Pieces of Me - Diary

piecesofme1

piecesofme1

New member
Okay, where to begin. I think the first step is simply sitting down to do this. I definitely need some motivation to keep me on track, and I've been putting this off and putting this off because...I really don't like to admit my faults, and I guess I was afraid I couldn't actually do this. But you never know what you can do until you try...so here goes:

I'm an 18 year old female. I am 5'3" and 165 lbs. I have never been happy with my weight; I am comfortable with every other aspect of myself, and I definitely do not like to admit that I don't like my body to anyone. My whole family is very active and outdoorsy, and my younger sister is a dancer and seems to have the perfect body. I am also an athlete, but I do not look like one simply because I eat too much.

My family has always eaten healthy food and followed a healthy diet, and I always try to follow a balanced meal plan. I never eat fast food, and try to stay away from fried foods. I am an athlete; I have played field hockey for 8 years, and I work out regularly. Usually 1 hour of cardio per day, 5 days a week, with 1 hour of weightlifting 2 days a week. I had many friends at the gym I belonged to, and it was a great stress relief for me. I have worked very hard on my cardio endurance and muscle strength. One of my good friends is a female body builder and a personal trainer. However, I am overweight and do not feel good about my physical appearance.

My problem is and always has been portion control. If there is something in front of me, I will eat it. If it tastes good, even though I'm not hungry at all, I will eat it. It's very hard for me to stop. And when I work out, I unconsciously think that it's okay if I eat more. So I am very good at maintaining my weight, but can never lose any.

I began college about two months ago, and I decided that since I choose what I want to eat and how much from the dining hall, this time would be a good time to focus on self control. Unfortunatelly, 2 weeks ago playing rugby, I sprained my left knee. So, I have been unable to work out, which has definitely been detrimental to my weight and also to my piece of mind. I am not working out, yet I still eat the same as I used to, because I don't know how to eat differently. At school, also, there are many sweets I didn't have at home (I like to point out to people that the desserts in my house were gingersnaps and lemon sorbet), and I eat them a lot, simply because they are available now.

I am determined to watch my portions and make better choices. I will get a plate from the dining hall, and separate half of it NOT to eat. Once I am able to weight bear again, I will immediately be back in the gym. I will definitely record everything here, and weigh myself once a week.

Starting weight: 165 lbs.
Goal weight: 140 lbs.
Time frame: Jan. 1, 2007

This is only to begin, I hope to be on a roll once I reach this goal, and to set a new one. I am starting tomorrow, and will post what I eat and how I feel. I need to make time to do this! I will let you all know how it goes!
 
How to eat out?

I didn't get a chance to post yesterday because I was away from home, hence away from my computer and therefore unable to access the internet. What I think is important is that I am conscious of what I'm putting in my mouth, instead of simply eating like a machine.

This weekend has been abnormal for me because my parents were visiting so I was eating out for every meal. I tried to make healthy choices, and also be aware of the portions - exercising self-control to leave some left on my plate (I know how extra large restaurant portions are). Here is what I ate yesterday, and I'll post tonight on how today went:

Breakfast 10:00 - 3 egg white omellette, with Feta and Tomato, 1 slice toast, sliced potatoes - The potatoes I really didn't need, I wasn't hungry and I'm sure they had a lot of calories. This whole meal was really filling, however, and I wasn't hungry again until late afternoon.

Late lunch/afternoon snack 4:45 - small Greek salad, a little oil and vinegar. A few sunchips (my mother was eating a bag), 1/4 cornbread muffin.

Dinner 8:00 - 2 slices french bread, small sliced duck salad, linguine with clams in a light garlic/butter sauce, some pieces of duck. This meal was at a fancy restaurant; I wasn't really that hungry to begin with, I didn't finish my pasta, and did not eat a lot of bread before the meal. Unfortunately, I shared a small fancy dessert with my parents; this I did not need.

I think this is only the first step to eating better; once I know what I'm doing wrong, I can change. Thanks everyone!
 
Hello! I'm a 17 year old girl, and i'm in the same boat as you. Happy with everything but my weight. And i'm an athelete,(i play volleyball) and i want to lose the weight. I too have MAJOR problems with portion control. I just try and control myself by putting the food away where I can't reach it, and then just walk away from it. But I know that can be hard to, seeing as I ate too much pizza yesterday at a friend's party. :rolleyes: I know you can do this, keep it up!
 
well i just read your entries and i completly understand i was put on a medication which made me eat EVERYTHING in sight i couldnt stop i was ALWAYS hungry ! it was horrible but i got taken off of the medication and still ate too much ive have although cut way back and im loosing sooo i know you can do it too :) maybe you should try to go to a nutrionist that might help i go to one shes great well good luck i know you can do it :)
 
It's really late...

It's really late and I should be going to bed, but it's midterms, so I should be studying right now...

Xorie, thanks for the suggestion about putting the food out of reach. I definitely will start to do that. When I'm finished eating, I'll take the left over to the trash, so I don't keep munching on it while talking with my friends. That is a great idea, considering a lot of social time is spent in the dining hall here.

Wildlotus, thanks for your support. That's really encouraging. And I've thought about seeing a nutritionist, but right now I don't have the time. I would also like to see someone who specializes with nutrition for athletes. And one of my goals, one I lose this excess weight, is to focus and train for a bodybuilding competition - some day!

Well, here's what I ate today. I know it's not great, but I'm always thinking about it, so it should get better. And posting here keeps me in check, because I know people are reading this:

Breakfast - small orange juice, bagel, cream cheese, lox, cucumber, tomato. I was definitely full after only half of this bagel, but I was eating out with my parents, and I don't get good food at school, so I felt like I needed to finish it because it was a 'treat'. However, since the hours of the dining hall here at school are really bad on the weekends, I didn't eat again until mid-afternoon...

snack/late lunch - Life cereal, strawberries, apple, 2 chocolate truffles. I need to measure the serving size for my cereal. I know this. I shared this with a friend, so it is also hard to tell exactly how much I ate. The chocolates were completely unnessecary. They were simply in my room and I was hungry.

Dinner - salad, with tofu, mushrooms, black beans and corn, 1/4 c. pasta, 'veggie fajitas' = onions, green peppers in sauce. and a little rice. slice of pumpkin vegan cake. This I did not need. I was full after the salad, but was sitting in the dining hall with my friends and felt like I needed to put something in my mouth. I had not intended to eat the cake (since I had chocolate earlier) but it was simply there. I need to stop eating simply because there is food around! And when I do this, I get more unhappy with myself...

I hope tomorrow is better when I am back to my regular schedule. I am also weight lifting tomorrow...
 
I know exactly what you mean about overeating.
Not hungry, but still just have to eat what's in front of you.
I have that exact problem, plus eating when I'm bored which happens too often.

You could carry around a pack of gum with you. Specially if you tend to eat when you're hanging out with friends or wherever. It might help you keep your mouth busy so you won't go for something when you're not hungry.

It sounds like you're so determined though! You're gonna do this!! :D
 
I hate midterms...

Okay, today was more normal in terms of eating times and places, but I still can't wait until my last test is over (tomorrow!) so I feel more normal and in control. I also woke up later today because I was studying late last night, and so did not have a decent/good/healthy breakfast. My knee was feeling better, so I was finally able to do 35 min. of cardio (lighter than usual, since I didn't want to really injure anything, but better than nothing...) and 30 min. of weightlifting. After this, I felt pretty good. However, I was really abnormally busy in the middle of the day (studying, lectures) so I ate dinner late, and so definitely ate more than I needed because I was really hungry. I need to eat slower. This is how it went today:

Breakfast - 1 small slice chocolate cherry bread, 1 slice raisin pecan bread, 1 apple. I ate this sitting in my 9 am class...

Snack - Pria bar - I have class immediately after working out, and I know it is much healthier to eat something immediately after working out, so I usually have a small bar on my way to class.

Lunch - thin crust chicken and goat cheese personal pizza, small choc. chip cookie. These pizzas aren't that big, but I know I don't need to eat the whole thing. I'm going to try and only eat 3/4 or 1/2 next time, and save the rest. This is also hard because I pay such a ridiculous amount for this meal plan that I don't want to waste anything. I need to get over this...

Dinner - salad w/ garbanzo beans, tomato, cucumber, feta. shrimp pad thai, broiled chicken breast, slice pita and hummus. 1/2 c. granola. This seems like a lot. It's a little of everything because not one thing alone is filling or tasty for dinner. I need to decide on one thing, and eat that, and be finished. I hate dorm food. period. and I hate that I seem to posses no self control.


Amunet, I have definitely thought about the gum idea. It's frustrating sometimes because I forget to bring a pack with me! But it's such a good suggestion...Thanks a ton for your support and encouragement!
 
Sort of a daze...

I'm really tired and spacey, but look - I'm posting before midnight!!! yay!!! My midterms are over, but the test today didn't go so well. I studied really, really hard, and it's my favorite class, so I felt really good about the material. And then when I sat down with the test, there was nothing on it I had studied. It was not good. So, I was really pissed off. I needed to blow off steam, do some hard physical exertion - but my knee is messed up. I said screw it, and worked out anyway. It felt amazing - it's the first time I've been able to go hard since I messed up my knee. And I probably shouldn't have done so much (because I don't know exactly what's wrong with it) but I stayed away from impact, such as running. I did 45 min. on the stairmaster, then 60 min. on the arctrainer. I put my angry music on my iPod and went hard. And it felt great.

And then my day got worse. I sat at health services for an hour and a half to get my knee looked at. To have a nurse tell me I should see an orthopedic surgeon, and I couldn't get an appointment until November 6. I then spoke to a friend from home who told me she wasn't going to be home for thanksgiving when I am going home. She was one of only 3 friends I was really looking forward to seeing. so, yea...I haven't done any work all day.

How did this affect my eating habits? Let's see:
Breakfast - cornflakes w/ skim milk, banana and ~1/3 c. cottage cheese. It's hard for me to get precise measurments...

Late lunch - "Hot Indian Wrap" meaning wrap with lettuce, cucumber, chicken, rice, sauce (I think this was unfortunately mayo-based, but I really don't know...), apple, 1 slice choc. cherry bread

Dinner - veggie burrito: cheese, beans, rice, salsa. 1/4 c. coleslaw, pickle, four bites of my friends choc. cake, 1 piece of Ghirardelli chocolate.
The cake and chocolate I really, really did not need. I just didn't care by that point.

*sigh* I should go do work now, but I'm completely unmotivated...
 
Yesterday was not so good...

I didn't post yesterday because it was really late, my roommate was asleep, and I was really tired. And my eating habits yesterday were really exceptionally awful. Until midday, I was fine. And then, I wasn't hungry, but I was around food and people eating, so I ate, too.

Breakfast - 2 egg whites, banan, captain crunch and skim milk. 1 mini scone - maybe this is where it went bad, because I really didn't need to eat this, and I said that to myself, but ate it anyway.

Lunch - Turkey, provolone, and tomato sandwich on wheat bread, carrots, 1 slice choc. cherry bread - it's these little snacky things I do not need...

Snack - Brioche at the coffee shop while I was studying - completely unnecessary.

Dinner - Salad w/ piece of salmon, bowl of fruit, 2 pieces of brownie. Why did I eat this???

Late snack - I was sitting around with my friend, and she had a hot pretzel, and I didn't eat any. And then we sat there for an hour, with the pretzel sitting there, I couldn't sit there any longer, I ate half of it. Then I was like, what the hell, and had 2 slices of raisin pecan bread and 1 of chocolate cherry bread. Just because they are available. If they weren't here, I wouldn't eat them! Oh, and a kit kat and a cookie.

I can't believe I ate that much last night. However, I did work out yesterday - 60 min. cardio and 30 min. weight lifting. Unfortunately, my knee really hurts today so I think I'm going to let it rest because I don't know exactly what is wrong with it. I have an appointment with an orthopedic surgeon in a week and a half...

Agh! I need to focus here and do better...
 
I do the same thing and I've found what works for me is to plan ahead which I know is difficult for you since you're at a dorm. Does the hall have some of the same stuff every day. Maybe try and plan based on what you know they'll have. Make your menu the day before and tell yourself you're not going to put anything in your mouth unless it's on your menu. Hang in there!!!
 
Almost 2 years later?! Agh.

Haven't been here in a while...can't even remember why I stopped posting. At some point, I figured I didn't need to, could do it on my own. And I did, for a little while. Lost ten lbs. Then I gained it back. Looking back on my first few posts from what seems like a long time ago, no too much has changed. I am still extremely active, and I want to say that I've been in the best cardio/strength fitness that I have ever been in. That said, however, I am also the heaviest I have ever been - which I guess is why I'm back here. If I know people are reading this, I'm not only letting myself down when I eat bad stuff, but other people will know! I also figure that if I spend so much time online doing nothing at all, I might as well spend that time doing something useful for myself!

Last year was pretty good for me, eating-wise. I lived in an apartment with five other girls, but it had a kitchen, and so was doing my own grocery shopping and cooking. This is when I lost the most weight! I never bought sweet things or bad snacks (chips, breads, cookies, etc.). My fridge was stocked with fresh vegetables and fruit. I have always eaten a lot of chicken because I work out so much - eggs, chicken all the time - and so need the protein. But I became so tired of it, and actually successfully ate vegan for a month, raw for about a week. I felt really good and healthy, and hardly cheated because vegetables, etc. were the only things I even had access to! I lost those 10 lbs...then gained them back.

Whenever I come home from school, I tend to gain weight. This is because I am not food shopping for myself, and my parents have a lot of food in the house that I wouldn't eat normally - bread, yogurt, some cookies. My sister, who I mentioned before (before being in my 2 yr old posts...) is extremely skinny, but loves to bake. So there are usually home baked cookies or banana breads or something around, though she doesn't eat them! Stop baking them then! It's extremely frustrating.

I have a cool computer program called the "Diet and Exercise Assistant" for my palm pilot. It's really great - a calorie counter and calculator - If I ACTUALLY USED IT!!!

I came back from two huge vacations I took over the past two months - they were really phenomenal, but I ate absolutely horribly. I knew I gained weight, I just didn't really want to face it. It took me five days to get the courage to step onto the scale. Today: 170 lbs. It did not feel good.

This is a promise then, to myself: to log what I eat, when. To watch what I eat. Ideally, I would love to follow a raw foods diet. But this is hard when you are sharing meals with other people. And not shopping for yourself. And tempted by everything in the kitchen. So I will try my hardest and do my best. I would love to go back to NYC in Sept. and meet up with all the great people I met on my trips this year and show them a new me!

Starting weight: 170 lbs.
Goal weight: 160 lbs.
By date: Sept. 12, 2008

Wish me luck! Or mental fortitude, as the case may be!
 
I face the same problems as you with the portion control and access to certain foods. I commute to college and sometimes do not have the time to go shopping for food. My family has appalling eating habits. Thankfully, my mother is turning things around and trying to lose weight herself. She finally is bringing in fresh fruits and vegetables, but my father (who does the majority of the cooking) makes mostly processed foods. I need to lose my final ten pounds, and I really do believe it is my diet that is preventing them from leaving my frame, as food consumption appears to be a difficulty with you despite your very active lifestyle. We're in this together!

I'm trying to limit myself to only fresh fruits and vegetables for commuting, and healthier whole grains. I know I cannot cut carbohydrates out of my lifestyle-- forget a knight in shining armor, carbohydrates are my one and only true love.
 
I have issues with portion control also, even though my choices are usually healthy. I have to keep reminding myself that what makes what I'm eating healthy is not overeating it, you can overeat even on fresh fruit and veggies (oy, especially avacados which are my ultimate fav).
 
Another day...

Okay, tried to watch what I ate this weekend. I always find weekends to be the worst, which isn't unique, but they shouldn't be that hard. Since it's summer and I've been traveling (eliminating my ability to have a job), when I'm home I don't actually have a stone-set schedule during the week, so it is like a weekend. Therefore my eating habits really shouldn't be that different from weekday to weekend, but I am conscious of eating worse than usual on the weekends. I need to be extremely aware of this, and aware of trying to STOP doing this. Any suggestions?

Today was pretty good. The thing is, I'm rarely hungry. I usually eat because I'm BORED. Which is awful. But I'm sitting at home, either in the kitchen because this is where my family socializes, or very near to it, and munching. All day. I have moved my computer into the next room and am trying to clean my bedroom (which is downstairs and on the opposite side of the house) so that I can work in there. It doesn't help that I have a lot of tedious planning and internet work on my computer to do, so that I'm sitting around all day. Bored. It is just so much more convenient to work in the house, though I could pack up and go somewhere else (library? coffee shop? Do they have wireless at my public library? Something to look into...)

A typical day: breakfast at 7:30 am ish, sometimes earlier depending on when I have to go to the gym, what else I have to get done during the day. I'm definitely a morning person (After I finish this entry, being after 9 pm here, I'm probably going to go to bed!). Bicycle ride to the gym, on a good day - i.e. not too sore from my workout the day before and I got enough sleep. This is a decent 25 min. ride. Cardio day: jogging or stepmill ~40 min. then arctrainer ~40 min. Maybe a cool down on a crosstrainer. Weight day: 15 min. warm-up (jog, arctrainer, crosstrainer) then at least 1 hour of weights, pretty much evenly divided between upper and lower body. This will change if I lift two days in a row (or 3! As I killed myself last week. It felt so good though!). Cool down with ~45 min. cardio. I try to lift weights 3 times a week, MWF or STTH, and do cardio 6 days a week. I LOVE to work out, and it's just so frustrating to me that I don't actually look like I work out all the time...

During the week, I usually have a piece of fruit and .5 oz of raw almonds before my workout. After I get home, usually around 10:30 am, I have a post-workout protein shake, with frozen berries and/or juice and whey protein, megagreens powder, ground flaxseed and sometimes liquid amino acid complex (on days I lift). I make really tasty shakes!! It is important for me to leave the kitchen afterwards though, because since I don't actually chew anything I tend to munch then, and this is completely unnecessary! agh. Around 1 or 1:30 I'll have my actual lunch. Today it was 1/2 c. canned black beans and some oat crackers - tasty and actually filling. Then a snack of a plum, a little later a canned V8. Went out to dinner with my friend, stupidly ordered some 'polenta fries' appetizer as my main, which were okay, not actually that good - so I didn't finish them! Yay! And a small side salad - didn't finish that either. Afterward, went out for ice cream where I had a kiddie size orange sherbet - didn't need this, but it did taste good! So, overall, there were things I could have done without, but I don't think I ate as horribly as I have been eating recently...

It's really hard for me to judge if how I eat actually effects my weight loss, because I'm not that hungry ever. I already exercise a lot so that isn't even a concern for me - I could hardly exercise more. It's all about diet for me, and that's the hardest part.

Tomorrow is another day! I hope to accomplish more things...
 
Cardio day

Okay, since I've been thinking about what I eat and not munching, I've been doing a lot better. Since I lifted yesterday, did only cardio today. Biked to the gym early in the morning, then did a 20 min. warm-up on the arctrainer (my favorite machine!) and then 30 min. (3 miles) on the treadmill. After, finished up with 30 more minutes on the arctrainer then 10 on the crosstrainer. Biked home, felt pretty good.

Had my usual breakfast, .5 oz. raw almonds and a piece of fruit - some grapes today. After my workout, my usual protein smoothie (which I've gotten really good and fast at making...) this time with 1/2 c. cranberry juice and 1/2 a peach. For afternoon snack, had a veggie salad with diced red pepper, carrots and 1/2 c. garbanzo beans. Dinner was whole wheat pasta and a little tomato sauce - only one serving, definitely smaller than I used to have, but didn't use a measuring cup to measure out...and a small salad. Afterward, some dark chocolate (Again, unnecessary!). But overall, less munching than I used to do. Ate my smoothie w/o supplementing it with other food! That's good.

Okay, going to lift early tomorrow morning. Hopefully I'll feel this one!
 
On those not so good days...

This always seems to happen to me: I get off to a really good start, and then go out to dinner or lunch with friends or family, and completely overdo it. Didn't write last night because I didn't want to admit to what and how much I ate (let's just say - a lot of buttery bread and then dessert).

Started out today strong - had a great workout, cardio day, 40 min. stepper and 45 min. cross trainer - and then felt really energized afterward. But then went out to lunch with my good friend, and ordered well - gazpacho soup and a salad - didn't even finish the salad. However, munched and munched on the homemade tortilla chips they brought out (it was a Mexican place). And then, since I had already screwed up, indulged in some bubble tea - ordered with lychee jellies though instead of tapioca bubbles, which I definitely think have fewer calories; also ordered the skim milk and splenda milk tea part of it. So, better ordering for a bad choice...

Actually went for a 30 min. run this afternoon in the heat here (it was about 88 F) which actually felt pretty good. My friend and I have been running together (she's training for college soccer) and it's A LOT more fun and bearable to jog with someone else; I'm not a runner to begin with, so this helps a lot.

Then I had too much of a snack. Started out with my whey protein drink, and then didn't leave the kitchen, which was a HUGE mistake. Ate some crackers with cheese, some gingersnap cookies, some cranberry-walnut bread. Was not happy with myself. It was 6 pm, but was waiting for my family to actually eat dinner. When we finally ate at 7:30, wasn't hungry at all so actually hardly ate anything, which was good. The danger, and I would feel a lot worse, was if I had eaten a whole dinner after my huge snack/dinner thing.

Really going to try to do better tomorrow. I know what I need to do. I just need to do it!
 
I do that to, the snacking. It's hard. What helps me is before I go out I think about what I'm going to get before hand and try and figure out how many calories are in it and then always send away bread or chips. I have no will power when it comes to carbs. Good job on the run though!
 
Doing something.

Okay, though the date says Saturday, it's only 12 am so this is my post for Friday Aug. 1st. I had an okay day, trying to fix my mind on this which is always hard for me. I go one week doing really well, and then just stop paying attention and get angry at myself.

I had a decent workout this morning, biked to the gym and lifted weights for 1 hour then did 70 min. of cardio. Biked home. Decided to forgo the protein smoothie for cottage cheese and a sliced banana. For lunch had a carrot-snow pea-hearts of palm-garbanzo bean salad. Ordered dinner which was organic 'arugula pizza' from our favorite pizza place, which is actual Italian pizza, so crust, olive oil, arugula, tomatoes, olives, some parmesean (as opposed to 'American' pizza w/ massive amounts of sauce and greasy cheese). Basically salad on top of crust. It's tasty. We were/are extremely low on food in my house because we are leaving for vacation tomorrow so weren't buying anything perishable - hence my lunch and ordering in for dinner.

That said, I'm leaving for vacation tomorrow. This is going to be difficult for me - because I won't be cooking even one meal for myself alone, I know I eat emotionally, and also because I will be with my family all day for 7 days. This is where the emotional eating comes in: I love my family, and I love my sister, but it's very, very hard for me to be around her for so much time. As I said before, she is a dancer - so very skinny and constantly talks about weight and food. I just don't want to hear it! And so I get frustrated and eat just to do the opposite of that because I'm annoyed. And I feel as if I can never look like that.

That said, the point is I need to stay positive. Or just not allow it to get to me so much. Or just refrain from eating because of it! I also don't know if I'll have internet, so may not even be able to post for a week. Wish me luck!
 
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I can relate to the almost overeating to do the opposite as you experience with your sister. The other night when I went to my friend's rehearsal dinner, I was the smallest person there. I was only singng at the wedding, but all of her bridesmaids were much larger yet beautiful girls. So when it came time to eat, I felt like I had to prove myself almost and just forgot completely about healthy portion sizes and successfully managed to eat the most there. The table even slow-clapped for me because I guess I blew them all away or something, heh.
 
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