missmelissa
New member
And so continues my life journey. That's the thing, it always continues, tomorrow always comes, its just up to me to make the best out of today. I have realized that whatever I do today, the actions that I choose to take have the power to greatly affect how my tomorrow plays out. I have great plans for my tomorrow (aka: the future) and my past has been less than fantastic. But I deserve to have a fantastic life, I deserve to wake up everyday with an excitement about what that day will bring. Lately I've been waking up with more of a "here we go again, do I really have to get up?" feeling. Its all in my attitude. I grew up struggling with my weight. In elementary school I was the "fat girl" so early on I started to blame everything negative on my weight, this negative attitude, in turn did not produce anything good in my life. I have since then worked on my inner self, gained tons of insight into my emotions, I'm a psychology major for God's sake! Yet here I am again. And so my story up until this point can serve as a testament to how, it's not that simple. We all understand this. When behaviors and thought patterns are so deeply engrained into our being, its a struggle and it takes continuous, minute to minute, effort to turn it around.The catalyst of my recent descent back into old behavior and thought patterns is irrelevant. All that matters is that here I am again. I don't want to be here again. I want this to be the last time! I thought I threw it away, I thought I started fresh, I thought it was over. But here I am. So what's the lesson? Hmmm.... I'm not sure. I guess maybe I've been looking at my life in absolute terms. Such as, "I am thin and fit, therefore I can be happy, people like me and life is good" and "I have gained weight, my life is out of control, I am not accepted and life is bad". Yes, actually now that I look at it, that is how i've been thinking. I'm actually quite absolute in my thinking. But life doesn't happen like that. Life is a continuous stream of experiences, moment to moment, it keeps going and it keeps changing. Life, yours and mine, is also highly shaped by perspective, clearly my perspective has been less than helpful. Wow, I'm really on a tangent now! That's just how I roll. I guess I should sum up my introspective ramble. To all of you who read this, maybe you get something out of it, maybe you don't. I find it helpful to get my thoughts out, on paper mostly, but throwing them out into this community feels good. But what will I take from the insight I have discovered? It's about the moment. Its about extinguishing my pattern of absolute thinking. I've tried before and I'll try again, because these moments are my moments, the moment of my life.
