Not Just Another Pretty Face

G

glamrgrl

New member
Hello All-

I am Jennifer from Fort Lauderdale, Florida and today seemed like a great time to realize my dream of moving beyond "you have such a pretty face"...Ah, you know, the token compliment that is supposed to make us all feel better.

This personal challenge will also fulfill my other desires to become a motivational/inspirational speaker and author - I am developing goddess workshops with a friend - and I felt that in order to be truly inspirational, I needed to overcome my biggest challenge, which has been my weight.

Being in the beauty industry, I have spent the better part of 20 years helping the masses achieve beauty, but it was almost always by preying on their insecurities with promises of youth in a bottle. However, it is interesting to note that I have worked with some very beautiful women from all walks of life (that on the surface looked "perfect") but seemed empty on the inside.

So, armed with enough real world knowledge to understand that all women feel insecure at times, I am approaching this personal transformation a little differently than the last 100 times. I realize that losing 50 lbs won't be a cure all - but rather a platform to make deeper changes within myself.

I am using this diary as an accountability log to myself.

By my 40th birthday in November, I will weigh 145 lbs.

I have made the following oaths for myself:

I will never again take diet pills (over the counter or prescription)

I will write in my diary (here) daily - regardless of how I am feeling (isn't that what a diary is for anyway?)

I will exercise daily.

I will mediate 20 minutes each day.

I will learn to cook and prepare all of my meals.

I will only feed myself foods that will nourish me.

I will refrain from any negative words/feelings/emotions about my weight and will only speak kind, gentle, loving supportive words about my body.

I will be honest with myself.


I look forward to finding inspiration from all of your stories...

Warm regards,
Jennifer
 
The Journey of a thousands steps begins with just one

1/2/08..

Day two but really the first day of doing everything right..

Oops...remember Jen, there is no right or wrong, there just is...

Meditated last night for the first time. I could never commit to just sitting there, doing nothing but oh how I underestimated the power of meditation. Just me and my guided CD. I felt like my soul said "thank you". Every ounce of self loathing and self disappointment just melted away and I woke up today with a master plan...

Don't we all already have the knowledge to be thin and healthy? I loved going to the grocery store today - not at all anxious or nervous that I would make the wrong decision.

For me, going raw/vegan is my choice and it has intimidated me but I always knew in my heart that it was the perfect choice for me.

Only need to exercise today as all other requirements were met.
And how nice it's going to be walking on the boardwalk on the beach in 50 degree weather (yes, we in Fla like the occasional visit from an arctic blast!)..

xoxo,
Jen
 
Wow, I am so impressed with you going raw/vegan! I was a vegetarian for a while (I think part of the reason I gained a lot of weight is because I went off the vegetarian lifestyle), but I couldn't ever successfully go raw. Let me know how it goes and what you're eating!
 
Hi Jennifer!
I really like the title of your diary! :) It's so true...we always get the same compliment!

I meditate too. I think it's a great way to learn to love ourselves. Have you ever tried yoga? It really helps control "self-distructing" feelings.

Good luck with your goals and see you around!
 
Hi Jennifer, welcome to the forum! Was wondering why you want to go vegan/raw? Is it for moral reasons or health type of reasons? Just curious.

Looking forward to getting to know you around the site. We're the same age BTW. What's your starting weight? Get yourself a weight ticker!
 
Know what I just realized from your post? My husband just told me tonight "your face looks really pretty" !!!

I can't believe I never thought about it that way before!:banghead:

But anyway...I love those oaths you posted! You can do anything you put your mind to!
 
Day 7

Hello Beauties -

Life without internet - and having to post in my "written journal" . It was nice though to finally log on and get those nice posts. It's a funny thing in cyberspace...my intention was "to make a difference in people's lives" and so you cast out a pebble and wonder if it does indeed make an impression..
so your posts were my confirmation that "yes, people listen".

Ok, so I think I mentioned that my ultimate goal was to first, make changes within myself so that I could, in turn, help other women make changes within themselves. After all, it's hard to take advice from someone who hasn't "walked the walk".

When I started peeling back the layers, I thought this was about "physical transformation" and while yes, that is what we outwardly see, it goes much much deeper than that. I think that's why it was always easy to lose weight but never had been able to keep it off. (maybe that's why 95% of people gain their weight back?)

The weight was there for a reason - and up until recently, I didn't question "why?" because that would have required me to dig into feelings and emotions that were best left unexamined.

When I finally was prepared to look behind the curtain of Jennifer, I had no idea that the process or the journey would be so liberating AND so hard at the same time.

I have come to the conclusion that the binge eating was simply numbing my pain - it was comforting numbing poison.

You would think that it would be easy to give up something that was hurting you - but the truth is, the damage that it inflicted on my body was nothing as compared to the pain I was using it to avoid.

Somebody here asked why I went vegan/raw ... being in the beauty industry, I have been reading about the diet/anti aging link for years - and I know, without a shadow of a doubt that eating that way is the best thing you can do for your cells, your organs, your body (but yet, knowing this, even years ago was not enough to make me switch). It is the most loving act I can do for myself, to honor what I know is true. It is the ultimate nurturing act - to feed my temple whole, living foods.

For the first time - ever - I don't look at this as a destination (as in "when I lose 40 lbs, I will do (insert activity here)". This is a delicious, awakening journey to which I am proud to be a witness to.

The hard part isn't the physical exercise, it's allowing to love myself and put myself first, above all others -

You have all heard the mantra "one day at a time"? Well that includes this too.

For today I will only speak loving words to this body which takes care of me, I will only do things that will show it how much I am indeed grateful for its existence, I will treat it with respect and devotion.

My body has, after all, graciously been my emotional buffer, taking my negative emotions and forming a protective layer around them - and in essence, saving me. But you know what - I no longer need that kind of protection, so I am returning the favor, dear body.

I can hear my body saying "what took you so long?"

Love,
Jennifer

p.s. - my stats are/were: 5'4, size 14/16, weight: somewhere between 185/190.
 
Day 14

The journal posts I write here are nothing as detailed and reflective as the ones going on in my head - so in part, I want to be more descriptive of my journey, because one day I want to re-read all of this in it's rich emotional grandeur and be able to appreciate the long journey it was...

Being off the internet kind of forces you not to become distracted and in a way, that's good. I was (last month) without a cell phone and it was at first so inconceivable to be without communication - then it transformed into beautiful solitude and a sense of independent rapture. I liked being selfish.

Which brings me to my next topic - putting ones self first, above all others.

As I have mentioned in my earlier posts, when I finally made up my mind to change, I knew it was not about the food or the exercise. It was readjusting my internal wiring so that I saw this as a loving act as oppossed to a "battle of the bulge"...so in addition to learning those fundamentals, I also looked into alternative support groups. I am a big believer in The Law Of Attraction and as a writer/marketer, I had the good fortune of meeting an alternative healer and doing some marketing services for her.

She told me the best way to write about her services was to experience them firsthand. So I did and what transpired was nothing short of a miracle. So much so that the profound changes taking place in my own life have caught the attention of those closest to me. My family. My spouse. My best friends.

Case in point: Since January 1st, I have never once had a "bad food" craving, i.e. sweets, refined carbs, etc. I cook healthy meals every day now. Thinking about food, diets, etc no longer consumes the majority of my thoughts. This past weekend, I went to my best friends house (in the keys - which is party central) and I didn't binge eat or go off my eating plan ONCE! In fact, I didn't even view the party food as "temptation"...

The topic of the party quickly turned to "what are you DOING?"...I have to confess here that I welcomed the positive attention and the idea that I was an expert on Losing Weight!! This kind of positive reinforcement only fuels your determination and enables you to build on your success.

I am now able to rationally determine what kind of food/fuel I want to put in my body. I ask myself "how will this (insert food here) serve me? Will it bring me closer of further away from my goals?"

Also, this is now becoming a way of life as oppossed to a proposed finish line...and each day I become closer to the essence of who I want to be and you know what? It feels amazing.

Each night I mentally review what I ate and how I felt about eating it. Did I feel good? did I feel guilty? did I feel like I did the very best I could?

On a side note, even though I have gone vegetarian, it's not all raw, I am signing up for a raw food preparation class soon to teach me how to make delicious dishes.

In love and light,
Jennifer
 
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