GoalDigger
New member
The following below is far from the positive girl who posted on May 27th...this will happen!!
It's not like I am approaching that time of the month, yet my last few days have been nothing shy of a crazy roller coaster ride. This morning, Monday, I feel very tired and completely lethargic. I had to force feed myself this morning.
A few reasons which I will explain in detail below.
1. I miss that special someone in my life and feel like he doesn't really care much.
2. I am alone in a no man's land for work (no friends or family whatsoever) where no one understand any other language than Chinese.
3. I had a terrible week-end both in terms of health.
4. I failed when it came to making good food choices on Sunday night.
Recap,
I had been doing pretty well since my last post, I had been running steadily and seeing changes in my stomach area and legs...more tone, less flab; thanks to the cardio (35-50 min at 5.0 mile per hour every 2 days). But then life happened!
On Saturday, I geared up for my run...I am currently in the middle of China, on the country side and so it is bloody hot and humid (think 35 degrees in the shade). I went for my jog thinking I should go back and grab a bottle of water with me but didn't...I should be fine...or so I thought.
After 30 minutes of jogging I was good, I was pumped...so I moved on to doing my squats and lunges...and that's when things started heading south. I started feeling woozy...but deep down I knew what was coming up as I often experience overheating which is usually followed by a drop of blood pressure which causes the wooziness, and then the dizziness and then the fainting...I got myself a 500ml bottle of water which I downed in no time...right after I experienced the worse dizzy spell ever...I felt short of breath and I knew that if I didn't attempt to vomit...I would end up fainting. I proceeded to vomiting...I did feel a bit better afterwards but still needed to cool down...so I made my way to my place with great difficulty as my vision was extremely blurry for a good minute or two...finally after my shower I felt as if I had been hit by an eighteen wheeler...and didn't have any energy to do anything...just crashed on my bed...
On Sunday, things sort of started ok with a healthy lunch but in the afternoon things took a obscure turn. Low energy from Saturday coupled with emotional distress (being here alone and my special someone not really reaching out to me took a toll on my will power, mental strength and overall sense of life). Although I did journal my concerns about the cookies and chocolate I had just bought as well as the feelings related to this craving...I couldn't help myself...I ended up eating 100 grams of m&m's, 8 Chips Ahoy cookies and 5 or 6 oreo cookies. Although it made me feel great for the hour or two that followed...later that night it made me very upset at myself...ahhh the worse sense is the aftermath.
Anyhow, I know that it's not about failing but rather about getting back up each time. But at times, I find it so difficult and draining...my approach to food is definitely an emotional one...and for as long as I cannot control my emotions, I will not be able to control my eating habits. This being said, it doesn't help that I will give up on my desire to get healthy...it just means that I will fail many times...I just hope that after each failure I will have the nerve to get back up and keep on going...
I am hoping to post things that are a bit mo positive things in the near future...I feel bad for any of you in quest of positive energy and encouraging words.
It's not like I am approaching that time of the month, yet my last few days have been nothing shy of a crazy roller coaster ride. This morning, Monday, I feel very tired and completely lethargic. I had to force feed myself this morning.
A few reasons which I will explain in detail below.
1. I miss that special someone in my life and feel like he doesn't really care much.
2. I am alone in a no man's land for work (no friends or family whatsoever) where no one understand any other language than Chinese.
3. I had a terrible week-end both in terms of health.
4. I failed when it came to making good food choices on Sunday night.
Recap,
I had been doing pretty well since my last post, I had been running steadily and seeing changes in my stomach area and legs...more tone, less flab; thanks to the cardio (35-50 min at 5.0 mile per hour every 2 days). But then life happened!
On Saturday, I geared up for my run...I am currently in the middle of China, on the country side and so it is bloody hot and humid (think 35 degrees in the shade). I went for my jog thinking I should go back and grab a bottle of water with me but didn't...I should be fine...or so I thought.
After 30 minutes of jogging I was good, I was pumped...so I moved on to doing my squats and lunges...and that's when things started heading south. I started feeling woozy...but deep down I knew what was coming up as I often experience overheating which is usually followed by a drop of blood pressure which causes the wooziness, and then the dizziness and then the fainting...I got myself a 500ml bottle of water which I downed in no time...right after I experienced the worse dizzy spell ever...I felt short of breath and I knew that if I didn't attempt to vomit...I would end up fainting. I proceeded to vomiting...I did feel a bit better afterwards but still needed to cool down...so I made my way to my place with great difficulty as my vision was extremely blurry for a good minute or two...finally after my shower I felt as if I had been hit by an eighteen wheeler...and didn't have any energy to do anything...just crashed on my bed...
On Sunday, things sort of started ok with a healthy lunch but in the afternoon things took a obscure turn. Low energy from Saturday coupled with emotional distress (being here alone and my special someone not really reaching out to me took a toll on my will power, mental strength and overall sense of life). Although I did journal my concerns about the cookies and chocolate I had just bought as well as the feelings related to this craving...I couldn't help myself...I ended up eating 100 grams of m&m's, 8 Chips Ahoy cookies and 5 or 6 oreo cookies. Although it made me feel great for the hour or two that followed...later that night it made me very upset at myself...ahhh the worse sense is the aftermath.
Anyhow, I know that it's not about failing but rather about getting back up each time. But at times, I find it so difficult and draining...my approach to food is definitely an emotional one...and for as long as I cannot control my emotions, I will not be able to control my eating habits. This being said, it doesn't help that I will give up on my desire to get healthy...it just means that I will fail many times...I just hope that after each failure I will have the nerve to get back up and keep on going...
I am hoping to post things that are a bit mo positive things in the near future...I feel bad for any of you in quest of positive energy and encouraging words.
