WorthIt
New member
Hey everyone, I'm Judi and I'm a 41 yr old woman from small town Ontario. I've been thinking about losing weight for quite a while now but have some challenges that have held me back. The biggest being me making excuses to not do it.
I have struggled with my weight since my teens and if I'm totally honest with myself I totally gave up making an honest effort after my 3rd child was born 15 years ago. Shortly after he was born I had breast reduction surgery for medical reasons. I lost weight prior to the surgery and looked pretty darn sexy when all was said and done... then things went downhill. I got complacent at that time and then life went to hell in a hand basket... fast... and I put anything beneficial pertaining to my health on the back burner (one of my biggest mistakes).
I started having many health issues and ultimately was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia. At the same time we were having behavioral issues with my son at school. The combination of my health issues and having to deal with issues with your young man I eventually lost my job at an insurance company.
With half the income coming in we had to make a change to survive financially. Me finding similar work that would allow for my health issues and time required to deal with our son on a daily basis wasn't an option. We lived in the city at the time but had always dreamed of moving to a small town. This was our only option financially so it was a blessing in disguise in many ways. We moved to a small town and we adore it here.
This is when my lifestyle started to become very sedentary. I played darts for many years, it was MY time away, it was my sane time away from the kids (3) and the pets, and the hubby, and and and ... I needed it, my time, I insisted on it... but as my health declined even more eventually last year I quit (that's still surreal to me because I LOVED playing). This is the point I became TOTALLY sedentary.
The Fibromyalgia was winning because I was letting it plain and simple. Over the past year I have added about 30lbs onto my already overweight frame and I'm weak on my good fibro days, something I have never been in my life up until this point.
Mentally I have kept myself stimulated through teaching myself graphic design and now taking on the Poker world. I have shown great potential in my endeavers but I keep hitting walls, most recently the need to go and play live but not feeling like I can because of what I have physically let myself become.
This "outside" isn't me and it's embarassing. Its starting to consume me when I'm out in public and has turned me from a little awkward (I have always had issues with social situations) to almost fearful to leave the house because of what I look like on top of any socially awkward situations I may land myself in. I'm avoiding going outside and have been for the past year.
That brings us to now. At the beginning of December I took some time to really assess where I was compared to where I wanted to be. Hubby and I have been talking about going to Vegas. As much as I want so badly to go all I keep going back to is how I look and my level of fitness (which is absolutely HORRID at the moment) and that I wouldn't even be able to walk the strip comfortably let alone a long day of enjoying the city in whatever capacity.
I have been playing down the trip, "not until I get out and play live here at home" ... not until I get my 5 figure score .. not until ... not until ... so selfish to make excuses that I know aren't the real truth but they are convenient. They allow me to stay sedentary and use the fibromyalgia as an excuse to not get in shape... to not live my life... and limit my husband's life .. and my kid's lives for my own agenda of the easy road.
I decided enough was enough when I had that reality check but by nature I didn't jump right in, that's not my way, I had to research etc... (still on the fence as to whether this was another excuse that afforded me another month of denial and avoidance but I'll give myself the benefit of the doubt on this one)
I started ... again (I've taken this step many times in the past)... to research fitness programs. I know myself and if it wasn't right I wouldn't do it, plain and simple. Nutrition isn't as big of an issue for me, I understand proper nutrition and worked in many kitchens when I was young. My problem food wise is I don't eat enough during the day, (no breakfast bad bad bad) and I have a weakness for salty snacks at nite. Assessing how I eat in December I have been eating about 2500ish calories mostly late in the day. (it's amazing how fast that calorie count goes up with just one bad snack choice on a regular basis **sigh**)
In passing I mentioned Wii fit to my husband before Christmas. Well for Christmas I got the Wii from Hubby and Wii Fitness Trainer from our Aunt. No more excuses. But Christmas would provide the final straw that pushed me over the edge, reality check in a horrible in your face wanna puke kinda way.
Hubby (without me knowing) snapped a couple pics of me and our middle daughter cuddled up on the couch. He emailed one to me and when I opened it I couldn't even look at it.. he asked me "why not? its you and your daughter cuddled up, it's nice". But I couldn't see that, I didn't see her, I didn't see how beautiful she was with her head laid in my lap so content and happy. I saw me, and I didn't recognize the tired, fat person staring out of the frame of the picture with disinterest. I wasn't present mentally but physically boy was I there in horrible glory. I cried for a long time.
I was going to do it for sure now, I had made the decision but I refused to start right away for a few reasons. First and foremost I had to mentally prepare myself. With the Fibro starting an exercise program was just asking for it....I was going to flare and there was no avoiding it.
For those who don't know about Fibro my best description for how it affects me is I feel like I've done a workout for the first time in forever all the time .. without the workout. Add on a real workout on top of already feeling like that and it's daunting. Doing something you KNOW is going to put you in pain when you try to manage pain every minute of the day seems so counterproductive but I know it's a necessary evil.
I have a choice, I can have the pain and look horrible or I can start on this path and despite an initial increase in pain my quality of life will improve even if it doesn't aleviate my current pain levels .. worst case scenario ... I can be in pain and look good doing it.
Second reason... my family is awesome and they are being supportive, but having them watch me dance around like an ostrich with it's tail on fire was not support I wanted or needed. I'm not the most co-ordinated person on earth ... ok ... since we are laying it out there here I'm a klutz and for me doing a step as simple as the grapevine is a serious tripping hazard and puts anyone else in the room in mortal danger.
And finally, I wasn't going to set myself up for a fall by making it a "new years resolution" kind of start, this was about me and my family and OUR quality of life, I wasn't going to hinge that on some half assed resolution that would be easy to justifiably break because that's what happens to most resolutions.... our quality of live is worth more than that.
So along came January 4th and everyone went back to work/school, it was just me and the dog and the cat, the Wii, measuring tape, and new scales (oh god how I dreaded that infernal item). My last known weight was 215lbs about a year and a half ago and I knew I had added many more pounds. I really didn't know but I was sure I weighed 260+ but I wasn't quiiiite ready to face that yet, so I followed along with the program and measured myself (I didn't know my measurements before so this although icky was less painful than the number that would shortly be staring back at me in black and white). By this point the dog has left, she finds none of this interesting, and the cat is happily trying to destroy the tape measure (i'm rooting him on at this point because the tape measure obv deserved some level of punishment for the reality it just provided).
It was the moment of truth, the only thing holding me back from starting what I had psyched myself up for over the past weekish was the cold calculating stare of 000 on that piece of glass and metal that will be the bain of my existence for the next while. It was time to woman up and see that number and deal with it. I step on and wait for it to tell me it's done .. and step off to see the results ... pleasant surprise it wasn't 260+ .. I input the number into the "game" and off I go with my first 15 minute workout.
So that brings us to now, I have a fridge full of veggies and good snacks, I have my family behind me, I have my Wii workout lady (and I use that term loosely.. I will keep the choice words for her to myself for now lol). As I suspected I hurt like hell physically from the 3 days of workouts but mentally I'm 100% on board. I weigh 246lbs so I'm already 15ish lbs ahead of where I thought I was starting from (score one for the good guys).
So that's my long and drawn out story, I honestly didn't intend on writing all of that when I started this post but it just all came out and there it is in all it's glory, I'm not going to go back and change things or edit it .. it came out as it did for a reason even if I don't know what that is yet. If you made it this far, thank you for sticking with me while I rambled and taking a step with me on this journey if only for a moment.
I have struggled with my weight since my teens and if I'm totally honest with myself I totally gave up making an honest effort after my 3rd child was born 15 years ago. Shortly after he was born I had breast reduction surgery for medical reasons. I lost weight prior to the surgery and looked pretty darn sexy when all was said and done... then things went downhill. I got complacent at that time and then life went to hell in a hand basket... fast... and I put anything beneficial pertaining to my health on the back burner (one of my biggest mistakes).
I started having many health issues and ultimately was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia. At the same time we were having behavioral issues with my son at school. The combination of my health issues and having to deal with issues with your young man I eventually lost my job at an insurance company.
With half the income coming in we had to make a change to survive financially. Me finding similar work that would allow for my health issues and time required to deal with our son on a daily basis wasn't an option. We lived in the city at the time but had always dreamed of moving to a small town. This was our only option financially so it was a blessing in disguise in many ways. We moved to a small town and we adore it here.
This is when my lifestyle started to become very sedentary. I played darts for many years, it was MY time away, it was my sane time away from the kids (3) and the pets, and the hubby, and and and ... I needed it, my time, I insisted on it... but as my health declined even more eventually last year I quit (that's still surreal to me because I LOVED playing). This is the point I became TOTALLY sedentary.
The Fibromyalgia was winning because I was letting it plain and simple. Over the past year I have added about 30lbs onto my already overweight frame and I'm weak on my good fibro days, something I have never been in my life up until this point.
Mentally I have kept myself stimulated through teaching myself graphic design and now taking on the Poker world. I have shown great potential in my endeavers but I keep hitting walls, most recently the need to go and play live but not feeling like I can because of what I have physically let myself become.
This "outside" isn't me and it's embarassing. Its starting to consume me when I'm out in public and has turned me from a little awkward (I have always had issues with social situations) to almost fearful to leave the house because of what I look like on top of any socially awkward situations I may land myself in. I'm avoiding going outside and have been for the past year.
That brings us to now. At the beginning of December I took some time to really assess where I was compared to where I wanted to be. Hubby and I have been talking about going to Vegas. As much as I want so badly to go all I keep going back to is how I look and my level of fitness (which is absolutely HORRID at the moment) and that I wouldn't even be able to walk the strip comfortably let alone a long day of enjoying the city in whatever capacity.
I have been playing down the trip, "not until I get out and play live here at home" ... not until I get my 5 figure score .. not until ... not until ... so selfish to make excuses that I know aren't the real truth but they are convenient. They allow me to stay sedentary and use the fibromyalgia as an excuse to not get in shape... to not live my life... and limit my husband's life .. and my kid's lives for my own agenda of the easy road.
I decided enough was enough when I had that reality check but by nature I didn't jump right in, that's not my way, I had to research etc... (still on the fence as to whether this was another excuse that afforded me another month of denial and avoidance but I'll give myself the benefit of the doubt on this one)
I started ... again (I've taken this step many times in the past)... to research fitness programs. I know myself and if it wasn't right I wouldn't do it, plain and simple. Nutrition isn't as big of an issue for me, I understand proper nutrition and worked in many kitchens when I was young. My problem food wise is I don't eat enough during the day, (no breakfast bad bad bad) and I have a weakness for salty snacks at nite. Assessing how I eat in December I have been eating about 2500ish calories mostly late in the day. (it's amazing how fast that calorie count goes up with just one bad snack choice on a regular basis **sigh**)
In passing I mentioned Wii fit to my husband before Christmas. Well for Christmas I got the Wii from Hubby and Wii Fitness Trainer from our Aunt. No more excuses. But Christmas would provide the final straw that pushed me over the edge, reality check in a horrible in your face wanna puke kinda way.
Hubby (without me knowing) snapped a couple pics of me and our middle daughter cuddled up on the couch. He emailed one to me and when I opened it I couldn't even look at it.. he asked me "why not? its you and your daughter cuddled up, it's nice". But I couldn't see that, I didn't see her, I didn't see how beautiful she was with her head laid in my lap so content and happy. I saw me, and I didn't recognize the tired, fat person staring out of the frame of the picture with disinterest. I wasn't present mentally but physically boy was I there in horrible glory. I cried for a long time.
I was going to do it for sure now, I had made the decision but I refused to start right away for a few reasons. First and foremost I had to mentally prepare myself. With the Fibro starting an exercise program was just asking for it....I was going to flare and there was no avoiding it.
For those who don't know about Fibro my best description for how it affects me is I feel like I've done a workout for the first time in forever all the time .. without the workout. Add on a real workout on top of already feeling like that and it's daunting. Doing something you KNOW is going to put you in pain when you try to manage pain every minute of the day seems so counterproductive but I know it's a necessary evil.
I have a choice, I can have the pain and look horrible or I can start on this path and despite an initial increase in pain my quality of life will improve even if it doesn't aleviate my current pain levels .. worst case scenario ... I can be in pain and look good doing it.
Second reason... my family is awesome and they are being supportive, but having them watch me dance around like an ostrich with it's tail on fire was not support I wanted or needed. I'm not the most co-ordinated person on earth ... ok ... since we are laying it out there here I'm a klutz and for me doing a step as simple as the grapevine is a serious tripping hazard and puts anyone else in the room in mortal danger.
And finally, I wasn't going to set myself up for a fall by making it a "new years resolution" kind of start, this was about me and my family and OUR quality of life, I wasn't going to hinge that on some half assed resolution that would be easy to justifiably break because that's what happens to most resolutions.... our quality of live is worth more than that.
So along came January 4th and everyone went back to work/school, it was just me and the dog and the cat, the Wii, measuring tape, and new scales (oh god how I dreaded that infernal item). My last known weight was 215lbs about a year and a half ago and I knew I had added many more pounds. I really didn't know but I was sure I weighed 260+ but I wasn't quiiiite ready to face that yet, so I followed along with the program and measured myself (I didn't know my measurements before so this although icky was less painful than the number that would shortly be staring back at me in black and white). By this point the dog has left, she finds none of this interesting, and the cat is happily trying to destroy the tape measure (i'm rooting him on at this point because the tape measure obv deserved some level of punishment for the reality it just provided).
It was the moment of truth, the only thing holding me back from starting what I had psyched myself up for over the past weekish was the cold calculating stare of 000 on that piece of glass and metal that will be the bain of my existence for the next while. It was time to woman up and see that number and deal with it. I step on and wait for it to tell me it's done .. and step off to see the results ... pleasant surprise it wasn't 260+ .. I input the number into the "game" and off I go with my first 15 minute workout.
So that brings us to now, I have a fridge full of veggies and good snacks, I have my family behind me, I have my Wii workout lady (and I use that term loosely.. I will keep the choice words for her to myself for now lol). As I suspected I hurt like hell physically from the 3 days of workouts but mentally I'm 100% on board. I weigh 246lbs so I'm already 15ish lbs ahead of where I thought I was starting from (score one for the good guys).
So that's my long and drawn out story, I honestly didn't intend on writing all of that when I started this post but it just all came out and there it is in all it's glory, I'm not going to go back and change things or edit it .. it came out as it did for a reason even if I don't know what that is yet. If you made it this far, thank you for sticking with me while I rambled and taking a step with me on this journey if only for a moment.
