No support from the significant other

HaileyB1

HaileyB1

New member
Does anyone else have boy/girlfriends or spouses who either aren't supportive of your weight loss, or flat out don't agree with it?

I am 145 # . When my boyfriend met me almost a year ago, i was 20 pounds heavier, for the last few + months I have stayed the same 145 with no ambition to lose any more until the new year I decided I wanted to lose another 10 pounds or drop to a size 7 (I am 9 now)

He doesn't agree with it and makes it very clear. He keeps trying to...almost convinse me that I lose weight for the wrong reasons, when I really don't agree, and complains when we don't eat the same meals, or tells me how unhealthy it is to onlye eat 1200 cals and that it's like starving myself and blah blah blah

Just wanted to start a thred where people who were in the same boat I am in could vent a little... i could vent a book but wanted to see if anyone else would run with this or not...
 
I don't have a boyfriend, but my family's not too supportive. Not that they don't think I lose weight - OH, they always make it clear I'm too fat - but sometimes they feel I'm stressing too much. :/ My family situation at this point in life actually means unhealthy meals...
 
My boyfriend is very supportive but he's one of those people who has a ridiculous metabolism and can eat and eat and still is thin. He's never had to think about what he's putting in his mouth at all.

He really doesn't understand how hard it is to lose weight and how long it takes, because for him all he has to do is eat a bit less junk food or feel stressed and it drops off him. But he does try to be supportive.
 
you can calculate the cal from here
weight-loss.co.nz/dailyneeds.php

He should support you because beeing healthy isn't wrong
do it now because it will be more easier than waiting until
you get older , If size 7 will make you feel happy and
more confidence then go for it ! , It's not about the different
meals or the cal but it's about what YOU want to achive to
feel healthy and proud of yourself :)
 
Aw thanks classic girl.... that was the first time I ever post a thread and it's actually really nice to hear positive words about something i'm stressed over ;)
 
I can relate... My boyfriend gets mad if I lose weight or if he suspects that I'm trying to. He thinks I looked more attractive when I weighed more and that if I try to lose weight its like I don't care what he thinks. I do care, of course I do... but a) I find it hard to see how he can think that and b) shouldn't it matter more what I think...? I keep gaining weight for him and then losing it again for me -all pretty pointless... wish I could make up my mind and stick to it.

Maybe your boyfriend is concerned for you? Or doesn't want to support your weight loss too enthusiastically for fear that it might make you feel pressured? He is right that 1200kcal is verging on starvation... if you're doing much exercise it would probably be best to eat a little more. xx
 
I get zero support, encouragement, or "pats on the back" from my wife. :(

It is usually my parents, a friend, or a co-worker that says anything of does anything to motivate me.

It's always possible that those that we are involved in intimate relationships with are "scared" that we are going to change more than just our weight -- like as in change who we are in an intimate relationship with too.

I heard a saying not too long ago that is kind of humorous: There are two times that your significant other will get in shape. Right before, or right after, they become your EX-significant other.

While it is tongue-in-cheek, I think a lot of people have this fear and thus are fearful when the person they are in a relationship with starts being successful with a fitness and nutrition lifestyle change.
 
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Yes... part of it is that I am very strict about how much I eat, and some days I really should eat more than what I do... BUT it's not any more healthy for him to eat fast food 5 times a week and tons of junkfood just because he doesnt put on weight... you know... I really feel like more of it is an inconvenience thing... it makes him feel bad that I make 2 dinners, I come home late from work cuz i'm at the gym, I try not to go out for dinner, or I get drunk to fast cuz I'm drinking on an empty stomach.

What you said about losing weight right before or after an ex... yeah that makes a lot of sense... I guess in my last relationship... there were a few months where I knew leaving was coming and I started losing weight. And how many people start diets... get in a relationship and get comfortable so they put weight back on...

It's just frusterating to have something thats really important to you and have your #1 put it down
 
oh and caterpiller... he tells me he likes a little more weight... no string beans... also! And I also don't get it either
 
I really beleive that the only reason any husband/boyfriend/significan other wouldn't want you to loose weight is because they are insecure in themselves and may feel that once you do loose weight you will become more attractive or start to think that you can do better than them.

My fiance is very supportive of me loosing weight, he's never mean about it but thinks it necasary for health reasons and my confidence. He's teaching me karate which is a total butt kicker talk about cardio max.

If someone is not supportive of you and the decsions you make then I beleive they aren't right for you. You should surround yourself with people who Honestly want the best for you and will back you up 100%!

To me its kinda like what they say when you get on an airplane - Incase you need to use your oxygen masks put yours on first before you help your loved one's- Why because you can't do anything for anyone else until you do for yourself first.

Take Care Of You, Then worry about others!

Erica
 
HaileyB said:
Does anyone else have boy/girlfriends or spouses who either aren't supportive of your weight loss, or flat out don't agree with it?

I am 145 # . When my boyfriend met me almost a year ago, i was 20 pounds heavier, for the last few + months I have stayed the same 145 with no ambition to lose any more until the new year I decided I wanted to lose another 10 pounds or drop to a size 7 (I am 9 now)

He doesn't agree with it and makes it very clear. He keeps trying to...almost convinse me that I lose weight for the wrong reasons, when I really don't agree, and complains when we don't eat the same meals, or tells me how unhealthy it is to onlye eat 1200 cals and that it's like starving myself and blah blah blah

Just wanted to start a thred where people who were in the same boat I am in could vent a little... i could vent a book but wanted to see if anyone else would run with this or not...
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I haven't been in your situation (as I haven't had a significant other in...uh, let's just say a long, long time), but I thought I could offer up a point of view from the other side of the table, so to speak, as I have been the disagreeing boyfriend before.

When I was dating my ex-girlfriend, she was always trying to lose weight. She was 5' 3" and weighed about 150 lbs. I know that "technically" she was considered to be medically overweight, but she wasn't even close to being fat. To give you an idea of her body type, she had a body which was almost in exact proportion to Kelly Clarkson.

Anyway, she was always trying to lose weight and constantly complained that she was too fat. Personally, I thought she looked perfect and not just because I "had" to, being her boyfriend. I truly thought she was perfect looking. So, she would always try and eat as little food as possible, run an insane amount of distance and overall work herself to exhaustion, just so she could lose a couple of pounds.

I completely disagreed with her and I constantly reminded her that she was being a little over-reactive. She didn't want to lose weight because she thought she was unhealthy (which is the right reason, IMO), rather, she was trying to lose weight so she could look like all of the other girls. I told her that she was being ridiculous, but it took a long, long while for it to actually sink in. Eventually, she calmed down and backed off of her over-the-top weight loss attempts.

From the boyfriend perspective:

You should try and realize that your boyfriend is just trying to protect you from hurting yourself. He sees you as being perfectly beautiful, just the way you are and he doesn't want to see you go overboard with your weight loss, ironically, making you UNhealthy.

Plus, as a man, I can say that he might actually be jealous too. He might be thinking that you want to lose all of this weight just to look sexy for OTHER guys; not him. He's sitting there, telling you that you look perfect already, but you're still trying to lose weight. That might be sending him a signal that makes him believe that you are just trying to get attention from other guys.

I'm not saying that he is right and I am not saying that he is wrong. I am just saying that he is your boyfriend and you have been dating him for quite some time, so he is probably just looking out for you.

I don't know if that helps at all, but I figured it couldn't hurt.
 
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I get very little support from my wife. Actually, that isn't true. I get very little "emotional support" from my wife. There are 2 main reasons that drives my "extra body fat" weight reduction. It is to "feel better" and to obtain better health test numbers. For example, BG, hbA1C, BP, LDL cholestoral, etc. etc. Personally, I don't really care if my body is 283 lbs or 183 lbs. Neither does my wife. Our body weight "is what it is - take it or leave it" things in life. What drives both of us is our individual "feeling better" and obtaining better health numbers. Being "content" with one's body is most important priority in life.

If one is dropping their extra body weight to "only look better" (especially for others) then perhaps, I too would agree. Looking better without taking one's inner feelings and one's health test numbers into consideration is the wrong reasons to drop one's extra body weight. Take for example my wife. Based on BMI "normal range", her body should weigh between 120 to 138 lbs. Currently, her body is current 148 lbs and overall, she looks great. She looks healtheir then those over skinny ladies at 120 lbs (of same height) - who constantly feel they too need to drop more lbs.

To me, the most important value in life is to remain happy with one's body weight. Use inner feelings and overall health test numbers as their guide. Looking good for others is so "uncool" these days. Like all weight dropping goals, do it "for yourself - and only for yourself".

.
 
I am so glad that I found this thread. I thought I was the only one with that problem. Ever since I started and I say something about it, my wife pretty much shrugs her sholders and turns and walks away.
Last weekend I told her that I wanted to try some new recipies and when we went to the store that I needed this list of ingrediants. So she copies them down onto her shopping list. Well I didn't think to look at her list and that evening I went to make the food and found out that I was missing several ingrediants. When I asked her about it she said that she never seen thous on the list. Then I showed them to her and she simply shrugged her shoulders once again and just said opps I guess I missed them. Then walked away like it was no big deal. Needless to say that was the same night that she convenatly was making homemade chicken and noodles.
Which brings up another issue. Her cooking. When ever she cooks something that is not on my diet she gets PO'd because I am not eating her food. She'll make the comment about spending all that time putting together this meal and I won't eat it. It's like she is using the guilt trip to make me fail.

I don't know what to do.
 
Reading threads like this make me glad I'm single.

I don't think it's a coincidence that my boyfriend and I broke up when I told him I was going to get serious about losing weight and working out. He went out and found himself another fat girl.
 
Hmm. Some women trying to figure out what makes guys tick, and guys trying to figure out women. ;)

There could be any number of reasons why partners aren't supportive. There are men (and women) who find heaviness attractive. There's the jealousy angle. There's plain old fear of change.

There was a forum (it's no longer around) for people with overweight spouses. Many of the posters there were brutal in their comments about their partners. However, many of the more reasonable members put their feelings about their partner's weight this way: would you ask your partner on a first date if he/she weighed as much then as now?

It's a fair question, and many people (including me) have said no. The answers work for both weight gain and loss.
 
MarkBork said:
However, many of the more reasonable members put their feelings about their partner's weight this way: would you ask your partner on a first date if he/she weighed as much then as now?

It's a fair question, and many people (including me) have said no. The answers work for both weight gain and loss.
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That's a good point.

I don't know who watches King of Queens, but, just in case you don't, it's a sitcom here in the US.

Doug is married to Carrie. Doug is fat, jolly and funny. Carrie is skinny, attractive and kind of bitchy...but still funny. Anyway, Doug was always the fat one and Carrie was always the attractive one. During one of the seasons, Doug began to lose weight and started getting compliments from other people, especially other women. Carrie began treating Doug very negatively and lashed out at him for, what appeared to be, no reason at all.

Anyway, it turned out that Carrie (the attractive one) felt threatened and jealous of Doug's new found attractiveness and the attention he was receiving. She felt like it "stole her thunder", in her own words.

Personally, I think that happens a lot. If you meet someone when they're heavy and develop a loving relationship with that person, it's going to be a little uncomfortable if they start losing weight and attracting other people all of a sudden. Why? Because, you're not used to it.

It's completely natural to be jealous, so it's not like the "unsupportive" spouses (and/or significant others) are bad people, it's just that they're scared; scared of the change in their life. That change? Your weight loss and your new found attractiveness.
 
I am 5'2 and 150 lbs. my boyfriend thinks I am perfect the way I am- and he loves my curves and love handles.. but I don't.
I appreciate him being so supportive and letting me know I am beautiful the way I am. he is also overweight and it doesn't bother me at all- but he is also trying to lose some.

he also supports me on my weight loss decision but empathizes on the importance of doing it for the right reasons- not because I ''need to'' so he'd like me more, but because I want to feel better for myself.

when your partner understands that it is a health-related decision and that you just want to feel better rather than a ''self image'' issue only he would probably support you. also, your weight is your choice! always.
 
Amiba, if I made the discussion about my wife's weight a beauty issue, it would go nowhere. All along I've tried to frame it as a health issue, which it really is.

Once we gave up smoking, and she gained even more weight, she "found religion." Now she really wants to lose weight.
 
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