: about oh 3 weeks ago i talk to this girl on facebook. she was a friend on there but i just now got around to say something to her. she use to live kinda by me during school so i knew her since 3rd grade even tho we never talked much. she was the popular one and i was the average one i guess. anyways she was so happy to here from me. shes divorced and lives the next state over but family still lives around here. we get to talking and i'm as high as a bird in the sky. This beautiful woman wants me!! shes really into me and she seen pics of me so my weight didn't seem to be a problem. ok me with low self esteem just falls for this woman head over heals. i would do anything for her and she is just the sweetest thing ever. its totaly on!!!
Now im scaired. Shes sexy, bikini sexy. and im in love. we are going to have to meet and who knows what. i cant believe this woman not only likes me but is having feeling towards me that ive longed for so damn long to have someone like this feel towards me. POW!!! ex boyfriend comes back. one minute she says she would share her bed with me and telling me how wonderfull these past weeks have been and she so lucky i came into her life to im such a great friend. to hardly talk to me.. this isnt her fault and its not the ex either i believe. he came back around at the wrong time and brought back bad memories so shes now not into dating (me or him) or long distance crap now. I understand and dont hate on her one bit but i am totally devastated. i finally give my heart out and its crushed. i feel so fucking empty. its not all because of her. she just topped it off. its because of me. if i was thinner i may have gotten her or already had someone. i blame me for sucking at women and this last week has just been so horrible. i talk to her here and there and she is so God darn kind to me and shes on her way to my state now for family and im just so crushed that i wont be able to kiss her. i really hit the bottom this time and i dont know if i will ever recover.
please people if anyone decides to read this wall of crap and has a similar story that some how turns out good please i beg you to post back. please tell me theres a light at the end of the tunnel because all i see is grey. please tell me i will find love one day that is so great i will forget all the bad that has happened because right now i just dont want to feel anything
side note. i did lose 20 pounds in two weeks because i didnt want to be fat for me or her no matter how much she said it didnt bother her. i will lose more even if i have to cut it out of myself. i will work out every day and walk till i pass out
