People treating you different?

S

shopgirl

New member
Has anyone else experienced being treated differently by people after you lose weight?

I am the same person (100lbs or 300lbs), do the same things, have the same opinions, have a very outgoing personality, treat others well, work hard, in general, love life.

It is amazing to see the change in others in their interactions with me.

I questioned an individual that had always been on the cool side towards me why the sudden warming, and they told me that I had changed. I disagreed, I was still me. They told me that I seemed happier, more approachable. I think there was just "less" to approach.
 
I disagreed, I was still me. They told me that I seemed happier, more approachable. I think there was just "less" to approach.
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I think oftentimes we fail to see the changes in ourselves emotionally and mentally as well as physically after we've lost weight.

I've always thought of myself as a happy, outgoing, confident person, no matter what my weight. But after I lost a lot of weight and things changed, a friend of mine told me - someone who I trust and who liked me when I was at my heaviest - that my personality had definitely changed. That even though I was all those things before, that I was also more confident in myself. That I walked differently and stood differently and related to people differently. I was dressing differently (attractive clothes that fit, not lose baggy things to hide my fat). Etc.

We DO change emotionally after losing a lot of weight. A lot of people want to deny it. A lot of people want to say that it shows how society hates on fat people. But to deny that changing our bodies that dramatically has emotional and mental impact is silly.

I'm not saying that society doesn't hate on fat people to a large degree. And yes, there ARE people who will treat you differently when you're skinny vs. when you're fat. But that's not the only part of the equation. We're more a part of it than we often like to admit.
 
Suggesting a person see a therapist is not necessarily being mean. A therapist is just another kind of doctor. If you had the flu and someone suggested you see the doctor, would you be offended by that?
 
Well you can try and ask the most closest people in your life if you indeed have changed (hopefully not in a negative way). Opinions from them can very well be trusted 'coz I'm sure they only want the best for you. I hope it helps...
 
Guys who turned my down and broke my heart in school have asked me out not realizing who I was.

I've been told I'm unapproachable a lot in my lifetime- more so when I was fat. And now that I'm 170 smaller people talk to me more . . .

I've also been told I looked like a monster and like I was "about to kill somebody!" whenever I would cry-when really I was just sad b/c I was so alone and disrespected for my weight.

haven't a clue why to this day. Only thing I can think of is- when I was fat, I was ugly. And now I'm not ugly and scary.

and also- smaller = cuter. and therefor less threatening and easier to approach.

Like for instance- when a dog runs at you to attack you- you hold your arms over your head to make yourself look bigger to scare it off. Just because you seem larger the dog becomes afraid of you and backs off . . .

Maybe they were intimidated by my size all that time ...? My larger size made me "a monster".

Hmmm....
 
shopgirl said:
Has anyone else experienced being treated differently by people after you lose weight?

I am the same person (100lbs or 300lbs), do the same things, have the same opinions, have a very outgoing personality, treat others well, work hard, in general, love life.

It is amazing to see the change in others in their interactions with me.

I questioned an individual that had always been on the cool side towards me why the sudden warming, and they told me that I had changed. I disagreed, I was still me. They told me that I seemed happier, more approachable. I think there was just "less" to approach.
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I think it's a combination of things. Because being overweight is looked down upon socially, associating with an overweight person is undesirable to some people. However, I think the knowledge that society disapproves makes overweight people feel unapproachable and it turns into a kind of self-fulfilling prophecy, turning away people who might have approached otherwise if we had been more emotionally open to it.

I know that's true in my case, at least. I expect to be rejected so I just withdraw (Ah, defense mechanisms) but there are many people who are overweight and still really put themselves out there and are well-liked because of it.

As you said, you're outgoing. I am not. :D But is it possible at all that being overweight made you feel unapproachable to at least a small degree?

I absolutely do believe though that there are people who would completely ignore your existence as a fat person, only to suddenly see you as if you were never there before once you have lost the weight. It's sad. Someone said to me once that overweight people have built-in jerk radar. You really don't want to associate with someone who would disregard you because of what you look like, anyway.
 
actually people do treat you differently. when i was in shape i was always the guy the girls would melt over. then when i gained wait the same girls were totally rude to me. got me sort of scared to leave my room for awhile because of peoples dirty looks and laughs . now that im losing weight again i started seeing girls look over at me. while with there boyfriends as if to say dam he looks like hes got potential. my gf i love her with all my heart because she loved me even when i was fat. now im rapidly losing weight to show her that i love her to............no matter how much teasing everyone gets keep at it because when your done those people teasing will be kissing your but :coolgleamA:
 
when i lost 50lbs, it made me laugh that all of a sudden people felt it was fine to ask me how much i weighed, lol...then i would tell them (220lbs) and they would be shocked (i think they thought my ending weight was my beginning weight...i carried it well).

i never really cared much how others perceive me. this isn't about pleasing others, it is about improving my health.

also anyone who wouldn't associate with somebody (me or someone else) based on looks is not someone i want to know.
 
People are very stereotypical its quite awfull actually, when i weight over 200lbs and was classed as obese i never had any male attention at all, and was bullied throughout school by mainly guys.

Now three years later, 5stone less and with a breast enhancment through the weight loss i couldnt get any more male attention, not all of which i like and im still learning how to say no after the other species being a threat for so long.

I have discovered that its not just looks people go after, from so long looking at the slim girls in highschool and wondering why they have boyfriends and i didnt, its how the girl holds herself & personality.
 
People definelty treated me differently after I lost alot of weight. Although it wasnt in a good way. Alot of my friends are overweight as well and some of them were real jerks towards me. I think they took my weight loss as turning against them, that I didnt want to be a part of the group anymore. I came to the conclusion that they were just jealous. Almost every overweight person wishes they skinnier. I just stopped wishing and actually did something about it.
 
Women actually seem to enjoy speaking to me now. I've kept in contact with a fair amount of girls from High school/College and while they were never rude to me, they never showed any interest... now, however, they actually say nice things about me on a daily basis.

I can go out clubbing with my friends, walk out on the streets and initiate conversations with women and they don't give me any looks of disgust.

I still feel like I'm fat in a lot of ways, I'm sure it's just a mental problem now though. I do notice I carry myself a lot better, wear nicer fitting clothes and just genuinely love going out and actually having fun now. I don't get any rude stares or people making comments about how big I am unless it is my arms in a tight shirt. (I'm not really that big... just, compared to some average guys I guess I am big?)

I don't regret losing the weight at all. The struggle was completely worth it due to all the bonuses you get, not just looking better, getting more attention, but just overall you feel amazing. It is really the best experience I've ever had in my life.

I'll compare my weight loss to this... even if I was guaranteed unlimited fortune to gain all the weight back, never exercise and never try to lose the weight again, I wouldn't take it.
 
KaraCooks said:
I think oftentimes we fail to see the changes in ourselves emotionally and mentally as well as physically after we've lost weight.
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I second that.

Most people probably don't realize the pure emotional relief that they get as they drop a ton of weight. Not only are you going to relieve yourself of having to shoulder the weight (pun intended) of daily social issues - people making fun of how fat you are, embarrassment of having to shop in big and tall shops, knowing people are watching you eat, being treated like you're not a person, etc - but you are also going through physical changes; physical changes which can directly effect your mindset, emotional state and overall mentality on things. As you lose weight, you are relieving a lot of pressure from all different areas on your body, which can increase blood flow through your veins, which carries more oxygen throughout your body - most importantly, your brain. And, if you "clear up" your brain, your personality won't change, but your overall emotional state will definitely be effected. And, I don't think most people would notice that at all. It happens so gradually that it's hard for people to see it within themselves.
 
I will have to agree with a lot of what you say.

1) Clothes; the same clothes I wear now, tight-fitting, nice looking; I would've been gawked at in a rude manner if I was the same weight and unfit as I was before.

2) Issue with Food: I can eat an entire Pizza to myself and I will not be mocked by anyone. They would just be amazed that you can eat an entire pizza by yourself instead of disgusted.

3) Losing the weight definitely changes how you feel about yourself. You no longer have to put up with people staring or thinking they're saying negative things about you.

4) Most peoples personalities change when they lose weight. I use to want to be the "funny" guy when I was drunk to try and garner attention, now I no longer have to do too much to get attention. I don't even have to try at all anymore.



ChefChiTown said:
I second that.

Most people probably don't realize the pure emotional relief that they get as they drop a ton of weight. Not only are you going to relieve yourself of having to shoulder the weight (pun intended) of daily social issues - people making fun of how fat you are, embarrassment of having to shop in big and tall shops, knowing people are watching you eat, being treated like you're not a person, etc - but you are also going through physical changes; physical changes which can directly effect your mindset, emotional state and overall mentality on things. As you lose weight, you are relieving a lot of pressure from all different areas on your body, which can increase blood flow through your veins, which carries more oxygen throughout your body - most importantly, your brain. And, if you "clear up" your brain, your personality won't change, but your overall emotional state will definitely be effected. And, I don't think most people would notice that at all. It happens so gradually that it's hard for people to see it within themselves.
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There definitely is a difference in the level of respect you are given simply based on appearance.

What the others say about your behavior having an effect even though sometimes imperceptible is true too. If you have your chin held high, aren't afraid to speak up or look people in the eye, all of that body language has a lot to do with it.

So my answer would be that it's a combination of both.
 
I used to be thin and athletic, and people treated me very differently. Men paid me a lot of attention, and people took me a lot more seriously in professional settings than they do now.

This is part of the reason why I am losing weight. I am tired of people making negative assumptions about my character and intelligence because of my weight.
 
Those who "loved" me while I was huge still "love" me now but I noticed that I am happier, more out-going, etc. I thought I was out-going before but I realized that it was just my way of trying to get people to not dwell on my weight.

Of course, after losing 100+ lbs people who do not know me I know treat me differently. Walking into a store like Hollister I would get looks like "She can't even fit in these clothes" Brutal, and now I don't sense any of that. Now, this may all be in my head but one thing that is a huge difference is guys attitudes. I get "hit on" a lot more now that I've lost weight which is just sad. I'm the same person ( happier, but still the same) and the same guys that wouldn't even look at me before would now give me the "look-over." It's a sad concept.
 
LikeOMGwhatev said:
I'm the same person ( happier, but still the same) and the same guys that wouldn't even look at me before would now give me the "look-over." It's a sad concept.
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My thoughts exactly. Its a sad state of affairs that the world is so fickle. Still, even though I hate the concept, I feel so relieved to finally be treated like a normal human being. Weird huh?
 
LikeOMGwhatev said:
Of course, after losing 100+ lbs people who do not know me I know treat me differently. Walking into a store like Hollister I would get looks like "She can't even fit in these clothes" Brutal, and now I don't sense any of that.
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I have that exact feeling. It's also whats motivating me to lose weight. It's probably all in my imagination but when I walk into certain clothing stores or at least go into a certain section of the apparel department, I feel like I'm getting glances as if they want to say "no honey, the plus size section is over there". I remember going to the mall (which I never go since it's full of young teenagers with great bodies walking around as happy as can be) and my aunt and I went into a clothing store. The minute we walked in she says (very loudly...thanks auntie) "gosh the only thing we can fit in here are the hats!"
*sigh*
Since I'm going to college in August (studying biology) I will be back into the whole close quarters classrooms and hallways. There will be so many people around. Speech class is mandatory so that means I have to be in front of a group of people several times giving a speech and I can just imagine what will be going through my head when I'm trying to talk. "oh no... they are looking at my big thighs aren't they.... ughh... what if they noticed my arms are big...." :piggy:plus I don't want to be rushing around the huge campus finally arriving at my class winded and exhausted.
I've lost 14 pounds so far and I'm going strong.
I want to be able to go to the mall and school again and not feel like people are looking at me and staring.
When I was a senior in high school in 2005 I was 122 lbs. At 5'2 that was a good weight to be. I would occasionally go into a mall and would get looks but it was those "wow she looks good" looks.
Now it's "wow, I can't believe she left the house"
Today I'm 200.8 at 5'3" and I wear a 16 in jeans.
There is a difference in the stares. People really do treat me differently.
 
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Shopgirl, the part of your post that throws me off, is that the title includes a "frown face" ?

Huh ? Pretty much everybody agrees that people will certainly look at you, and treat you differently.... but it's almost always in a positive way ! Why would you frown about that ?

I definitely have more people looking at me... be more open with me... starting more spontaneous conversations with me, etc, now that I'm 80 lbs lighter. But as far as I'm concerned, it's all good ! :)

It does kind of highlight the fact that human beings are SOOO freaking shallow, though. Oh well. I didn't "ask" to be a human. Somehow, I just got stuck with being one.

Peace,
Fish
 
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