Pinkie's Diary

Pinkie

Pinkie

New member
Hi,

right I've just joined up today, and just worked up the form with these diaries (I think!).

Anyhoo, as a bit of background, I have in the past lost a fair bit of weight, never really as much as I would have liked, but notably ALWAYS ended up putting it back on.

So that has to stop for a start. I feel that this is a lifelong journey for me. I need to change my lifestyle, eating habits, exercise habits, the whole caboodle. I don't want a quick fix diet, I don't feel they work, not for me anyway.

I have been split up from my husband for about a year now, fairly amicable though he has the capacity to get up my nose quite frequently. We have a young son, and so I can't just leave the house whenever I like to go jogging, swimming, walking, diet clubs etc. I recently started a new job, and so this Christmas I will be my first Christmas works do in several years. I would really love to not have to worry about my weight and feel depressed because I am the fattest person in the room.

I currently weight 238 lbs, and want to get down to around 150 lbs. If I could be within a stone of that by Christmas I would be extremely happy. My short term goals are as follows, (and generally follow a 2 lb a week rule):

End of May (go on hols) - lost 20 lbs - down to 218 lbs.
Mid July (go to festival with skinny festival goers) - lost 14 lbs - down to 204 lbs.
September (youngest starts school) - lost 16 lbs - down to 188 lbs.
Xmas (first works Xmas do) - lose 28 lbs - down to 160 lbs.

I could then concentrate on fine tuning after the festive period.

So as I've described elsewhere I am going to follow the advice of the Paul McKenna 'I can make you thin' book, and try and

1) Eat when I feel hungry
2) Eat the food I feel I need to eat, not what I think I should be eating (though I'm not sure that has ever really been a problem) ;-)
3) Eat slowly, think about what I am eating, put spoon/fork down between mouthfuls and chew food properly
4) STOP when I am hungry. This last step I think is the real challenge.

SO that's my method, along with trying to up my exercise more. I currently walk for about an hour a day at least 3 times a week. I want to start doing swimming twice a week. And eventually, up it some more and start doing some jogging on my old trampette, or some Tae-Bo vids during the evening. I feel I need to get some weight off first though and build the exercise up slowly.

Well this all sounds good so far.

Todays eating went as follows:

Breakfast
Milky coffee (not so good)
Blueberry wheats with breakfast juice

Lunch
Small orange juice
Small egg and mayo granary bread sandwich
Half a pitta bread
Humous
Carrots, cucumber and celery

Tea
This was quite early today as I ate with my son -
Pitta bread with humous, carrots, cucumber and celery (guess who finished off our picnic for tea, the boy had the rest of the eggy sandwiches)
2 (yes very bad) hot cross buns with butter on.
Milky coffee.

So all in all, on reflection this day was not as great as it could have been. However, on a positive note, I didn't pick at all, and whilst I ate my tea quite early, I am quite determined not to eat any more tonight, as I know I am not hungry. I would just be picking. I shall instead have a glass of water in a bit. I generally drink lots of water anyway so that is no problem. Also my son and I had a visit out today, so we did lots of walking to help burn up some of those naughty calories.

My god, this really is quite therapeutic. If anyone is actually still reading this, and is still awake well done!

Advice etc would be much appreciated, I am new to the whole forum thing. Writing this stuff down at the end of the day (it is 19:45 here in England) really does help you reflect upon your behaviour doesn't it?

Thanks for reading!

Pinkie
 
yes it does :D when i first started writing in my diary i couldn't believe how psychologically it is helping me, because it was the first time i was actually talking about it to someone who actually understood what i'm going through. and it was overwhelming. i didn't have to apologize or lie about myself and my problems. the main purpose of my diary is to vent...to use that space for telling things i wouldn't normally say to people unless we were engaged in some deep conversation hehe

my problem is emotional eating as well as portioning. i would eat like i'm a bottomless pit, especially for lunch, i just couldn't get enough and i was in denial...running away. then i decided it was time to change...and i'm enjoying this change more than any meal i've ever had.

here are two pages that might help you with nutrition, advice and all and

and i'm here for support :D
Lena
 
Hello again - and thanks for the comments Lena. I think I too have definitely suffered with 'emotional' eating in the past, and present too I guess. I am trying very hard to watch out for those triggers.

Thanks for those tools too - I've bookmarked them for now, I am too tired this evening to get too into them right now.

If you don't mind me asking - how tall are you Lena? I notice we both started around the same weight, though I can't see me ever getting below 150 lbs. I'm 5'6", so I think that would be a pretty good weight for me.

Anyway, todays progress. I had a fairly good day today.

Breakfast - 6.45

Blueberry wheats with breakfast juice

9.00 snack
Bit naughty this bit, but I had a Pret a Manger Very Berry Breakfast Bowl. I had just walked about half an hour to work and felt the need for something yohurty.
Also before my lunch I had a pear, apple and banana

Lunch - 12:30
Watercress and potato soup
Granary roll with butter

Snack - pm
Another banana and apple (I like my fruit, can you tell!) ;-)

Tea - 19.30
Banana and soya milk milkshake
Quorn stirfry, with honey, sou sauce and balsamic vinegar.

I also walk back again, so do about an hour walking on the days I am working in London.

Looking back at my eats today, it seems I have a banana addiction. However, I do find that if I am craving chocolate, it seems to be the closest thing to satisfying me. And even with decent dark chocolate I can still gobble up the whole bar. That extra breakfast was just piggy, and I wouldn't normally do that. So an extra effort for tomorrow I think.

However, I feel pleased about the day. At no point did I eat when I wasn't hungry, and I made a special effort to concentrate and 'savour' the food I was eating. I did the Paul McKenna hynotic stuff on my iPod on the train too.

It is now just gone 21:00 and my stomach feels comfortable, not over stuffed but not hungry. Will have another glass of water before I go to bed though. I am quite pleased as I can sense I actually feel thirsty and am not tempted to override that with stuffing food down myself!

So phew, a lot of rambling on - apologies! - but it helps to get things started and clear my head and keep focussed!

Thanks for reading, sorry about the long spiel, and best of luck to all the rest of you dieters out there.

:)

Pinkie
 
Oh and one last small but quite significant thing. I didn't weigh myself today. That is quite an accomplishment in itself! I am determined to wait 2 weeks so hopefully I get a nice surprise!

Thanks!

Pinkie
 
hey pinkie i'm also 5.6 tall and that goal is my ideal weight. however if i feel comfortable at a higher weight that's ok too. this is an ultimate goal which will hopefully be obtained but if it doesn't that's ok...i will listen to what my body wants :D

keep up the great work.
Lena
 
pinkie

Way to go Pinkie. You're just gonna keep on making more good changes. Welcome to weight loss forum. Its a great place to hang out. Hugs to you and your son.
 
Thanks for the words of support everyone. It really does help, as you all know. I am glad that I have embarked on this positive step. It's finding the time to look at all the stuff on here though isn't it?

As I’ve said before, although I know what I SHOULD be doing, it’s a matter of sticking to it isn’t it? ... Lena, I think I am 'big boned' to coin an excuse. ;)

Anyway, down to today. I did absolutely no exercise at all. This particular job requires driving there and back so no walking room. But anyway…

Breakfast
Cranberry wheats with breakfast juice
Fennel tea

Lunch
2 x Avocado and lettuce granary bread sandwich.
Minestrone cup a soup.
Banana, apple and pear.

Tea
Banana soya milkshake
1 ½ pitta breads, 1 carrot and humous
(an hour or so later) - Blueberries, grapes and strawberries with low fat yoghurt.

Phew – that’s about it for today I think. Oh and I’ve made a point of drinking 1 ½ litres of water today too – still a little of that to go, buts that pretty much me for today.

I felt a bit bloated after all the pitta bread for tea, I am coming to the conclusion bread doesn’t really agree with me. Had a massive cravings for stodgy naughtiness at lunch time, haven eated BOTH my sandwiches. But finished off with the apple and banana which seemed to settle me down a little.

And my God I held firm too! I just hope this lasts and I don't fall off the wagon (too severely) again!

Love to you all, and thanks again for the message - they are really appreciated!

Pinkie :)
 
Well yet again I seem to be rushing about, so little time eh? Having a bad case of PMT today, it has been working up all week. I blame this on no evening primrose oil. I haven't taken it for a while.

Anyway, my food today is as follows.

Breakfast

Cranberry wheats with breakfast juice

Snack

Carrot cake (leaving do)
Apple

Lunch

Carrot and coriander soup
Granary roll with butter

Snack

Another apple

Tea
Pitta bread, carrot, celery and cucumber with humous

A carroty day it would seem! I also drank 2 litres of water, and walked for about an hour.

I have had HUGE cravings for no end of rubbishy food, and also coffee - but rather pleasingly I didn't succumb!

Tomorrow night I am out on the town. I am going to try to remember to drink a pint of water between drinks. And if we end up going for a curry (which no doubt we will), I am not going to overeat. I usually go for the tomato based dishes anyway (e.g. Rogon), but seem to eat loads of popadoms before the meal. Try to cut out the popadoms too!

That's it for now!

:)

Pinkie
 
Not a gread day on Friday - but here goes.

Breakfast
Cranberry wheats with breakfast juice

Snack
Cappacino with 2 ginger biscuits
Apple
Pear

Lunch
Red lentil and ginger soup with a roll and butter

Afternoon Snack
Latte with 2 ginger biscuits

Dinner
Went out with friends.
3 smirnoff ices
1 Thai meal
1/2 bottle white wine

Am feeling delicate now so will go and nurse my poor head and tummy. I can't take these nights out anymore!

:)

P.
 
Saturdays food as follows:

No breakfast

Lunch
Roasted vegetables: butternut squash, shallots, peppers, courgette, garlic apple and marintated tofu. 2 pitta breads and some humous.

Snacks
Grapes, blueberries, leftover roasted veg. 6 tiny choc eggs.

I had an extra helping of the roasted veg at lunch which I didn't really need. It was just so yummy I lost some control there! ;-)

Also my period started today so spent the day feeling rubbish, back hurting etc. Therefore not beating myself up too much about the little choc eggs.

Keep fighting the fight!

P.
 
Breakfast
Cranberry wheats with breakfast juice.
Milky coffee.

Lunch
Chicken roast, with most of the trimmings.
Rhubarb crumble, made with porridge oats and low fat creme fraiche on the side.
Mother's Day treat.

Snack
8 naughty little chocolate eggs
1 slice of granary bread with butter and garlic and herb soft cheese on.

Not a good day for dieting. Although lots of healthy veg's with my roast, also quite a bit of fat in it too. Oh hell I am not going to beat myself up over it. Just enjoy it for what it was.

Not particularly feeling like I am losing weight, some of which may be down to period. However, I need to dig in deep this week as in a week's time I will be doing my first weigh in!

Eek!

P.
 
Brekkie
Cranberry wheats with breakfast juice

Snack
Capuccino and 2 ginger biscuits

Lunch
Borlotti bean and vegetable soup
1 granary roll with butter
Apple and blackberry low fat yoghurt

Snack
Apple and banana

Tea
Stir fry with quorn pieces, soy sauce, honey and balsamic vinegar
Pitta bread with humous (piggy, I didn't really need that)
Grapes
 
Hello, and welcome to the forum! It is good to see that you are trying so hard and making good changes in your diet.

Sometimes we all eat more than we should and then we feel bad about it; I have done that more times than I can count. But one thing that I have learned, and I have been trying to lose weight since January 1 (haha, like soooo many other people with my lil New Year's Resolution), I have discovered some very cool and liberating facts about the physiology of weight loss.

1) You CAN indulge in "naughty" foods and still be able to lose fat, even if you weighed in on Monday, ate "naughty" foods that Monday, you could still have a fat loss by Tuesday. A mistake that a lot of people make when they are trying to lose fat is that they think they can never indulge, and then they feel bad about it when they do. Remember, you WILL lose fat as long as you consume less calories than you burn throughout the day. Even if you eat a naughty food, even if you eat sort of a lot of it, that's still okay. You just have to have eaten less calories than you burned. A good tool for tracking calories is fitday.com. You can enter in what you've eaten and it will let you know how many calories it was. If you eat, let's say, three pieces of pizza (that's about 1080 calories) all is not lost and you DON'T have to feel bad. If you eat around 220 and 420 for the rest of the day), you will be fine and still will lose fat, as long as you are outputting more than 1500 calories.
 
I have noticed that my threads get too long and then the server times out and I lose everything I have written, so consider this a continuation of my previous thread...

Over 1500 calories sounds like it's a lot to burn, but it's not too much really, because the average person burns about a calorie a minute just by being alive. (That's 1440 calories a day already). And remember, everything you do burns calories, anything besides lying down and sitting still burns calories. Fitday.com is also great for figuring out how many calories you burn per day just by going about your daily life. It will tell you how many calories you burn washing dishes, making the bed, taking a shower, brushing your teeth, etc. This is REALLY helpful when you are trying to figure out what you can actually eat. A lot of people trying to lose weight think they have to be "good" or only eat a small amount of calories because they forget that living and doing everyday activities burns calories!

THEN if you eat too few calories, you metabolism will drop, you will store fat, and you will be pissed off that you have been being so good but are gaining fat.

When I first started trying to slim down, I kept it at 1200 calories, sometimes even lower than that. And THEN when I did mess up and eat a chocolate bar or ice cream or pizza or a burger or whatever, I would feel SO BAD about it. I was sure that the scale would punish me in the morning. But lo and behold, many a time I was greatly suprised to see that not only did I not gain fat, but I LOST fat, and I was like

how could that be?

This is not a license to go hog wild and eat ten hot cross buns, but it means you could eat as many as kept you in a calorie deficit.
 
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